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MEANWHILE HANGENG

Hangeng has quickly packed just a few necessery things and went to take the plane to Korea. He hasn´t been there for quite a while and all kinds of feelings were mixing in him. He managed to push them aside but once he was sitting in the gate, waiting for the boarding to begin, he felt strangly emotional. He kept a lot from the members and it was true, that his relationship could be better with some of them, but he still cared about them, just as he knew they cared about him. It was his fault, that he stayed quiet and didn´t voice his troubles so they couldn´t provide the comfort, he needed. Maybe if he wasn´t so stupid back then, it could have all turned out differently. Or maybe it wouldn´t really change anything at all. The beginning was hard. Oh, how much he has suffered. But it has all passed and the period before his leave was actually quite peaceful. He finally found his place, the visa troubles has been resolved and everything was going smoothly. But the creation of SJM has been an eye-opening for him. Once he went to China and saw the support and the love fans gave him... It all kinda clicked. How proud of him his country was and how good they treated him. There was such a huge difference between the attitude towards him in Korea and China, that he was left speechless. His parents has also advised him to leave the group and try the solo career. He was reluctant at first, mostly because of Heechul, but then he put all the pros and cons together and came to a conclusion, he should just leave for good. He knew, it was a selfish move on his part, but we are all just humans and he has already been through so much. He thought, he deserved a little more than SME could give him. SJ was just not for him. Not anymore. So he has tried to severe his contract and of course, SME was against it and the neverending trials has began.

At first, he didn´t plan to cut off the members, but when everything went basically to hell and the company has started to „taboo“ him, he didn´t want to worry the members or put them in the difficult position, when they would have to choose between him and their agency´s rules. He talked to them, before he leaved. Explained most of the reasons, kept just a few things a secret, but mostly he was honest with them. Probably more honest, that he has ever been before. The idea of him leaving secretly was tempting, but they deserved at least this much. He couldn´t have been as cruel as to just pack his bags and leave a note on the table or something. He will never forget the devasted faces. How hurt the members were and how much has his leave from the group affected them. They were crying and apologizing and Hangeng felt like the biggest jerk in the world, because it should have beem HIM saying sorry, not the other way around.

The fly attendances have started to let people in the plane so Hangeng stood up and went to board the plane. He was wearing a mask and the hoodie and his disguise was succesful because no one has recognized him so far, for which he was thankful. He really wasn´t in the mood to smile and talk to the fans.

Once he found his seat in the plane, he desperately tried to compose himself a little, but he failed. He still couldn´t believe he was actually coming back. The idea has scared him. He regretted how unfair he was towards the members, but he has never talked about it with them. Actually, he hasn´t talked to them at all. And now, it may be too late... Heechul said, that Siwon was also one of the members,that got hurt and even though, he was worried and upset about everyone, Siwon has always been special. He was the only one in the group, besides Heechul, who has actually honestly tried to be there for him. He always asked how was he doing and tried to help him as much as possible, even studied the chinese language very enthustiasticly so he could communicate with him better. Siwon was really nice and because he was also part of SJM, the two of them has grown close and Hangeng really liked him a lot. It was maybe not fair towards the other members, but we all have people we get along especially well so it was only natural, than even though the bonds in whole suju were strong, there were a few, that were stronger between the certain members. He and Siwon also had one of those.

So when he left and cut all of his ties with the members, it was hard, but somehow managable. However, everytime Siwon sended a text message or called and he didn´t answered or picked up, his heart ached a lot. Siwon was the most persistant one.  The rest of the members has slowly stopped trying to contact him, but not Siwon. Never him. So after some time, Hangeng gave in and decided to keep in touch at least with him. Siwon was so happy, when he called, that Hangeng felt only more guilty for not doing so from the beginning. Siwon was like a younger brother to him and he was really scared, he could loose him.

He knew, no matter how much he could try to amend for his mistakes, it would never be enough. He has simply made too many of them. Hurt too many people. The guilt was eating at him and he wasn´t sure he would be able to face the members. He didn´t have a right to be there. He didn´t deserve their forgivness and yet, when Heechul called, he couldn´t refuse. Because even if the others won´t accept his apology, he needed to see Heechul. His heart was racing when he thought about all that could happen to his love. He knew, that out of everyone, he has hurt Heechul the most and till today, he still couldn´t understand how could have Heechul forgiven him and stayed with him. The image of Heechul crying and breaking down at the first concert after his departure, will forever stay branded into his brain. Heechul was supposed to be someone strong and cocky. He was always smiling, throwing sarcastic comments here and there, never really bothered by the consequences. He was a cheerful person and the strongest one, he has ever met. Seeing him so week, so depressed has put a huge scar on his heart as well. Knowing, it was HIM who has changed him so much... Hangeng turned his head towards the window, desperetly trying to hide the tears, that started to fall. He has failed so many people... hurt so many friends. Now, it was time for him to face his mistakes. He couldn´t run from the past forever. He just prayed everyone would be okay.

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MEANWHILE  HEECHUL

Heechul was still under the effect of the drugs when he was brough in the hospital. First, they took him to take an x-ray and fortunately, it showed only a small fracture. He was really lucky. The damage could have been worse. Such fractures were quite common and easily dealt with. Heechul was in more pain only because he has hurt the same leg quite seriously before. But they didn´t expect any complications. They put on the cast so the bone could repair more easily and he wouldn´t put more pressure on it by strayining himself. But it wasn´t even a normal hard cast, just the one, that fixed the foot and prevented it from moving. Heechul would only need to use crutches for a while and spend a few days in the bed, but otherwise, he should be fine.

Because of the security, the hospital decided to put SJ members together and leave only Min Ho separated. So Heechul was moved to Eunhyuk´s room. Leeteuk has almost passed out, when they informed him about Heechul´s injury. The members couldn´t believe, everything was happening so suddenly but they breathed out the sigh of relief, when they ressured them, Heechul will be fine and his injury was just a minor one.

Eunhyuk has woken up by the sudden increase in noise in his room but soon he realized, they have moved him into another room with more beds in it. The biggest shock was, it was actually Heechul, who was lying on one of the beds. Eunyhuk was confused. What was Heechul doing here? Kyu explained to him what happened. As soon as he finished talking, Heechul blinked and slowly opened his eyes. Everyone has happily screamed and the room became a mess for a while. All of them talking at the same time, hugging and crying... It was pure chaos until a nurse came to warn them, that if they won´t calm down, they will throw them out.

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MEANWHILE DONGHAE

Shindong didn´t have any problems with finding Hae. Seeing him puking in the toilet, has made his heart clench. He kneeled behind him and put a supporting hand on his back.

„Ah. It´s okay, Hae. Calm down.“ He rubbed soothing circles on his back and tried to comfort him a little. Hae was a mess and Shindong briefly considered calling a nurse and having him sedated as well but he knew Hae would have never forgiven him.

It took only a few minutes, for the cramping to stop, but Hae has never felt more misarable. The exhaustion was slowly getting to him and he wasn´t sure how much longer he would be able to withstand it. Shindong has helped him back to the room, where they met with other members and Heechul hyung. Both of them were briefly told what happened and despite everything Hae felt calm for the first time in a long time. As soon as Heechul grabbed his hand and told him everything is gonna be fine, Hae felt relieved. Like it was really gonna be like that, because Heechul was Heechul and he was always right. It was again totally irational, but Hae has always had a special relationship with Heechul. He has blindy believed in his hyung and he really needed all the comfort he could get at the moment. As soon as those words has escaped Heechul´s mouth, Hae felt like a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders and suddenly all he wanted was to lay down and sleep. Fortunately, the managment, has put them in their biggest room and they also prepared a few sofas and comortable chairs, predicting, that the other members would want to stay with those, who were hurt. So Hae just choosed one of the sofas and fall asleep. Soon, other members has joined him as well. They stayed up all night and it was already almost noon. So even, if they were anxious to hear the news about Siwon´s condition, the exhaustion has caugh up with them and they needed a little rest. The only one who has stayed up was Yesung. Not, that he wasn´t as tired as others, but he just couldn´t sleep. He knew, that even if he tried, he wouldn´t be able to fall asleep. Not with his heart still racing in anxious worry.

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MEANWHILE SIWON

The doctors were going crazy over Siwon´s condition, which was  going from bad to worse to absolutely critical. Fortunately, when they reached the point, where they honestly couldn´t think of other ways how to help him, he started improving. His temperature has gone down and there were no more seizures. They decided to watch him for a few more hours and then move him to the room, the members shared.

Siwon was still a prisoner of his mind. He was trapped inside his own memories and fantasies. He hurt all over and couldn´t really see a difference between what was real and what was his own imagination. At some point he realized he was only dreaming and should probably wake up, but some unknown force has prevented him from doing so. As much as the tried to open his eyes, it was just physically impossible for him. So he decided to stop fighting and let the sleep be his escape from pain. He would sleep just for a little bit longer... Just a tiny bit.

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MEANWHILE EUNHUYK

Hyukkie watched from afar  how Donghae calmed down after he talked to Heechul and something just didn´t sit right with him. He was supposed to calm Hae and comfort him, not Heechul but he felt as if he was doing more wrong than good when it came to Hae lately. He  still couldn´t put his finger on what was wrong with Donghae exactly and he felt misereable ´cause of it. Even if he wanted to help, he wasn´t quite sure Dongahe would let him. He felt as if Hae was distancing from him. It was all so confusing. Hae was always there, trying to be in his presence, but when it came to sharing his worries, he felt as if his love was a mile away. Something like this has never happened before. Donghae has always came to him first, so what happened? Eunhyuk has started to worry. When did their relationship started to change? And how come he didn´t notice it before? What irked him the most was, that out of all people, it was HEECHUL who seemed to calm Hae with just a few words. He was always a little jealous of the relationship the two of them shared but he knew he was still the more important one, so he was fine with it. Now, he wasn´t so sure it was still like that. Moreover. Did he even have a right to try taking care of Hae? Was he even capable of doing so in his condition? Let´s take what happened just a moment ago as an example. Hae has obviously needed someone to be there for him and he couldn´t do so. It didn´t matter, that he wanted to go after him, he couldn´t. So what right did he have to complain? He looked at Hae´s sleeping form on the sofa and smiled lovingly even though his heart ached.

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To be continued