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WAITING ROOM
 

The members were getting ready to go look for Yesung, when he suddenly appeared. He was pale and seemed as if he was crying. Leeteuk has immediately felt guilty for not noticing how hard this was on Yesung. 



"Are you alright?"



Yesung didn´t reply, just sadly looked at them. They didn´t need to hear the response. No one was alright at the moment. They understood that much. The doctor came out of the operating room. His expression was dark and serious. The members suddenly didn´t want to hear any news from him, since if his expression was any indication of how was siwon´s condition, then they knew, they are not gonna like, what he would tell them. 



„There were complications...“



Yesung´s knees buckled under him and if Kyu wasn´t there to catch him, he would surely hit the ground. No... it can´t be...



„We did our best, but his heart stopped two times during the operation. We managed to bring him back both times but his condition is still very serious. We stopped the bleeding and repaired the damaged tissue. We also dealt with the diaphragmatic hernia and his fractured ribs. However, we can´t guarantee he will wake up because he still has a high fever. We think, some of his wounds got infected and it seems he wasn´t healthy even before the accident. His body looks weaken and under a lot of stress. As I mentioned before, since his heart stopped two times during the surgery, for a short period of time his brain didn´t receive enough blood to function and it may lead to some damage. We won´t know until he wakes up. Well, if he wakes up.“


All the members just stared at the doctor. This couldn´t be happing... not again... 



„Can we see him?“ Leeteuk managed to ask. 
„I´m afraid not. He is fighting with the infection right now and since his state is not stable, I would advise for you all to wait till he is a little bit better. I will inform you immediately if there is any change.“



Leeteuk nodded and slowly made his way towards the empty seat in the corridor. He felt like he couldn´t stand anymore. Kyu also lead Yesung towards the seat next to the leader. His hyung looked as if he would pass out so Kyuhyun thought it would be better for him to sit down. This time it was Shindong who broke the silence.



„I will go inform Hae and Hyukkie about this.“ 



Reywook, who was known to be a crybaby started sobbing so Sungmin hugged him and tried to calm him. Kyu sat on the other side of the leader and put his arms around his back. He knew, Teukkie needed the support. 



Yesung was sitting on the chair without even knowing how he got there in the first place. He was going from one emotional breakdown to the another. He wasn´t sure how much longer could he last. He always feared he would loose Siwon one day, either to someone that Siwon would fall for or to God. He knew, Siwon would want a family one day and if he won´t find someone to start it with, he would devote himself to his religion. So even though, Yesung expected losing Siwon at one point or another, the thought of loosing him so suddenly has never crossed his mind. Siwon often flied from one place to another and Yesung was always a little bit worried about the possible accidents and so on, but this.... Yesung was at loss. This was just too much. He knew something was wrong with Siwonnie. He could feel it for some time now. He didn´t dare to ask, though. He was too scared, Siwon wouldn´t trust him enough to share his problems with him. Siwon liked to keep certain things to himself and he didn´t want to appear as someone who couldn´t mind his own business. He was afterall the same. No one knew about his true feelings, about his low self-esteen and all the issues he had to deal with on daily basis. It´s not, that he didn´t like or trust the other members, he just didn´t want to worry them. He was always like that. Hiding, silently enduring... So he understood, that the reason why Siwon hasn´t talked about what was bothering him was because he didn´t want to talk about it. He was afterall someone who talked too much and normally he didn´t have a problem with sharing the small things. Like when he kept texting Leeteuk about the horse nickname or when he would whine to him about how crazy their shedules were or when he would cling to Hangeng during his stay in China when he felt lonely. As soon as something serious happened, he would close off, though. He never talked about how much he missed the ex-members. He didn´t talk about his grandma passing off. He never complained when he was sick. So Yesung left him to deal with whatever was hurting him, because he believed, that´s what Siwon wanted. But now, he was troubled and felt guilty. He should have asked. Maybe, if he wasn´t such a coward, Siwon would be okay. Yesung heard the police invastigators talking about the accident so he knew it wasn´t really anybody´s fault, but Siwon hasn´t stopped on the orange light and even though it´s not something uncommon, Yesung knew Siwon didn´t take unnecessary risks. He would normally stop on the orange light so why didn´t he this time? Yesung wasn´t stupid. Siwon looked horrible these past days so he came to a conclusion, Siwon was too tired and simply didn´t notice the light changing. Yesung let out a long sight. Why was this always happening to him? He was always a step behind, waited for too long and then missed his chance... His life was full of regrets. So many things he hasn´t done or said, so many opportunities he let slip through his hands... But out of everything, his biggest regret was not talking to Siwon recently. The small tremors started to run through his body. He was loosing his composure. He couldn´t fight it anymore. The first sob he let out was shaky, but soon his whole body was shaking with the sobs, he was unable to stop.



Everyone was shocked to see Yesung breaking down like that. Sungmin and Reywook immediately rushed over and hugged him tightly. Leeteuk also moved to be closer to them and Kyu followed. Soon, they were all crying and hugging each other.
 

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EUNHYUK´S ROOM
 

Hae was still slightly shaken from his nightmare when Shindong came. He told them about Siwon and how unstable his condition still was. As soon as he finished talking, Hyukkie burst into tears. 



Hae was shocked. He knew, siwon´s life was at stake but to hear all the injuries he has obtained during the accident listed one after another... the worst thing was, the fight still wasn´t over. He could still die any time and Hae was afraid. He would never forgive himself if Siwon won´t make it. Never. He turned to Hyukkie and saw him crying. It was like someone has punched him in the gut. Of course, Eunhyuk was crying, he was always crying, but Donghae still wasn´t rational. In his eyes, Hyukkie´s tears meant he loved Siwon and Hae couldn´t take it. For a moment, he couldn´t breathe and he feared he would pass out. But seeing Shindong silently standing across the room looking so sad and Hyukkie on the bed crying, suddenly a new feeling emerged. A deep burning shame. Everyone was worried about their fellow member, about Siwon who was always there, when they needed him, who brought cheerfulness and craziness, who could make them laugh, who always knew what to say, what to do... And yet, he was again overcomed by his feelings for Eunhyuk. It was the same thing all over again. He and his stupid heart. This is the reason why they are in the hospital in the first place. If he wasn´t so selfish, so self-centered, he could have prevented this accident. Hasn´t he already realized his mistake? Hasn´t he regretted it? Aren´t they all paying the price now? So why can´t he think about Siwon even when he just heard about how hurt he is? Why is he again upset about loosing Hyukjae, when his hyung is lying next to him on the bed, relatively fine, while his dongsaeng is fighting for his life? Hae felt like throwing up.



„I´m sorry... I can´t... I´m sorry...“ He apologized and rushed out of the room with tears streaming down his face. He made it to the toilet just in time. He hasn´t eaten much that day so his stomach mostly just cramped trying to expel something that wasn´t in it in the first place.



Eunhyuk didn´t expect Hae to react so strongly to the news. So he was taken aback when Donghae run out just like that. His instinct told him to follow him so he immediately wanted to go after him. He sat up and even tried to stand without realizing he was actually also injured. The moment he moved, piercing pain shot up from his leg and he collapsed back on the bed.



„Ow... ow.“ 



Shindong wanted to follow Hae but seeing how Eunhyuk probably just injured himself more with his reckless action he rushed to him and called the doctor.
The nurse rushed over and injected Hyukkie with a strong pain reliever. 

„Sir, you are not supposed to move! Your legs are in a very bad condition and any reckless movements may damage them even more.“

Shindong, who was normally very calm also scolded Hyuk.



„What were you thinking? You came out of the operating room just a few hours ago!“



Hyukkie blushed. Yeah, he screwed up but when it came to Hae, his body reacted without thought. He couldn´t exactly control it. He felt Hae needed him so everything in him screemed to go after him.



„I´m sorry. I wasn´t thinking... Could you go check on Hae, please?“



Shindong nodded.

„Don´t do anything stupid again, okay?“



Then he left to search for Fishy. Actually, even if Hyukkie hasn´t asked him to, he would go look for him since he also felt something was wrong with Donghae.
 

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EUNHYUK

The nurse checked the dosage of drugs given to him once more and then she left. Eunhyuk, who was left alone, sighed. He was glad he didn´t have to pretend anymore. He was hurting quite a lot so he was thankful for the additional painkillers. His legs were on fire and there was deep stabbing pain shooting from them right through his whole body. 



The pain wasn´t so bad before, even though there was an uncomfortable tickling sensation but now it was almost unbearable. He shut his eyes and clenched the fists. He tried to breathe through the pain, waiting impatienly for the painkillers to start doing their job. He was also quite scared. He could feel something was wrong with his legs and he feared how it would affect his dancing. Would he be even able to dance again? And if, would it hurt? The physical pain he felt was nothing compared to the pain in his heart that came with a thought of him beeing unable to dance anymore. He also wondered what would happen to the group. He was by far the best dancer and the group was already critized about their easy choreographies, the only hard movements in the dance was mostly always on him and if he wouldn´t be able to do them anymore, who would replace him? It would be probably Hae, but Hyukkie felt concerned. Hae was an amazing dancer but Eunhyuk wasn´t sure if he would be able to keep up with all the additional training and so on. He knew, the only reason he was in the group was thanks to his dancing and without being too cocky or confident he knew the group needed him. But if he couldn´t dance would he be allowed to stay with them?



More tears started to form in his eyes. The whole situation was just too much... He really liked Siwon and the thought of losing him... His own bad condition and the uncertain future of the group... Everything just came crushing down on him and Eunhyuk couldn´t control the sobs. 



The pain in his legs started to slowly fade away and Hyukkie felt sleepy. It looked like the meds finally kicked off. So he closed his eyes and let the sleep take away all his worries.
 

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MEANWHILE HEECHUL

 

Heechul only gained consciousness once he was in the ambulence. He was injected with something so he didn´t really feel anything anymore. He was really lucky since he was sheduled to work for a certain period of time in the area of Seoul so he was close to s and he knew, they would take him to the same hospital since it was the closest in the district.



But even if he was relieved he would be able to meet with his friends, he was also worried. He hurt his leg quite badly before and it was a though fight back then. He feared what would happen now. What if he wouldn´t be able to use it properly anymore? He felt okay, but it was surely due to the drugs so he couldn´t relax just because he didn´t feel any pain. 



Heechul needed support, someone to be there for him so he decided to call Hangeng. It was a great opportunity for the group to reunite. He and Hangeng were in a relationship for a few years already. They of course kept it a secret even though sometimes people suspected, Heechul always played it off. He was considered a gay many times before and he thought about coming out but he was scared it would affect the group negatively and he was already a source of criticizm when it came to SJ, so he laughed off all the accusations and pretended to be obssesed with the girl groups, when in reality he was already deeply in love with a man. He wasn´t sure at first if Hangeng was the same but they spend a lot of time together. They even lived together and one thing simply led to the another. Their relationship wasn´t easy. They had to hide not only from the public, but from the other members as well. And when Hangeng left the group, Heechul was really upset. They fought the most during those times and when Hangeng returned to China, they almost broke up. But love can solve all the problems, right? So in the end, they stayed together. They couldn´t really see each other anymore and Heechul enlisted in the military but they kept in touch. After all the struggles, they just couldn´t end their relationship. Heechul hoped one day, they would be able to come out and be freely together. Until then, he was prepared to endure. He hasn´t seen him in a while and if Hangeng came when he and the others were injured it would be completely normal and it would show, they still had a good relationship together. He was sad, that the only chance he got to be with his love was under such circumstances and he still didn´t know how are the members involved in the accident doing and his own injury might also be serious, but he could only think about Hangeng and his need to be close to him again. He knew, Hangeng just finished working on his new movie and was supposed to have a few days off, so it wouldn´t be a problem with his schedule if he came to see them. 



He asked the medics if he could make a phone call and they allowed him to do it. So he dialed Hangeng´s number and waited for his reply, his heart beating too fast. Only after a few seconds, Hangeng picked up. Heechul explained him what happened and that, he himself still didn´t know any details but he needed him now. Hangeng was quiet during the whole phone call but he promised to take the first plane to Seoul.



After the call ended, Heechul felt relieved, but only a little bit. There was still too much on his mind. He let the meds to take full effect and fall asleep again. He didn´t have a strenght to think about everything right now. He was too tired, too exhausted and too excited to see his partner.

 

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MEANWHILE SIWON

Siwon was in pain. His whole body was on fire and he was sweating. He couldn´t open his eyes. It was as if he was trapped in a nightmare, unable to wake up. He has never felt more hurt in his life. He considered himself a strong man, someone who could deal with the pain, but right now he felt as if he was tortured in hell. The heat was unbeareble. It was as he was beeing cooked alive and he couldn´t breathe properly. He felt a strange pressure on his chest, as if someone has sit on him and everytime he draw a breath, his whole chest exploded with pain. His stomach also felt quasy. As if someone was stinging him with a needle, his whole body was hurting. He didn´t know what was the worst. He felt like he was run over by a truck and threw into boiling water. He desperately wanted to wake up but his body wasn´t listening to him anymore.



For some time, the only thing on his mind was the pain. Suddenly, the images from an accident appeared and Siwon moaned. He honestly didn´t believe he could face the torturing memories as well. No matter what anyone said, he knew he was the guilty one. He has pushed himself too far, was too careless and he should have stopped when the light turned orange. It´s true he didn´t notice the change, with the spinning in his head at that time and everything else, but that was not an excuse. He shouldn´t have drive at all. He knew, he was not in the good condition so why he hasn´t stopped sooner? Why did he risked the lifes of s and other innocent people? He could have killed someone! What if he did? He remembered the man from the other car, lying on the road, unconscious, with his head bleeding... and what about Hyukkie? His condition was also serious! How would he able to live with himself if something happened to them? How would the rest of the members react? He couldn´t forget how angry was Hae at him. All the hurtful words he said... they were all true. Siwon knew it. What if the others would feel the same? What if even Hangeng would start to hate him now?



He could clearly see all the worst scenarios playing before his eyes... His body was unable to deal with such thoughts and his already unstable breathing has become even more difficult. He really couldn´t breathe anymore and he started to hyperventilate.



The monitor next to his bed started to beep and so the doctors again rushed into his room. They all felt very sad for the young man on the bed. It looked as if couldn´t catch a break. Everytime they managed to stabilize his condition a little, a new complication would appear. Right when they were about to inject him with another drug to calm him, he started seizing. The two of them, had to forcefully keep him down on the bed while the third one quickly injected him. This was not a good sign. Seizures happen when there is something wrong with the brain so they really started to worry. It is possible to treat almost all the injuries, but once there is something not right with the brain or the heart... Well... The doctors decided to meet with other experts and discuss how to deal with Siwon´s condition once again. This was getting out of hand and because he was such a big star, they needed to be careful. Even a small mistake could cost them their carreers. 



After a while, Siwon´s breathing turned normal again but he was still very pale and sweating. His condition was not improving at all. Actually, he was getting worse.
 

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To be continued