10

This is bad. Very very bad.

My heart stuttered again when Jungkook waved. I pursed my lips into a forced smile and gave him a hesitant wave back.

“Hey Michelle,” he smiled, gesturing for me to sit next to him. Silently, I sat down tentatively, casting him brief glances out of the corner of my eye. I nodded blankly in response to his light conversation, occasionally adding in a word of my own when I saw his brows starting to furrow.

“Michelle, is there something wro-” Jungkook blurted before he was interrupted by Bang PD, entering the meeting room with a flourish.

“Okay boys, Michelle and Sung Deuk,” Bang PD greeted, plopping down in his seat and folding his hands together. “We are gathered here today to discuss the concept of the next comeback with your song ‘Fire.’ To start off, any ideas?”

“Can I dye my hair gray?” Yoongi said immediately, looking at Bang PD with a hopeful expression. Bang PD just shrugged and Yoongi took that as an indirect ‘yes.’

“The fans have also said that they want my black hair back,” Jimin said shyly, fiddling with his now faded orange strands. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Namjoon grimacing as he ran his fingers through his pink hair.

“We can just set up a hair salon appointment for everyone then. Anyone who wants to dye their hair can dye it then,” I said. Bang PD nodded in agreement and excited expressions appeared on the boys’ faces.

“Yoongi, you helped produce ‘Fire’ so what would you say the theme of the song is?” Bang PD said, studying Yoongi with a critical eye.

“I would say freedom. The song is mostly about shaking off our haters and and showing them that we continue to make music because it’s what we enjoy doing,” Yoongi said, a hint of pride leaking into his voice.

“Then let’s do bright colored clothing, to symbolize the freedom and youth that you guys are trying to express through the song,” Sung Deuk said, speaking for the first time during the meeting.

“For example?” Bang PD continued, neither rejecting or approving the idea.

“Bright jackets and shirts?” Sung Deuk suggested. “Maybe colors like orange and patterns on the clothing.”

“What about pants then,” Namjoon said, raising his hand like a student. I coughed lightly to disguise my snicker.

“Ripped black skinny jeans,” I blurted, shrinking when everyone’s eyes turned to me. “They’re very popular recently and Hannah has told me that a lot of the fans like the boys wearing black jeans.”

“Do you have any ideas for makeup since you will be part of the stylist crew too?” Bang PD asked.

“Just light makeup. Not too much eyeliner and some foundation to cover blemishes. The song expresses youth and freedom so the makeup shouldn’t be too drastic,” I rambled, ticking off the requirements with my fingers.

“Well, it’s April 7th right now so we still have around one month to put everything together,” Bang PD said, standing up. “It sounds like you guys have everything planned out. Michelle, go tell the stylists the concept and work out a look for the boys. Try the makeup on one of the boys. That will be all.”

As soon as Bang PD left the room, Sung Deuk excused himself as well, leaving me alone with the boys.

“I think we should treat Michelle to a meal,” Namjoon said suddenly, the others nodding in silent agreement.

“Why?” I asked, eyeing their expressions warily.

“Minimal eyeliner? I want to hug you,” Namjoon replied.

“Well, I’m not complaining. Free food,” I said and excused myself, cursing when my gaze lingered on Jungkook for longer than it should have.

***

“Hannah, I’m worried.”

“About what exactly?”

“My heart. I think I have a condition.”

“What are the symptoms? Are you feeling any pain?”

“My heart starts beating faster when I look at Jungkook.”

Silence.

“I’m going to punch you the next time I see you.”

“This only happens in books, not real life.”

“Then what happens in real life?”

“How would I know? Matchmakers? Arranged marriages?”

“Those aren’t even a thing anymore.”

“I’ll call you back once I figure this out.”

“Don’t deny your feelings. I’ll knock some sense into you after I come back.”

“Have fun.”

Hanging up my phone, I huffed, blowing the hair away from my face. Scanning over the countless makeup brushes spread across the counter, I tried to make out the slight difference between each one. The different widths, lengths, and bristles all blended together as I rubbed my eyes, tired from looking at images of makeup-caked models for the past hour. Scrolling through image after image of flawless pale skin, I glanced at my tanned skin and frowned. I had already gotten a few looks from passerby and whoever I talked to on the streets automatically assumed that I was not of Korean descent.

Does the color of my skin matter that much?

“Michelle, sorry I’m late,” Jungkook said as he peeked through the door of the styling room, rubbing his hands together and looking down at the ground.

“It’s fine,” I sighed, arranging the brushes into the correct order again. “Take a seat.”

“That’s a lot of brushes,” Jungkook murmured, running finger along the handle of a brush.

“Okay, so what kind of look do you want?” I asked, pinning his bangs away from his eyes with small multicolored hairclips. “y? Cute? Dark?”

“How y can you make me?” he said, fluttering his lashes seductively, making me snort and poke his nose.

“I’m going with cute then,” I said, grabbing the powders. “You’re practically a bunny anyway so it should look pretty natural.”

“How do I look like a bunny?” Jungkook huffed, unconsciously puffing out his cheeks a tiny bit. I held back a squeal, my hand shaking slightly.

“Your upper lip curls in when you smile,” I said, leaning down to apply some concealer under his eye with a sponge. “Your skin is really soft. I’m jealous.”

“Then you haven’t seen Yoongi-hyung’s skin yet. He’s like Snow White,” Jungkook giggled, closing his eyes as I continued to smear makeup onto his face. I suddenly laughed remembering what my friend back in LA said to me.

“I once asked my friend why she dyed her hair a lighter shade of brown instead of some weirder color. She said that she can’t pull it off because she’s so tan and only Kpop stars could because they’re all super pale,” I laughed. Jungkook laughed, those stupid eye crinkles appearing again.

“But Taehyung-hyung is exactly Snow White either,” Jungkook says as I dabbed at his jaw with powder.

“Still paler than me,” I sing-songed before uncapping the liquid eyeliner. I avoided using eyeliner as much as possible on myself because I was a strong believer that eyeliner is deadly and something that sharp should be no where close to my eye. Holding my breath, I gently traced around the rim of his eye, muscles tense and trying to keep as still as possible. I let out a deep breath when I finished, blowing gently on his eye to dry the liner. My throat grew dry when he scrunched up his nose and blinked a few times.

I am coming down with a disease.

“So, what do you think?” I said, capping the eyeliner and holding my breath in anticipation as Jungkook opened his eyes.

“Woah, when you said minimal, you really meant minimal,” Jungkook gasped, leaning in to examine his eye makeup. “It doesn’t look like I’m wearing a lot of makeup, I’m just a more perfect version of me.”

“Like that’s even possible,” I muttered under my breath, eyeing him up and down.

“What was that?” Jungkook said, still studying the rim of black around his eyes.

“Nothing, nothing,” I replied. “So, you’re okay with this? We’re probably going to apply the same general makeup for everyone, just little variations.”

“Yeah, it’s great. I don’t feel like a panda anymore,” Jungkook grinned, flashing me a thumbs up.”

“If you say so,” I said. “Do you want me to wipe it off now?”

“Wait, let’s take a picture first,” he said, already taking out his phone and gesturing me to get in the frame.

“I’m not photogenic,” I said, looking at my features and hair with distaste. I felt more like a troll than usual when I saw myself next to Jungkook.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, casting me a weird look. I began to laugh, but my smile faded when he seemed genuinely confused. I snapped my mouth shut and flashed the camera a smile, pressing the button.

“Wait, I wasn’t ready,” he whined, showing me the picture. Holding back a laughed, I coughed when I saw his expression, lips pressed together, eyes wide, and eyebrows furrowed into a ‘V.’

“You look cute, it’s fine,” I teased, handing him a packet of wipes. “Now stop moving so I can clean up.”

“Yeah, I’m almost as cute as you,” he said, ruffling my hair. I gulped.

Yes, this is definitely a serious problem.

***

‘What is the definition of love?’

I waited patiently for the results to appear.

‘An intense feeling of deep affection.’

Well, I wouldn’t call it intense.

Scrolling through the results, I frowned as I read article after article about how love was either the best thing you’d ever experience, or the thing that would ultimately break you. I was leaning towards the latter. Nothing useful. No articles along the lines of ‘How to Find Out if You’re in Love.’

Better hit the teen fiction section at the library. Maybe I can glean some advice from the thoughts of a hormonal sixteen-year-old.

Sighing, I dialed Hannah’s number, bracing myself for her endless tirade of disappointment at my inexperience.

“Hello?”

“I need help.”

“With?”

“What’s a good romance novel? And if you say Twilight, I’m hanging up.”

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. I’m just researching.”

“By reading romance novels? You know, for a smart person like you, you are incredibly stupid. You’re not going to learn anything from reading books. You have to experience it yourself.”

“Yeah, well the problem is, I don’t even know what’s happening to me right now so how am I supposed to experience it myself?”

“ it up and tell Jungkook how you feel?”

“But the thing is, I don’t feel that way about him. And I know because I searched up the definition of love and I’m definitely not feeling that.”

Smack.

“Did you just facepalm?”

“Yes I did. You’re so dumb that I needed to get some of my frustration out. The next time I see you, I swear I’m going to slap you across the face.”

“Are you going to help me look for a book?”

“Fine. You can try ‘The Notebook’ then. There’s probably an English copy somewhere.”

“Isn’t that the movie that you’re always crying about? And why would I need an English copy? My Hangul is just as good as anybody’s.”

“Read in whatever language you want. ‘The Notebook’ is really heartbreaking and anyone with feelings would cry.”

“I’m going to ignore what you implied there. By the way, have you been talking to Jimin recently?”

“Occasionally. Why?”

“Well, I might be wrong, but he’s constantly staring at his phone. As if he’s waiting for something.

Silence.

“Okay, I’m hanging up. I can practically hear your blush and I would much rather leave before the squealing starts.”

Sighing, I shoved my phone into my pocket and stood up from the plastic chair, one among the many in the row that lined the library’s entrance. The hushed murmur of whispers filled the air, white noise to the students tucked away into their textbooks. Browsing through the romance section, I frowned at all the unfamiliar authors, forgetting for a moment that I was in Korea, not America. After a few seconds of awkward conversation with the information attendant, I headed toward the English section, weaving around the librarians and students. There was no one in the English section, save a tall man with his face tucked behind a book. Walking past him, a sudden sense of familiarity struck me. Backtracking and hoping that I wouldn’t seem like a creep, I studied the little bit of hair that was sticking out from under his black beanie. It was pink.

“Namjoon-sshi?” I asked, waiting for the man to put his book down.

If it’s not him I’m going to die of embarrassment.

“Hey Michelle,” Namjoon grinned, his dimples appearing like craters in his cheeks. “What are you looking for?”

“This book that Hannah told me to read. It’s ‘The Notebook’ by Nicholas Sparks,” I said, standing next to him and browsing the books, neatly arranged into alphabetical order. “What are you reading?”

“I’m reading ‘Demian’ by Hermann Hesse,” he said, showing me the spine of the book. “It’s really interesting and I think I’ll suggest to Bang PD-nim to use it as inspiration for a comeback, since our theme is youth and this book goes along with it.”

“Wow, you’re already thinking that far into the future?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him as I ran finger finger along the books on the shelves.

“The idea only came to me recently. At first, I was just reading the book because it’s really interesting,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of that book because I found the one that I’m looking for and I don’t like reading in libraries,” I said, pulling the small square book away from his taller and thicker neighbors.

“Why don’t you like reading in libraries?” he asked, saving his page and accompanying me to the checkout station.

“I like to read when I’m sitting on something soft, such as a couch or bed, listening to music, and snacking on something,” I shrugged. “Can I borrow your library card?”

Namjoon nodded and handed me the card, checking out his book along the way. “Where are you headed now?” I was about to answer, but snapped by mouth shut as I weighed the consequences of telling him.

It should be fine. Namjoon doesn’t know.

“I’m heading back to my foster parents’ house. It’s in Gangnam and fairly close to the company,” I said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. Thankfully, Namjoon didn’t ask, but furrowed his brows slightly.

“I’ll give you a ride then,” he said. “I’m heading back to the studio for a recording session anyway.”

“Thanks, Namjoon-sshi,” I beamed, my bus fare jangling happily in my pocket, as I gave him my address. “You don’t mind if I call you Joonie do you?”

“Sure,” Namjoon shrugged, looked quite pleased with the nickname. “If you don’t mind me asking, I thought you lived with Hannah. What happened?”

I already spilled that I’m living with my foster parents. What’s the harm?

“Hannah’s mom always thought that I was a bad influence on Hannah, so I guess she finally got sick of me and kicked me out,” I laughed. “She also set Hannah’s curfew at ten o’clock and the fact that we got home from your concert a few weeks ago at two in the morning didn’t help my case.”

“Oh, I remember that concert,” Namjoon laughed, pressing his keys and unlocking the car, which chirped happily. “We found Jungkook in the cafe with you after the concert and he told us that you were a sasaeng that liked to collect our underwear.”

“Don’t remind me,” I groaned, covering my face with my hands as I slid into the passenger seat. “I still get the urge to roll around in embarrassment whenever it comes to mind.”

“I think Hoseok-hyung was the most shocked because he's normally a very clean person and doesn't like people touching his clothes, much less his underwear,” Namjoon laughed, digging the keys into the ignition. “You know, this fan once asked each of us to give her a piece of our hair so she could clone us.”

“I'm glad I'm not famous then,” I laughed, rolling down the windows to let the breeze into the car.

“It's not so bad,” Namjoon shrugged. “I'll let you in on a little secret. I was a total nerd when I was in school so it's a really nice change to have so many people notice and support me.” I burst out laughing.

“You? A nerd?” I said, holding my stomach and smiling at his amused expression. “Well look at you now. I bet all the girls must be drowning in regret.”

“Maybe, I mean, I'm pretty hot now if I do say so myself,” Namjoon said, running his fingers through his hair for effect.

“Whatever you say pretty boy,” I grinned.

The silence settled comfortably between us, Namjoon driving relaxedly with one hand on the steering wheel. The question continued to nag annoyingly at the back of my mind, until I finally decided to let it slip out.

“Have you ever been in love before?” I blurted, immediately regretting my decision as soon as I saw his confused expression.

“Maybe once. Twice at most,” Namjoon replied. “Why all of a sudden?”

“I'm just curious,” I said, trying to keep my nervousness from leaking into my voice. “What did it feel like?”

“Well, I always wanted to be around that person.”

Not really.

“Everything seems brighter when they're around.”

Sort of?

“And I often got the urge to kiss them.”

I choked and began to cough, pounding on my chest.

“Who is it then?” Namjoon teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Who is what?” I said, avoiding his eyes and looking out the window.

“Oh come on, I’m not stupid,” Namjoon scoffed.”I can keep a secret, so do tell.”

“I don't know. Maybe Jungkook,” I admitted begrudgingly, crossing my arms and grumbling.

“How exciting! The maknaes are getting together,” Namjoon laughed, a mischievous glint in his eye. “And what do you mean by maybe?”

“That's the thing. I don't even know if I like him or not, because I've never felt something like it before. Sure, my heart does beat a little faster, but maybe it's because of the unhealthy amount of junk food I've been eating,” I said exasperated. “I don't get the urge to kiss him and I don't want to be around him 24/7 either.”

“Just give it sometime. If the feelings fade, then it was just a little crush,” Namjoon said sagely. “If the feelings deepen and become more pronounced, then you'll know where your heart stands.”

“Thanks for the advice Love Doctor,” I laughed, socking him lightly on the arm.

“Anytime,” Namjoon said. “Do you enjoy reading romance novels?”

I snickered at his question, but then I remembered the book that I was currently holding in my hand. “Not really, but I'm desperate enough to read one if it can give me some advice on this whole love thing,” I said, hiding my reddening cheeks. Namjoon burst out laughing but he didn't say that it was a bad idea.

“Why ‘The Notebook’ though?” Namjoon asked. “I would've pegged you as a ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ type.”

“Hannah's always crying over the movie and rambling about how it's the best book ever written and she's experienced when it comes to things like this,” I said. “I might give ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ a try too.”

“If you need my card just ask,” Namjoon said. “We're here.”

Namjoon cut the engine and I climbed out reluctantly, waving as he pulled the car out of the driveway and starting heading towards the company. My fists curled around the book in my hand when I realized it.

My heart didn't flutter at all.

~

I've made up for my last chapter being early by this chapter being late. Sorry. Well, on the bright side, Michelle and Jungkook's relationship is starting to develop and I promise that the drama will start soon. And Namjoon has a lot of story time for this chapter because he needs some love. Feedback is very welcome and will mean the world to me. Enjoy.