TRIGGER WARNING:

A character describing a trauma he got from what other character did to him.

Proceed with risk. 

Also, long story ahead. Please enjoy <3

Yunho has always thought, that he had been running a messy unorganized life.

Yunho is a kind of people who just follow the streams of life. Enjoying the utmost of what being alive give him. Using it to the fullest.

Enjoying the love his older sister giving him, ignoring his dad’s strict way of raising him, and admiring his mother strength on raising their family stronghold.

When Yunho’s father against Yunho’s decision on studying music and become musician, Yunho  moved and living alone far away from his parents to avoid his dad daily scoff toward Yunho.

When living alone cost more money than Yunho thought of, Yunho tried to find job that enable him to pay his monthly apartment rent and give him free foods sometimes.

When Yunho’s living cost was apparently still much more costly than Yunho’s monthly earning, Yunho tried to find room mate to share his living cost.

And when Yunho soon become busy that he couldn’t take care of his daily needs well, Yunho reached deal with his room mate to take care the apartment and their food needs.

All those happened just like that, easily, simply when Yunho needed it. No need to create a planner for the upcoming years ahead on what to do, if something happened, Yunho just got to face it and solve it.

At least, Yunho thought that life was that simple.

But now... with the recent things happened...

Realization hits on Yunho’s face hard as Yunho found out...

Life isn’t that simple.

Because of the recent incident, Yunho has lost lots of things in short times.

As soon as Yunho’s company found out that Yunho got in accident and unable to do his driver work for at least a month, they fired Yunho. Saying that as a new employee, Yunho had been asking too much dispensation for himself. First, Yunho asked to reduced his work time. Then, Yunho asked for the company to let him take a short vacation to heal himself.

The company must have thought that just losing a Yunho won’t disadvantage them so much, so they fired him.

And Yunho soon become unemployed.

Because of Yunho sudden accident too, Yunho couldn’t practice for his upcoming theater play. And because Yunho was the main actor, the play couldn’t continuing without Yunho. So, the crew decided to postpone the play by a month or so.

Even though all of the theater crew said that it’s okay, they will still use Yunho as their actor, and that Yunho should put priority on healing himself, but, Yunho could see the slight disappointment on his friends’ face. As their hardwork for months had to face a step back and slight loss just because the main actor got into sudden accident.

Lastly, to put it short, Yunho’s biggest problem is, because Yunho is unemployed, Yunho soon found himself shorts in money.

... and Yunho didn’t even want to think about Changmin.

Changmin... have offered Yunho to help paying Yunho’s treatment.

But... Yunho had been dead silent.

Saying no word toward anything Changmin asked him. Fully ignoring Changmin and even sleep on the living room to avoid sleeping in one room with Changmin.

Yunho himself thought that his trauma was kinda... over-exaggerated.

Yunho know fully that he needed to collect himself and forgive Changmin, as Changmin had been asking for. Plus the fact that Changmin had fully acknowledge that it was fully his fault to do things without Yunho’s consent and even the one thing that Yunho hated of.

... But, Yunho just couldn’t.

Everytime Yunho reached home and saw Changmin, Yunho will automatically froze.

Yunho could feel a strong burning sensation on his neck, on his chest, on the exact position where Changmin last touched him.

A cold shivers could be felt trickling down Yunho’s spine, causing Yunho to trembling hard, usually leaving Yunho unconsciously hugging himself in fear.

Yunho then, will avoided Changmin’s eyes as he got into his room, hiding himself in the bathroom to change clothes, before spending the rest of the day trying to stay out of Changmin in his small apartment.

And... to be fair... Changmin’s condition himself has gotten much worse.

Changmin actually did all the chores and cooks, trying to win Yunho back. Only to meet utter failure, as Yunho had been giving zero responds.

Because of all the works that Changmin had done, plus his last year binge studying, Changmin could be seen much more skinnier than he already has.

When one day, Yunho stepped inside his apartment after coming back from his college and his eyes met Changmin... before started avoiding Changmin again, Yunho noticed the chubby fat on Changmin’s cheeks has gained, been losing entirely.

The ever tall’s body Changmin has for his age, now started to showing disadvantages instead of blessing for Changmin to have it. Changmin started to looks much scrawnier and even his clothes has been giving it away as it started to drowns Changmin on it.

And more than all those physical changes, Changmin... had been crying even more at night.

It’s now even turned into daily things. Yunho could hear it seeping from the bedroom’s door everynight, as Changmin cried loudly most of the time.

Yunho had also... been crying every night as soon as he heard Changmin started crying.

He wanted to rush toward the bedroom, jumping onto Changmin’s bed, and hugging Changmin, drowning him into his chest like he usually did. Wiping Changmin’s tears from his cute pretty face, playing with Changmin soft brownish long hair, showering Changmin’s head with kisses...

But, everytime Yunho thought of doing that... he could feel his neck, again, burning in pain. And his spine, shivering in cold.

After about days of torture, crying over night, and missing each other old times, Changmin finally get Yunho to talk toward him.

Changmin had been asking, pleading, for Yunho to forgive him and letting him stay on the apartment. Promising that Changmin will pay the apartment rent until Yunho find a stable job again. Trying to do things for Yunho, such as finding and offering jobs vacancy for Yunho, paying for Yunho’s hospital treatment.

But, Yunho’s words was short and clear...

And a very painful jab toward Changmin’s heart...

“I...” Yunho said... he choked in between his words, seems to be trying to hold tears and cries, “only want you... to leave this place... soon” and it’s enough to make Changmin’s soul feel succumbed, but Yunho last word was even much more painful, “I don’t... want you... anymore...”

It was two days ago. At night, the apartment filled with huge dramatic sorrow. Sobbing could be heard over the room. Both Yunho and Changmin was unable to sleep as their ever aching hearts disturbed them at night.

When morning come, before Changmin went to school, Yunho could hear Changmin talking over his sofa’s back, “It’s okay, Yunho, please rest well...” Changmin took a deep breath, “I have settled my mind... I will go... tomorrow...”

So, now, Yunho currently sitting on the window sill, enjoying the beautiful evening sky which painted across the town.

Yunho just noticed how blue the sky is, decorated by a group of clouds that passing over the buildings. A magnificent evening scenery, as the sun slowly setting down on the western side of the town.

It’s supposed to be a good day, too good at last, to be the day where Yunho and Changmin have to part way.

Changmin was packing his things at the bedroom, that’s why Yunho didn’t stay close at it.

A bird could be seen flying to the electric pole outside, seems to be waiting for something, when other bird suddenly came with cheerful chirps. Both of them soon chirped in happy tone, it seemed that they greet each other, before they fly away.

Yunho stared at them until they become two small dots on the far sky, and never, both of them parted way as they fly so freely in the sky.

Changmin finally walked out toward the room, seems to be finished packing his things, with his suitcases.

He looked toward Yunho’s silhouette who currently was sitting at the window against the orange-ish sky.

He put his suitcases next to the sofa, and walked toward Yunho.

Yunho looked away as Changmin approaching.

“Yunho...” Changmin took a breath, “May I... sit next to you?” he asked hesitantly.

Yunho stay quite for over an awkward minutes. Changmin stared at him hopelessly, until Yunho finally nodded while still looking away.

Changmin sit next to Yunho stiffly. His chest rising up and down nervously.

“I’ve called the taxi, so, I shall be going soon. But, the driver said he caught up in traffic, so it might take longer. Probably for an hour or so...” Changmin said. Yunho still giving no response.

Changmin turned toward Yunho, “Yunho...” Changmin called faintly. “Yunho... please... look at me, Yunho...” Changmin hands slowly reaching Yunho’s. Yunho flinched in respond, pulling it away.

Changmin’s already broken heart, feels even more crumbled at that, “Yunho... please... just this once... look at me...” Changmin said hopelessly.

The room was silent, for a while that feels very long. Changmin choked as he hold his tears... before finally Yunho turned toward Changmin.

Yunho had to hold his gasp... because Changmin has turned very different than he actually saw him last.

Changmin’s eyes were red, and so did his nose, from too much crying. The skin under it has turned rather black-ish, showing sign of the lack of sleep at night. His lips has become paller, turning into the same color as his skin.

But... Changmin seems to be more mature... especially physically...

He was very thin, his body probably only contained bones. His tall figures make him look lean and graceful. He was wearing a matching light tan clothes and pants with a sheer cardigan. His brown hairs now has reached beyond shoulder length.

Changmin... was... very pretty.

Changmin smiled toward Yunho, “Yunho...”

Yunho heart’s froze. And, Yunho hopes it will stay forever like that. As what Changmin did almost melted him...

“Hi, Yunho...” Changmin said... still showing his sweet smile, as a single tears escaped through his eyes, unable to hold it any longer.

Changmin gasped, he took a deep breath.

He shook his head. He put his right hand on his chest, as if he’s trying to hold anything from bursting out.

Changmin started grinding his teeth, holding the tears that rebelled from him, escaping one by one through his eyes. He turned toward Yunho again, trying to force a smile, while saying, “Yunho... Hi.. I... I...”

It failed. Changmin fort of defense slowly falling down.

He gasped and panted, as tears bursting out from his eyes, “Yunho... I missed you...”

And Yunho... soon found himself also drowned in painful cry.

It has been long.

It has been too long since Changmin last greeted him warmly like that.

It has been too long since Yunho saw a smile on Changmin’s face.

It has been too long... it has been too long since Yunho started avoiding Changmin, rejecting Changmin, ignoring Changmin.

Forgetting all the concept of Changmin itself.

Changmin cried with hands covering his face. His thin body hunching in painful movement as Changmin gasped between his cries.

Yunho had to clenched his shirts hardly, hugging himself as his blurring vision witnessing the ever crying Changmin that he always wanted to protect.

Changmin turned toward Yunho, he frowned as he saw his dearest Yunho’s face smeared in tears. His hands busy protecting himself from the predator in front of him, but still confronting him anyway.

Changmin’s head aching in regret as he saw that, a person so scared toward him because of stupid act he did. He shifted his seat closer toward Yunho, and asking, “Yunho...” Changmin said carefully, “Yunho... may I...” Changmin choked again, he wiped his runny nose with his arm, “May I... may I... hug you...”

“Yunho... may I... hug you?” repeated Changmin in between his flowing tears and chokes.

Yunho sighed. He took a deep breath several times. He clenched his shirt harder, as he himself choked in tears.

Yunho inhaled deeply again, before he finally nodded.

Changmin didn’t take long to react.

He embraced Yunho. Softly slipping his arms over Yunho’s body. Carefully helped Yunho casted arm to hug Changmin.

Until he finally could feel himself drowning his face on Yunho’s shoulder... the shoulder that he had been longing for.

For a while, there was only crying.

Changmin had fully forget how comfortable it was to rest upon Yunho’s body. To feel the warmth radiating outward to Changmin, healing every inches of Changmin’s tired soul. To smell the fragrance of Yunho’s bathing soap.

Changmin broke down even more, as he felt a warm fingers running through his hairs.

And when Yunho, showered him with soft kisses on Changmin’s hairs.

Yunho feels, like it has been forever, since both of them did this.

Yunho still could feel his neck and chest burning, as Changmin’s face, like usual, burried down between it, touching it.

And the shiver down his spine started to trickle again, but Changmin’s hand feel much more warmer than he thought, as the hugs blocked him from the pain on his back.

Changmin’s cries, finally, slowly, slowing down. Changmin rested his temple onto Yunho’s shoulder, pressed against it as Changmin feel the pain aching on his head.

He inhaled and exhaled several times, gathering the energy to speak, before he finally talked, “Yunho... I’m... very sorry... it was... my fault... I fully understand it... it was my fault... I...” Changmin grunted.

Changmin finally pushed himself from Yunho’s embrace, he looked toward Yunho’s face and gasped, “Oh, God... Yunho...” Chagmin sighed.

Yunho’s face was still drowned in tears. He couldn’t even open his eyes as the tears still pooling on the corner of his eyes.

Changmin was about to wipe the tears on Yunho’s face, before he suddenly realized, “Yunho... May I... wipe your tears?” Changmin said carefully.

As usual, Yunho fell silent still. No respond to be heard, but a soft sniffling. It felt like a long minutes before Yunho finally nodded.

Changmin softly wiped Yunho’s tears with his cardigan’s arm. His thumb caressing Yunho’s lower eyelids carefully, opening it.

Yunho finally opened his eyes, he stare toward Changmin, who gave him another faint smile, “Hi... Yunho...” greeted Changmin again.

This time, Yunho responded with a nod.

Changmin’s hands cupped Yunho’s head, slowly pulling it to his head.

Yunho kissed Changmin’s temple softly, while Changmin touched Yunho’s hands and asked, “May I?” Yunho answered with a nod. Changmin then carefully enveloping Yunho’s hands with his own. Enjoying the softness of Yunho’s palm.

Changmin took a breath, “Yunho... I’m... sorry... for what I’ve done... toward you...”

Yunho didn’t respond.

“Yunho... the truth was... I did that because...” Changmin gulped his words down, “No... I mean... even if I had reason, it’s still not right to did that things without your permission...”

Changmin sighed, “Yunho... I didn’t have much friend... I don’t know how to socialize properly,”

“You know... I was born in a family with middle class economy. My parents aren’t rich. Both of them have been living a harsh life, and so they taught me to live such a life too,”

Yunho could feel Changmin’s hands tightening the grip on Yunho’s hands. Yunho decided to let him do that.

“and even though my parents know that it’s hard to live by three of us, they decided to have three more children. Yunho, believe me, living like that was eighty percents feels like living at hell...” Changmin said. Another tear escaped from his eye as he let out the burden he felt on his heart... one by one... hoping Yunho would understand him.

“My parents worked like crazy. The weight of raising my three sisters were soon lifted toward me. I was just ten, but I had to find out how to cook curry and rice by myself.”

“When I was fifteen, my mother asked my uncle to took me to his restaurant, assigned me as one of the worker. I did dish-washing back then. The money i got... was used to helped my parents fulfilling our living expense... like I said. That’s why I went. Living there was too hard. I need to go out. I tried to help my parent still even outside, though. But, living was hard, Yunho. Living was a pain itself,”

Changmin inhaled deeply, he embraced Yunho again and hugs him tightly, seems to be trying to calm himself down, “I didn’t have time... to have fun... to have friend... Yunho. So, when I have one, when someone was being kind to me, I tend to be over-possessive. I’ll be overreacted. I thought I was being loving though. I acted like we’ve knew each other for years when it actually only for a week. I hold hand with them, hugged them, spilling my secrets for them easily. Not even a single thought that I actually making them uncomfortable...”

Changmin sighed again, he pushed himself, and faced Yunho, “So... I did all of that with you too...”

“I thought... it was okay to touched you like that. I thought... we are close enough to do all that. And above all, Yunho, you’ve been very kind from the first time we met. It makes me feel very comfortable toward you. Holding my hands on my sleep, caressing my hair, letting me sleep with you. Oh... Yunho... I knew that you sometimes caressed my hair on my sleep thinking that I didn’t know,”

“The fact was, Yunho, I haven’t slept yet. I always haven’t slept yet when you came home. I’ve always waited for you. I wanted to see you. I wanted to greet you. I wanted to see your smile greeting me back,”

Changmin started to sobs again. His hands now covered his nose.

Yunho clenched his fist hard. His heart’s beats fastened as he hearing Changmin explanation.

Changmin was wrong. Changmin was wrong, indeed...

But... Changmin’s topic direction didn’t sounds good.

Changmin confession of staying up late, waiting for Yunho every night, didn’t do justice on Yunho’s heart.

Changmin gasped, he opened his eyes, looked straight toward Yunho’s eyes, smiled, and said, “Yunho... from the first time I met you... Oh Yunho...  I didn’t believe in such things before. But when I saw you, Yunho...”

“I fall in love at the first sight of you...”

Yunho was right. This isn’t good.

“Junsu... Junsu showed me a pic of you...” Changmin said, still smiling. His eyes sparkled in tears. His thumbs had already reached Yunho’s eyes again.

“I... I thought that... ah... this room mate candidate of mine is quite ordinary looking. He is fine. I wished that I could be friend of him...”

More tears started to flows from Changmin’s eyes again. So did from Yunho’s, as he trembling down. His hearts aching. Yunho, just really wanted to faint at Changmin’s words.

“But... when I saw you... Yunho...”

“Yunho... I thought... I just sold my heart at you... That our meeting was fated... And that I came... To ask you to give my heart to me back...”

Changmin cried, again. He weakly clenched Yunho’s shirt. Crying. Breathless.

Both heart thumping faster. Yunho dropped down his head in disbelieve. His messy feelings had become much messier. Unsure on how to react on Changmin sudden confession.

“Yunho... I was actually... froze at the front door as I saw you. That’s why I suddenly barging into your apartment. Because when I realized, I probably have standing there for couple minutes, but you also didn’t noticed me.”

“I can’t... Yunho... the thought of loving you torturing me, even for that short days. You took care of me. Showing affection even since the first day knowing me. Asking me to rest. Holding my hand without questioning a single thing. Caring me while I was sick. Trying to cut your working hour so you can see me more, oh, Yunho, you thought I don’t know, right?”

Changmin sobbed harder. He bent his body even more as he cried. Letting the emotions he had been holding for months released.

As Yunho sat there. Stared at Changmin still in disbelieve, with tears that keep blurring his vision. Froze. Unsure what to do.

“But, of course I was wrong. I was sold. By your affection toward me. Believing that it was solid. I should have asked you first, of course. Falling in love is not definitely the same by being insolent. I was wrong. I was wrong, Yunho... I fully acknowledge it,”

“But, Yunho, please know it. Like I have said earlier. The truth. What I feel toward you. I really, really Yunho... remember... Yunho, when I said that I’ll do any thing to get you? Remember when I said that? Did you ever wonder why, I  said that, Yunho?”

“I love you... Yunho... that’s why...”

Yunho dropped his head. Hugged Changmin toward him. Kissing Changmin’s hairs softly.

And Changmin cried louder.

Yunho just had to forget the fact that Changmin had his own feeling too.

It must be hard. Knowing that he was at fault, but not knowing what to do.

It must be heavy. For suddenly losing someone that you love so much over one stupid act. Not being able to forgive himself, but also wanted to be forgiven, at least by someone else.

Living a hard life. Not knowing what to do. Lack of actual education, lack of knowledge, but filled with unnecessary one.

Changmin had to live for himself, for quite a time.

And now, he failed to do even so. Yunho wasn’t the only one who failed to live.

Changmin wiped his own tears, he pushed himself from Yunho’s hugs, and stared at Yunho for quite a while.

“Yunho...” Changmin whispered softly.

Yunho only stare back at Changmin.

“Yunho...”

Changmin seems to be hesitating for a while.

“Yunho... if I may... oh... Yunho... I hope there is still a space on your heart to believe that I actually always asked for your permission first before doing anything to you...”

Of course Yunho remembered that.

It’s really amazing actually, on how one careless move, then both Changmin and Yunho lost each other.

“Yunho... if you allowed...”

“May I... kissed you, Yunho?”

Silent.

Yunho’s heart beat stopped.

So did Changmin’s.

The clock could be heard tickling.

Changmin started to wonder if the taxi that supposed to pick him has arrived yet.

Finally, after what it feels like a very long moment.

Yunho nodded.

Changmin couldn’t hold his happiness. He smiled. He softly caressed Yunho’s cheek. To Yunho’s hairs. Then pulled Yunho closer toward him.

That was the second time, Yunho see Changmin this close again.

Changmin’s unique eyebrows, Changmin hidden beauty spot, Changmin thin upper lips.

Yunho took a single breath, before he could feel Changmin pressed his lips against him.

Softly.

And carefully.

Yunho, had never kissed before. He had several relationship, but this is his first kiss.

Thankfully, Changmin’s rude mouth didn’t apply to his kiss.

Changmin kiss was... very soft. It caused Yunho’s heartbeats to race faster. It caused Yunho’s to feel his stomach filled with butterflies.

Changmin brushed his lips carefully on each part of Yunho’s lips. Savoring the sweet taste of Yunho’s lips.

His hands caressing Yunho’s hairs. So, Yunho also began caressing Changmin’s hairs.

It feels sweet. It feels long. It feels like years has passed. And both Yunho and Changmin drowned in the unstable flow of time.

Forgetting their actual purpose on live. Forgetting the weight they had on their shoulder. Forgetting the aching pain they had earlier on their heart.

When Changmin broke their kiss... Yunho... found himself wanting more.

Changmin let out a relieved sigh. He reached out for Yunho’s back, again, and hugged him tight.

And Yunho did the same.

The taxi that Changmin ordered earlier finally arrive.

Changmin had washed his face, cleaning the tears on his face. He also helped Yunho cleaned his. Softly caressing his thumbs on Yunho’s cheeks and eyes.

Changmin finally looked neat again. He prepared his suitcases, asking the taxi driver to help him carrying it.

When the taxi driver gone from their room, Changmin turned toward Yunho, smiling.

“We’ll see each other again... right, Yunho?”

Yunho only replied with another single nod. Changmin smiled widening at that.

Changmin slowly approached Yunho, grabbed his face, and softly kissed him again.

They stayed for a few minute, before they heard the taxi driver’s footsteps approaching.

“I love you, Yunho...” whispered Changmin. He bit his lips in a bitter thought of leaving Yunho, tapped Yunho’s cheeks once, then turned away.

“See you soon... Yunho...” said Changmin, waving toward Yunho.

Yunho stood up still. His eyes fixed toward Changmin.

Changmin, was no longer the small cute kid he knew, probably six months earlier.

Yunho swore that in the short time, Changmin has grown taller than he was.

Changmin bowed politely toward the taxi who helped him carrying his suitcase, stepped outside the apartment, then silently whispered, “I love you...”

Yunho could see Changmin reaching for the door’s knob. Pulled it to close.

And just in a short moment, before the door fully closed, and Yunho still able to see a single shot of Changmin smiling toward him, Yunho whispered back,

“I love you too... Changmin...”

a/n: Hiii~ I wrote this chapter for six hours straight T_T i hope you enjoy it~ I'm so sorry that this chapter has gotten very long. But it needed as most problem solved here. Also, if you noticed: YES THAT'S RIGHT! This story hasn't ended yet! So, how will the continuation be? Will Changmin and Yunho finally be room mate again? This room-mate au, anyway, why they shouldn't be room mate anymore? Well, lets see how it will happen on the next chapter <3 Thank you for always reading~~