Iris (blue) – faith & hope

                Jongup took a look at the wall clock as he sat in the living room. It was two hours till midnight and he started to doubt his brother would really come out of his room to have his late dinner. If so, he would have to reheat the delivered meal that had surely turned cold.

                Getting up from the couch, Jongup went to his brother’s room. He could see Daehyun lying on the bed by standing at the door, in which both of them agreed to leave it open whenever Daehyun was alone in there. The older man had his eyes closed, but his hands were gently caressing one of the carved wooden figures; his favourite dragon figure.

                “Hyung?” he called while nearing the bed. “I thought you said you’ll eat your dinner later? How late will it be?”

                “Can I just eat it tomorrow?” Daehyun replied lazily.

                Jongup sighed, placing his hands on his hips. “Come on, hyung. You haven’t been eating properly for days. You’ll get sick if you keep going like this.”

                Daehyun breathed out a puff of air wearily. “I already am.”

                Jongup frowned in concern, seating himself on the edge of the bed next to his brother. “Are you?”

                “Yeah… It hurts,” Daehyun muttered as the pain contorted his face.

                “Where?” Jongup asked.

                “My heart.”

                Jongup had known about that ever since Youngjae had talked about mates’ connection the other day. He had caught Daehyun clutching his chest painfully for a few times after that, but not even once his brother voiced it out. Now that Daehyun had finally told him, he wondered if the pain was getting unbearable for the older man.

                His stare trailed from Daehyun’s disheveled hair and pallid complexion to Daehyun’s slow and heavy breathing chest before stopping at the wooden dragon’s figure which was now clenched tightly in his brother’s hands.

                “You know, I’d rather let you be with Yongguk hyung than seeing you hurting like this,” Jongup finally spoke up.

                Daehyun let out a meek breathy laugh, more to derision than amused. “Don’t say something you don’t mean.”

                “But I do.” Jongup gave an immediate firm response.

                Daehyun furrowed his brows, slowly cracking his eyes open. “I thought you don’t like him?”

                Jongup heaved a deep sigh. “It’s not that I don’t like him. I’m just afraid you’ll get hurt.”

                Daehyun chuckled. “So it’s okay if I’m hurt when being with him rather than not?”

                “Yeah, because I’ll kill him if he really hurts you,” Jongup joked in a grave voice. “But only if he doesn’t change into a dragon and tries to kill me first.”

                Daehyun laughed softly. “Yeah… he really can change into a dragon, huh?” he muttered as he began to feel every edge and curve of the wooden figure again. It never crossed his mind that he would really encounter the real thing which was so much bigger than the carving in his hands.

                “Dad was right. Soulmates do share matching guardian sprits,” Jongup said, looking at the tiny dragons on Daehyun’s table. “Though in your case, your soulmate is literally a dragon.”

                Daehyun’s lips were pulled into a faint smile. “Dad was always right... Maybe I can ask him what should I do now if he were here.”

                “Are you still not ready to meet him?” Jongup asked since it had been more than a week.

                Honestly, Daehyun missed Yongguk. Maybe now, he was gradually accepting the fact that Yongguk was actually a weredragon. He was not that scared of him compared to the day when he first found out about it. But after receiving the flower bouquet from Dongwan, he felt ashamed of himself for being such a coward and hypocrite. He didn’t know how he could bring himself to meet that man again.

                “I don’t know…” he said under his breath, a moment before there was a sharp pain in his chest again. He resisted it calmly, only shutting his eyes and squeezing the wooden figure in his hands.

                “But you want to, don’t you?” Jongup’s question was more like a statement of what he observed from his brother’s act.

                Daehyun’s breath hitched. He should’ve known he was that easy to read for his brother. He was trying so hard to deny it because he didn’t deserve to wish for something like that when he was the one who refused to meet Yongguk in the first place. He didn’t deserve to cry even if he was missing Yongguk so damn much. But now, the tears were desperately threatening to fall.

                “I do…” he croaked, choking back his tears at the same time.

                Jongup suddenly felt like crying too seeing his brother like that. He missed his talkative, smiley, cheerful brother, who was last seen on the day they had a quarrel.

                “You know what, hyung. I take back all the things I said during out fight the other day,” he said, making Daehyun open his eyes and turn towards him.

                “I shouldn’t have tried to protect you from him when he was the one who protected you from the real danger.” Jongup casted his gaze down as he started fiddling with the bed sheet. “I’ve always thought that I’m the only one who can protect you from all the bad things in the world, but now I’ve realized that I can’t do it alone.”

                Daehyun sat up on the bed, putting the wooden dragon figure aside. “Don’t say that.” He reached out to find his brother before pulling him into a hug. “You’ve been looking after me ever since we were still kids. You made my life a lot easier than I can ever imagine.”

                Jongup returned the hug, wrapping his arms around the latter and drawing him closer, but he just loved to tease his brother. “Didn’t you tell me to piss off?”

                “You know I didn’t mean it.” Daehyun broke the hug, letting the younger man see his apologetic pout. “You’re the only family I have. I love you and I need you more than anything in this world,” he said, eyes darting around in his brother’s direction.

                “Really? Even more than Yongguk hyung?” Jongup quipped again.

                “Really,” Daehyun confirmed with a smile, but it was just for a second before he lowered his head. “I had a thought to stop seeing Yongguk hyung after the fight we had because I know I can’t be happy if you’re not happy.”

                That moment, Jongup just realized how selfish he was. He only thought Daehyun wouldn’t get hurt if the older man didn’t get into any relationship with Yongguk. He didn’t think that Daehyun could actually be happy with that man. He didn’t even give them a chance, but Daehyun was still willing to leave Yongguk for him.

                Running his fingers through his hair, Jongup let out a long heavy sigh. “Actually, I’m so thankful to Yongguk hyung. I don’t know what would happen if he wasn’t there to help us. He brought you back to me safe and sound, twice.”

                He reached for Daehyun’s chin before nudging it up, making his brother face him again. “That’s why, I believe Yongguk hyung really loves you.” He dropped his hand to hold Daehyun’s. “Love can’t simply be said with sweet words. Love is shown by what someone would do for you. And I’ve looked back at all the things Yongguk hyung had done for you. He wouldn’t have done so much for someone he doesn’t love.”

                Daehyun pressed his lips when they started quivering. The tears were still shed despite that. Yongguk loved him even though he was blind and risked his life to save him. He would be the one at loss if he were ever to let Yongguk go. “Do you think it will be okay? Me and Yongguk hyung?” he asked through sobs.

                Jongup shrugged his shoulders. “Of course. You guys are mates after all,” he answered without hesitation.

                Daehyun broke into a smile. “What about you? Are you okay with it?”

                Jongup chuckled before wiping the tears off his brother’s face. “I just want you to be happy, hyung. I’ll be happy only if you’re happy.”

                Yongguk opened his eyes to the ceiling of his room. He had been in and out of sleep for the whole day, but for the first time, he was totally awake. There was no headache, no shortness of breath, no pain in his chest. He felt healthy and strong again, as if he had just came back from the dead.

                Sitting up on his bed, he took a look at the clock on the wall. It was already dusk. Jumping off the bed, he went to his closet to get dressed, grabbed his phone after, and walked out of the room. He wanted to go out of the mansion, but not after telling his parents first.

                “Yongguk, you got out of bed!” Minjee was surprised to see her son entering the dining area, so did the other three sitting at the table for dinner.

                “I’m hungry,” Yongguk said sheepishly while rubbing his stomach.

                “Oh, take a seat, then,” Minjee told him, already placing a filled plate at Yongguk’s spot. “I was about to bring the dinner to your room.”

                Yongguk settled down into his chair next to his mother’s without a word. He started to dig in and gobbled down his meal like he had been starving for days.

                Dongwan arched his brows at his wife, as well as at Jungsu and Eunbyul, only to be returned with the same quizzical look from them. “You look… great…?” he wondered aloud to his son.

                Yongguk just shrugged his shoulders as a response. “Who’s at Daehyun’s place?” he asked after swallowing the food in his mouth.

                “Suwoong and Junhong,” Dongwan replied.

                Yongguk nodded and proceeded to empty his plate, whereas the elders could only watch in disbelief how fast he was inhaling all the food. He finished it in the blink of an eye before getting up from his seat. “I’m full.”

                “Why are you in such a rush?” Minjee questioned, frowning at her son’s restless act. “Where are you going?”

                “To Daehyun’s place, of course,” Yongguk answered, as if it was the most obvious thing.

                “Wait!” Minjee grabbed her son’s wrist when he was about to step away. “Are you sure you’re alright?” she asked, face full of concern.

                Yongguk fixed his gaze on his mother’s face, his mind questioning the same thing to himself. “Yeah…” He nodded slowly. “I’m fine,” he said, freeing his hand from his mother’s hold before finally making his leave.

                Truthfully, Yongguk was also confused about what was happening. His head was still filled with Daehyun, but it didn’t bring any pain anymore. His heart was still throbbing, but he knew it was because the longing he had for his mate.

                He took his time driving his car to Daehyun’s place. It was not like he would get to see his mate anyway, but being closer to Daehyun and knowing that the younger man was safe in there was more than enough for him.

                Yongguk rounded the house until he reached the backyard after parking his car at the curb of the main road, quite a distance from Daehyun’s house, just because he didn’t want the brothers to notice his presence.

                He easily climbed over the brick wall fence before catching the sight of Suwoong and Junhong. The boys were sitting together at the corner of the backyard, already staring at him with wide eyes. He went straight towards the boys and told them to make rounds at other places.

                “Hyung, are you going to be okay on your own?” Suwoong stood up, followed by the younger one.

                “Yeah, hyung. We can stay here with you,” Junhong suggested.

                Yongguk shook his head. “No need. I’ll be fine,” he assured, patting Junhong’s back and nudging him to move from the spot. He then did the same thing to Suwoong until the boys finally gave in and jumped over the fence.

                When he was alone at last, he chose to be at his preferred position, which was on the tree. He made his way up in seconds and perched on a branch. As usual, he began playing with the leaves as he basked in the heavenly scent of his mate.

                An hour later, he was not yet getting bored. His sharp eyes missed nothing in the darkness of the night, besides his strong sense of smell. But when there was a faint sound coming from the back door opening, all his attention was diverted to the person walking out to the backyard. It was his mate, dressed warmly in a pullover hoodie and long sweater pants.

                Yongguk quickly sat up from his half lying position on the branch. His heart began pounding in his chest as his stare was fixed on his mate, the person he was yearning to see. Daehyun had never come out at night before. He would only do it during the day, when he had to water his plants and his brother would always accompany him. So, Yongguk wondered why his mate was currently standing in front of the door with Jongup next to him. Using his sharp hearing, he tried to listen to their conversation.

                “Is there anyone around?” Daehyun asked.

                “I see nobody out here,” Jongup said after taking a look around the backyard.

                “I thought they are guarding this place?”

                “I thought so too.”

                Yongguk’s brows furrowed as he wondered how did they know about his clan guarding their house. But he had to brush it off for now when the brothers started talking again.

                “Should I just call him?” Daehyun questioned his brother.

                “I think you should.”

                A few seconds passed and Daehyun was still fiddling with his phone. He looked nervous from what Yongguk could see. It seemed like he was gathering his courage to make the call because finally, Daehyun took a deep breath before pressing his phone on his ear.

                Seconds later, a ringtone resounded through the silence of the night. Yongguk flinched in surprise, realizing it was actually coming from his mobile phone. He immediately took out the vibrating device from his pocket and was even more surprise to see Daehyun’s name on the screen.

                At the sound of the ringing phone, both Daehyun and Jongup whipped their head towards its direction. Of course, Jongup was the one who spotted Yongguk sitting behind the crowded leaves of the tree. But Daehyun wasn’t clueless. The sound appeared to be coming from a high place, where the large tall tree was at. When he ended the call, the ring stopped too.

                “Looks like he’s already here,” Jongup told Daehyun. “I guess I better leave now. Will you be alright on your own, hyung?”

                Daehyun let out a shaky breath as he was sure Yongguk was around. His heart was hammering in his chest at the thought of meeting Yongguk again. “Y-Yeah… I’ll be fine…”

                With that, Jongup went back into the house. Braving himself, Daehyun began tapping the ground with his walking stick as he made his way to the lawn. He stopped in the middle before settling down on the dry grass. Drawing in a deep breath, he swallowed hard and called out to the man. “Yong… Yongguk hyung...?”

                It was hard for Yongguk to tell whether the sweet honey voice of Daehyun was calling his name for real. He took a moment to convince himself that it was not a dream. So, he pulled himself together and uttered a reply. “Yes…?”

                For a moment there, Daehyun forgot how to breathe. Yongguk’s deep voice sent chills down his spine. He just realized he missed that man a lot more than he thought. “Hyung… come here…?” he requested timidly.

                Yongguk didn’t know what to expect. Maybe Daehyun was going to accept him, or maybe not. Of course he wouldn’t wish for Daehyun to reject him again because he would practically die if it really happened. But for now, he decided to comply with his mate by slowly climbing down the tree. He walked towards Daehyun, but stopped before he got too close and sat to the right of the younger man.

                “H-How have you been?” Daehyun asked when he didn’t hear any shuffling coming from Yongguk anymore.

                “I’m… fine.” Yongguk nodded to himself as he kept his gaze to the ground.

                Daehyun toyed with the hem of his sleeves as he thought of another way to ask the older man because that was not what he wanted as an answer. “Does it… still hurt?” he refined his question.

                Yongguk frowned, turning to the latter who had his head hung low. “How did you know that?”

                Daehyun’s hand rubbed the back of his neck, hearing Yongguk’s slightly surprised tone. “Youngjae told me. About who you really are. And that we are mates,” he told the man and waited for something in return, but nothing came. So, he added. “He also told me the consequences of weredragons being rejected by their mates.”

                Daehyun raised his head and turned in Yongguk’s direction when the man said nothing. “H-Hyung…?”

                “You met Youngjae?” Yongguk finally spoke up.

                “Yeah… He came knocking at my door.”

                Yongguk finally found out from where Daehyun knew that his clan had been guarding the house too, but it was not the thing that irritated him. “I knocked on your door almost every day before he did.”

                It just came to Daehyun’s mind that Yongguk was probably getting mad at him. “I-It’s Jongup who let him in. Not me,” he tried to defend himself.

                Yongguk scoffed. “What’s the difference?”

                Daehyun chewed on his lips, casting his unseeing gaze to the ground again. “I’m sorry, hyung. I know I pushed you away, I ignored your calls, I avoided meeting you. I’m so sorry,” he desperately apologized before releasing a contrite sigh.

                “But it really opened my mind when Youngjae told me those stuff about weredragons and mates,” Daehyun continued, looking up to face Yongguk again. “I’m actually glad he came because I could finally make up my mind. I was finally ready to meet you and accept you as my mate, hyung.”

                Yongguk’s heart skip a beat hearing the last bit of words from Daehyun, but the frustration he had was not going to fade easily. “What if Youngjae hadn’t come to see you?” he countered, causing his mate to flinch at his rough tone.

                “How long would it take for you to answer my calls or even open the door for me?” He became more and more insistent with every word he said. “How could you listen to him rather than me?!”

                “I don’t know!” Daehyun retorted, now being as angry as the other man. “Maybe because you kept a secret from me? Why didn’t you tell me the truth from the start?”

                “You ask me why?!” Yongguk snapped back. “How the hell could I say ‘Hi, I’m a weredragon and I’m your mate’?” he argued in a whisper. “I know it would just freak you out! You freaked out even after we fell in love with each other!”

                “At least you told me about it! Not letting me find out accidently on my own in that way!”

                Daehyun’s final remark echoed throughout the small backyard. Yongguk was silenced after that. He didn’t have anything more to say when his mate was also right. Instead, he averted his eyes to the front before sighing heavily.

                For quite a while, neither of them said a word. Both of them were immersed in their own thoughts, berating themselves for getting mad at their mate. It was clearly not their intention to do so, moreover after missing each other so much.

                Yongguk cleared his throat before speaking up again. “Are you seriously not going to reject me?” His voice was a lot calmer now, if not slightly insecure.

                “No, I’m not.” Daehyun replied without lifting his head. He kept caressing the short grass with a pouty mouth.

                Yongguk glanced at his mate. “You’re not scared of me anymore?”

                “No.” Once again, Daehyun gave a firm answer.

                Yongguk slowly nodded his head. “What if I ask you to prove it?”

                “H-How should I do it?” This time, Daehyun hesitated.

                “If I shift into my dragon form now, would you dare to touch me?”

                “Are you joking?” Daehyun snorted, turning towards the older man. “You’re going to change into a dragon in my backyard?”

                “Why not? I’m sure no one can see us here.” Yongguk stood up right away before starting to undress. “Or you just lied to me when you said that you’re not scared of me anymore?”

                “I didn’t lie, hyung,” Daehyun asserted. “Go ahead and turn yourself,” he said, trying to appear calm and steady on the outside when he was actually not on the inside.

                Shortly after that, came the sound of shuffling and bones snapping, which made Daehyun wince. It only lasted for seconds though and everything went quiet again.

                “H-Hyung? A-Are you d-done?” Daehyun asked, failed to keep his composure.

                Yongguk would have linked his thought to Daehyun right now, but since he couldn’t, he just let out a faint growl. Then, he crawled closer to his mate before nudging the man’s arm with his nose.

                Daehyun gasped and instinctively recoiled at the sudden touch. But before Yongguk could get the wrong idea, he quickly stretched out his hand. It was short at first, but he slowly reached further towards the weredragon.

                Yongguk just stared at Daehyun’s nearing hand. It was terribly shaking. No matter how he looked at his mate, the man still seemed to be afraid of him. His heart squeezed painfully at Daehyun’s first reaction. He almost couldn’t believe Daehyun was still surprised when the man had already known what kind of creature he was about to face.

                However, Yongguk tried to stay positive because Daehyun was reaching out for him. Maybe the younger man wasn’t prepared before as much as he did right now. Therefore, Yongguk leaned down until his nose touched Daehyun’s palm.

                He thought that was what Daehyun wanted, but no, he was wrong. Again, his mate inhaled sharply before drawing back his hand.

                Yongguk felt betrayed. He just couldn’t take it anymore and immediately shifted back into his human form.

                “Are you really that scared of me?” he asked while putting on his clothes back.

                “No, I’m not scared!” Daehyun insisted earnestly, following the sound of Yongguk’s movement with his unfocused eyes. “I’m… I’m just shocked! And… and it feels surreal…”

                Yongguk got down on his knee in front of Daehyun after he was fully clothed. “But you know that it was me! Human form or dragon form, it is still me!”

                “I know! I know, hyung! But this is very new to me. I need some time to get used to it,” Daehyun tried to reason with the latter.

                “Get used to what? The fact that I’m a freak? The last one week isn’t enough for you to get used to that fact?”

                Daehyun was taken aback when those words left Yongguk’s mouth. The man’s voice was not that loud anymore, but it was full of despair. “Hyung… you’re not a freak…” he spoke in a cracked whisper.

                Yongguk stared at Daehyun’s perturbed expression. He didn’t mean to shout so much at his own mate, but his anger was taking over his rational mind. Now, he realized there was no point in doing so. His mate wouldn’t understand his feelings anyway.

                Dropping his gaze to the ground, Yongguk breathed out a resigned sigh. “You shouldn’t force yourself like this. Why don’t you get in and take all the time that you need,” he said before standing up. Without sparing any glance at his mate, he turned away to leave.

                The rustling sound of the grass gave Daehyun the idea of Yongguk walking away. “Hyung…?” he called, hand stretched out to find the man. He received no reply, except for the light footsteps that were getting further and further. “Hyung?!” he called again, louder.

                “No...” Daehyun began to panic. He felt the ground beside him for his walking stick and got up right away after he found it. “Yongguk hyung!”

                Daehyun was rapidly tapping his cane as he followed the sound of Yongguk’s footsteps. His backyard wasn’t big, so he was afraid if he couldn’t catch up to the man. His free hand was groping the air in front of him, hoping it would brush against Yongguk. He was just too focused in his search that he forgot to mind his steps, causing him to trip over his own feet.

                Yongguk was only a step away from the fence, but he just had to turn around at his mate’s loud yelp. His eyes widened at the sight of Daehyun being on all fours on the ground. Without thinking twice, he returned to his mate in a rush.

                “You okay?” Yongguk asked, holding to Daehyun’s forearms to lift the man’s hands from the ground.

                Daehyun just let the man held him before leaning back and weakly fell onto his bum. He managed to make Yongguk came back, but it was not the way he wanted it to be. Yongguk came back because he fell, because he was that helpless and Yongguk pitied him.

                “I’m blind, hyung,” Daehyun muttered in a trembling voice. The first tear broke free and the rest followed in a stream running down his cheeks. “I can’t see what you look like. I can only feel with my hands. I can only imagine what you look like.”

                Yongguk was indeed surprised when Daehyun suddenly cried. It broke his heart and the familiar pain arose in his chest again. Flopping down onto the ground, he cupped Daehyun’s cheek with a hand, trying to get rid of the wasteful tears.

                “You don’t need to cry,” he rasped, trying to hold back his own tears.

                “All the wooden cravings and the books I’ve read only give me the rough idea of dragons,” Daehyun continued in convulsive sobs. “I never had a thought of meeting the real thing so of course I’m scared.”

                Yongguk nodded. “I know that you’re scared of me. I understand.” He freed Daehyun from his touch, turning away from his mate. “I’m a shapeshifter! A weredragon! I’m just that scary!” his voice cracked as the tears brimmed over his eyes.

                “I’m ugly...” he said under his breath before looking at his mate again. “And you…” He stared at Daehyun’s face. Even with the tears and pale complexion, Daehyun still got those mesmerizing eyes that he loved so much. “You’re beautiful, Daehyun. You’re perfect,” he said and the tears finally fell from his eyes. “I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore. You don't have to accept me just because you can't let me die.”

                Daehyun quickly stuck out his hands after that, trying to find Yongguk in haste. Once he stumbled on Yongguk’s arm, he held onto it tightly. “Hyung… hyung, do you not love me...?”

                Yongguk frowned at Daehyun’s ridiculous question. “Of course I do...” he said, causing more tears to spill onto his cheeks.

                Daehyun scooted closer to the man, his hands traveled up to Yongguk’s face. He stopped at Yongguk’s forehead, slipping his fingers under the damp fringe before brushing it off the face. His hands then moved down to Yongguk’s wet cheeks and started to rub the tears away.

                “I’m not perfect. You are,” he stated, looking straight into Yongguk’s eyes with his sightless ones. “If someone as perfect as you can love an imperfect person like me, I can love you even more... You’re not ugly... You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever met.”

                Yongguk was overwhelmed with those sweet words, but he shook his head instead. “Don’t say that when you have no idea how monstrous I look like in my dragon form.”

                “No, I know you’re beautiful...” Daehyun continued to hold Yongguk’s face, his finger sliding around the man’s ears. “I may not see your beauty, but my heart surely feels it.”

                Those words made Yongguk’s heart thump in his chest. He couldn’t even say anything in return and cried harder instead. He never knew he could love someone so much. Someone so beautiful inside and out. Someone who loves him back for who he truly is.

                “I love you, hyung,” Daehyun sobbed. He brought his face closer to Yongguk’s, aiming for their lips to meet with each other. But he was stopped midway when Yongguk leaned in and found his lips first.

                The kiss was warm and breathless. It pulled both of them into another world with just the two of them. Daehyun’s hands wound around Yongguk’s neck as the man pulled him closer by the large hands that were his back. Both of them had never experienced something as blissful as that very moment; the moment when there was no more pain and sorrow in their heart, but pleasure and happiness.