Sorry, Not Sorry

Rewritten

"I'm going back to work tomorrow and I have a meeting early in the morning. I should go."

Cheng Xiao said, wiping the leftover tears on her face after that intensely emotional moment. "But I'm... glad it turned out this way." She said, feeling her cheeks redden. 

"Yeah...me too." Eunseo blushed as well and put a piece of her own hair behind her ear. When Cheng Xiao started walking towards the door, it finally hit her.

"Are you going back to the hotel? Or... your house?" 

"The hotel, yes." She gave a half smile. "I can't go back to my house yet, even with it being clean already and all. But I'm making progress. Maybe someday." 

"So you're just going to check back in and live in a hotel indefinitely?" 

"I know it's not a sustainable solution, but I'll figure something out." 

"I've got a better idea." Eunseo said, looking her right in the eye. "Stay here." 

Cheng Xiao's eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat. 

"Are you... sure? Do you think it could work out... after what happened? Don't you need some... time, or something?" 

"Time?! One week was too much time already." Eunseo's eyebrows drew close together and she reluctantly reached out to grab Cheng Xiao's hand. "We'll try again, and it will be a lot better this time, I promise. Plus you will save a lot of money. It's not like money is an issue to you, but you never know tomorrow, and paying the rent of your vacant apartment plus the hotel is expensive. Besides, aren't you safer here? It would be cool to say I know some badass martial art, but I really don't. I'm pretty good at channeling my own rage to beat a creep to a pulp, though. I'll cook you more terrible meals and we will watch TV while I pretend to work and----" 

"That's enough. I'm sold." Cheng Xiao giggled with her other hand to . "I'll just go and get my things. I'll be back soon." 

"Really?!" Eunseo's eyes were like large, glimmering beads. 

"Really." Cheng Xiao nodded twice, a bright smile on her lips. She had to make an effort not to squeal over how cute Eunseo was. 

She reached for the handle of the door, but was interrupted by a sudden thud against her back, two thin arms immobilizing her, wrapping around her body, and a chin rested on her shoulder. 

"W-what?" Cheng Xiao gulped. 

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." Eunseo quickly pulled away and scratched the back of her head. "I don't know how to do this dating thing anymore or whatever it is. I don't know what's appropriate and stuff, but... Come back safely. Please." 

Cheng Xiao's cheekbones rose and she planted a peck on the corner of her lips.  

"I guess this will do." She smirked. 

Leaving Eunseo in a petrified state, she turned back to open the door once more, until Eunseo reach for her coat in the hanger. 

"Wait. I'll drive you."  

"The hotel is 10 minutes away, Eunseo. I'll be fine." 

"Sorry, am I pushing it?" Eunseo held her palms together in front of , a worried look on her eyes. 

"Hmmmm..." Cheng Xiao pretended to ponder and then grinned. "Maybe this once I'll take your offer." 

She had promised herself to make an effort to be more independent, but being spoiled once in a while couldn't hurt. Especially when the one spoiling her was none other than Eunseo. Actually, she had to allow it and be okay with it if their relationship was going to work. 

She hadn't expected it to turn out like this so fast, but she was more than satisfied with the outcome of her visit. She was thrilled about finding herself and her true feelings as their relationship blossomed. She would grow and become the person she hoped to be – with the best partner possible.  

 

"I'm sleepy." Cheng Xiao said, back at Eunseo's house – now hers as well – with her belongings. "Where is the mattress?" 

"The mattress?" Eunseo's eyebrows shot up.  

It wasn't as if Cheng Xiao intended to sleep on the floor, and she knew from the start Eunseo didn't intend her to either. But it was hard to fight her mischievous side when she looked so cute when she was embarrassed - however evil it was to play on it when she was struggling with knowing how she could act with her or not. 

"Of course. I'll be the one sleeping on the floor this time. It's unfair if it's you again. Plus my head is okay now." Cheng Xiao tried to keep a straight face while noticing Eunseo's cheeks redden. This was going to be good. 

"Well, d-do you want to s-sleep with me?" Eunseo looked to her side, her shoulders rising and her hands connecting at the backside, her voice barely audible. 

"S-Sleep with you?!" Cheng Xiao opened wide and rested her hand on her chest, faking shock. "I wouldn't imagine you as someone who gives herself away that early in a relationship, Son Eunseo..." 

"N-no no no no no no." At this point, it looked like all of the blood in Eunseo's body had concentrated on her face. She flailed her arms around in panic. "I really meant sleeping, just sleeping. That's all." 

"Oh, is that so?" Cheng Xiao pouted and crossed her arms, throwing her a look like an abandoned puppy. "You want to... just sleep? You don't find me attractive, is that it? I thought you wanted to... Well." 

"W-what? No! I mean yes! I find you attractive, super attractive, gorgeous, beautiful, perfect, and yes, I do think that you probably look even more so without your clothes on but I didn't mean I want to find out about it now!" 

Cheng Xiao cocked an eyebrow. She refrained from speaking or she would burst into laughter before she could even say a word.  

Eunseo hid her face in her hands and then pulled her hair back. She looked everywhere but where Cheng Xiao was, then turned her back to her and turned back front, then again, until she finally faced her and took a deep breath, keeping a serious, yet still flaming red face on. 

"I'm sorry. I swear I meant just sleeping, but... Unless... That is... If it's the case that... You... Really want... What you said." She faced down, fingers fidgeting. 

Cheng Xiao couldn't hold it in anymore. She bent down, holding her stomach, letting loose the loud laugh she had been keeping in. 

"You're making fun of me!" Eunseo pouted and crossed her arms, her expression in indignation and shock. 

"I'm... sorry... I couldn't... not do it..." Cheng Xiao said between hysterical laughs. 

"How could you, Xiao Xiao?" Eunseo ruffled Cheng Xiao's hair and then tickled her, making her unable to stop laughing anytime soon.  

"Please forgive me!" Cheng Xiao mocked, trying to join her palms while being aggressively tickled. "Let's just sleep." 

"You're right, let's sleep and stop this already!" Eunseo grabbed her shoulders from the back, brought her to a straight position and started pushing a still laughing girl towards the bedroom. Cheng Xiao could see through the corner of her eye that Eunseo was smiling too. 

Even when she was trying to play it cool and be the upper hand on the joke, what Eunseo had said about her being beautiful - and... miscellaneous related things – made her insides melt. She was in a tough situation, but it sounded so sincere. Maybe someday Cheng Xiao would be able to tell her she felt the same about her – for real. 

A few minutes later, Cheng Xiao found herself settled in bed, waiting for Eunseo to return from the bathroom. That left her time to think – and panic – about what would actually happen when she was back. It started to hit her just how far she might have gone with her joke earlier. What idea did Eunseo keep in her mind in the end? What did she expect now from them sleeping in the same bed?  

Cheng Xiao wanted to be at ease with whatever happened, but her very recent experience with Bona, when she let things happen abruptly, made her inevitably uneasy about the possibility of making the same mistake with Eunseo. They had only just made up, after all. But at the same time, wasn't it a natural thing to do when people felt attracted to each other, even when they weren't in a relationship, like they were now? What point was there in trying to make a big deal of it?  

Eunseo let herself in, her face lighting up at the sight of her now-lover. Cheng Xiao studied her every move with caution, analyzing every quirk of her facial expression in an attempt to make a rational guess on what her intentions were.  

She hopped inside the bed sheets next to her and reached for the light remote on the bedside table. She glanced at Cheng Xiao and frowned. 

"Are you okay? You look worried." 

"I'm great." She answered with a reassuring smile. 

"Can I turn off the lights, then?"  

Cheng Xiao held her breath and nodded. The lights gradually dimmed out into nothing. 

Right after, she felt movement beside her, and Eunseo closed the distance between them, rested her head on her shoulder and started lightly running her fingers through her arm. 

"Xiao." She whispered. The warm breath on Cheng Xiao's neck sent a chill down her spine and made her heart beat at a faster pace. She hummed in response. 

"Can you promise me... You won't run away again? If you feel like running away, or if I made you upset in some way, I want you to tell me and I will do the same. I know I can't just tell you to trust me completely all of a sudden, but I want you to be willing to trust me that way. Okay?" 

Cheng Xiao remembered how to breathe again. She chuckled over how silly it seemed now that she was so nervous about being in the same bed as Eunseo.  

"I promise." 

"Okay then. Good night." Her smile was transparent in her voice, making it almost visible in the dark. 

Eunseo planted a long, soft kiss on her shoulder blade, and then rested her head on it again. Cheng Xiao smiled along in secret and with her heart slowing down, she peacefully drifted to sleep. 

 


 

Cheng Xiao was up earlier than usual the next morning. She tiptoed around the house throughout the whole process of getting ready, but Eunseo woke up anyway, making it harder to leave the house and forcing her to reject an offer for a ride to work. Yes, it was a very important day - she was going back to work. She would once again be the CEO of WJSN and she would be useful as a part of the adult world. She was excited by the chances of remembering more people and happenings from the past. But before she started her sure to be eventful day, there was something she needed to do. 

She leaned against the car with her driver inside it, in front of a modest, yet polished building, when the front door opened and the short blonde woman stepped out. 

"Xiao?!" Bona tilted her head, her eyebrows drawing closer together. 

"Will you accept a ride to work?" Cheng Xiao opened the door for her, inviting her to enter the car. 

Bona took reluctant steps towards the vehicle, never taking her squinting eyes off of her boss. 

Already in their seats, Cheng Xiao signaled the driver to take off and the divider between the front and the back seats rose up, granting them privacy. 

"Stop wrinkling your forehead." Cheng Xiao said with a smirk. "You once told me worrying causes wrinkles and wrinkles are bad. Practice what you preach." 

"O...kay." Her assistant's eyebrows rose and she shook her head, blinking a few times. "What exactly is going on here? Why aren't you mad at me?" 

"I don't know, should I be mad at you?" 

"Yes. Yes, you should. I mean, how would you not be mad after what happened?" 

"What would be the use of that? I've said this already. We weren't in our right minds. I know you didn't mean to do that and that you don't really hate me, so..." 

"How are you so sure?" 

"I know you well, Kim Bona. If you didn't want to see me, you would have gone straight past me, pretending I didn't exist. But I took the test, and since you entered this car, I knew you wanted to work things out. So I Just skipped to the part in which we're good again. Isn't that much easier?" Cheng Xiao moved herself closer to Bona, linking her arm with hers, a smiling face resting on her shoulder. Bona looked out the window. 

"Truthfully, I was scared to death that you would hate me. I couldn't sleep all night knowing you were coming back to work and I had to be around you with us being mad at each other." Bona scoffed at the thought. 

"The Kim Bona is scared of me?" Cheng Xiao teased, earning an elbowing from her assistant, and finally, a contained smile. 

"I'm sorry, Xiao." Bona said, now facing Cheng Xiao with her guard lowered. 

"I know. And you know I'm sorry too."  

Bona nodded. They enjoyed their car ride in silence for a few minutes, until Bona stepped in again. 

"Xiao... About what I said. That I still love you." 

Cheng Xiao went immobile. When she crafted the plan to make peace with Bona, she was foolishly confident her approach would distract her and discourage her from touching that subject. Thus far, it seemed to be going just as expected. But it had been selfish and inconsiderate of her to want to avoid it. It would have to be talked about anyway, sooner or later. 

"Yes." Cheng Xiao said, trying to conceal her discomfort. 

"I meant it." Bona looked back to the window, her expression distant. 

Cheng Xiao could not move the muscles of . There was no easy way to talk about it. 

"But I was right, wasn't I? It's her. She's the one you want." 

Containing the tears trying to run through the corners of her eyes, Cheng Xiao nodded against Bona's shoulder. She was glad she wasn't looking at her. Just by hearing the pain sheer through her voice, it felt like needles pierced her flesh. 

"I see." Bona lowered her head. "Have you made up with her already?" 

Another nod. 

"Bona, I'm so s-" 

"No. You shouldn't sorry about the way you feel. I'm not sorry about how I feel for you and I'm not sorry for myself. I will keep loving you one way or another, just like I know you'll love me in your own way. And I'll keep watching over you like I always have. Maybe one day it won't be painful to see you with her at all. All I want, other than you being happy, is that you stay by my side, because I just can't lose you. As long as you do, I know I'll eventually be okay." Bona's voice was stable, her every word calculated. It was as if saying something so emotional and honest didn't faze her at all. 

Her hand reached for Cheng Xiao's face, lightly her jawline. Cheng Xiao knew she had felt the tears on her cheeks. It was bad enough that she had to hurt Bona, her best friend, her ex-girlfriend, someone who had been there for her for over 3 years. Someone who still loved her after whatever it is that she did and however badly they had broken up. Even after all of that, she put Cheng Xiao's happiness before her own and tried her best not to falter in front of her and making her feel guilty. At that moment, Cheng Xiao's biggest wish was that she could love two people in the same way, at the same moment in time. 

"I'll stay. Always." Cheng Xiao said, her voice wavering. 

"Thank you." Bona whispered back, closing her eyes and resting the side of her head on her friend's. 

A few moments later, the car came to a stop.  

"Are you scared?" Cheng Xiao asked with a corner of her lip raised, in an attempt to lighten up the mood and take the first step towards recovering the routine of their friendship. 

"Scared of what?" 

"More like who." The CEO chuckled. 

"As if." Bona pushed Cheng Xiao away, hitting her arm. "She's the one who should be scared of me. You'll see." She finished, flipping her hair and stepping out of the car. 

 

---

A/N: I know I promised a new character appearance, and I did write it, but all of a sudden the chapter had 6000 words and I had to split it :D Good news is it's done and it will be released just next week. In the meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this chapter and look forward to the next one. Thank you for your support!

 

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Comments

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bluejin #1
Chapter 20: im already obsessed with this story damn
paris22
#2
You don't know how I shipped Eunxiao after reading this. Thanks for letting new ujungs read it too. Let's be honest, some authors are hiding their work later so new fans can't read it. (sigh)
joguri_cheek
#3
i’m leaving a comment here because i was surprised i didn’t the first time so i just want to say this is like the best eunxiao ff i’ve read and it was exciting to see everything unfold with some plot twist that i’ve never suspected. The pacing of the whole thing was just perfect not too fast but not too slow. Great Work!
jihyoscactus
#4
Chapter 29: this is my first chaptered fic of wjsn that i'm reading after becoming a fan like two days ago! this was written amazingly & i'm so glad there were explanations because i was about to throw hands, i promise. and i really do hope you write a boxuan fic in the future <3 perhaps with eunxiao as the side couple too ㅋㅋ
Keulbear24 #5
It's so hard to find a good eunxiao fic. Lucky me I found this story. Thank you author!
Frozenwandy #6
Chapter 29: A very very well written and beautiful story from you! I love how it flows so much and the ending got me giggling throughout it. Thanks for this story!! Great job author-nim
Frozenwandy #7
Chapter 24: Mindblown!!!
SilentLone
#8
It is soooo.. fff... beautiful.. I actually feel everything you convey thru the story... Sooi heart-wrenching. You did well author- nim
Miseenplace
#9
Chapter 29: Congrats author. You deserve all the upvotes ^^
Miseenplace
#10
Chapter 24: Wtf