Cheng Xiao called a driver, headed to the nearest slightly decent hotel (which, to a person of her status, was at the very least 4-star) and checked herself in for a week. Thankfully the spa was open 24 hours, because she knew it was pointless to think she was going to be able to get any sleep that night.  

The bubbling, almost uncomfortably hot water washed over her as she sat on the edge of the hot tub. She heard it was supposed to feel relaxing, but that was impossible for her. From the moment she heard the door to Eunseo's house shut behind her, she questioned her decision. More like regretted it, which was what she least wanted to admit to herself. But by then, it was already too late. She couldn’t just ring the bell and go “Oh, hey, I was actually gonna run away in the middle of the night, but I changed my mind so here I am, please let me back in.” The harm had already been done by then, and her pride was already at too high of a stake.

Her anxiety had tricked her into thinking leaving was a good idea. That it was what Eunseo wanted her to do anyway. But deep down, she knew it wasn’t the case. If she actually thought it was true, she wouldn’t have had to run away – she could have left on the spot. So why, why on earth did she make ridiculous assumptions and act so recklessly on them?

The thought that agonized her the most was of Eunseo, and if she had already noticed she was gone. Had she woken up or was she still peacefully asleep? Would she find out in the morning? What would she think? How much would she worry?

Cheng Xiao was forced to admit to herself that she already missed her. Eunseo did not leave her mind. Her insane beauty, her lovable clumsiness, her comforting embrace. She missed her so bad, even though she had barely just left. And what she had done had shut down any chance of her ever seeing that side of Eunseo again. This had been self sabotage.

In order to stop the imminent self loathing, she attempted to convince herself that she was right after all, that she did the right thing. That she was exactly on point with what Eunseo was thinking of her. This was to no avail, as it didn't take much logical thinking to know it didn't make sense.

The assumptions she made didn't make sense. The decision she made didn't make sense – wasn't she supposed to be scared of being targeted, really? Wasn't it kind of a paradox to run away by herself in the middle of the night while living in that kind of fear in order to get away from something that was all in her head? Genius. Now she was miserable, regretful, and scared. She was so anxious about having been anxious and being anxious at the moment, she grew jittery.

Everything about herself and the world around her seemed to bother her – including the hot water, which almost felt like it itched. It was time to leave and go find some other form of attempted distraction around the hotel.

She got dressed. Just as she was turning the corner after leaving the spa-

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

Cheng Xiao froze on the spot. A chill went down her spine. Naturally, her immediate reaction should be to turn around  and see who was talking to her – they had to be taking to her since it was past 1 in the morning and the hallways were near empty. But she did NOT want to turn around. The last thing she wanted was to see her face. She had recognized the voice. It was calm. Clear. Surprisingly, it didn’t show the slightest anger. More like disappointment. Hurt. Those words were said with no hostility, yet they pierced right through her heart.  

She heard the steps. Closer. Closer. Too close. There she was now, standing right in front of her. She could only see her feet. She was definitely not about to raise her head and look Eunseo in the eye, and most definitely wasn't going to say a word. Cheng Xiao kept her head on her feet and her lips tightly pursed, bracing herself for whatever was about to happen and whatever she was about to hear.

"Can we talk?"

Back in the room she had rented, Cheng Xiao sat on the far end of the bed, facing the window, her back the woman who paced back and forth at a steady rhythm through the room. She wasn't sure how much time had passed already, but every minute she had to sit in the deafening, ear-buzzing silence felt like a year to her. Wasn't Eunseo the one who had asked to talk? Who went all the way there in the first place? So why wasn't she saying anything? It was so much more nerve-wrecking and uncomfortable. Maybe she expected her to say something instead. Was she hoping she would apologize? That could be it. Nonetheless, she had the feeling something better come out of .

"How did you find me?" She mouthed under her breath. She hoped her voice had been audible enough, because she wasn't sure she could bring out enough courage to open again to repeat herself.

"Let's say you shouldn't pay with a credit card your personal assistant has access to when you're trying to run away. And she'd likely be the first person I called after I failed to reach you dozens of times. She's doing overnight at the company so I came instead."  

Eunseo stopped pacing and sat on the opposite side of the bed, her back turned to Cheng Xiao.

The CEO had completely distanced herself from her phone. She knew there was a high chance of Eunseo or Bona trying to reach her should they find out she disappeared. She was so set on being alone and independent, she had to take a drastic approach to ignoring them. It simply wasn't going to work out if she stood still while the calls and texts arrived. She would feel the urge to pick up and beg one of them to come for her, or feel so guilty about everything she broke down and stopped being able to live with herself. The best option she found was to leave for the spa without her phone to meditate on her life and what she was going to do from then on.

Clearly, that didn't go so well, as she felt guilty and unable to live with herself anyway. Cheng Xiao thought about how every little thing she had done or tried to do that night ended up being the wrongest choice out of all the possible ones. Perhaps it was best to not even move or say anything anymore – it wasn't as if she had to try anyway. Her shame and anxiety were being of great help.

Eunseo didn't continue. Cheng Xiao had to take on the excruciating task of speaking once again.

"Why did you come?"  

Silence.

"Why, Cheng Xiao?" She paused. Her voice had changed tone for the first time, revealing the slightest tinge of a negative emotion. Cheng Xiao could feel her shaking through her words. "I thought you had been abducted. I was terrified."

"I left you a note." Cheng Xiao answered, unable to raise the volume of her voice or look up.

"A note." Eunseo scoffed. "Because someone who was capable of breaking into your house with no trace couldn't have possibly forced you to write a note."  

More silence.  

"I feared for your life, and I find you here relaxing at the spa." She continued, coldly. "Anyway, I came here because I think I deserve an explanation. You know, you could have just told me what I should have done. I know I messed up somewhere, but am I not even worth it?"

Cheng Xiao felt her stand up from the bed. She swallowed, starting to shake as well. She was failing miserably at finding the words to say what she really wanted to say.

"It's not like that... You don't understand."

"You're right. I don't understand. I don't understand how everything I've ever tried to do for you was in vain. I was never enough for you."

A sudden punch on the mattress.

Cheng Xiao's eyes widened in confusion as she jolted up, startled by the outburst. She thought about the sides of Eunseo she had seen once again. Happy and bubbly? Check. Mysterious writer? Check. Emotional and vulnerable? Very little, but check. This side - what was it even? Definitely not. It was astounding how she seemed to have a way of speaking so clearly now, opposed to how she normally rambled and spoke way too fast in her daily life, running over her own words.  

"Every single day since you moved in, I looked through the peephole of my door everytime I heard somebody out in the hallway, hoping it was you arriving from work. Then, I'd make up one of the many excuses I'd spent hours thinking about to come out and see you. Sometimes I couldn't make myself come out though. I'd be too embarrassed, or I'd think you'd see right through me. Other times, I couldn't even tell if you had arrived or not, and I'd worry you had spent yet another night at your company, working tirelessly." Eunseo paused for a moment. Now, it was as if a smile could be heard in her voice. A longing, sweet tenderness, but not without the lingering tremble in her words.

By this point, Cheng Xiao was pretty convinced it WAS indeed possible to survive without breathing. Assuming she was alive, at least.

"When I did see you, I tried everything I could to reach out to you, because I somehow felt like you needed me to. Your eyes felt like a void. It's as if you were there, but not really. You looked... troubled, uneasy. You'd always try to come off as serious, as if you had everything put together as the CEO of WJSN, a mask you had created to show the world and survive the corporate life and your responsibilities. You rejected me time and time again, you'd always keep our conversations as short and succinct as you could. When you did smile, it was never genuine. But through all of that, I thought I saw you, the real you. And you, Cheng Xiao, were begging for help, deep inside."  

The sound of her footsteps felt closer and closer to Cheng Xiao. She was now standing right beside her – she could see the bit of her legs and her feet through the corner of her sight. The spandex leggings, the running shoes. Eunseo didn't normally dress like that. She had definitely rushed out of the house.

She felt Eunseo's eyes on her, but there was no way she would meet them. Her head felt heavy and her mind felt like a dense fog.

"I had gotten used to the way you treated me, but I never backed down. I was just so... drawn to you. I don't know why, aside from the fact that you're just so damn beautiful." She chuckled. "Then you woke up in that hospital, after the accident, all of your memories gone. And I saw you genuinely smile for the very first time. That made me feel like there was indeed something troubling you that made you so miserable every single day, and now that you had forgotten all about it, you could be the person you really are, and that I always knew you were. These last few days, you finally let me in and I'd never felt so amazing in my entire life. I could finally know you, and I could finally spend time with you and feel like I was helping you, that I was of use. But, as it turns out, I was so, so wrong. I messed up so badly at taking care of you that you ran away from me. I tried so hard to be there for you and I still wasn't good enough. But I'm not going to beat myself up over it anymore, because I don't think it justifies what you did."  

Cheng Xiao could see Eunseo's fists clenching at the sides of her body.  

So that was what she had been thinking all along. So that was how she had made her feel. As if Cheng Xiao wasn't already feeling that ashamed of herself, she now dreaded her own existence. What a selfish, self-absorbed, mindless, stupid, foolish, obnoxious, insensitive thing she had done. She was way more wrong about Eunseo's attitude than she had thought. She wasn't tired of her, but rather worried that she had not handled her anxiety well enough and that she wasn't useful. And then, Cheng Xiao went and assumed something else, acting so recklessly she had basically confirmed Eunseo's worries. Now, Eunseo was rightfully upset, feeling betrayed and confused.

Why, just why couldn't she have asked her what she was feeling? No, why didn't Eunseo tell her about it in the first place instead of acting so distant and giving her the cold shoulder?  

Nothing about that situation felt right. Especially how clear it was that it could have been avoided hadn't she been so stupid and absorbed in her own thoughts and assumptions to even consider what someone else was feeling or would feel after she ran away.

"That... isn't true." The few words that managed to escape Cheng Xiao's lips under her breath were weak and trembling.

"So, what is it?" Eunseo snapped almost instantly, her voice raising volume and aggressiveness again. "Why don't you tell me what I did wrong for you to run away without even having the courage to face me and give me an explanation after everything I did for you? What about me? What about how I feel?"

was dry. Her brain and her vocal chords weren't in sync. She couldn't put into words anything of what she was thinking about. The fog in her brain grew more intense.

"Nothing... I don't know... I just... I'm s---"  

She didn't even have the guts to say sorry. It seemed almost insulting that she would even attempt to ask for forgiveness just like that after what she had done.

She didn't feel worthy of it. A tear started to form in the corner of her eye, but she kept her head down, her face well hidden behind the shame she felt over raising her head and looking at her in the eye.

Eunseo sighed loudly. The disappointment she conveyed without saying a word tore throught Cheng Xiao's chest.

"I came here..." Eunseo paused and swallowed before continuing. "I came here because I had to make sure for myself that you were okay, even though my pride was hurt, because I couldn't risk it. Because I feared for your life. And fearing for your life is like fearing for my own."

She paused again to squeeze Cheng Xiao's hand. But the latter didn't seem to feel it. She felt the squeeze on instead.

"From the first time I saw you smile back at the hospital, I was sure. No, I am sure. I am sure that I am and have been madly in love with you."

The grip on her hand tightened.

"And I also want you to know that I am done with trying to be something that I know I can't be and that you don't need me to be for you. I am done with bending over backwards to get you to like me, only to be pushed away when I can't be of use to you."

The grip loosened, and her hand dropped as if lifeless beside her body.  

"Goodbye, Cheng Xiao."

---

A/N: Happy new year!!! I hope your year started wonderfully :) I know this update took long, but it was an important chapter (well, it's a confession!) and i was a little bit stuck with it. I hope it turned out decent, though. Please do tell me what you think :D!