"I swear I don't get it." SeolA started. "You have everything you could ever want. You write for a living, you have two bestsellers under your name in your early twenties, you're critically acknowledged, you are swimming in money. Do you know how rare it is for writers to accomplish so much at your age? You have enviable talent, Eunseo. And incredible luck to add to that. So why can't you be happy about it? Why are you ignoring everything you're blessed for because of some girl that ran away from you?" 

Eunseo kept herself in silence for a while. Her head rested on top of the glass table, her posture slouched and lifeless, her face looking as if she would never know the feeling of happiness again. That had been the norm since that day, a week ago, when she fought with Cheng Xiao and cut ties with her. 

"Unnie, she is not some girl. You're well aware of that." Eunseo let out in the soft whisper she made the utmost effort to produce. 

"I'm aware, but that doesn't mean I get it. You've been crumbling little by little with every time her pretty little rude face breaks your heart. Honestly, she never even looked twice at you and she made it more and more clear over time. You must enjoy getting hurt if none of your disappointments was enough to make you give up." 

"She's not rude, she's just misunderstood. That's why I can't give up on her." 

"How could you possibly know that? How do you know you're not just being delusional and making yourself believe that because you're swoon with her? I know you writers have your weird crap when it comes to love, but you barely even know her, so how can you claim to love her and to know how she feels?"  

SeolA stopped to take a deep breath, realizing the volume of her voice was raising above intended. She held Eunseo's hand and rubbed the back of it with her thumb. 

"What I'm really trying to say is that... I think you're too caught up on your idea of her, instead of who she really is. Have you even stopped to think that she might not want you around? That you might, indeed, annoy her?" 

Yes, she had. Way too many times. And gosh, did it sting. But, like SeolA said, she had been caught up in the idea that Cheng Xiao needed her, and that was the thought that made her keep her head held high and fight for her. And now, she was even more convinced it was true. 

"It's not like that. The days she spent here since the incident. She's a completely different person now. I was right about her, about everything. She had... has a lot going on in her life, things she finally let me know about. Now that she's opened up, I can see her for who she is. I'm even more in love with her now. More than I even imagined I could be." Eunseo seemed to come alive when she talked about her. She raised her head, looked SeolA in the eye, confronting her with conviction. She couldn't let her keep speaking that way of Cheng Xiao when she clearly didn't know what she was talking about. 

"Eunseo, it was only a couple of days..." SeolA sighed apologetically. "How can you be so sure of that? Haven't you thought of how strange it is that she only seems to need you and pay you attention when she needs you to take care of her after the incident? And that... you know... she ran away without any explanation when she seemed to be okay to an extent?" 

Eunseo swallowed dry and clenched her jaw. If there was something SeolA could have said to set her off, it was that.  

"Yes, I did think about that, isn't that exactly what I stormed out of this house in the middle of the night to accuse her of?" Eunseo asserted, noticing her body tense and begin to tremble. "Don't you think I regret it enough already?" 

SeolA's lips parted and her eyes widened, taken aback. 

"I-I'm sorry, I'm just trying to make you see reason. I stood back and watched you get hurt over months, and most of all, letting it affect your work, your reputation, and in consequence, mine. If I haven't made it clear enough, I think you did the right thing and that it's time for you to move on and stop putting your own life on hold. It's about time you stopped making your whole happiness depend on one person who is not going to give it to you." 

SeolA's efforts to remain calm and understanding were now proving fruitless. She had stood up and let go of Eunseo's hand. Her balled fist pressed against the surface of the glass table, while she leaned closely over Eunseo's face, which showed no signs of any kind of reaction.  

Realizing that she had started to cross the line again, SeolA pulled back and sat on her chair, straightening herself. Her expression was serious, yet showed genuine care and concern about the writer. She pulled both of Eunseo's hands closer to her and grabbed them tightly, surprising her. It was hard to tell, but Eunseo could swear she saw a tear form in the corner of SeolA's eye. 

"I've known you for way too long, Son Eunseo. You can't fool me." The editor took another deep breath, and she continued, her voice now calm, yet unstable. "I know you haven't been well for a really long time, even way before she came along. When you started to ask for an unreasonable amount of extensions and failing to meet the quality standard I know you can reach, I knew something was off. I watched the glow in your eyes, the passion about your work dim out as time went by. I've let you lie and hide it from me because I respect your decision of not telling me about it. I don't understand why you would when we've been friends for so long and I always did everything in my power to gain your trust, especially since it affects our work. I still respect you. But this is just too much. Look around you, Eunseo. Really take a look at everything you have. You don't need her to be happy. You can choose to be happy. I don't know what's really going on with you, but she's not the answer for it, and you're only setting yourself up for disappointment if you keep expecting her to be it. If I'm going to be honest, you're placing a responsibility on her that isn't hers to begin with, and that's unfair to you and to her alike. You need to let go."  

Without feeling them coming, tears started to stream down Eunseo's eyes. SeolA was right about everything.  

Eunseo had been depressed for long before Cheng Xiao moved in, before she fell in love at first sight, before she dealt with rejection after rejection. She did have everything she dreamed of, just like SeolA said. But in the midst of achieving it, she had worked herself so hard her vast circle of friends lost track of her completely. With being who she was, spending her days either writing, going to interviews, having book signings or answering fanmail, she had, without noticing, under the anesthetic effect of work addiction, grown lonely. That feeling created a void in her heart that couldn't possibly be filled with royalty checks and critical praise, no matter how many or how big. Eventually, she let that darkness grow so big not even her work could distract her from it anymore. Diving head first into her work and pulling all-nighters typing away no longer kept her satisfied or distracted from the fact she actually felt miserable. 

In fact, that black hole drained all of her creativity, her drive, her inspiration, and along with it, any will to wake up. She had no will to even perform everyday tasks she took for granted such as eating, sleeping, or letting her fingers flow freely, weaving the beautiful stories so many people loved. It was hard to even find the will to be alive. Nothing mattered to her anymore. Everything she had achieved had no meaning if she didn't have people to share it with, to be happy with her.  

Sure, she had SeolA, and she owed everything she had to her. She was the only person in her life she could call a friend, or even family. But SeolA couldn't always be there for her. It was unrealistic to even think that one person alone can satisfy one's need for human contact. On top of that, she had never told her anything about what she felt, worried that she wouldn't understand or think that Eunseo was incapable of performing her job, thus making her nervous about her position unnecessarily. She thought she had to push through, for her, as a way to pay her back for everything she's done for her. In the end, she only allowed her despair to feed on itself and eventually eat her up. SeolA had seen through her anyway, so she had all but made mistakes in the way she dealt with it. 

Being that lonely was probably the reason that made her fall in love with Cheng Xiao so quickly, unrealistically, and unhealthily, no matter how much she hated to admit it. It wasn't that she didn’t love her – she was one hundred and ten percent sure she was the deepest in love she had ever been. But SeolA was once again right. The kind of expectations she had placed on her and the wish of being loved back was both unhealthy and unfair to her. Cheng Xiao would never be, even if she corresponded her affection, the solution to her problems. Thinking that way, making someone else's happiness instead of her own her life purpose, was what had caused her to put an unreasonable pressure on herself to satisfy her, to get to know her, to get her to love her back. And that was just what drove her to mess up with her.  

After Cheng Xiao had the anxiety attack she was incapable of dealing with, she couldn't forgive herself for having failed to take care of her and provide for her. What Bona told her when she arrived dug the last nail on her coffin. Indeed, how could she have failed to handle an anxiety attack? How could she have been so stupid, worthless, useless? Cheng Xiao finally needed her, and she let her down. That was, for sure, why she ran away.  

The weirdest part of it was that even if she hated herself for her inability to handle the situation, Eunseo couldn't help but resent Cheng Xiao for leaving. It had been unfair and ungrateful. She had always been there for her, she had taken care of her to the best of her ability, and now that she had failed once, and only once, she left her without any warning? It didn't feel right. Eunseo felt used, tired, unnerved. More so because it seemed like her source of happiness had been so close to her grasp, only to run away from her. So she made the mistake of chasing after her, to take it out on her, to blame it on her without trying to understand her feelings or her reasons, and made it all about her. She realized it as soon as she was back home, and noticed how the lingering smell of her invaded her nostrils, how she wasn't going to come back, especially not after she lashed out on her like that. And after her scent wore off, her house would never smell like her again.  

SeolA had let Eunseo cry her heart out, leaving her to her thoughts and the bliss of silence, handing her tissues as needed. One hand  Eunseo's hair, the other held her hand. 

"Eunseo, you're putting your life on hold. You've been like hell the past week, and it's painful to watch. You need help, urgently. But first, you really need to forget about her. She's not coming back and you know it." 

An echoing, yet faint clicking sound caught Eunseo's attention, making her raise her head in alert and cease to listen to whatever SeolA was saying. She had also stopped sobbing. 

"Eunseo, what happened?" SeolA asked, squinting at her in concern. 

Eunseo raised a finger to her lips, signaling her to keep quiet, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as to figure out the source of the noise. The sound repeated at a steady rhythm, seeming to become clearer and louder with each beat. It didn't take Eunseo long to realize she knew exactly what she heard. Heels. Steps.  

Eunseo's body as if materialized next to the door, making SeolA jerk in her seat. She glued her ear to the door in order to hear more clearly. Then, she looked through the peephole. She hadn't hallucinated it. She still knew the sound, the rhythm of her steps better than even her own. There she was. Eunseo missed that face so much, the privilege of looking at it once more felt like a miracle. Eunseo watched, her heart beating faster with each step, as she approached the end of the hall, where both her door and Eunseo's were. Her head held low, her steps were rigid and short, her hands linked together at the level of her hips. When she reached her own door, she only glanced at it through the side, but didn't stop. That was when it hit Eunseo. She was headed towards her neighbor's door, and not her own. She had come for her. When the steps stopped, Eunseo's heart also stopped. The figure standing at her doorstep was none other than Cheng Xiao. 

She stood in front of the door, fidgeting, raising her hand up to the bell only to pull back again time and time again. She took deep breath after deep breath, but she just wouldn't do it. Eunseo was growing more and more restless with the inevitable wish that she would ring the doorbell, that she could hear her voice, hear the sound of her name being called in that melodic tune, feel her sweet scent, touch the soft skin on her face once more. But instead, after several attempts, Cheng Xiao ended up sighing and turning on her heel, starting quick steps to make her way back.  

Without thinking, Eunseo burst the door open. Cheng Xiao jerked, startled, and snapped her head back. The eyes that met Eunseo's were wide, the girl's lips parted, her breath unstable, nervous. Time froze for the both of them. 

"What in the world is going on, Son Eunseo?" SeolA said, making her way towards the door, puzzled by the whole situation. She eyed Cheng Xiao up and down, her nose wrinkled and her chin dropped. When she appeared, it was as if she had unpetrified both girls, breaking the heat of the moment in which they finally met again. 

"It's not a good time. It's never a good time, actually. This was a bad idea. I'm sorry." Cheng Xiao muttered, stuttering on her words, fidgeting even harder and refusing to look up at either of the women at the door. She turned back around and continued making her way back. 

SeolA, however, dashed past Cheng Xiao and stopped in front of her. The girl had to stop herself an inch short from bumping into the raven-haired woman. 

"In fact, I was just leaving. You should go in." SeolA said, with her signature passive-aggressive smile plastered on. She waved goodbye to Eunseo, her face unchanged, like a creepy porcelain doll that looks like she'll kill you in your sleep. 

Eunseo didn't understand why SeolA had done such a thing when she was so opposed to her ever seeing Cheng Xiao again. Maybe she had hopes Eunseo would finally get her heart broken for good and leave it alone at once. As if that was possible. But SeolA wasn't an easy woman to figure out, and there were more important things to focus on at the moment. A more important person.

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A/N: So here's the thing. I rewrote this chapter twice because I was so unhappy with how it was turning out, I redid it over and over again. That's the reason it took so long, I'm really sorry about that. I felt somehow pressured about the fact I was letting you in on Eunseo's feelings for the first time and I wanted it to sound just right and coherent. So I truly hope that you liked it and felt that way. Please look forward to the big talk next chapter. :) Thank you for your support!