Cheng Xiao sat on the bed with her knees to her chest, the sound of the shower running both comforting and unsettling.  

As soon as she opened her eyes that morning, she knew that no matter the history they had shared together, no matter how beautiful, enticing, intoxicating she was, no matter how much of a physical attraction she felt... Deep in the bottom of her heart, her face wasn't the one she wanted to see first thing in the morning. 

As if she didn't loathe herself enough already before it, she had made yet another mistake that night. How stupid. Why did she go with it when it wasn't where her heart was? Why did it feel so right at the moment, but now so wrong? How in the world did she manage to make so many stupid decisions in one day? She questioned her own behavior, trying to get to the bottom of it, to understand what exactly had gone through her head. She could only get to one conclusion: vulnerability. Once again. She lived in a conflict of whether or not to allow herself to show vulnerability. On the one hand, her father had always told her that it was important she had resilience, but on the other hand, she knew that opening her heart was fundamental if she was to have any sort of human relationship. But why did it seem that every time she faltered slightly, things ended up badly for her?  

The worst part of it was she realized that it was a self-fulfilling cycle. She was vulnerable enough to let herself be taken advantage of over her vulnerability. She may have allowed it, but Bona knew she was in a fragile, altered state of consciousness. The fact she decided to go for it knowing that was wrong by itself. It was, however, just as wrong to point a finger at her when clearly, neither of them was at their top mental strength. 

Even so, she had to get the courage to talk to Bona, because she was convinced that they were back together. Not that she wasn't willing to give it a chance - she didn't rule out the option that there were some dormant feelings for her deep inside that just needed to be awakened. But in no way could she do that without complete honesty from both sides, right from the start. 

The water stopped running, and soon after the bathroom door opened. It was time. She had to do it... talk to her. 

"Well, I guess I'm already late. But I think I can get my boss to forgive me for it, isn't that right?" Bona joked with radiance on her face, while she grabbed what she needed to go to work. 

"Yeah, I guess so." Cheng Xiao answered with a mechanical smile. "In fact, I'd like you to stay for a little longer." 

"As for me, I'd love to. But why do you look so... troubled?" 

"It's nothing! Just something I want to talk about, but it's really not that important." She lied, trying to somehow ease the topic in. 

"Clearly it is important. Everything about you is important to me. What is it?" 

"It's that..." She took a deep breath, bit her lip, and looked sideways. "I think this was a mistake... At least, the timing was." 

Bona's face changed entirely into a look of concern. She stepped in, sitting on the bed, closer to her. 

"What do you mean, the timing? Why does it matter?" 

"I was tired, frustrated, confused... emotionally needy. It was already a lot to take in, but then it escalated into this. We should have waited for a better time when we both knew exactly what we were doing." 

"Well, I knew exactly what I was doing. And you seemed to know it too. Your eyes, your lips, your... body. It all showed that you wanted it as much as me, that you were happy. I don't have any doubts. This feels right. This IS right."  

"How do you know what was going on in my head when even I don't know?" Cheng Xiao snapped involuntarily. Bona raised both eyebrows, taken aback. 

"Hey, that's not even what I said." 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to speak to you like that. But I mean it. I'm confused. I don't feel like I was in a situation where I could have made such a decision consciously." 

"I understand that you might have been a bit shaken, but that's why I felt so strongly that you needed me, and I think I was right. You don't need to worry about it, only about what you felt being with me and how you feel about me. You don't have any doubts about that, right?"  

Bona grabbed her hand and tried to make deep eye contact, but Cheng Xiao refused to meet her eyes and couldn't bring herself to answer. 

"Why?!" Bona's voice quivered, seemingly alarmed. "What's there to be unsure about when we spent so much time together, when I know, even more so after last night, that you still love me?" 

"I need to know that by myself. For me, and not just because you're telling me it's true. You might be right, and I'm willing to give us a chance, but I thought I had to be honest with you, and I need to take it slowly... if you're willing to." 

Bona released her hand and brought her hands to her face. She exhaled profoundly. 

"Fine. I know what this is. This is about her, isn't it?" 

"What? About who? What does anyone even have to do with what I just said?" Cheng Xiao's face contorted in confusion. 

"Eunseo. That's who. I noticed how you kept drooling over her and her white knight act. I guess I didn't want to see it, but I was so, so blind... That's why you're giving me that 'needing time' and 'unsure' and 'need to know for myself' talk. Well, I'm not buying that crap." Bona clenched her fists beside her and tensed her jaw. 

"Bona, what are you talking about? I never mentioned her, and this isn't in the slightest about her. This is about me. Isn't what I feel enough of a reason to you? Why does this have to be about 'someone'? And Eunseo, of all people." Cheng Xiao met her eyes fiercely, raising her voice. 

"Of course, you're defending her." She scoffed. 

"Defending her from what?! Are you even listening to me? If you're going to keep ignoring me and any sort of logic to make your own assumptions instead of actually hearing what I say, this isn't going anywhere good. Not this conversation, and certainly not a relationship." Those words felt sour as they left Cheng Xiao's mouth, but she couldn't allow herself to keep them in. 

Bona's expression was now somber, defeated, about to break out into tears. She slowly and weakly stood up, and grabbed the rest of her things in similar fashion. As she did, Cheng Xiao watched, surveying for a reaction with concern on her face, both over the answer, and the way she had said it. 

"You're right. This was a mistake." Bona said, her voice low and unstable, before opening the door and excusing herself out. 

Déjá-vu. In half a day, the two people who had claimed to love her stormed out of her hotel room, seemingly without any desire to ever speak with her again. What was wrong with everyone? Or was there something wrong with her instead? Either way, somehow, the two people she thought she could rely on the most had left her all by herself. 

She was sent into a rollercoaster of introspection and emotional turmoil for the following hours, trying to decide what she felt about losing them, about the fact that they both loved her, if she was supposed to seek forgiveness or expect it from them, if she was really to blame or not. 

At first, she cursed herself, as she was used to. She had messed up with both of them. But then, why did they choose to leave? Was what she had done so bad that they had to leave her, even in a debilitated physical and mental state? She had been attacked inside her own house, lost her memory, and barely recovered the essentials of it thus far. Ironically, even after preaching to her so much about her safety and how she was at risk of a new attack, they still left her to protect herself. And they had also held her accountable for things that happened in the past, less than half of which she remembered doing.  

Finally, she got to a resolution she was confident about and ready to follow through. Even if it was her fault for faltering and acting so unconsciously, they seemed to have completely disregarded her feelings, her condition, and her safety. She wasn't going to hate herself, because she wasn't the only one in the wrong. She wasn't going to rely on them either, because the only one she could rely on was herself. She would be back to her CEO duties in a week, so it was time she put herself together – with or without help.

"Ms. Cheng Xiao! How have you been feeling the past week? Everything alright with your head? No severe pain anywhere? Take a seat. What about your memories? Do you remember more about yourself now?" Luda said as she walked her inside the room with a welcoming smile, for the scheduled follow-up examination. 

"I'm great, thank you. I remember a lot more now, even though there's still a lot missing." She answered with a confident smile, taking a seat on the nearest chair. 

"That's great to hear!" Luda's face transformed into a frown abruptly. "Oh? Are you alone? I thought we had told you to come accompanied." 

Don't remind me. 

"I am. But I got here just fine. There's nothing to worry about." She said, forcing the corners of to rise even higher. 

"Hm... Okay." Luda smiled back at her. "Nobody knows how you feel better than you, and I'm happy you're doing better. I'll go get Doctor Nam, so I'll be right back, yes?" 

Cheng Xiao nodded in agreement and watched Luda close the door behind her. As soon as she disappeared, Cheng Xiao's façade fell apart.  

Maintaining the happy, self-assured act the past few days had been an exhausting task. She had the determination to rely on herself only, to be independent. That, she had managed. She was as healthy as possible, she kept herself well fed, she took care with physical effort just as instructed by Doctor Nam, she managed all of her affairs by herself to great success and even strived to keep herself informed about the company without waiting on Bona's updates, that would never arrive under the circumstances. But what she didn't consider was that the heart also needs tending to.  

No matter how hard she tried to distract herself in the small world the hotel was, with trips to the spa, shopping, bars, her mind kept drifting off to what she was intent on avoiding. Everytime she found herself alone, back in her room, her smiling, energetic demeanor would fall apart. She couldn't fight the loneliness, the weight of the fights she had with two people she deeply cherished and the anxiety over the possibility of not speaking to either of them ever again. She might as well be independent, but people to share your life with are what makes living meaningful. Taking such an extreme stance might have benefited the recovery of her ability to take care of herself, but it left her in an even bigger mess emotionally. 

However, if anything, it left her with plenty of time to think over her feelings about the both of them. She could say it was somewhat productive. But the courage to face any of them wasn't anywhere to be found, which felt ridiculous, given that she was a CEO and a very important part of her job was to address people assertively about uncomfortable matters. Apparently, no amount of work experience can prepare you to handle love-related matters. 

Before the recurring anxiety over her personal life overwhelmed for the millionth time that week, Doctor Nam opened the door to let herself in. Cheng Xiao instantly snapped back to a smiling face. 

"Hey, where's the crazy woman?" She asked, looking alternatively at Luda and Cheng Xiao. 

"Ms. Cheng Xiao is alone, doctor. So that means the only crazy woman here is you." Luda grinned. 

"Good one, Luda." Dawon chuckled loudly, hitting her in the arm. Luda blushed ever so slightly. "But wow, what a relief. I put myself through a good deal of preparation in order to handle the both of you together, but if I won't have to kick anyone out of the hospital for loudness and wreckage today, that's a win for me." 

Luda cleared . 

"Doctor Nam. We did ask her to bring someone." 

"Ah. Right. So, she couldn't make it? Couldn't anyone else make it?" 

"No." Cheng Xiao answered dryly, trying to make her voice as stable as possible in face of the emotional wreckage the constant mention of Eunseo and her absence was causing on her. 

"Okay, I guess that's fine, if at least someone's been keeping a close eye on you. That part's covered, right?" 

Nope. Not covered. Not under control. Not calm. She had already been holding it in since the fight happened. She fell apart. She couldn't bring herself to answer. Instead, the most shameful thing that could have happened at that moment ended up happening. She broke out crying – at the hospital. In front of a doctor and a nurse. Over such a simple, seemingly harmless conversation. If only she could materialize under a hole and keep crying in it. 

Luda and Dawon rushed towards her in alarm. 

"Ms. Cheng Xiao? What happened? Are you in pain?" Luda asked, grabbing her hand. 

She shook her head, unable to stop sobbing. 

Luda looked at Dawon, clueless of what to do. Dawon shrugged. 

"You guys fought, didn't you?" 

Cheng Xiao's sobs calmed down slightly, intrigued by the doctor's cunning. 

"How do you know?" 

"It's no harder than adding two and two. Anyone could tell how smitten that girl is with you by how miserable she was all night waiting for you to wake up. Plus you come here by yourself a week later with your obviously fake smile and break down into tears when we talk about her. It doesn't take a genius. Even though I am, indeed, a genius." 

She felt even more embarrassed. Great, she had been read by Doctor Nam before she even broke out crying.  

"Look." Dawon rested one hand on her shoulder. "I don't know what happened, and I shouldn't care about this because I'm just a doctor trying to do my job. But since your current state is affecting my ability to proceed with the examination, let me tell you this. I don't care if it's your fault or not that you fought or who did what. But at this hospital, I have to watch people die way more frequently than I can handle. If there's one thing I learned from that..." 

Cheng Xiao faced her attentively. Dawon kneeled, to bring herself to the level of her face. 

"Wherever they go after they leave us, they carry their own regrets and those their loved ones had towards them. Things they didn't do, things they didn't say, that they didn't say often enough, that they didn’t get to do because of pride or fear. And that means everyday you spend apart from someone you like because of something as petty and meaningless as pride is a day that you stupidly wasted and that you won't get back. You don't know how many days more either of you gets. So you get over it and go fix it. Got it?" 

Cheng Xiao had strangely stopped crying, from how appalled she was with Doctor Nam's speech. Her lips were slightly apart, her eyes wide, as she stared at the doctor in a sort of admiration.  

"Now, let's see how your head's been doing?" 

Cheng Xiao nodded, and she could swear she saw a hint of a smile in the doctor's face before she stood up once again. Luda, on the other hand, never took her glistening eyes off of Dawon, gazing at her in awe. 

Doctor Nam, who she previously saw as the typical stern, workaholic kind of Doctor, had truly impressed her. The way she put the situation had made her completely reframe her way of thinking in just a matter of seconds. There was no way she could argue with what she said. She was right. The time Cheng Xiao had spent in bad terms with the people she loved had pretty much been wasted over useless, meaningless notions of pride, fear or stubbornness. She promised Doctor Nam she would fix it, and she was going to own up to it.  

She was not willing to spend another minute away from the one whose face she wanted to see every morning.

---

A/N: Wow, this time I managed not to take 2 years to update! Seems like Xiao finally figured herself out, right? And LuDawon made a comeback, yay! Please look forward to Cheng Xiao's next move. Thank you so much for your support!