chapter 5:

"내가 날 속였던 걸까"

"Was I deceiving myself"

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"Jackson!" he hears his mother call him from downstairs. He is at the window of his bedroom, as usual, in hopes of being able to see Eunbi off for school every morning. He has been lucky once, but sometimes he isn't able to wake up in time, or it is Eunbi's timing that is unpredictable.

He gives up with a sigh, and tears his vision away from the street before his window. Why is he even doing this anyway? Why does he want to see her so much?

"Yes?" she shouts in reply then making his way down the stairs to where she is. He sees breakfast on the table, and sets himself down for the meal.

"The Heos are going to come over for a while today," she says. Jackson tilts his head, confused. "Heo Youngji's family! You remember her, do you?" his mother answers his question even before it is asked.

Jackson's face brightens in realization. "Ah yes, it's been a long time," Jackson nods his head as he picks up a sandwich and proceeds to eat it.

"Yes, since we moved back to Hong Kong when you were seven," his mother continues talking. "It's a wonder you still can remember Korean after all these years," his mother chuckles, and he laughs as well.

"So, Youngji is coming too?" Jackson asks, furrowing his eyebrows as something is making him feel uneasy.

"Of course!" his mother cheerfully replies.

Jackson widens his eyes in response to his mother's reply. Something feels wrong, he thinks as his eyes dart from left to right in a continuous cycle.

The girls wait under the small shelter of the bus stop near the high school where the younger four of them are enrolled in.

"The rain is so heavy," Yerin complains with an arm around Yuna. Everyone is squeezed together, due to the crowd of students that likewise have no choice than to take a bus home unless they wish to be drenched while walking home.

The rain reminds Eunbi of the night some days before. She hasn't seen Jackson much since then, apart from the greeting he gave her a week ago when she arrived home with her friends. Her cheeks flush red at the memory.

"Eunbi, Hwang Eunbi!" she hears the voice of Jung Eunbi and feels a hard slap on her arm that snaps her out of her daze. She looks around at the girls in confusion.

"The bus is here," Sojung explains, "we've been calling you for quite a while."

"Are you thinking about him again?" Yewon teasingly asks.

"Shut up, Kim Yewon!" she squints her eyes and chides in reply, but the girls take it as a yes anyway. Yewon sticks a tongue out.

"Let's get on the bus quickly," Eunbi hurries everyone to board, not wanting them to talk about it.

Eunbi stays silent throughout the whole ride, only letting open once in a while when her friends laugh and she tries to follow suit, or giving simple replies to their usual talks.

Her mind is empty, but she finds thoughts of Jackson entering every now and then.

Will I see him today? She hears a voice ask at the back of the head.

Soon enough, the bus has reached their destination. Their eldest Sojung hurries everyone down the bus, making sure everyone is present before they make their run in the rain.

As the girls get down the bus, the first thing Yuna notices is Jackson, the boy her best friend has been all over, sharing an umbrella with another girl. They are walking down the lane, talking and laughing happily. She doesn't want to think to much into it, but she is concerned for her friend.

The girls rush towards Eunbi's home, not wanting to end up like drenched ducks in the rain. Yuna takes this opportunity to hurry everyone, not wanting the situation to be noticed.

"Let's go in, hurry up!" Yuna is impatient, but the rest of girls do not realize why. Her nervous eyes travel back and forth from Eunbi and the slowly opening front gate.

Somehow Eunbi has slowed down her pace, and Yuna begins to be anxious. She watches the shorter girl with worried eyes, and hopes that she hasn't seen it.

Eunbi sets herself on her desk and lays out her stack of notes, prepared for studying. However, her lips are trembling as with every second the pain in her heart intensifies, for her mind cannot help but wander off to recall vividly Jackson and the other girl. They were happy, or so they seemed. Deep inside her heart, there was a question that strongly needed an answer: why couldn't the girl be her?

The scene plays in her mind like a high-definition video, in which every detail is made seen clearly. She remembers them laughing with their mouths wide open, talking actively with hands pointing at each other or even clapping whenever needed. They walk closely with their shoulders almost touching, squeezing under the umbrella above them that is considerately held by Jackson.

Her emotions start to get her confused. What is this mess of feelings inside of her? Why is she feeling like this? Eunbi finds no reason to be so deeply affected by what she has seen. She doesn't know Jackson well, and to call them friends would be a positive connotation- they've barely even interacted, apart from that one conversation at the bus stop and bus ride together, and that quiet trip home that night that was also raining.

Eunbi listens to the roaring thunders and the pouring of rain that mimics her exact emotions that moment, and her heart aches even more.

"ShinB, are you alright? You've been quiet this whole time," their eldest is first to point that out. Eunbi is startled from her daze and drops the pen that she doesn't even remember picking up. Everyone stops what they are doing and turns to Eunbi out of concern.

"You were just aimlessly tracing your pen on your paper, Eunbi," Yewon cluelessly comments.

The alert Yuna sees tears in Eunbi's eyes, and immediately wraps her into a hug. The girls watch her as she begins to crumble. She turns to look at them, then looks up at the warm pair of eyes staring down on her. "Unnie, why am I feeling this way?" her voice cracks as she speaks. She chokes on the sobs she's been trying to keep in, and begins to cry.

The girls know better than to ask about the situation, so all they do is sit around Eunbi to provide comfort by being with her.

And for the first time, Eunbi cries over Jackson.