TIP #16: “C’est cela l’amour, tout donner, tout sacrifier sans espoir de retour”  
(That is love, to give away everything, to sacrifice everything, without the slightest desire to get anything in return)

In Hya doesn’t even realize tears are flowing freely down her face due to the biting cold at the tip of the hill.

Jongin peers behind and gives off a little smile before heading over to her. He interlocks their fingers and brings her closer to the tombstone.

“Have you been well, Jiyeon Noona? I brought In Hya along to see you.”

Jongin then lets go of her hand and kneels down before the tombstone, catching In Hya by surprise.

“Sorry I didn’t visit you earlier.. your brother has always been a coward.”

He brushes off his jeans when he stands up and looks at the girl gaping widely next to him.

“Are you that surprised?” He tries to lighten the mood but her glistening eyes bores into his.

Jongin bends down a little to sweep off the dried leaves that has fallen onto his sister’s burial mound and caresses the name engraved on the stone. It looks old and ancient, but it’s still a name close to him.

“How long has it been?” In Hya valiantly musters out.

“8 years.”

In Hya doesn’t show that she is startled by how long it has been for Jongin to not visit her grave. She is amazed tht the headstone is still standing strong though.

She sniffs through her blocked nose and Jongin gives a relenting chuckle as he wipes her tears with his cuff, “Silly, stop crying. Look, you’re ruining your make up.”

In Hya wants to cry harder as he tells her not to. It must have taken Jongin every ounce of courage to do this after almost a decade long, and to let someone in his scars.

Jongin takes a seat on the pile of moist grass facing the scene ahead of the hill and takes a deep fresh air. He pats the spot next to him and In Hya takes her place timidly.

“My sister was a teacher, just like you.”

His words catch her by surprise as she looks at how fondly Jongin is staring at the skies.

“She was?”

“She taught foreign language, she always had a flair for literature and arts. I guess you can say it runs in the blood since I’m also a designer now.”

In Hya nods as he tells his story.

“Jiyeon Noona was a beautiful and kind person. She was an upright person who had strong values and took her work seriously. She had a lot of friends who admired her and was very likeable in the academy she taught.”

“I’m sure she is.” In Hya assures kindly.

Sharing his painful past with someone other than Baekhyun was something that Jongin had never imagined doing, but it happened with In Hya. Jongin feels a lot more at ease when he thinks that he can lean on her, like all the darkness in his eyes are slowly diminishing. His heart feels lighter that she is here with him, to listen to his sorrows.

Opening up to others about this story had made him feel afraid initially, to be honest. At this point, he does not require In Hya to comfort him; just being there at the sacred site with him is more than enough.

It means a lot to him.

“Today is her death anniversary.”

The air smells heavy as his voice transpires through the silence. It’s haunting, a tone that In Hya will probably never forget for the rest of her life.

In Hya was not expecting Jongin to bring her to his family’s grave. She is also stunned at how he has spill all out without her even asking, but she’s thankful that she can at least shoulder the woes that have been lurking in his heart far too long.

She wants Jongin to know she will always be here if he needs to talk to someone, to just trust her and just purely, trust her.

Jongin drops his head slightly and smirks, “I still remember how heavily rainy it was that day.”

This is the much heavy bulk of his past that Jongin is about to unveil. To In Hya.

“She came back home after her Spanish class. I was still a kid then and I waited for her to get home.”

In Hya gives a little squeeze onto his elbow to urge him to go on.

“I had demanded a toy set at the department store next to our house. Jiyeon Noona had promised to get it for me that day. Childish, I know. But I was young and naïve, aiming to possess the limited edition figurine back then.”

Jongin takes one deep breath, “She got home in the evening empty-handed. Being the spoilt brat I was, I actually lost my temper and threw tantrums when she said she forgot to purchase the toy set on the way back home. I can’t even remember what it was, that is how insignifant the toy was.”

Jongin gives a tiny sigh that doesn’t go unnoticed by In Hya, “So she went out again that night, despite the downpour, just so she could calm me down with the toy set I badly wanted.” The wind tickles his ear as he speaks, “I waited again, but the only difference this time was she never made it back home because.. she got into an accident.”

In Hya is horrified by the bomb that Jongin drops and her grip on his elbow tightens but Jongin simply shakes his head.

“She died because of a stupid toy set. She died because of me.”

“No, no, no.” In Hya hurriedly cajoles and inches closer.

“If I could turn back time, I would’ve never asked her to go out that night.” His pupils shake with every word that comes out like poison and In Hya knows.

She cups his jaw gently and tilts his face to meet his eyes that are now tainted with grief, “Jongin, please look at me.”

He doesn’t obey at first but soon matches his sight as told. Jongin looks agonized at the moment and In Hya wishes that she can just take it all in, just pass it to her.

“Your sister didn’t die because of you. It was all just one, big, unfortunate accident. No one wanted it to happen.”

She feels his cheeks quivering like he’s trying to hold back tears and both her thumbs under his eyes, “Jiyeon Unnie will be devastated to see you hurting yourself like this.”

Jongin holds onto one of her hand dearly, like he will fall if he doesn’t, and continues to let her warm touch collide with his skin.

Her eyes soften seeing the vulnerability Jongin is shedding. This is the stage of reproach. Jongin had locked himself into believing that it was his entire fault.

“Jiyeon Unnie would never want you to feel this way. Hmm?” She persuades. It’s not easy to change an 8 years’ long perception.

“I’m a coward, aren’t I? 8 years. It took me 8 years to finally visit her.”

In Hya shakes her head, “No. She’s proud that you have finally broken out of your shell. It’s about time to move on, Jongin.”

They exchange a brief silence, just comfortable with the tranquility and birds chirping. Jongin lets go of her hand, and In Hya lets go of his cheeks.

“I owe it all to you.”

“Me..?” In Hya blinks, trying to register his statement.

“When I attended your fa— late father’s wake by chance, your mother..” He looks at her for approval and she simply smiles, “I saw you cry in the car after that and it stirred up a terrible nostalgia in me. I realized I never want someone else to ever experience it.”

In Hya looks at a distance, “Yeah. I should have been there on his last journey.”

Jongin inhales the dewy scent, “You and I both had regrets but when I saw you working so hard, it then dawn upon me that we are not the same afterall. While I was busy blaming myself, you braced up and looked forward. I admired that positive outlook you have in life.

“Jongin, I’m not really all that.” She argues humbly.

“You are to me. You even worked two jobs to fend for yourself. It made me feel so ashamed of myself. I’m a man, but I still couldn’t it up like you did.”

“But you’ve already did that right? You visited Jiyeon Unnie today. She will be happy from above.” She gives a comforting beam.

“I brought you here today as a form of gratitude. For giving me that little push even if you had not known it.” His eyes land on her.

Her heart swells with joy when she sees Jongin picking himself up again and all she wants to do now is cheer for him. Even if it is going to be a slow process.

He laughs a little, “Though I think she would be happier to see you, rather than her own brother.”

In Hya shoots him a doubtful look and chuckles along, “Nonsense.”

Jongin then stands up and extends his hand, “Come on, I’m famished.”

* *

After their extravaganza dinner, because In Hya wanted western food so much that their table was loaded with pizza and spagetthi, they take a train back to Seoul and strolled along the streets that have been overtaken by the night.

“I’m broke now.” Jongin whines.

“Hey, it was worth it. You have to admit the cabonara was delish.” In Hya pouts.

All that hiking had made her famished and Jongin, unbeknownst to the fact that In Hya eats like a unflattering cow, found himself allured to the girl’s humongous appetite despite her petite figure.

Strutting her way while swinging the takeaway in her hand, she gazes the full moon brightening the sky. Oh how lovely it looks in this dim night.

It’s impossible for Jongin to miss her smile because it’s more blinding than the moon.

They arrive shortly in front of In Hya porch and Jongin sees a white chrysanthemum that he saw on her work desk before.. but is now stained with thick crimson liquid.

He hears the shuffling footsteps stop behind him and he turns around to see her pupils shaking and the takeaway dropped on the floor.

Jongin holds his arm out around her, telling In Hya to stay behind and carefully makes his way to the doorstep first. He checks for the knob only to find that there are no sign of break in before picking up the bloodied flower.

“It’s not blood, just paint.” He says as he rubs his tips on the dirty petals, “Who the would have done such a like this.”

“T-Throw it away. Throw it away Jongin.” Her voice comes out trembling and Jongin crushes it before disposing it in the nearest bin.

He shakes her shoulders and she shudders. He can’t find the right words to say seeing as to how fearful she looks so he halts any bubbling questions.

“In Hya, are you alright? You look so scared.”

She tilts up and gulps, blinking furiously.

His voice sounds far away. As if he is miles apart, out of reach. She can barely hear it.

An uneasy emotion resides in Jongin. Whoever pulled this sort of n