In ten minutes it would be Sunday. Vernon had spent the past 24 hours crying. He talked to himself all day long, hoping that maybe Jeonghan would hear. How sorry he was, how sad he was, how unfair it was, how much he missed him already. Sometimes, he felt something warm on his face. Something warm and calming like the hands of a loved one, and every time he felt it he stopped sobbing for a moment and breathed. He had apologized so many times convinced he was responsible for his death. He had put the watch back in its package, pretending he didn’t see it. But he however really didn’t open the letter yet, he was still waiting for the clock to strike midnight. He already was holding the blue envelope on which was marked “To : Vernon”. He was just waiting now. He wasn’t crying anymore, he managed to calm down for a bit. The seven remaining minutes seemed so long but as soon as his phone showed four zeros he started opening the envelope. He did it as slow as he could so he wouldn’t tear the paper. It was like he was handling something sacred. He finally extracted the letter to find a five lines long text on a scented paper. It smelled like something floral and the idea that Jeonghan went to buy baby blue scented paper just to write this letter made him smile a bitter smile. He started reading.

“Vernon,

This isn’t really such a meaningful present but I still hope you wear it every day for a long time, until it breaks. I’ll do better next year I promise ! Happy birthday !

P.S : please don’t look up the price on internet or I swear I’ll come kick your !”

If he had calmed down before the letter, he was now tearing up. There would be no next year. There would be no kicking. There would be no possibility of ever doing better, or of ever showing him how grateful he was.

– I will wear it every day… Even if it’s broken I don’t care.

He said it in a surprisingly clear voice despite the tears but somehow there was a sad vibration in his tone. The tears were running fast on his peachy cheeks and he felt like something was comforting him. It suddenly got warm again. Because Jeonghan was really there, holding Vernon as best as he could. Vernon couldn’t see or feel it but he was really there. He had tried back hugging him but the back of the chair between their bodies soon hurt his chest. He also tried simply standing up but to console him he had to either bend over or crouch and both these positions were uncomfortable. So he ended up sitting on his lap perpendicularly. After all, it didn’t matter what he did since the grieving boy couldn’t know he was there. He used his arm closest to him to go around his waist and his other hand was caressing his face. He had his head resting on his shoulder and kept telling him it would be okay. He heard most of the things Vernon said the past day and knew too well how much he blamed himself. The whole time, he tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault. But it was like talking to a wall. He was unable to reassure him, to remind him that he couldn’t have possibly known such a thing could happen. It was nobody’s fault. An accident, a ing accident. Jeonghan’s eyes were now watery again. Who knew ghosts could cry ?

– Happy birthday, said Jeonghan while wiping a tear off the birthday’s boy face.

It had only been a bit more than a day since he died but he had already understood a lot about his situation. Understanding he was dead was the hardest part but he had to stay strong. It felt unreal to see his own body from the outside. That day, he tried to catch Vernon’s attention, to tell him he was there and he was fine. But it was like he wasn’t there and no one could see him. When the police came they tried to contact his family but they wouldn’t pick up. Wondering why they weren’t picking up, Jeonghan teleported to his parent’s house on accident. And he saw them, watching television on the couch and laughing. Their house was an old house that smelled like food and lavender depending on where you stood. He got to kitchen where he saw their phones. Sighting, he picked his mother’s phone up and put the ringtone volume to its maximum. He was surprised himself that he could do that. Felling suddenly dizzy he understood that he could interact with material objects at the cost of a lot of energy but he hadn’t figured out how to do that with human beings. He came to comprehend at some point that Vernon somehow felt his presence if he concentrated enough. When he was against him he managed to warm him and make him a bit calmer. He couldn’t do this for long as it took him a lot of energy but he tried his best to help.

The phone rang and his mom went to go pick it up. She looked young and so joyful.

– Hello ? She almost sang. Yes, I’m his mother, why ? Did he lose his phone again ?

And her face changed within a few seconds from happiness to terror. His father came in when he heard her yelling, asking how it was possible, saying there must be a mistake. And Jeonghan couldn’t see more so he went back to Vernon who was still holding his corpse. He spent the night and the next day trying to get the younger to notice him but nothing worked. He tried blowing on his face, which was failure. He tried moving objects around but it was too difficult, moving even a small object made him dizzy enough to faint. Even fabric was hard to move around. So at some point he even tried slapping him. His hand did reach his face but the only thing he hurt was his own wrist. It was like he hit a marble statue. When he touched him, his skin was still soft but it didn’t have that squishiness it should have had. As he couldn’t interact with human beings, no matter how hard he tried to press his finger against Vernon’s face his skin remained hard as a rock, like some kind of shield.

It had only been a day he died and now he was there, on Vernon’s lap, exhausted from warming him for such a long time. So exhausted that he suddenly passed out and fell backward. He stayed on the ground and decided to sleep there. He needed more energy so that he could comfort him more, tomorrow.

***

1:30pm. An alarm woke Jeonghan up. Annoyed, he set it off before realizing he shouldn’t have done that. He looked around and Vernon was still peacefully sleeping. Jeonghan now had to wake him up so that he doesn’t miss his funeral. Vernon had a password on his phone but he couldn’t remember what it was so setting another alarm wasn’t possible. He was about to grab a book to throw it at him but changed his mind.

– I shouldn’t hurt him, what am I doing…

He was talking out loud since no one could hear him anyway. He then had an idea. He grabbed his blanket and successfully pulled it as hard as he could. Vernon didn’t react at all. It only made Jeonghan blush as Vernon’s body was now uncovered. He was wearing sleepwear, a navy blue short and a grey t-shirt. He looked at his legs for a moment and thought to himself he never saw him wear shorts before. His belly was also exposed and Jeonghan started panicking. He wanted to put the blanket back on him but he couldn’t concentrate and couldn’t lift it. Vernon seemed so peaceful, and Jeonghan gazed at him with a smile. His hair was messy and his lips moved from time to time. The ghost shook his head and breathed in deeply. It smelled a bit like sweat in this room but the older didn’t mind at all. He finally successfully put the blanket back on him. Ignoring his growing headache he had a better idea and opened the curtains. It woke Vernon up quickly. Surprised, the younger looked through the window and swore he could see a blurred silhouette.

– Who are you ?

Jeonghan, surprised, turned around and stopped when he saw Vernon was looking at him, squinting his eyes. But to the sleepy boy, the silhouette moved slightly and vanished. He thought he was just still tired. Jeonghan had hope and asked him if he could see him. When he got no response after repeating himself six times, he gave up.

– Why did he see me suddenly ? Does that mean there’s a way for him to see me ?

Vernon was waking up so the long-haired ghost ran through the walls to the sofa to give him some privacy. When Vernon got out of the shower he went in his room to find proper clothes. He didn’t have formal clothes so he just went for a simple pair of black jeans and a black sweater. He then went to his desk and sat. He looked at the watch which had a leather bracelet the same color as his hair. There was a crack on screen and the mechanism somehow broke. The time indicated precisely the moment Jeonghan died. As he said the day before, he didn’t care if it was broken and wore it. It was the only present Jeonghan ever gave him. He closed his eyes, trying not to think of Jeonghan’s dead body in his arms.

He finally went out to take a taxi, not knowing a ghost followed him. Jeonghan sat next to him in the car and was contemplating the younger. He looked handsome in black, but, seeing he was wearing a regular pair of jeans he couldn’t help his disappointment.

– Why always wear pants when you have such pretty legs ? It’s a waste…

– What ?

Jeonghan froze and opened his eyes wide.

– Did you say something ? Vernon asked the driver.

– No.

– I thought I heard someone talk, sorry.

Jeonghan moved his hand in front of the younger’s face who didn’t have any sort of reaction. He then tried to flick his fingers on Vernon’s forehead.

– OUCH !

– Are you okay back there ?

– Yeah, I just… Yeah.

The long-haired man wanted to apologize but was too scared to say a word or even just move. He had both his hands covering his mouth so that he couldn’t make any kind of sound. Vernon was scratching his forehead wondering what happened but he didn’t think too much of it. When he finally arrived at the funeral, he checked his phone before entering the building. A few birthday messages and a text from Joshua saying he’d be there with Seungcheol in half an hour.

A girl came to guide him to the room where the funeral was held. Jeonghan was behind them, tiptoeing at a safe distance trying not to make any noise. When they entered the room, Jeonghan felt like he didn’t belong at his own funeral, being the only one wearing bright colors. Fortunately enough, he loved the yellow pastel sweater he died in. Because he had already tried changing clothes but even if he could take his clothes off, he couldn’t put anything on other than what he was wearing at the moment of his death. He looked around and all his family and childhood friends were there. Vernon went to pay his respect and Jeonghan looked at him from afar, a bittersweet taste in his mouth.

– Were you a friend of my son ?

It was his mother whose voice was barely recognisable, which broke Jeonghan’s heart a bit more. Vernon bent almost 90 degrees to salute her.

– Yes, I am Vernon… He always spoke very highly of you.

– Vernon… Why does that ring a bell ?

– … As you might have heard, your son… He died in my arms.

There was a silence right after he said that, the woman looked away and seemed like she was trying to remember something. She made a small jump and looked as if she just put puzzle pieces together.

– I recall now where I saw your name. I don’t know if I should be doing this but I think Jeonghan would have wanted this… Follow me.

Jeonghan followed them into an empty room wondering what he would have wanted. She started looking into a big bag. After a moment, she found it. The pink envelope.

– NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Jeonghan yelled from the top of his lungs not realizing Vernon could hear it.

– What was that ?

– What was what ?

– I just thought I heard a scream coming from the outside. I haven’t had a lot of sleep these pas few days…

– Don’t worry. I get it.

Jeonghan was nervous, but there was nothing he could do so he stood there, biting his nails.

– I found this in his bag, started his mom. It is written it is for you so I think you should have it. I don’t know what’s in there but whatever it is, I think you might need it. I will leave you alone, take your time.

He took the letter and thanked her. Right before closing the door behind here, she turned back to add something.

– I read the police report about what happened. Your name isn’t mentioned in it. For what it’s worth, you should know that sometimes things are out of your control. Don’t blame yourself.

He thanked her and, when she was gone, looked at the pink envelope and remembered Jeonghan’s hesitation before giving him the blue letter. After wondering if he should read it or not, he decided to open it. There was more text on this paper, which was also scented with a more sugary scent. He started reading.

“Vernon,

I first thought, seeing you were always very early, that maybe you’d need some help coming in time. A watch seemed like the perfect gift. Then I realized I’d actually rather have you always be early so I can spend more time with you. So you know what ? I’ll give you that watch as a reminder we’re gonna grow old together and every second that passes we’re gonna pass it getting always closer. I’m not letting you a choice, I’m just telling you, I’m not going anywhere ! You mean the world to me and this is the only thing I could think of giving you. You deserve a lot of nicer things, and next time I promise you I’ll give you something better and more meaningful. Happy birthday ! I love you !”

As he was reading, he shed a few tears but tried his best to hold everything.

– I love you too.

He wiped his cheeks. He was about to get out when he saw someone else was in the room. At first he was about to run away, embarrassed. But right before turning back he realized who was standing there.

– How ?…

There was a tremolo in his voice. Jeonghan looked around him to see who he was addressing this vague question to. But they were alone and his heart would have started beating faster if it still could beat at all.

– … You can see me ?

– What the is going on ?

– I don’t know either, I’m just… There.

Vernon took a step back, frightened, and Jeonghan could feel his fear. He rubbed his eyes hoping he would disappear but when he opened it again the long-haired man was still here. He turned around not to see him and started saying “this is not real” out loud on repeat. He suddenly felt someone bag hugging him.

– I am real, I don’t know how or why but it’s really me. I’m so glad you finally can see me, it started to get lonely in here.

Vernon grabbed Jeonghan’s hands and made him let go. He turned back again but to face him this time. You could see in Jeonghan’s eyes he was dreading his reaction, afraid to lose him, afraid to scare him away. The living boy looked at the ghost and suddenly hugged him, placing his arms tightly around the deceased’s waist.