Vernon was still holding Jeonghan and wouldn’t let got. He had his head hidden on the ghost’s shoulder, letting the tears fall on the yellow sweater.

– I know you’re not real. I know it’s all in my mind. But just for now… Just for now, can you stay. Just for now, can you pat my back and tell me it’ll be okay.

Jeonghan smiled and did what he was asked to do without hesitation.

– It will be okay. You will be okay. You really will be okay. And…

He hesitated before finishing what he was saying.

– And I am okay too.

They stayed like that for a moment. When Vernon finally let go, they gazed at each other longer than they ever did before. At some point, Vernon closed his eyes slowly and kept his eyes closed. He started breathing deeply, as if to clear his mind in hope for what he thought to be an hallucination to disappear. Instead, it gave some time for Jeonghan to stare at him a bit more. Ha travelled from his long lashes to his thin lips that were moving slightly. From his delicate nose to his perfect jaw line. And from his soft hair to the back of his neck. Vernon opened his eyes and let a relieved sight come out of his lungs.

– You really think I’d be gone just like that didn’t you.

Vernon turned around. Jeonghan was still there. The living boy had an awkward smile, his face was saying something along the line of  “oops, maybe I did”. Jeonghan was a bit amused by how easy it was to read his face. He caressed his head gently, being careful not to mess his hair up.

– Now that you somehow can see me don’t you dare think I’m just gonna vanish and give up on you. I’ll keep following you around until I find a way to prove to you I’m real. And when I do, I’ll just follow you even closer. You better prepare yourself !

– Whatever, do I really have a choice ?

– Not really~

When they finally went back in the room where the funeral was held, they ran into Joshua and Seungcheol. They were both wearing a black suit and both had that sad and quiet expression on their face, which was very unlike them. But given the circumstances it was only natural. Jeonghan’s face changed when he saw them as he was pleased to see them again. Looking at how Seungcheol was dressed, he couldn’t but let a surprised “oh” come out of his mouth.

– It’s weird, he said. Seungcheol doesn’t own a suit. I know it because I needed one about three months ago and he couldn’t help me. I bet he got it from Joshua, he owns tons of suits !

Vernon looked him to signify he should probably be quiet not to distract him. But, disregarding it, he kept talking.

– Hey ! Ask Seungcheol where he got that suit ! If it’s from Shua it’s one point for me being real !

– Do I have to…

– What ? Joshua asked

Jeonghan was nodding to tell him that, yes, he indeed had to. Vernon rolled his eyes and realized it could be misunderstood as the others couldn’t see the ghost.

– Uh… Nothing. Sorry, I’m a little on edge. Say, is Seungcheol wearing one of your suits ?

– Yes, and he looks so good in it. I mean look at him ! He had no appropriate clothes for today since he slept at my plac— OUTCH

Seungcheol just stepped on his foot really hard and was giving him his dirtiest look.

– I asked him if I could sleep at his place, Seungcheol started. I needed Joshua to comfort me. , I mean, because I couldn’t sleep since Jeonghan… Died.

The last word was said so weakly they hardly heard it but they all knew what he said. Trying to explain the situation he only ended up sounding even more suspicious. Jeonghan was looking at them with a big smile, thinking they were cute.

– I missed them so much, Jeonghan sighted. But it’s one point for me, hehe !

Vernon excused himself, said he needed some fresh air. He went out in front of the building and walked a little, Jeonghan following him not trying to be discreet about it this time. He looked excited and Vernon exhausted. The spectre was really too ecstatic as he now could really be helpful to Vernon. They went behind the building where no one could see them. The tree they were under was but the grass they were standing on was as green as could be.

– You have no idea how happy I am that you now can see me !

– I figured that out. And by the way you proved nothing, I could have deduced myself Seungcheol can’t afford such expensive suits…

– Maybe, you could have. But did you ?

Vernon stared at him, thinking. He was fronting a little as he was trying to understand the situation.

– So… If you’re not an hallucination, what are you ? A ghost ?

– Yes, I guess so.

– Then why can I see only you, not other ghosts ? And you seem to be saying that I couldn’t see you before today, why is that ?

– I don’t really know either… I have my theory but I’m too embarrassed to tell you…

When he saw that Vernon was starting to be interested in what he was saying, he knew he had to change the subject. He wasn’t ready to share his theory yet.

– Oh, right ! You’re always late on kdramas, have you seen the last episode of Give in to the Wind ?

– No I haven’t yet, but how is it relevant ? Don’t try to change the subj—

– Whatever. Well, on the last ep Yoonhae’s sister…

– No spoilers please.

– Don’t worry it’s not a big spoiler. So she turns out to be the murderer and kills herself to avoid prison which was totally unexpected !

– YA ! HOW DARE YOU ! I SAID NO SPOILERS !

– Ah, sorry, I had to. You won’t believe I’m real, you didn’t leave me a choice.

– I hate you.

– Just go check if it’s true. You could have never guessed that ending !

Vernon took is phone out and started typing something. With no surprise, Jeonghan was right and Vernon was furious.

– Are you mad ? Jeonghan asked with an innocent voice.

– YES !

– But you have to admit I have another point.

– We’ll talk about it when I’m home. I’m going back in, don’t try to distract me, don’t forget this is still your funeral.

­

– Okay. But don’t forget it’s also your birthday.

***

After spending a few hours watching people grieving his death when he still felt alive, Jeonghan was bored. For once he was the centre of attention and people were sharing all sorts of memories he didn’t even remember. They were talking about what he would have liked, what he could have been and what he meant. And he looked at them thinking while they were grieving his death he had to do his grieving too for he didn’t exist to them anymore. When he died, to him the world died too. And when they were grieving a person, he was grieving hundreds.

The thing he missed the most was his heartbeat. He still could blush, he still could feel butterflies, he still could sleep and was even still breathing. But he couldn’t feel his heartbeat anymore. That he could blush when his heart wasn’t beating didn’t make sense but after all he was a ghost, there didn’t need to be anything logical about it.

His boredom started to bring sleepiness and Jeonghan wondered if he had the time to take a nap. But at that moment Vernon finally told Joshua and Seungcheol he was leaving. He went to the dead man’s mother to thank her for everything and left. Jeonghan followed him to the taxi just like he did earlier. He was sitting on Vernon’s right. When the car door closed, Jeonghan started talking.

– Are you okay ? It must have been hard on you… I’m sorry I had to die like this. I tried to tell you that before but… Don’t blame yourself, none of this is your fault.

– I’m okay but…

– Did you say something ? the driver asked.

– Uh, no.

They stayed silent for a bit, Vernon wanted to talk and was frustrated that he couldn’t. He turned his head to look at the road, trying to forget about the ghost next to him.

– If you want to tell me something, just pretend you’re on the phone.

Vernon took a second to react. It was actually a good idea. He took out his phone, pretended to dial a number and took it to his left ear.

– Hello ? Yes, it’s me. I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay. I just need some more time to think right now. Can you just wait for me at my place ? We’ll talk there. I need some time alone right now. And I mean alone. I’m on my way, I’ll be there in half an hour. Is it okay with you ?

– Okay, Jeonghan replied softly. Anything you need. I’ll go ahead then.

He gave Vernon a kiss on the cheek and vanished, leaving a blushing boy alone in a car. The said boy slowly lowered his hand. The phone call was over and he was now thinking of everything that happened today. Nothing made sense yet he somehow believed Jeonghan. He still had a lot of questions but he doubted even Jeonghan knew the answers. It’s not like becoming a ghost you are given a Handbook for the Recently Deceased. He was looking at the landscape, the trees lost between the buildings, the deadly vehicles moving everywhere. When he thought of the pink letter, his heart started beating way faster.

Jeonghan teleported inside Vernon’s apartment. It was a rather big place, at least for a first flat. The kitchen was quite big and the living room spacious. Vernon hadn’t opened the windows for days, so it didn’t exactly smell bad but it also didn’t really smell good. He went to open the windows but the handle wouldn’t move. After using all his strength and determination he successfully opened all the windows and doors. The air started to smell fresh again and he passed out trying to get to the couch. When Vernon came home, it was to a sleeping ghost lying on the ground. He closed all the windows before the temperature dropped too much and went back to the ghost.

– How come he didn’t even reach the sofa… He didn’t seem to be that tired. What should I do ?

He began lifting him up best as he could and tucked him under a blanket on the couch. He made sure to get his hair out face, because maybe even ghosts could get acne and he was sure Jeonghan would rather not find out. Vernon acted mostly pissed throughout the day but the truth was he was happy he got to see Jeonghan again. He let the tip of his fingers travel gently from the spectre’s cheeks to his chin and his neck. His skin was soft and a little bit cold.

– What am I gonna do with you ?

He was whispering not to wake him up. He kissed his forehead tenderly and got up to cook as he was starving. After about half an hour Vernon was done and the delicious smell had waken Jeonghan up.

– It smells so good ! What did you make ?

– Spicy chicken stew.

– YAY ! Can I have some ?

– Can you even eat ?

– I don’t know but I want to try ! Now that I see food I’m getting hungry.

Vernon had already set the table for two, which made Jeonghan very joyful. Vernon remembered that Jeonghan’s favourite food were stews and chicken. Not knowing which one to chose he made chicken stew and seing how genuine the ghost’s smile was he thought he made the right choice. He smiled back at him with his big heart-shaped smile that could light up any room. Jeonghan sat and when he tried to take the spoon, he could lift it without even thinking of it.

– Vernon ! Look ! I’m holding the spoon ! I can lift it ! And I’m not even getting tired !

– What about it ? This is a spoon not a car, of course you can lift it.

– No, normally everything feels heavy and is hard to move around, even the lightest piece of fabric. I always collapse if I try to move things around too much… But I can move that spoon with no effort at all ! Look !

– Is it why you were sleeping on the floor ? Is it because you opened all the windows and collapsed ?

– Maybe~ The air felt heavy so I thought you could use some fresh air. I didn’t think I would collapse because of three windows…

– Be more careful next time, okay ?

Vernon scratched his neck nervously while trying to gather himself.

– Anyway, how useful can it be to be able to lift a spoon if you can’t eat ?

– I’ll try eating then, thank you for the meal !

He tried having a spoonful and successfully chew it and swallowed it.

– It’s really delicious ! You always cook so well~

– You can eat ! Enjoy !

– Thank you.

They spent the meal casually talking and eating together like nothing had happened, like no one had died. But when the meal was over they knew they’d have to talk. Jeonghan teleported to the living room, by the window. He was obviously trying to avoid any confrontation. But the living man soon caught him up. Jeonghan thought of teleporting outside but they’d have to talk at some point anyway so he stayed.

– I do believe you, Vernon said breaking the silence. Not just because you spoiled my kdrama, which I’m still mad about. But… You feel so much like… Well, you feel so much like you. From your scent to your behaviour, the way you move, the way you talk and your voice and everything… There’s no way my mind could ever make that up. There’s still a chance I might be crazy but I believe that you are really there. That you are really real. May you be a ghost I don’t care, now I found you again don’t disappear on me. Understood ? You said you’d get closer when I believe you so you better be true to your words ! Because I too will make sure to always get closer, you can’t escape. From now on there is no turning back !

Vernon slowly moved towards Jeonghan who was so nervous he was having trouble breathing. Despite being nervous, he started playing with Vernon’s hair. Maybe it was a way to distract him from what he was about to say.

– I told you I had my theory about why it took you some time to see me and why you can’t see other ghosts. Well, I think the reason behind it is love. I love you, and I think you needed to feel my love for you to be able to see me. Wearing the present I gave you was a beginning but when you read my confession letter, it was the moment my love for you was obvious. What you really needed was to know that I love you… Back. That I love you back. Because you do love me, right.

– Of course I do. I love you.

Their faces were so close to each other. As Jeonghan leaned in to kiss Vernon, Vernon did too without even knowing it. Their eyes closed and their lips met. Jeonghan still had his hand in his lover’s hair. And kissing, their bodies were touching. Jeonghan could feel the younger’s heartbeat going way faster than it normally would. And as their mouths were touching, they both smiled right before breaking the kiss. Because they were truly happy, and in that moment they almost felt like they had beaten death.

Thanks for reading me ! It's Lydja, the author. Anyway I just wanted to thank every one who subscribed or left a comment, it means the world to me. I also wanted to thank Kyra for beta reading the three first chapters when I was too nervous to post them. I hope you enjoyed the story until now and I will make sure the next chapters are as good as possible ! Don't hesitate to leave a comment, it's my source of motivation and it always makes me really happy to read your kind words. The next chapter should be written and posted very soon, stay tuned~