Flashback...

Everyone has their first time moment in their entire life, my first time for almost everything is him, hoping to be the last of anything. It has been the tough four days for me, everything is scattered piece by piece, my feeling, my emotion, it’s happen to fast, I am getting confused at my own vision in this relationship, it is a mixed feeling between thankful, bliss, scared and perplexed. But here I am, trying my best to stay calm, preparing a simple, sweet birthday celebration for him, just both of us, alone at our home. My first experience in planning and arranging everything, from the cooking and baking the cake, well even I am not really a good baker, I try it using the recipe from the internet, which for the first time is a total mess but after a few trying, it does look good, the mango cake. Cooking his favourite pasta, set up the table and decorations, the balloons, glitters and the last one is the gift. I am anxious, seeing again the picture in my hand, god please be nice with me, put up the picture into the small ribbon box and finally waiting for him to come home from New York. It is the long hours in my entire life.

B.. I am home… Oh my god , what is this? “ The house is full of balloons, there are cake, dinner, full of setup, it surprise me, well I am 36 years old, it’s been a long time, this kind of celebration.”

Welcome home, happy birthday Hons. “Finally, he is here. Be still my heart.”

……………………………………………

I am scared to death seeing him just standing there frozen, staring at the baby picture, for the first time I can’t tell what  is it in his mind. My heart sinking, my emotion riled up and it bring tears in my eyes, he hates it, that is what I can  think of.

Hons, please talk to me, don’t just stay there and keep silent, you scared me right now. Stuttering, I am trying my best to explain what is happening, it has been four days that I know I am pregnant, I am so sick at that time, headache, nausea and body weakness, so I decided to see a doctor and then she tell me that I am four weeks pregnant, at first I was so perplexed like you but god I was so happy that in here there is our baby, I didn’t tell you because I want to share it when we meet and as a present for you. Hons, please I am begging you, say something even if you hate it, don’t leave me hanging like this. My tears keep falling down but he just still standing there and do nothing, like he didn’t even exist. “I feel like my whole world is collapsed”.

This is a foul play, not fair at all, “looking up and I see she is crying, what happen? Why is she crying”, B… are you sick? What happen tell me?

Why? What happen, did you know that you have been ignoring me for the past twenty minutes, you scared me so much, I thought that you hate it that I am pregnant?

Who? Me? When?, hate it? Me? Seriously, that is our baby we are talking about. Of course I like it, in fact I love it so much, it’s just seeing the picture I keep thinking it has two , you know there is two kind of something here, are we gonna have…. “Closed the gap and I hug her, soothing her feeling, how come she came up with the idea that I hate it, our baby?”

It’s twin, the baby. “I feel so relieved, god I almost had a heart attack, he love it , thank you dear lord.” Hons, it is too tight, I can’t breath.

Uh.. sorry… Oh my god, I knew it! what I was thinking is how can our baby fit in your tummy, it is two baby, you are so tiny, it is going to be heavy, how you gonna carry them? I am worried that it will be a tough journey for you.

Hons, you are worrying too much, I am gonna be okay, but what did you mean by foul?

This is absolutely not fair at all, I was supposed to be there too when you first see our baby, how come you leave me behind.

Hahaha…. Hons, you are in New York remember, beside  I’ve give you the picture right, it is the same.

No it is not the same, I wanna see it live, Oh.. I got it, maybe we can just buy the ultraso