The Price to Shine

“OH MY GOD DID YOU JUST SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE?!“

The loud music on stage was even booming through the backstage area when the BigHit trainees had to hurry back to prepare for the next stages. Halo was all excited, jumping onto Haejoon as if he was some kind of trampoline. They all were excited. It had been their first time performing in front of so many people. The concert had just started, the opening acts of BTS and the trainees already being over. Arora was currently on stage while BTS was preparing to perform right after them again. Since it was a first for BigHit to ever give such a giant concert, Hitman Bang had demanded for the artists to constantly keep switching so that the groups had breaks within their performances to get changed and rest for a bit.

“I gotta call my girlfriend! Good luck for the next stage! Haejoon, I’m sure you’ll rock!“ Halo patted his friend’s shoulder and hurried away to get his phone. Since he was allowed to perform at the BigHit United concert he had invited his girlfriend all the way from the US and since nobody was allowed to get their friends or families backstage, the trainee had wanted to share everything with her by calling her. Haejoon doubted that neither Halo nor his girlfriend would be able to understand each other well as it was incredibly loud but if he thought it was necessary and important to call, Haejoon wouldn’t stop him. 

Back in the styling area, the whole happy vibe was gone, though. Just like everything happening these days the competition had left its marks on the trainees. Not only because half of them had to leave the company. The remaining trainees had started fighting each other as much as those who had to wave their friends goodbye were grieving. Haejoon was lucky that Halo didn’t get kicked out and so he and his buddy were still inseparable. 
 In fact, Haejoon was pretty thankful that he had found someone like Halo. Halo was his best and unfortunately only friend among the trainees and so it must have been for Halo, too. For some reason both of them had become outcasts, the other trainees not really being fond of talking to either for them for some reason none of them was able to understand. It was a little unfair... because there were also other trainees joining in just recently but they had clicked with the others right away.

“I still can’t believe that Team A won… it was unfair from the beginning. Team A had the strongest trainees of all…“, one of the other trainees Haejoon couldn’t recall his name of was commenting on the latest incident. Haejoon silently went to one of the empty styling chairs, the young woman preparing some powder to fix his make-up. Without saying anything he let her proceed while listening to the others.



“I know, right? So unfair…! If you or I had been in Team A, we would have won as well! It was just about the selection of trainees!“, the other trainee was reacting to it.

Haejoon started feeling angry at the trainees almost immediately. He had worked so hard choreographing and that was how others were talking about it? Did they really think it had been that they could have easily replaced on of Team A’s members? Excuse you?!



“Shouldn’t you get ready instead of bad-mouthing others?“ Haejoon just couldn’t hold it back and stopped the stylist for a second to turn his chair around and face the guys directly. Once the two tattletales got caught openly, they quickly rushed away. Haejoon still didn’t feel any better. Until the BigHit United concert the whole company had become the epicenter of gossip. People were talking about Yoosung, Toby and Bangwon, comparing them, even fighting because the opinions about who of them was the best in songwriting grew widely apart. And then they were talking about the members of Team B and C who had ruined their performances and caused the teams to lose against A. All in all whatever happened, the trainees found a way to turn it into gossip. Toby was training with the other trainees - he was dropped out again to debut solo. Ilsung was avoiding any contact with him - they must have secretly dated before. There was even a ridiculous rumor circulating that Bangwon had rejected Toby and that was how Bangwon did not end up in Team A and lost to Toby. A kind of revenge. Bull, if people asked Haejoon he couldn’t understand any of these rumors.



While Haejoon turned around again so the stylist could go on finishing the make-up for the next performance, he noticed how the music changed again and instead of Arora’s songs one of BTS’ songs were playing, the audience going completely crazy over it. Shortly after, two girls were entering the make-up section of the backstage area, one of them loudly whining and complaining about something.

“YOOOOOONJIIII! PLEEEEEASE!“ That loud and high-pitched voice could only belong to one person - Chaerin. Haejoon didn’t need to turn around to confirm it. However, Yoonji was soon taking seat at one of the chairs nearby with Chaerin going on bothering her.

During the recording of Bucku Bucku Haejoon had got to know not only Ardene and Chaerin, but also Namjoon and V. All of them seemed nice and even though Toby and Bangwon made it pretty uncomfortable to work properly as Bangwon was overreacting to everything Toby was saying the entire time, the others were understanding and went on working diligently, ignoring those two. It was funny to watch them. Whenever Toby was talking he looked and sounded so cheerful, maybe even cute, but what left his mouth was anything but questionable. Nobody could tell if he was really complimenting Bangwon or if he was insulting him with sarcasm and irony. Luckily neither Toby nor Bangwon needed to be prepared and briefed as the others did the main work together. The two clashing boys were blessed with the talent to nail whatever they started without even trying. Maybe that was the problem… and another reason to end up in a competition of who was the better of them. Anyway, thanks to their skills they could focus more on their little arguments than actual work.



“I told you - NO! Ardene told me about what you did last week, don’t deny it! Helping out the male trainees just to be close to one of them? Your constant boy- will kill you one day! “, Yoonji scolded Chaerin loudly, all of the trainees who got their make-up done witnessing their little argument. “OH PLEEEEEASE! JUST THIS TIME!“ - “I WON’T GIVE YOU MY SPOT!“

Oh… they were talking about the Team A performance? Since Team A had won the competition, they were given the chance to have their very own solo performance with two of the Arora members as a feature. The performance was split into two groups with only one member appearing in both performances. And of course that member was Toby. The reason? Taehee had put it like this: Toby was Bang Sihyuk’s all- time favorite and since he was the audience favorite as well the entertainment had decided to let him be the main artist of that part of the show. Nobody put his veto in it, everyone being greatly thankful for Toby making it possible for Team A to win. Everyone but Haejoon. Even though Toby had made major changes in the choreography of their competition performance, the main work of it had still been Haejoon’s… but nobody even bothered to thank him for that just once. People were just talking about Toby. Toby, Toby, Toby… Haejoon slowly grew sick of it. There was not even a specific thing Toby did that made him unlikeable for Haejoon. He never gave him a reason to dislike him, the only person Toby was having those weird vibes with was Bangwon. In fact training with Toby wasn’t a bad thing. But hearing about how great Toby was 24/7 was not only tiresome but also greatly annoying.



“Keep the clothes for the next performance on, changing them once will be enough.“ - “Thank you, I’ll do as you say. I’m glad you’re taking care of me.“

Talk of the devil. Toby appeared at the very moment Haejoon was thinking of him. And he was polite as ever. It was funny… whenever important people such as staff or other BigHit idols were around Toby was a cheerful and overly polite person. He was like a well-trained dog. But once there were only trainees left he suddenly changed into a completely different person. Was it because he was shy around others? Or was he simply not interested in others? Whatever it was, it was weird…

Toby sat down right next to Haejoon while two stylists were working on him. One to fix his make-up, the other one to explain how he had to change outfits during his performance. “After the first performance you have to hurry. Make sure to get out of the stage element as soon as you changed outfits, so you don’t miss the start of the second performance.“, the stylist briefed Toby again and the boy only nodded.

“Hurry, hurry, hurry!“, Kangjoon’s voice suddenly flooded the entire area and as soon as he entered, Chaerin’s verbal bothering attempts died out. Haejoon slightly tilted his head to see what was going on, seeing said girl suddenly smiling at Kangjoon as if a chocolate cake with legs had walked in just a moment ago. Kangjoon was followed by Jongin and Bangwon. It was almost weird not seeing Kangjoon with the second part of the monkey duo around. Honestly spoken… thinking of that…



“Don’t mess it up, okay?“, the tall and muscular Bboy warned Bangwon and looked all serious before he started laughing. “Make us all proud, especially Sian!“ Bangwon’s reaction was nothing but a frown.

It was hard for everyone thinking about what had happened to Sian just a few days ago. There were only rumors circulating but some trainees had claimed they saw how other trainees were passing by Sian in the staircase while Sian was moving up the stairs on his very own two hands. The trainees must have thought one of them could replace Sian and so they bumped into Sian - if it was on purpose or not was still not clear - causing the young boy to lose his balance and fall down the stairs, seriously injuring himself. Thanks to that incident BigHit had decided to let him rest and didn’t allow him to further participate the event. Instead they chose Bangwon to perform.

“Lucky you… first being picked for the collaboration with BTS and Arora… now you can even perform instead of someone else who had bad luck and got hurt. It’s amazing! You must have been a saint in a former life to get all of these opportunities so easily when others have to fight so hard for it.“, Toby started talking to Bangwon as soon as he sat down next to him. He sounded all friendly, almost like a little, amazed kid. 



“Yeah…luck.“, Bangwon replied a little sore. As always he interpreted Toby’s words as not so compliments. To Haejoon it was still a miracle what Toby was intending to say.



“Maybe you’ll win against me next time if your lucky streak doesn’t fade.“, Toby went on.

“Can’t wait for that day to come.“ Even though none of them was sounding hostile, the tension between was nerve-wrecking even for the ones not being involved in their conversation.



“Same here. I’ll be waiting for it diligently, hyung. Even if it takes forever.“ With that said Toby winked at Bangwon and got up from his seat, completely dressed up and ready to hit the stage. The last missing person, Arora's Skylar, soon arrived and once everyone was neatly dressed and ready to go, there was nothing to stop them anymore.

Haejoon was sitting on the dark side of the stage, next to Kangjoon and Yoonji. He was nervously rubbing the edges of his leather jacket’s sleeves, Kangjoon who was sitting just a little away from him looking all relaxed in his suit. He either wasn’t as flustered as Haejoon or he was just very, very good in pretending.  A weird feeling was going through Haejoon's body. He had never liked Kangjoon too much since Kangjoon was one of those who entered the company even after Haejoon but got along with everyone easily. Now, Haejoon was feeling as if Kangjoon was giving him strength even though they weren't talking to each other at all and the older one was only sitting there and smiling towards him.

On the other side of the stage a giant heart was blinking in bright pink, flooding the stage with light and immediately the whole audience was screaming loudly when Janey walked into the middle. It was hard to identify anything special in the dark crowd, the only things Haejoon could recognize were light sticks and some blinking signs.

Janey was soon sitting on a pink bench, looking all cute and lovely in her dress and with the first three sounds starting, Toby popped up behind her. Shortly after him Bangwon popped up, singing the second line of Bruno Mars’ Treasure and with Jongin joining in last the whole thing was ready to go. Toby jumped over the bench, the other two disappearing again and Toby started singing towards Janey, acting all cute and adorable to seemingly get her to fall for him. There was only one snag - Bangwon and Jongin also played charming to get Janey. The whole performance was a fight over Janey with the three guys trying to get her attention and love by singing, dancing and acting cute in front of her.

It was funny how Haejoon had known what they were going to perform but he never got to see any of it. He never even imagined how exactly it would look like. How Toby in his green shirt and the jeans jacket would look all cute, Bangwon in contrast with his leather vest and ripped jeans all badass and Jongin in his white pullover like every mother-in-law’s dream boy.

It was even fun for Haejoon and Kangjoon to watch. Haejoon liked how they interpreted the song, Kangjoon just seemed to feel the music as he was dancing along while sitting on his place. Haejoon couldn’t help but grin over it, he got so much into the others’ performance that he almost missed the start of their own when Toby grabbed Janey’s hand and they moved in the middle of the stage for their finale. As soon as it was over Toby rushed towards Haejoon’s and Kangjoon’s part of the stage where he disappeared in the stage equipment that looked like Harry Potter’s wall cabinet while Janey took Jongin and Bangwon with her back to the bench in front of the giant pink heart. The audience applauded loudly and Haejoon noticed how Jongin was giving them an encouraging thumbs up to which he responded with a short ‚okay‘ finger sign. Only two minutes later their background music started and Yoonji was singing their performance’s first line.

“Let’s get it started in here.“

Once the last word was sung Toby suddenly jumped out of the closet, his green shirt and jeans jacket replaced by a black leather hoodie and a beanie. And in contrast to the sweet words he was singing before, he was suddenly spitting his power rap lines, looking like a complete different person from before. He was wrapping an arm around Yoonji’s shoulders, being up so close to her that Haejoon even noticed her trying to get rid of his arm as soon as possible. Toby must have noticed too because he slowly let go of her - but only after patting her head first, being careful to not rip off her bandana.

Today was the first time Haejoon saw Toby rapping live and he got so mesmerized and drawn into the boy’s performance that he was shocked when Toby suddenly approached him to swap places with him.

It was impossible to describe all the feelings flooding Haejoon’s body when he was finally able to perform in front of so many people. The whole performance was pure fun. Even when Toby, Kangjoon or Yoonji were performing their parts, Haejoon couldn’t help but watching them being all stunned by how charismatic even Kangjoon was on stage, especially together with Yoonji who wasn’t leaving out a single chance to get to interact with him since he wasn’t approaching her by himself. Chaerin must have cried backstage watching the performance. Haejoon also tried to interact with Yoonji as good as possible, he was more careful touching her than the others nonetheless.



When the performance was over and the artists were standing on stage, looking into he blinking crowd of light sticks, Haejoon knew for sure that this was it. He belonged on stage. All the years he had suffered, the years he had spent at JYP before he changed to BigHit, they weren’t in vain. He wanted this so badly, he didn’t want to ever leave the stage.


The whole concert was over way too quickly. From the very beginning until the end it was a huge success. During the final performance where everyone was performing together and Haejoon felt the sparkling confetti raining onto his face, he wished he would never forget and lose that feeling and when he found himself backstage with the other trainees again, he couldn’t believe that it was already over.

All of the boys were changing into casual outfits, preparing themselves to leave as early as possible because the very next day trainee life was waiting for them as always. The female trainees were occupying another area since girls and boys dressing in the same room was more than inappropriate, so the testosterone level was pretty high right now and everyone was still feeling pumped up from the concert.



“Oh , this was so lit!“, Halo was all in high spirits still. But instead of joining the other trainees he got dressed so quickly that Haejoon couldn’t even change his shirt watching how quick Halo got changed. “See you tomorrow!“, he bid his friend farewell and ran out, probably to meet his girlfriend. 



Some of the other trainees were discussing about having a little after-show-party or not, others were thinking about completely different stuff. “What do you think? Should I ask Yoonji out? Or Chaerin? I think they both have a thing for me.“, Kangjoon asked Jongin who immediately slapped the back of the other’s head.

“Don’t even think about it. In which universe are either Yoonji or Chaerin interested in you?“, he asked him.

Kangjoon shortly hissed at the other one, rubbing the back of his head. “Is this how you treat a hyung? Oh man… but I swear they both like me! They got so touchy around me - Chaerin during the competition and Yoonji during the ‚Let’s get it started’ performance. They are sending signals! I think I really should ask one of them out! Or maybe both!“



Jongin only rolled his eyes about it and sighed. “Did you ever consider that they did that just because they had to perform well?“ Kangjoon didn’t answer to that anymore. He only looked disgruntled to the ground and started changing with Jongin laughing over his reaction.



“Good job everyone!“ That manager most of the trainees were talking about these days suddenly entered the dressing area and clapped into his hands, applauding to the boys’ success. What was his name again? Taehee? To be honest Haejoon didn’t know him too well. Since he joined the company pretty recently he wasn’t that close with him but a few weeks ago he could remember Taehee hanging out with some of the other trainees. Seeing him now in his suit and acting completely different from before was weird, though - even to Haejoon. “I wanted to congratulate all of you for participating today and performing so well on stage!“, he told them but he didn’t look too happy which was making the trainees a little iffy.

“…but that’s not all you’re here for.“, Bangwon voiced out the others’ thought and waited for the manager to spit out the truth.

Taehee looked kinda caught. He cleared his throat and moved restless on the spot. “Yeah… there’s some more I need to inform you about.“ Once he looked up into the faces of the trainees, Taehee’s expression started to get gloomier and gloomier. Whatever it was… it was making everyone around nervous. Everyone except for Toby who was just standing there with that typical smirk on his lips. Whatever Taehee would announce… Toby already knew about it, could it be?



“The reason I am here is… to inform all of you that all training schedules are canceled for an indefinite period of time.“ Everyone’s mouth dropped open. Only Bangwon and Toby were keeping their cool. “As you know, all of you have signed new contracts when participating the competition to join the BigHit United concert. Due to that all of your prior contracts are terminated… the schedule break is needed for the BigHit staff to chose who of you will stay in the company and who has to leave.“

After finishing the sentence that basically broke down dreams on the spot, the trainees started to discuss loudly what was happening. Some of them were shouting complaints towards Taehee, some of them being deeply depressed. This had been supposed to be a good day, a day on which dreams came true but right now it turned out to be a nightmare.

“WAIT! If you’re sorting out people what happens to those who didn’t get to participate today?!“, Jongin asked, his voice being louder than all the yells coming from every side of the room. Jongin was concerned about Yoosung, Haejoon could tell clearly. Yoosung, Hyukjae… a lot of trainees hadn’t been chosen to perform today. Those who performed on stage tonight clearly had an advantage… right?



“The trainees who didn’t perform today already got informed about this and the process of choosing is influenced by your overall performance, so those who participated at the BigHit United concert might benefit from it but the other trainees could have achieved special points before by proving their worth with other outstanding actions.“, Taehee went on explaining the whole situation. “But besides choosing people to leave the company… there will be seven trainees chosen to debut in November.“



The anger straining the atmosphere was suddenly replaced by shock. Haejoon’s eyes widened. Seven trainees would debut? In a group? His eyes were immediately searching for Toby - and Haejoon wasn’t the only one. Toby was still standing there, all relaxed, with his triumphant smile on his lips. He knew about this. And he also already knew that he would debut.

Haejoon was thinking intensely… if they had to chose… and Toby was first choice… was he able to influence who would be picked to debut and who would not? Bangwon must have had the same thought… because he was eying Toby with such terror in his eyes, Haejoon thought he was suddenly seeing a glimpse of pure satisfaction on Toby’s face.

“… I feel like I’m in the middle of a Survival Show.“, Kangjoon muttered next to Haejoon.



“Survival Show? This is worse than a Survival Show.“, Jongin responded. He looked utterly disgruntled and worried, nervously moving up and down on his legs, his arms crossed, his fingers dug into his sleeves. “If this was a Survival Show all of us had the chance to shine in public. Other entertainments and PDs could have seen us then, could have scouted us even. But this? If they throw us out it’s over with us… and nobody will ever see how hard we worked until now. This is worse than any Survival Show.“



Unfortunately Jongin was right. But there was something else which he didn’t mention.

Until now some of them had been friends. Friends for years and years of training together or friends who had only found each other a short time ago, being happy to have finally found a companion to share the hardships and worries with. Friends who all had the same dream. But now what did a friend mean when everyone suddenly turned into a rival? Seven trainees… one was already chosen. There were only six spots left. Six spots for more than 20 trainees who had remained after the competition.

Haejoon knew one thing for sure. They would chose the best of the trainees, the ones that were matching best with the one they had already chosen… and they wouldn’t pick two that were too similar to each other regarding skills and main positions. What would happen to them now? To those who called each other friends?

The trainee gulped, his whole throat feeling dried out. What would happen to him and Halo? Would they be able to debut together? Would they fight each other to get into the group? Haejoon crammed out his phone out of his pockets. Halo wasn’t even here right now because he had run off to see his girlfriend.

And then it started. Haejoon was starting to take in account who of those he had trained with deserved the most to debut. He even caught himself criticizing Halo all of a sudden. A trainee with a girlfriend… someone who was so focused on a girl and not his career. The poisonous, competitive feelings and thoughts were intoxicating Haejoon.

Was this the end? Would the start of a boygroup mean the end of a dozen friendships?

author notes

IT'S BLACK DRAGON DAY AGAIN!!! 
I know all of you must have been waiting for the new chap to be updated today and it got pretty late, haha, sorry for the wait ^-^ Anyway, this chapter is a little shorter than the others since I didn't have that much time but I didn't want to skip this week to update, so just bear with me.
This week's chap focuses on Haejoon, one of the newbies among the trainees and how he sees the BigHit United concert. It's also another way to react on Toby. While Jongin was skeptical about Toby, Bangwon was freaking angry and Haejoon just doesn't know what to think of him (but granted he's also a little annoyed - but who wouldn't?).
Besides that... ANYONE CURIOUS ABOUT THE FINAL LINE-UP? Well, guess what, I'm gonna release it in next week's chapter! And I'm also gonna write about how those who couldn't participate at the BHUC feel about being left out and what they think about BigHit debuting a boygroup.
Stay tuned and thanks for all your support!

PS: I'm gonna upload one more AllKpop chapter about the BHUC, currently working on it, so just be a little more patient with me ^^'

“ goals are dreams with deadlines. ”