I was seven months pregnant and finding it harder and harder to chase after Yunho and I’s four little boys. I put my right hand on my lower back as I climbed the stairs in my search. Where could they be? They knew we were going over to Aunt Nikki Jo and Uncle Eli’s for a play date this morning. I could only hope that my oldest, Youngjae, wasn’t getting into trouble again.

Man was he a troublemaker. You would think with how much he looked like his father, they would share personality traits but so far they didn’t. I wasn’t sure who Youngjae got that from because I never really intentionally made trouble as a child, and Yunho was a responsible hardworking child who did his best to help his family. I smiled. Yunho was the same way as an adult, and I loved those qualities about him.

I found my second son in the middle of Youngjae’s room playing with toy cars on the mini town rug. “Yookwon, Honey, have you seen Youngjae-yah?”

He looked up at me and said, “He played trucks with me, but he didn’t wanna play trucks anymore.”

I had a feeling I was going to have to coax information out of him. “Do you know where he went after playing trucks?”

“I dun know.”

Oh the joys of trying to figure things out from kids. “Are you sure Honey? Think real hard and use big boy words. Mommy’s trying to find Hyung. Do you know what he wanted to do after playing trucks?”

“Ummm…” Yookwon puts his right index finger on his chin and had a thoughtful look on his face. It was so cute! “Oh yeah! I ’member I told him he shouldn’t play that ’cause he’d getted in trouble.”

“So I know Youngjae was going to do something that might get him in trouble, but I still don’t know what he wanted to play,” I said more to myself. “Do you remember what that is? I can probably find him if I know what he wants to play.”

“Hyung talked lots ’bout Appa’s concert.”

“Appa’s concert?” What could Youngjae want to do regarding that? I couldn’t think of anything and knew Yookwon probably wasn’t going to give my any more useful information. “What you told me was helpful. Now put your toys away and go watch TV in the living room with Hyunsu-yah and Shinil-ah before we go to Aunt Nikki Jo’s house to play.”

“No. Don’t wanna,” he said starting to whine.

“Jung Yookwon,” I said sternly, “if you don’t put your toys away and go to the living room, you will sit in the naughty chair.” I didn’t want to deal with one of his temper tantrums, especially this early in the day.

“I gonna play!”

“Do you want to sit quietly in the naughty chair for three minutes or are you going to be a good boy and listen to Mommy?”

“No naughty chair.”

“Then what do you need to do?”

“Put toys away and watch TV with nam-dongsaeng deul [younger brothers].”

“Thank you for listening to Mommy. We’re going to leave in an hour.”

I walked out of the room, checked the other bedrooms, and then Yunho’s work room to see if Youngie was there. He wasn’t in any of those places. Jiyool moved around and kicked me in the ribs. I sat on the office chair in front of the computer set up on the far wall and rubbed my belly in an effort to sooth her. “Come on Little One. Mommy loves you very much. I just don’t want you to dance right now. You can do that in two hours when I’m sitting with Aunt Nikki Jo and not running around looking for your oppa, okay?”

Yunho and I called Jiyool being active/kicking dancing because he nicknamed her his little “Dancer” on account of his own love of dancing and all the dancing he did in his job. The nickname was cute, but at the same time, I didn’t like it seeing as she being our “dancer” was more than slightly uncomfortable for me.

I wish Yunho understood what dancing felt like. I’m sure he wouldn’t be calling her his little dancer then. Our little girl just needed to calm down more often. “That’s right Honey, clam down.” Jiyool finally settled down a few minutes later, but she was in a position that was uncomfortable for me. Ugh. Why couldn’t she find a position that was good for both of us? I slid to the edge of the seat and stood up from the rolling chair.

Why did the nanny have the day off? I really could have used her help today. Then again it’s not like she or anyone for that matter could predict when Youngie was going to misbehave. Anyway, the boys and I were going to the Kims today. Nikki Jo and I could handle seven kids on our own even if we were both pregnant, right? Of course we could; we were both excellent mothers and thus, didn’t need the nanny.

I checked on Yookwon before going downstairs to make sure he was doing as told. He was and I was thankful for that. While he could be a whiner and throw temper tantrums, he was pretty easy to calm down and was a good listener.

“Youngjae, Honey, where are you!” I yelled at the foot of the stairs. I got no response. Typical. I sighed. That boy was a handful, and I could only sincerely hope that Kwonie was wrong on his assessment of what Youngjae was going to/wanted to do. As I got closer to the back rooms of the house, I noticed red feet and paw prints on the wood floor. Oh great. What did my troublemaker of a son do to cause this mess? I sighed and knew whatever it was; I wasn’t going to like it.

I opened the door to the storage room and was shocked at the sight before me. Taepung Jr., our pet Siberian Husky, and my son were covered in red paint, as were the floor and walls. “Youngjae, why are you and Taepung Jr. covered in paint?” Just what in the world was he thinking?

“Appa has a concert coming up. Taepung Jr. wanted to support him.” There’s the concert Yookwon said Youngjae kept talking about. Where is he going with this? “And I painted him the color of Cassie, but Taepung Jr. kept moving and paint got on me and the floor.”

So that is why he kept taking about Dream Concert. Omona. How could I forget Jung Youngjae’s undying love and support of his father? “Honey, it’s very nice of you and Taepung Jr. to want to support Appa. Now I want you to know that we don’t paint ourselves or anyone else because paint only goes on paper and canvas. We don’t get the paint out with asking an adult first either. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Please remember that in the future. Next time when you want to support Appa, I’ll help you do it in a better way. Now why do you have no clothes on?”

“I took them off.”

“And why was that?”

“Because you told me not to get them dirty before we go to Aunt’s house.”

“Oh.” Well you had to admit his kidie logic did make sense. “You are in trouble for playing with paint without asking.”

“Awww but Mommy Taepung Jr….”

“Don’t start with me; I don’t want to hear it. You know getting the paint out without asking and painting the dog is wrong. You and Taepung need to take a bath.”

“Bath?” Youngie sprinted from the room with his hands in the air running down the hall. “Noooooo!”

Of course he wouldn’t make things easy for me. Of course he would run away at the mention of a bath. Why would he make life easy for me? I loved all my children more than life itself. There were times, though, that my eldest antics got on my nerves. I put a hand on my belly and looked down. “You’ll like taking baths, won’t you Yoolie? Sure you will; you’re a girl. You’ll like getting all dressed up and pretty just like Mommy.” I smiled. I was so glad we were finally having a little girl, I and couldn’t wait to meet her.

As for Youngjae, I would run after him and catch him when I wasn’t pregnant. Stern mommy would do the trick now. “Jung Youngjae,” I hollered, “you get back here right this instant! Don’t make me count to three Young Man. You know what will happen if I do. One,” I counted slowly. “Two…” I saw him walk back this way.

My son stood in front of me looking down. “You will go upstairs to your bathroom and think about why using paint without asking and why painting the dog was wrong instead of going to the naughty chair while I call Aunt Nikki Jo to let her know there has been a change of plans. You will then have your bath.”

“Taepung Jr. needs a bath too.”

“I didn’t forget about him.” He’s already in trouble, and he’s being a smart alec? This boy. Omo, I swear… No, he’s only six (Korean age). He’s not being a smart alec right now. He’s just letting me know about Taepung. Deep breaths. “He’ll have one outside later. Go upstairs please.” I made sure to shut Taepung Jr. in the storage room so he wouldn’t get paint all over the rest of the house.

I massaged my lower back as I walked to the living room because walking all over the house had made my it sore and tired me out. I sighed. Youngjae… He, he just… Ugh! I took a deep breath again. Today’s mess was just another one of those instances where he meant well and didn’t mean to cause trouble/make a mess. (Though some of the messes simply came from him being a boy. What little boy doesn’t play in the mud every once in a while?) He was constantly bringing Nikki Jo’s oldest daughter Oceana in on it too. We didn’t like that (two little kids causing mischief were always more of a handful), yet we could see where that was leading: Youngjae and Oceana starting to fall for each other. It was so super cute! Nikki Jo and I could definitely see those two getting married someday. Our husbands thought we were simply seeing more than what was actually there. Could they blame us with how cute our firstborn were? No they couldn’t. Plus those two kids had their fathers in the palm of their hands, so if they were going to be together in the future, I’m 90% sure Yunho and Eli wouldn’t mind one bit. It was an added bonus that the Kims would make great in-laws as well.

I sat in the arm chair next to where I set my cellphone and looked over at my boys Hyunsu and Shinil. And awww… Poor little one year-old Shinil was still sitting in front of the TV where I left him looking very antsy. He must have missed me. He was a mommy’s boy after all, so I was surprised he was still there after forty-five minutes. “Shinil-ah, come to Mommy.” He looked at me and made excited baby noises. “Ma! Ma!”

“That’s right, Honey. Mommy didn’t forget about you.” He crawled over to me.

“Bye bye?” asked three year-old Hyunsu.

“I don’t think we’re going to go bye bye anymore.” I picked Shinil up and set him on my right knee and kissed his left cheek.

“Why?” asked Yookwon. When did he enter the room?

“Because your hyung got in trouble again, and I have a big mess I need to clean up. If Nikki Jo agrees to it, she and the girls will be coming over here instead.”

“Yay! No house with Noona!”

I laughed. “Maybe Honey.”

“She makes me the mean brother. That’s no fun. Am I mean Mommy?”

“You’re a very nice boy Kwonie-yah.”

I looked at the three kids in the room and was seriously hoping that now that Yunho and I were having a daughter, we were not going to have any more children, but who knows what God had in store for us. Still, I didn’t know if I could handle being pregnant and taking care of my children at the same time again. We had four boys six years old and younger, and they were a handful. I caressed my belly. Sure plenty of people have had more kids than us, but I knew myself and my limits. I felt like I would be put on bed rest if there was a next time, and bed rest would bore me to tears.

At least now Yunho was working less. Even when Yookwon was born in 2015, just over ten years after his debut, Yunho was still super busy. How did I ever get the courage to go have a strict conversation with the big wigs at SM to change that? I chuckled. “Mommy sure has become a strong woman, hasn’t she?” I whispered to myself and Jiyool. Youngjae was still all alone in the bathroom, hence I didn’t have time to think about said memory. I put Shinil back on the floor. “Mommy is going to give Youngjae a bath since he is covered in paint. You boys can watch TV or play with your toys down here. Kwonie-yah, can I trust you to watch your nam-dongsaeng deul while I’m upstairs?”

“I’m big boy. Big boys help Mommy!”

“That’s right; you’re Mommy’s big boy. Thank you. You are a big help.”

“You’re welcome.”

Aw, he’s so polite. I smiled. Our sons could be so darn cute at times. I slid to the edge of the seat, stood up using the arm rests for support, and grabbed my cellphone.

 

 

I had Jae settled and playing in the bathtub while I was sitting on the closed toilet; thus it was a perfect time to call Nikki Jo. I’m sure she was wondering where we were. The phone rang three times before she picked up.

“Yeoboseyo?”

“Hi, it’s me.”

“Oh, hi Alicia. I was wondering where you and the boys were.”

“Yes, about that. Youngjae got into paint this morning and ended up painting the dog and in the course of things, the back of the house and himself as well. I’m currently giving him a bath. I don’t think today would be a good time to come over; I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming over here instead.”

“Sure we could do that. Why did he get out the paint?”

“He said Taepung Jr. wanted to support Appa’s upcoming concert, so he painted Taepung Jr. the color of Appa’s fanclub.”

“Oh goodness. That is something he would do. It’s a sweet thought, but it could have been carried out in a better and less messy way.”

“Don’t I know it. That’s how it usually goes with him. Good intentions that end with trouble and a mess. So Taepung needs a bath of course, and I thought the kids could get their suits on and help give him one in the backyard, and then they could play in the sprinkler and kiddie pool.”

“That sounds like fun. Hm… It’s 11:30 now, so why don’t I get the girls ready and feed them lunch and then head over?

I heard Oceana yelling in the background, “Mum! Mum! Watch me do summersaul!”

“I’m watching Dear. Sorry about that. You know how kids can be.”

“I understand completely. I’m surprised I’ve been able to talk to you this long without someone interrupting me. The boys have been alone an awful lot this morning.”

“You’ll be back to playing with them in no time I’m sure.”

“Yes, I will. It’ll also be easier to play with them when Jiyool is born, not that I will have a lot of time for that.”

Nikki Jo giggled. “With three kids of my own and the fourth due in three months, I absolutely understand. I’ll be very glad when Yong Sook is born.”

“Yes. I’ll be happy when Jiyool is born too. No more kicking me in the ribs or sitting on my spine.”

“Yong Sook sits on my spine too, and it seems like he’s always sitting in the wrong spot for me. Now as I was saying, the girls and I should be ready to go by 1:00.”

“Sounds like a plan. Nap time at 2:30, 3:00?”

“That works Dear. It’s a late nap time, so the kids may be tired before then.”

“If they are, it could always be sooner; we’ll play it by ear. Oh you know what? We could have the kids do art projects to support DBSK and U-Kiss at the Dream Concert next week.”

“Oceana and Youngjae will love that!”

I giggled. “It’s what I’m hoping for.”

“I’ll text the other girls so their kids can make projects too. You know they’ll all be envious if our kids have support things and they don’t.”

“I agree. It’s like there’s some sort of competition between them, which is weird considering how young they are.”

“I know, but look at how competitive their appas are!”

I laughed. “You’re right. How could I forget about that?”

“I’m sure it’s just the hectic day. Okay, we’ll see you later then Alicia. Bye.”

“Bye Nikki Jo.” I hit the end call button, and set my phone on the counter. I looked at my son. “Time to get out of the bath Little Man.”

“Can I play in the bath a little longer Mommy?”

“You can do that, but you’ll miss lunch,” I said knowing what Youngie’s reaction would be.

“Lunch!?” Youngjae looked excited. “I don’t wanna miss lunch.”

“Well then you are going to have to get out of the bath.”

“What’s for lunch?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to eat?”

“Macaroni and cheese with lots and lots of cheese!”

“We will have to see what your nam-dongsaeng deul want to eat too, but I might make macaroni and cheese.”

“Yay!”

“Now it’s hard for Mommy to reach over, so pull the plug for me please and let all the water out of the tub.” I waited until most of the water was drained before I got up and grabbed a big, fluffy towel from a hook across from the sink to dry off Youngie. I saw he was shivering a little. “Are you cold Youngie-yah?” He nodded his head. “Okay. Let Mommy help you out of the tub so you don’t fall, and then I’ll wrap you up in this nice warm towel.” I draped it over my left shoulder and held his hand has he stepped over the lip of the tub. I then wrapped the towel around my son. “I’ll put you back in the clothes you were wearing earlier once you’re dry since they’re not dirty. Then we’ll go downstairs so I can start lunch.”

“Am I still going to see Oceana-yah today?”

“I was talking with her mom on the phone just earlier, and Oceana and her sisters will be coming over here to play this afternoon instead of us going over to her house.”

His face lit up into the biggest grin I have ever seen on his little face. “Yay! I really, really, really, really like seeing Oceana-yah!”

I couldn’t help but smile and giggle at how cute my son was being. “I know you do Honey.”

“We’re going to play trucks, and um, um if she wants to play house I’ll um I’ll, I’ll play it with her, and we’ll play on the swing set in the back yard, and um I’ll push her on the swing! She really likes when I do that Mommy!”

“Does she now? Lift your arms up please so I can put your shirt on.”

“Yeah she does! I’m her big strong oppa; I push her really high! Oh and um I’ll read to her too! Well I’m not that good at reading, but I can read her Where the Wild Things Are ‘cause you and Appa read it to me all the time. I know all the words to that book!”

“Yes you do my little monster.”

Youngjae lifted his arms up pretending to be one of the monsters from the book. “Rawr! I’m gonna get you Mommy!”

“Oh no! Don’t get me!” I hurried from the bathroom laughing. “Who will make lunch today if I’m not around?”

Youngjae stopped to think. “I’m a big boy! I can do it!”

“I thought you were a monster?”

“Monsters eat lunch too.” He started chasing me again. “Rawr!”

“Monster-ssi, my son wants macaroni and cheese,” I said looking over my shoulder, “and you have to use the stove to make it. How old are you?” I stopped running (well as much running as I could do while pregnant) and turned around looking at my son.

Youngie held up his hands. “I’m six!”

 “I’m sorry Monster-ssi, for safety reasons, you aren’t old enough to use the stove by yourself.”

“Oh yeah.” He stopped again. “I forgot. I won’t get you today Mommy.”

I put my hands over my heart. “Thank you oh kind monster for sparing me.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Now let’s go back in the bathroom and finish getting dressed.”

“Okay.”

 

 

“Hewo Aunt,” said Oceana when I opened the door.

“Hello to you too Oceana-yah. You look really pretty in your hair bow today.”

“Fank you! Mum did i’! Hai’ bows look bad when Appa does fem. Mum teached him, but he still does i’ wong. Mum is fe best hai’ bow puter-iner ever!”

Nikki Jo laughed. “Thank you Dear. I don’t know why Appa can’t figure it out either.”

“She even help me put a bow on Lulu! See?” She held up her doll.

I giggled. Lulu was her absolute favorite baby doll. I guess Kwonie wasn’t getting out of playing house today. “Jae-yah and Kwon-ah are in the living room if you want to go play with them.”

“Yay!” I stepped aside and Oceana ran inside.

“Oceana,” yelled Nikki Jo, “remember to take off your shoes!”

“Oh yeah. Sowy I forgot!” She came back and put her and Lulu’s shoes by the front door.

“It’s okay. You were just over excited,” Nikki Jo replied.

I turned my attention to Nikki Jo’s other girls. “Hi Chun Hei.”

She shyly replied from behind her mom’s right leg, “Hello.”

I waved at Jin Ae who was being held and said in a baby voice, “Hi. You’re so cute in your purple tank top with a flower on it.”

“What about me?” I heard Chun Hei pout. Kids almost always hear when another kid gets a compliment and want one too. “How do I look?”

I turned towards her. “I didn’t forget about you. You look adorable in that outfit Honey.”

“Thank you. Mum made me it!”

“She did? Well I really like it. Now come in. Come in,” I finally said. “Enough letting bugs in and all the cool air out.”

Nikki Jo walked in and laughed. “You and your green-ness Alicia.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help myself. I blame my father. Which reminds me. The last time we talked, he was telling us about his garden and how great all the vegetables and fruits are that he gets from it. He even said he had his largest apple and peach crop to date! That’s so crazy to think about seeing as he’s constantly been getting bushels and bushels and bushels of peaches from his three peach trees ever since he planted them. He then went on and on about how Yunho and I should start a garden.

“How many times do I have to remind him that we don’t have space like he does for one? ‘But there are still things you can do! You could start a container garden,’ he said. ” Nikki Jo put down her diaper bag and set one year-old Jin Ae on the floor in front of the sofa. I sat down. “I told him, ‘We don’t have time for even that.’ ” I leaned back and rubbed my belly. “That was the wrong thing to say. He went on to gripe about how he used to have ten times more things on his plate, and yet he still got things done, not to the 100% best of his ability, but things still got done. Don’t get him started about that.” I laughed. “I still don’t think he understands how things work in Korea. You know my dad. He’ll talk to his family about being green until he is blue in the face.”

“You’ve told me as much. You still love how green your dad is.”

“Of course I do. He just needs to learn not to go on and on about things and listen when I tell him that Korea is different when it comes to backyard space in the area where we live. Somehow, even though he has visited us here, he’s simply not connecting it.”

“I think that’s just going to be one of your dad’s eccentricities that he has. Something your kids are going to tell people about their maternal grandfather like, ‘Grandpa Ludwig is great, but every time we talk to him, he tells us the same things about how we should have fruit and vegetable gardens at home.’ ”

“You’re right. I just have to think about this in a more positive light, and less with my issue I still have with him still not truly ‘listening’ to what I say. Dad always bringing up gardening is a delightful thing about him. Yes, delightful.”

“Grandpa Ludwig?” Youngjae asked excitedly hearing our conversation and walking over, Oceana following him. “He lets me plays in the dirt when we visit him! I like playing in the dirt; it’s lots of fun!”

“I not fun,” Oceana chimed in. “You get messy. My hai’ get all mess up. I don’t like i’!”

“Nuhuh. It’s fun!”

I didn’t want the kids to get into an argument and had the perfect solution. “Oceana-yah and Youngjae-yah, I have something special to tell you.”

“Really?” “Weally?” they both exclaimed.

“Yes. One thing that makes boys and girls different is that most boys like being messy and getting dirty and girls don’t like getting dirty. It’s okay to be different in that way, but boys named Youngjae…”

“Like me?”

“Yes, like you Honey. Boys named Youngjae need to remember they still have to listen to their mommies and appas and takes baths and be clean. Youngjaes want to smell as good as their appas, right?” Mentioning Yunho was always a good way to get Youngjae’s attention.

“Yeah! Youngjae wants to smell as good as Appa! Mommy likes the way Appa smells too. It makes Mommy happy; I want to make Mommy happy too!” Aw well wasn’t he just the sweetest! I just prayed that he would remember this.

“Yeah, appas smell fe best!” said Oceana.

It so cute how she said that like it was one of the most obvious things in the world. I giggled. I recalled the one show where Eli showed the inside of his wardrobe where he had some Victoria Secret body spay or something. I always assumed some fan sent it to him, it was one of sisters’ or his mother’s or he was weird, liked it, and got it for himself. There was also a good amount used bottles. Oh Eli. I giggled again.

“What’s funny Mommy?” asked Youngie.

“What? Oh I just remembered something funny about Oceana’s appa from a long time ago.”

“We’re gonna go back to playing,” Youngjae said.

“Go right ahead.”

“So,” said Nikki Jo, “what was it that you remembered about Eli?”

“There was a show years ago where he showed the inside of his wardrobe, and he had a half empty bottle of women’s body spay. I think it may have been Victoria Secret or something.” I started giggling.

“I can barely believe you remembered that.”

“I agree. I have a memory for the oddest things. Appas smelling good happened to bring it up. Why would Eli, a single male living alone, even have women’s body spray back then?”

“Maybe a fan sent it, or it was his mom’s or sisters’.”

“That’s what I was thinking too. He certainly is an odd one.”

Nikki Jo smiled. “You’re one to talk. Look at Yunho.”

We laughed. “You are right. He’s strong and manly with a huge cute side and lots of ageyo, not to mention moobs. Oh his moobs.” I started laughing hard. Those were definitely interesting things the fandom had talked about over the years. The Ya Shim Man Man story didn’t help.

“We both have weird husbands,” Nikki Jo said, “and that’s what we love about them.”

“Indeed we do. Life is never boring with them or our children around.”

“Yuppers. What did you want to do for support projects?”

“I thought…” I noticed out of the corner of my eye Oceana talking to Youngjae very animatedly. Oh gosh could those two be cute together.

 

 

“I gotta visit Appa at wok two days ago. Fat was Monday! I was lotsa fun!” said Oceana throwing her hands up in the air to emphasize her point.

“I like seeing Appa at work too. He lets me sing into the big microphone sometimes! The ahjussi deul who sit at the table with all the knobs say I’m really good.”

“Yeah, you a weally good singer like Uncle!”

 “Thank you.”

“You welcome. Oh yeah. I saw Hawang Oppa! His appa was teaching Appa and Uncles dance. Oppa a weally good dancer.” Youngjae didn’t like what he was hearing. Harang was one of the mean big kids! He didn’t like Harang. “He danced a funny dance,” continued Oceana. “I no gonna dance i’ ‘cause I no good a’ i’. I laugh lots. Appa ask wha so funny. I told him i’ was Oppa. He fe cooles’ big kid ever!”

The more Oceana talked about Harang, the more upset Youngjae was getting. He crossed his arms and pouted. Harang wasn’t cool! He was mean! Oceana finally noticed something was wrong with her oppa.

“Wha’ wong Oppa?”

“Nuttin’.”

“Nuhuh. Somefing no wigh. You sad? Why?”

“I’m not sad.”

“You mad?”

“I’m not mad! Stay away from Harang.”

“Bu we fwiends. Oppa play wif me when I visi’ Appa at wok.”

“I don’t like him. He’s a big meanie!”

“Oppa no meanie! He weally nice. He teached me dance. He weally, weally good dancer like Uncle Yang!”

“Appa says I dance really good like him. Appa dances better than Taeyang Ahjussi. I dance better than Harang! Only watch me dance.” He started to dance to his appa’s coolest song ever.

“No. You no my appa.”  Oceana turned around.

“Watch me dance!”

“No. I dun wanna. I can watch Oppa dance if I wan’!”

“Nuhuh, he not good dancer. He mean!”

“He no mean. He dance weally, weally, weally good!”

“Nuhuh!!” Youngjae was just so upset! He wanted Oceana to be quiet about that big old meanie Harang! He walked in front of her and pushed her.

She started crying. Her bottom hurt. Why did her oppa push her? That was a mean thing to do. Her oppa wasn’t mean. He was really nice! Did she do something bad? Oceana was very confused.

 

 

“Omo. Is that Oceana I hear crying?” asked Nikki Jo looking around.

I spotted Oceana on the ground and Youngjae standing over her. It didn’t look good. “Yes, it looks like it. Let’s go see what’s going on.” We walked over to the kids on the far side of the living room. “Youngjae, Honey, why is Oceana-yah crying?” He just stood there looking at his friend clearly upset over something.

“Oceana, come to the sofa with Mum and tell me what happened, okay?”

“My bottom hur’ Mum,” Oceana said through her tears.

“I’ll make it better I promise.”

“Yes, Youngjae. We’re going to go to the sofa and figure out what happened.”

“No,” he said in a pouty voice.

“Oceana-yah is crying. Don’t you want to make her feel better like usual?” He shook his head. What has gotten into my son? This behavior wasn’t like him. “You’re her big strong oppa. Oppa take care of their dongsaeng. What about all the things you were going to do with Oceana-yah today? You can’t do those things if she’s upset.”

“Not gonna play with her anymore.” Did he just say what I think he said? He couldn’t have, could he? I have to figure out what happened because something is obviously very wrong. Youngie was so excited about the play date with Oceana this morning. What changed?

“Oh Honey, you don’t mean that. You love playing with her.”

“Nuhuh.”

“You, Mommy, Oceana-yah, and Aunt need to talk about what happened. You’ll feel better after talking about it.”

“I won’t.”

“Okay, I understand that something happened to make you feel bad and act the way you did. You don’t have to talk about it; you can just sit next to me and listen and talk when you feel like it. How does that sound?”

“No, no, no,” he whined.

I walked towards the sofa and turned around. “Come on Youngie-yah,” I said motioning my son in my direction. He just stood there with his arm crossed looking clearly upset. “Mommy loves you very much Youngjae, and I want to help you feel better. Mommies are good at making bad things not so bad. Come sit next to me, and we’ll figure things out.” He finally followed me. That was progress.

I sat down and patted the spot on my right. Youngjae hesitantly sat next to me cuddling into my side. Gosh whatever happened must have really upset him more than I even thought; he looked very hurt. I rubbed soothing circles on his back. Oceana’s crying had quieted down a tad, and I was glad for that.

“What did Oceana tell you Nikki Jo?” I asked.

“She said she was telling a story about visiting Appa at work this week and said she got to see Harang. You know how much she likes him.”

“I do.”

“She saw Youngjae wasn’t happy and asked what was wrong. He basically said Harang was mean and to only watch him dance and not Harang. In the end, Youngjae pushed her.”

“It hurted when Oppa pushed me.”

I think I knew what was going on. “Do you think Youngie was jealous?” That would explain why he was acting the way he was.

“That makes sense.” Of course Youngie had never been romantically jealous before, and this could be how he was reacting to the new form of the emotion. Aigoo my poor baby.

“Mum, wha jealous mean?”

“It’s an emotion people sometimes feel when they’re upset; I’ll tell you more about it in a minute. Alicia, why don’t you talk to Youngjae-yah somewhere else while I finish things here?”

“We’ll go to the kitchen to talk, and then,” I looked at my son,” Youngjae will tell Oceana-yah he is sorry for pushing her.” He just pouted at my words, and my heart hurt. Hopefully Nikki Jo and I would be able to make things better.

 

 

I sat down at the kitchen table and pulled the chair next to mine so it faced me. “Sit down please. Youngjae-yah, Mommy loves you very much. I heard Aunt say Oceana was talking a lot about another boy. Is that right?” He nodded his head. “You didn’t like that, did you?” Youngie mumbled a nuhuh. “It is okay to feel that way, but remember when you feel bad, you need to use nice words instead of yelling and pushing someone because yelling and pushing hurts the other person’s feelings.” My son started crying. My poor baby. What was going through his head? I pushed my chair back and knelt down enveloping him in a hug. “What’s wrong Honey?”

“Am I in trouble Mommy?” he said through his tears pulling back from the hug and looking at me. “I, I, I don’t wanna be in trouble. I’ll be, be a good boy, I promise.”

“You’re not in trouble for yelling and pushing Oceana-yah. Ssssh,” I said running my hand through the back of his hair. “It is okay.”

“But you said pushing and yelling was wong, and, and, and I already was bad today!”

“I know. Sometimes there are exceptions to the rules.” I knew that would be hard for a six year old to understand, but I hoped he would have some sort of understanding. I stood up and looked my crying son in the eye. “Let’s go upstairs to my room so we can lay on my bed where it’s more comfortable and you can cuddle with Mommy. It is too hard to do that here with your yeo-dongsaeng (sister) in the way.”  I took Youngie’s hand and we walked upstairs. I really disliked seeing my children crying; it was one of the worst things in the world. I sincerely hoped Youngjae would understand what I had to say.

We climbed onto the king-sized bed. I took a tissue from the bedside table and told him to blow his nose while I held it for him. Then I wiped the tears from his face with my hands. He cuddled up to me and I rubbed soothing circles on his back. “Everything is going to be okay Youngjae-yah. You’re not a bad boy.”

“But, but…”

“Really, you’re not. You do things that get you in trouble sometimes, but you also help Mommy make salads. You make Appa laugh when he’s feeling down. You share with nam-dongsaeng deul even when you don’t want to. You push Oceana-yah high on the swing. You do a lot of other things to help people; bad boys wouldn’t do those things. You aren’t in trouble for you did to Oceana since you don’t fully understand why you did it. Now Mommy knows you like when she says nice things about you, and today you said you were her big strong oppa and you do things for Oceana that she really likes.” Youngie had stopped crying.

“I want to help you understand why her talking about another boy makes you feel bad. Do you remember when I said the word jealous before?”

“No.”

“Well jealousy is an emotion people feel when they’re scared they are going to lose something important to them. You were very jealous of all the time Mommy and Appa had to spend with Yookwon after he was born. You didn’t understand what was going on; you were afraid we loved the baby more than you. But now you know that’s not true. No matter how many babies come into this family, Appa and Mommy will love you and your dongsaeng deul all the same. You have helped your nam-dongsaeng deul learn that many times. Appa and Mommy are proud of you for doing that. You’re such a big boy.” I smiled at my son and could see he was looking less tense.

“When Oceana-yah talked about Harang, were you scared she liked another boy better than you?”

“I dun know.”

“Okay. I’ll give you an example to help you. There was one time where Appa got very jealous of a guy friend I was spending a lot of time with while Appa and Mommy were dating. You know how we have to be on a plane for a very long time when we visit Grandma and Grandpa?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I was living by them when I entered a contest to be on a Korean TV show. That’s where I met Appa for the first time in person. Before then, I just saw him in pictures and videos online. We eventually started sending emails and other messages online to each other. He asked me one day if I would move to Korea because we were boyfriend and girlfriend and living far away from each other while being boyfriend and girlfriend is hard. We wanted to see each other in person, but we couldn’t do that. I thought about it and decided one of my best friends, Nikki Jo, and I could teach English in Korea, so we moved here.”

“The company we worked for would sometimes have parties. I met a guy who used to live near my parents back in America, and we became friends. I was really happy to find someone who was from the same city I was. We would talk about our experiences back home and things people only from Chicago would get.”

“Appa was jealous of my friendship with my friend Shawn. He didn’t like when I talked about Shawn; it made him scared. Remember that jealousy is an emotion people feel like they’re going to lose something important to them. So why do you think Appa was scared?”

“Um, well, you talk about something a lot when you like it lots and lots. Did Appa think you liked that Ahjussi more than him?”

“You are right Youngie-yah. Appa was scared I liked someone else better than him.”

“You would never do that Mommy. You love Appa lots and lots and lots and lots! Didn’t Appa know that?”

“I’m sure he did. Sometimes jealousy makes you feel things that aren’t always true. Appa was scared of something else too. Appa was (and still is) an idol, so we had to keep our relationship a secret back then. He was scared that I would leave him and date my friend, and he didn’t want to lose me. Appa thought I would like it better if I could be honest and open about being Shawn’s girlfriend if I dated him. Shawn and I could do things I couldn’t do with Appa like go on dates and not worry about Cassie getting mad about us not telling them.”

“What did Appa do?”

“He got really frustrated, mad, and didn’t talk to me as much as he did before. I didn’t understand why. Shawn was just a friend. I didn’t see a problem with being friends with him, and I didn’t understand why Appa acted differently. Uncle Changmin had to explain things to me for me to understand because Mommy isn’t perfect and doesn’t know everything.” Youngjae looked thoughtful, and I wondered what he was thinking.

“Honey, did you think Oceana liked Harang better than you when she kept talking about him?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you tell me what else you were feeling?”

“That made me scared like Appa. I told Oceana to stop talking about Hyung, but she didn’t. She wouldn’t stop Mommy! That made me mad. I just wanted her to be quiet. I didn’t know how to make her be quiet, so I pushed her.” Something flashed across his face. “Oh no! Mommy, what if Oceana doesn’t like me anymore? I don’t want her not to like me anymore! I like Oceana-yah lots and lots and lots and lots and lots. Like you and Appa like each other but more! What if she won’t play with me now?” Youngjae was working himself up. I rubbed circles on his back.

“Sssssh. It’s okay Youngjae, Honey. It’s okay. Aunt is talking to Oceana about what happened just like I’m talking to you. Trust me, she will still like you and want to play with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Mommy is 100% positive.”

“Really?”

“Really. Let’s go back to the living room now.”

He looked at me with complete trust in his eyes. “Okay Mommy.”

 

 

Youngjae stood in front of the couch looking at the floor sheepishly. “I’m really sorry I yelled at you, and I’m sorry I pushed you Oceana-yah.” She looked at her mom for a minute, clearly unsure of what she should say.

“What do you say when someone apologizes?” coaxed Nikki Jo.

“I forgive you.” She yawned.

“Thank you. Do you…um… Do you still want to play with me?” Youngjae sounded and looked nervous of Oceana’s response. “We could go outside and play on the swing set if you want, but you don’t hafta if you don’t wanna.”

“I wanna.”

“Really?” His face lit up. “You wanna play with me?” Aw. My baby boy is growing up. I hope he would grow and learn from this experience.

“Yeah. You my favori’ oppa eva!”

“Sorry guys,” I said, even though I really didn’t want to break up their cute moment. “It’s nap time. I can tell you’re both tired. I know dongsaeng deul are tired too. I think some of the them are already asleep.”

“But Mommy, can’t we play a little first?” Jae yawned.

“Yeah Mum! We wanna play!”

“You can play after you take a nap,” Nikki Jo said.

“But Mommy…”

“No buts Mister,” I said cutting off my whining son. I understood their emotions. Youngjae was very scared Oceana would never want to play with him again, yet here she was agreeing to play on the swing set. Oceana was full of confusion before because she couldn’t understand Youngjae’s words and actions. I could see the relief and happiness radiating from our eldest. I knew too that a nap was the best thing for everyone. Most of all, I knew Nikki Jo and I were able to solve the jealousy crisis, and that was one of the best things in the world.