Kang Hodong walked on stage. “Some people might be wondering how we chose the fangirls for today’s International Fangirl Episode,” he said. “The answer is simple and a little bit time consuming. On the applications, we asked the applicants to put down their usernames from the Korea/Kpop and SNS sites they visit most frequently, and then the staff researched them by looking at their posts and comments. They said Twitter took the longest because some of the girls have over ten thousand tweets! Unbelievable! The girls with the best posts and comments were chosen to come here today.” Next all the idols were introduced and took their seats. There was Big Bang, SHINee, MBLAQ, Dong Bang Shin Ki and JYJ. The next people to be introduced were the six fangirls.

I was very nervous. This was the largest audience I’ve ever had to do public speaking in front of and public speaking and I never got along too terribly well. There was a bunch of celebrities here also that I’ve only ever seen online who were more than a tad bit good looking! So of course, that wouldn’t make me any less nervous.

“I like to thank Alicia-ssi for finding the Babel Fish that we all have in our ears today,” Hodong continued. “They give us automatic translations! Unbelievable! We are going to have the most amazing show today. I would like to start off by asking all the idols here a question. Now with all these fangirls here from overseas, I’m sure they’re curious as to who’s the best with the ladies so they can have a chance.”

A loud cry was head from the girls, and “Boo!” “We already know the answer to that question!” “Yeah, they get asked that all the time!” “We know who we have a chance with!” could be heard.

“Hey! People change over time, and you may be surprised by the answers you hear,” replied Hodong.

“We think not,” one girl said.

“We’re stans. We know almost everything about these guys,” another chimed in.

“Stans/fangirls never forget,” said a third girl.

“Changmin-ssi, you look like you have something to say,” Hodong said.

“Uh for Yunho…because Yunho’s very popular, I’ve seen seriously a lot of girls approach him. Yes…really a ridiculous amount.”

 

 

It looked like Changmin was throwing his bandmate under the bus. Yunho became very nervous and started his lips. Changmin shook his head like he knew it was hard to believe. “Uhha,” Changmin sighed. Yunho then started laughing really hard and slapped his leg and covered his eyes falling out of his chair in amusement.

The other fangirls and I couldn’t figure out why Yunho found what Changmin said so funny, although we knew his reaction was played up a bit because well duh. That’s what people do on these types of shows in Korea. Still, most of the girls were practically rolling in laughter because Yunho fell out of his chair. Maybe he found it funny out of embarrassment? Oh wait… I think I know why. It is out of embarrassment. I mean, Changmin has always been the least popular member of DBSK, so I think he may have been referring to fans more than just who’s more popular with girls. Being the huge Changmin fan that I am, I don’t like to think about that. Hm, I think the mood needs to lighten up a bit.

I raised my hand. “I have something to say about that. So what if a lot of girls approach Yunho-ssi? Changmin-ssi is actually better with girls if you ask me.”

“Could that be true Yunho-ssi?” asked Hodong. Yunho had calmed down by that point and was back in his seat.

“Maybe. I’d like to hear why…” Yunho looked behind him and stared at me. OH EM FRICKEN GE! YUNHO IS STARING AT ME. KEEP CALM. KEEP CALM. KEEP CALM. “Alicia-ssi has to say.” HE MESSED UP THE PRONUNCEATION OF MY NAME BUT THAT’S OKAY. I KNOW IT’S HARD FOR KOREANS TO PRONOUNCE.

I took a deep breath to calm my racing heart and nerves. “Um, well, I don’t know if Dong Bang Shin Ki and JYJ would remember this because if I were them I wouldn’t, but back in 2008 when they were on Come to Play, each member made a ranking list. Jaejoong-ssi’s was The Best Casanova. I’m sure Cassiopeia thought Yoochun-ssi would be number one since he’s the greasy member. Number one actually turned out to be Changmin-ssi. I personally was really surprised because he’s known to be shy at times. Jaejoong-ssi said that he choose Changmin-ssi as number one not because he’s the best with girls but seeing as he can look at a girl once, even in a large crowd, and can remember everything about her. I think the example Jaejoong-ssi gave involved a fan that they saw outside their van one day and Changmin-ssi asked if they meant the one in the red dress.”

“You have quite the memory Alicia-ssi,” Hodong commented.

“For some things. I’ve actually watched that episode of Come to Play more than a few times over the years.” I laughed. “I bet we could question Changmin-ssi about the girl from the SMTOWN LA concert that he sang the duet to with Kyuhyun-ssi, and he would remember all the details about her. Us fangirls don’t forget the fanaccount from Paisley either. Plus, it wouldn’t be that hard to pull up that information online to verify it.”

“You’re right, Alicia-ssi. Changmin-ssi couldn’t stop talking about her for days on end. He really owns Kyuhyun-ssi for that stunt he pulled.” Yunho laughed. “They were never even supposed to touch her! And then to give Changmin-ssi a moment with her… That’s what I call a great friend.”

A fangirl named Meg, who was documenting everything on her iPad, went into reporter mode. “Changmin-ssi, what color hair does Paisley have?”

“Do I really have to answer that question?”

“Don’t you remember?” she asked.

“Che! Of course I do.” He looked shocked that someone would question his smarts. “The question just seems pointless to answer. Besides, I wouldn’t want to make any other fangirls jealous by talking about it over and over again.”

“It’s not like you have anything to hide, right?”

“No.”

“Well then, man up and answer the question!”

Changmin sighed knowing he wasn’t going to win. “He hair is blond and parted on the right.”

“Correct. Adding extra information. Interesting. What color shirt was she wearing?

“It was red with back skinny jeans.”

“You’re also right about that. Was she wearing any jewelry?”

“She had on a red rubber bracelet that said ‘Always Keep The Faith.’ ”

“Correct again. Both Alicia-ssi and Jaejoong-ssi’s observations are correct in my books.”

“Can’t I just be a very observant person?” Changmin defended.

“Changmin-ssi,” Jaejoong chimed in, “that would be true if was more than just girls.” Again everyone laughed.

I didn’t want Changmin to be upset (I could tell he just might start pouting); therefore I made funny faces at him while one girl was telling a story about becoming a pop sensation. Changmin laughed. I wasn’t sure whether it was at me, with me, or both.

“Okay,” I said when the last story was over. “Here is a story you can appreciate Changmin-ssi:  All the fangirls got an all-expense paid trip to be here today, and we’re sharing rooms at the hotel. My roommates are Nikki Jo and Laina and goodness gracious girls. When you leave the room, turn the lights off! I don’t know which one of you are doing that, but please remember to turn the lights off. My dad taught me from an early age that if the room is lit well enough without the lights on or you’re leaving the room and won’t be back for a while, turn the lights off. The reason why he taught me that is because he believes in being green. He even told me that he wanted to get some sort of environmental science degree (a.k.a. a green degree) back in college before green was even a thing, so his academic adviser told him to get a chemical engineering degree instead. That was back in oh, let’s see. His freshmen year would have been in 1975. Gosh, is he really that old?” I laughed and glanced around the room.

YUNHO’S STARING AT ME AGAIN, AND I’M PRETTY SURE IT’S FOR MORE THAN JUST MY NAME TAG THIS TIME TOO. UM, HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN STARING AT ME? STAY CALM. Don’t feel awkward. You’re just a stan of the group he’s in. Just finish your story. You can do this. “He went on to say to me after sighing and shaking his head, ‘I’m always ahead of my time.’ Yeah, yeah. I get what you were implying Dad. It’s so hard being you. You could have pioneered being green but no. You didn’t. Think about what that could have meant for the world! I still love him though and all the things I learned about being environmentally conscious by watching him throughout the years. I really love him. He’s such a great man. I don’t know where I’d be without him and the people he brought into my life.”

IS YUNHO GETTING UP FROM HIS SEAT? IS, IS, IS HE WAL NO RUN, RUNNING TOWARDS ME? No, he’s not. I mean, he is but I don’t want to believe it. I hear music. Yeah, music. He’s just getting up to dance. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE. DID, DID HE JUST GRAB MY WRIST? HE JUST EFFING KISSED ME!!!!!!!!!!!! IN FRONT OF THE CAMERAS AND ALL THESE PEOPLE. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON! WE’RE, WE’RE RUNNING BACKSTAGE. HE’S A KOREAN GUY, AND I’M IN KOREA. THERE’S NO WAY I CAN GET OUT OF HIS WRIST HOLD. WELL MAYBE I CAN BUT. WAIT. DO I EVEN WANT TO GET OUT OF HIS WRIST HOLD? WHAT IS GOING ON!? CAN YUNHO TELL I’M FREAKING OUT? ‘CAUSE, ‘CAUSE, ‘CAUSE THAT WOULDN’T BE GOOD.

MY BACK IS UP AGAINST THE WALL, AND I’M LOOKING TO THE SIDE, AND THE WRIST HE’S HOLDING IS ABOVE MY HEAD. AM I STUCK IN A KDARAMA? IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE OR IS IT JUST ME? I THINK MY FACE IS GETTING ALL RED. IS HE WEARING OLD SPICE AFTER SHAVE? DO THEY EVEN HAVE OLD SPICE IN KOREA? WHO CARES. YUNHO SMEELS SOOOOO GOOD. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT WHEN, WHEN. WHEN DID HE START HUGGING ME? WAIT I WA IS WHAT. WHAT IS LIFE!? HE’S TALKING TO ME. TAKE A DEEP BREATH. YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING.

“Um, sorry. What did you say?” I asked nervously.

“I said, when I heard you talking about your appa, I just couldn’t help myself because I respect my own abeoji (아버지, father) a lot too. Did the PDs tell you that they told all the idols the specific reasons why they choose each fangirl?”

“No.” Where is he going with this? If they choose each girl from the posts and comments they made online, then…

“You really stood out to me.” I what? He took a step back to look at me. I know I’m a very open minded and loving person but… Uh, keyboard smash. “I read your comments on the sasaeng posts,” HE READ ALL THE STUFF THAT I WROTE. HE READ ALL THE STUFF THAT I WROTE. HE READ ALL THE STUFF THAT I WROTE. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. LIKE OH EM GE! “and I couldn’t believe what I was reading. You were one of the few people that were actually defending Yoochun. That really means a lot to me.”

“I wasn’t defending him.”

“What were you doing then?”

“First of all, I live half way around the world from him and am just a fan, so really how much can I know about him? Second of all, I was simply giving reasons as to why Yoochun could have done what he did. There’s no way I could put words in his mouth or give an absolute about what was going on because I simply don’t know.”

“It was still very admirable what you did.”

“Thank you. My main thing about that post was that no matter what he did, I was going to react in love. What else could and should I do as Christian? God is love and love is God, and because of the great love that God has shown all of us, I should react in love. Plus loving your neighbor is one of the great commandments, so there you go.”

“That is so true. I also loved how you responded to the Eli tweet post. You actually quoted your communication textbook and a communication theory. Just. Wow.”

“Oh, well. Thanks.” YUNHO’S COMPLEMENTING ME. IS THIS REAL LIFE? HOW DO I KEEP FINDING WORDS TO SPEAK? I KEEP AMAZING MYSLEF.

“When people started attacking you and your family, you kept your cool far longer than I would have.”

“Nobody messes with my family. I don’t care if it’s the internet.” THIS IS SO NOT HAPPENING TO ME. HIS FACE IS… OM MY GOODNESS. HE’S GOING TO… HE’S KISSING ME AGAIN. HE’S UM. YEAH. GREAT KISSER. I HAVE NO REAL EXPERIENCE, BUT I UH KNOW WHAT I LIKE, OKAY?

He pulled away after a few minutes and put his arms around my shoulders. I’M IN A DAZE. “Your zest for culture is another thing that the staff was really able to pick up on. Your whole conversation with @purplelykthat on Twitter was just the icing on the cake. So was that post about fanservice on your Livejournal.” OH GOODNESS HE READ THAT? OH! DOES THAT MEAN HE READ THE FANFICS ON MY JOURNAL TOO? OH GOSH I HOPE NOT! OH THAT WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSING. “Do you think we should get back on set now?” He laughed.

“Uh, what?” I CAN’T FOCUS. HIS MOUTH IS MOVING BUT UM. I’M STARING AT HIS LIPS.

“The set. Do you think we should go back? It was unprofessional of us to just run off like that.”

I nodded. “Oh crap. What will everyone say?”

“I don’t know. It can’t too bad.” We walked back on set with Yunho’s arm still around my shoulder to cheering.