I haven't updated in months and I feel so bad. But luckily I'm on summer break now, so I won't be so busy with school and I'll have much more time to write. I'll already started next chapter so expect to see that posted within the next week!

I'll try to be better with regular updates now that school is over. I also know some of you are worried about JJP, and there is a lot of angst coming up, but there's still a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise, things will get better. The angst will only make the ending sweeter. Stick with me! I love you all for still reading <3

Jinyoung balances his phone precariously between his shoulder and ear as he gently stirs the heap of vegetables resting in a sizzling pan. The soft aroma of spices fills the kitchen and the soft R&B music playing in the background has Jinyoung tapping his foot against the oven door. It creates the perfect soothing atmosphere Jinyoung needs after working late nights for several weeks in a row, but it was worth it in the end because he had saved enough to purchase his own apartment.

Sharing a living space with Mark and his wife had become uncomfortable after a while, especially after that talk with Mia. With his own savings and a little help from his mother, which he reluctantly took after realizing the price of apartments in Seoul, Jinyoung managed to snag himself a modest apartment, that was still pretty lavish compared to what he was use to in Icheon. Jinyoung made sure to relay this information as soon as possible to Jaebum, who accepted the news with great relief. Some of Jaebum's insecurities surrounding their relationship, that had arisen out of Jinyoung living with Mark were somewhat soothed, although they were not completely gone.

"Are you and Bambam eating properly? I swear if all you're having for lunch now is milkshakes and fries-" Jinyoung scolds Yugyeom over the phone, and he can practically hear his disrespectful, but beloved, dongsaeng rolling his eyes on the other end, "Of course, hyung."

"Mhm, I don't believe you."

"I think I ate an apple a few days ago. That's healthy right?"

Jinyoung is horrified, "Days ago? Aish, I should tell Jackson to make sure you're eating healthy."

"Nooo," Yugyeom whines, "Jackson will just feed us stuff from his organic diets."

"It would do you good," Jinyoung counters as he reaches over the pan of vegetables to turn off the stove and can then lean more comfortably against the counter.

Yugyeom sighs over-dramatically into the phone, "I'm a growing boy. I can't live off of just protein bars and kale shakes." The mention of protein bars and kale shakes makes Jinyoung think fondly back to the mornings at the coffee shop where Jackson would bring in all sorts of organic smoothies. He'd always enthusiastically offer Jinyoung a sip and ask how it turned out. Jinyoung never had the heart to turn Jackson down, and would always scarf down the concoctions as fast as he could, biting back the grimace in order to give Jackson a tight lipped smile and thumbs up. Jackson's sunshine-like smile was always worth the bitter aftertaste.

Four soft taps on his door alert Jinyoung of a visitor and his phone almost slips out of his hands, startled out of his thoughts, but the visitor isn't exactly a surprise for Jinyoung, "Hey Yugyeom, I have a guest. I'll have to call you back."

"I hope it's not Mark," Yugyeom responds immediately, disapproval creeping into his voice, "Jaebum, wouldn't like that. Isn't spending too much time with Mark the reason why you guys fought like weeks ago."

"Why do you assume it's Mark?" Jinyoung splutters, feeling rather exposed.

"Hyung." Yugyeom's tone indicates there is no use in trying to argue.

"I've got to go," Jinyoung says quickly, "Send my love to everyone at the cafe." He hangs up on Yugyeom before the younger can continue to judge him.

Although Jaebum knew that Jinyoung had finally moved into his own apartment, he didn't know that Mark still stopped by for regular visits. Jinyoung felt a little guilty at excluding this detail from his daily chats with Jaebum, but it just never came up, and Jinyoung didn't want to bring it up and sour the few moments he had with Jaebum over the phone. Besides, him and Jaebum had finally stopped fighting so much. This information would just cause another unnecessary rift. There was no harm in his best friend dropping by for occasional visits anyways, right?  

Jinyoung swings the front door open and is greeted by Mark, decked out in a grey business suit that hangs off his slim shoulders and a silky blue tie that Jinyoung suddenly has the urge to smooth over with his hands. Mark's goofy grin is half hidden by the white plastic bug he holds up to Jinyoung's face, it smells deliciously of meat. Mark wiggles his eyebrows, "I brought the goods."

"You make it sound like you brought drugs."

Mark snorts, his dorky behavior a sharp contrast to his business attire, before pushing past Jinyoung to dump the bag and his briefcase on the counter top. He toes off his shoes, and carelessly tosses his suit jacket across one of the bar stools. Mark loosens his tie, s the cuffs of his sleeves and rubs his hands together, "Work was too long today. I'm starving."

It all feels strangely domestic, and that prompts Jinyoung to ask, "Shouldn't you be at home with Mia?"

Mark pouts at him, "Are you trying to kick me out already? I've only been here for 2 minutes."

"I don't want your wife to hate me because I've been stealing you away from home." Jinyoung quips and Mark laughs, but Jinyoung isn't completely joking.

Mia had been just as relieved as Jaebum that Jinyoung was moving out, and Jinyoung wants to keep the quiet truce they had established. Even though Mia's words had shaken him, Jinyoung could understand where she was coming from. Her husband was acting unusually close with someone who he use to be in love with, and to know that the other party had once returned those same feelings must be unsettling. Jinyoung knew that in her place he would face the same cascade of doubts and envy. He had to sympathize with her as he knew she was going through the same insecurities that Jaebum was going through at the moment. The situation was uncomfortable for all three of them, meanwhile Mark seemed to be blissfully at peace.

"Mia loves you, don't be silly." Mark says and Jinyoung doesn't express the thought that Mia might not like him so much anymore, not in their current situation.

Mark goes straight into Jinyoung's cupboards, locating the plates within seconds. He seems perfectly at home. Hmmm. Maybe he has been spending too much time in my apartment.

The guilt caused by this thought doesn't help Jinyoung's already skittish nerves. He's been meaning to confirm something with Mark since he talked with Mia. Even though Mia had been explicit, Jinyoung could only believe it was real hearing it coming from Mark's mouth. Jinyoung spends a few minutes struggling to open the tight knot on the bag of meat, and he can't tell if it's because of his own lack of agility or his subconscious way of finding a distraction. Giving up on the bag and curiosity finally winning over, he blurts out, "You know how last week, you wanted me to be honest to you when I told you that I use to be," Jinyoung winces slightly, "in love with you. Well can you be honest with me when I ask you something?"

Mark stops in the middle of spooning the vegetables Jinyoung's cooked into plates for them, looking at Jinyoung with some concern, "Of course. What's been on your mind?"

"I know." Jinyoung starts and almost backs down, regret crowding the silence following Jinyoung's two simple words. God damn it, why can't I let this rest. But it's too late to go back now. "I know you use to be in love with me in middle school."

Mark's mouth falls slack, face going slightly pale. In an other situation, it would be comical how he looks exactly like a deer caught in headlights. But right now, Jinyoung just feels his skin crawl with uneasiness. Why did I bring this topic up again? I'm an idiot. I told myself I'd stop thinking about it. Mark tugs his collar nervously away from his neck, "Where did you hear that?"

"Mia told me."

"Oh." Mark doesn't say anything else, and instead goes to ruffle through one of Jinyoung's drawers for utensils. He seems jittery, moving from place to place in Jinyoung's kitchen.

"Oh? Is that all you have to say?" Jinyoung feels slight irritation at Mark's ability to casually dismiss topics he doesn't want to talk about. "Why did you never tell me?"

Mark finds Jinyoung's kitchen drawers incredibly interesting, and Jinyoung grows impatient, "Is it even true?"

Mark finally stops fake-searching through Jinyoung's drawer to straighten his back, but he is still facing away from Jinyoung when he speaks, "Of course it's true. I wouldn't lie to Mia."

"Why would you tell her, but not me?"

Mark shrugs, "I tell Mia almost everything," He eventually turns around to look at Jinyoung in the eyes, but seems to shrink back against the counter under Jinyoung's questioning glare.

"Are you serious?" Jinyoung says, "I told you my feelings, but you never had the courage to tell me yours."

Mark waves his hands wildly in front of him, "You have to understand. I was so young back then. I didn't even know you were gay until the beginning of high school. Even once I knew, I didn't want to be the that assumed you automatically had feelings for me because I'm a guy you're close with."

Jinyoung doesn't know why he feels so affronted, considering he had been so reluctant to reveal his own feelings just a week ago. But somehow he can't help the accusing manner he says, "So you were never going to say anything?"

Mark slams his hand down on the counter, causing the plates on top to rattle against one another. Jinyoung grimaces at the jarring sound. "Damn it Jinyoung, you weren't going to tell me about your feelings either!" Mark exclaims.

He in a deep breath to calm himself after seeing how startled Jinyoung is at his outburst. He begins again in a calmer voice, "You never gave me any indication of returning my feelings anyways."

Jinyoung is at loss for words, shaken by Mark's explanation, "Me? But-but, you were the one who dated all those other girls."

Mark frowns, "I didn't want to cross a line with you that I would regret later. I started seeing other people to distract myself, and little by little whatever I felt for you just began to fade away."

"You fell out of love with me," Jinyoung says bluntly.

Mark doesn't disagree, "I'm sorry."

Jinyoung shakes his head, "You don't have to apologize. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that we both use to be in love with each other, but at different points in our life."

Mark offers him a small smile, that's more of a grimace, but a smile nonetheless, the earlier tension finally dissipating, "I guess we have bad timing don't we?"

"Yea, we do." Jinyoung mumbles mostly to himself. The possibility of what could have been hits him. What if he had started loving Mark a little earlier, or what if Mark hadn't given up on him so soon? They were a fraction away from the stars aligning just right. Something could have happened, and things would have been so, so different right now. There had been endless chances too, with them being attached at the hip at such a young age. Then again, maybe there was a reason why despite all the opportunities given, none were taken.

Mark clears his throat, and finishes serving their dinner, he talks as he works, "It's in the past now, right? Like you said before, let's move on from this." Mark looks up at Jinyoung, both plates in his hands, "Come on, I want to watch that English drama from last week we never finished."

"Yes, hyung." Jinyoung answers numbly, following Mark into the living room. There's goosebumps running up his skin as he thinks of the 'what if's' that are sure to plague him for nights to come.

The trees surrounding their table at the outside cafe had begun to sprout baby green leaves. Birds had found their perch on the young branches, and a few were brave enough to venture into the outskirts of the cafe area, looking for table scraps. The sun shined above them, but wasn't oppressive. These were all small signs of spring creeping into the air, but there was still a distinct chill lingering in the air that seemed like it didn't want to go away. As if winter still wanted to win over spring, despite it's time being long overdue.

A particularly brutal gust of wind blows past Jinyoung and his mother, causing them both to shiver in their seats. Jinyoung's hand, which is clutching a teacup, shakes a little in the breeze. Fat drops of hot water slosh over the sides and land on his-technically Jaebum's-sweatshirt. Jinyoung clicks his tongue against his teeth in annoyance and dabs at the wet spot with a napkin. The spot stubbornly refuses to dry itself, and only sits there mocking him like a nagging afterthought.

"How's your new apartment?" his mother asks, stirring her spoon in her coffee.

Jinyoung shrugs, "It's fine. I like having my own place and not intruding in on Mark and Mia's privacy"

His mother nods, "I felt bad not being able to let you stay with me. I was worried it would be awkward between the three of you, but it looks like you all got along well. Mia practically loves you."

Jinyoung takes too large a sip of tea, and choking slightly. He shift uncomfortably in his seat, his mind flashing to their conversation in the kitchen, "I have a feeling she's not very fond of me anymore."

"Don't be silly. How can someone not like you?"

Jinyoung laughs bitterly, lately he's been feeling like the exact type of person someone would hate. His mother raises a questioning eyebrow at him, indicating she's waiting for him to elaborate. "There's something you're not telling me is there." Her motherly intuition quickly picks up his discomfort. Jinyoung fiddles with the napkin in his lap, keeping his eyes downcast. He knows he has to confide in someone before he went insane. If there is anyone in this world he trusts with his troubles, it's his mother.

"A few weeks ago, I told Mark that I use to be in love with him." Jinyoung's cheeks flush the second the words leave his mouth.

His mother's gives him an alarmed look, the concern is evident in the folds of her creased brows. Jinyoung rushes to reassure her, "It went better than I thought it would. He didn't judge me for it. He said everything was fine and-" Jinyoung smiles to himself, "he even apologized."

His mother nods in approval, "Mark has always been a good person."

"There's more," Jinyoung bites his lips, stomach churning just at the thought of what he's about to reveal next. "A few weeks ago, right before I moved into my own apartment, Mia came up to me." Jinyoung clenches his fist around the napkin in his hand, "She told me Mark use to be in love with me too, when we were really young kids."

"Oh my God," his mother lifts her hand to , "I always thought, well I never assumed-" she shakes her head, "I guess it makes sense. I did have an inkling of a feeling that he loved you more than a friend."

Jinyoung frowns, "What do you mean?"

"Well, Mark use to look at you the way Jaebum looks at you now."

Jinyoung's stomach lurches within him almost painfully. The napkin in his hands crumpled beyond repaired and the tips of his fingers going white from the pressure he's applying. The mention of Jaebum has anxiety and guilt settling into his bones, making his limbs feel like lead, like he can't move. His mother's statement made everything much more real. "I-I never noticed," Jinyoung manages to croak out, and he reaches for his teacup to soothe his parched throat.

His mother scoffs, "Of course you didn't. You were too busy giving him same rosy eyed look." She takes a bite of her food before pausing, eyes wide, "Mark doesn't still-"

"No!" Jinyoung says a little too loudly, a few people turn to look at him and his body flushes hotly. He continues in a quieter voice, "Of course not. I clarified that with him. It's all in the past now." Then why does your stomach feel like it goes to empty all its contents on the floor?

His mother says gently, "Does Jaebum know about this?"

Jinyoung gulps nervously, "No, I don't think it's something he would want to hear. It would just make things awkward."

"He still deserves to know." His mother chastises him and Jinyoung bows his head in shame. He picks up his fork to play with his food in an attempt to occupy himself with something,  but his mother reaches across the table to take his hand, "Why are you scared of Jaebum knowing? You aren't still in love with Mark are you?"

Jinyoung recoils back from her touch, as if he had been burned by hot coals. "That's ridiculous!"

"You know I wouldn't judge you if you still were." His mother says seriously, "I did wonder at first if Jaebum was just a rebound. I had seen you love Mark so intensely, it was hard to imagine you loving someone else for a change."

Jinyoung shakes his head feverishly, embarrassment crawling all over his skin, "If there is one thing I'm sure about, is that what I feel for Jaebum is genuine. I'm not using him. I love him."

"It's possible to love two people at the same time."

Jinyoung falters, "I-I don't t-think I still love Mark. I can't be. It's been so long"

"Then why are you still here in Seoul, and not with Jaebum in Icheon?" His mother retorts. Jinyoung's has no response, his throat closing up on him, preventing him from forming any coherent sentences.

"Sweetie," his mother continues, "I don't mean to fluster you. I just want you to be honest with yourself about your feelings. Don't be hard on yourself, if you feel conflicted. You were in love with Mark for years, that type of love isn't easy to get rid of."

Jinyoung finally finds his voice, "But that makes me feel like a terrible boyfriend. Why do I have to feel conflicted? Jaebum deserves better."

"Jaebum loves you, he doesn't want anything "better". The best you can do for him right now, is to be honest about what you're feeling."

The thing is, Jinyoung had purposely avoided taking the time to sit down and really analyze what he felt since he saw Mark again. Sure, his immediate reaction was happiness, but there was something else that made his stomach twist uneasily whenever he looked at Mark. Out of fear, Jinyoung never named whatever that was, he didn't want to. Love? No, Jinyoung knew what it was like to be in love with Mark, hell he had spent most of his lifetime being in love with him, and this wasn't it - it couldn't be it. The love he use to feel for Mark was all consuming, like a fire burning constantly through his body that seem to use up all the oxygen he needed to breathe. Whatever Jinyoung felt now was no longer that powerful, it resembled a watered down cup of coffee, not as strong but it still had a lingering bite to it.

Maybe it was just that Jinyoung's heart was so use to loving Mark. There was something familiar and comforting about depending on Mark's affections, it had become some sort of co-dependence, which was now a left over sense of attachment to his best friend. Unfortunately, old habits die hard.

But it didn't make Jinyoung love Jaebum any less. He didn't like to compare the two men in his life, nor what he felt for either of them. To Jinyoung, they were two completely different people, representing two completely different aspects of his life, the past and the future. And maybe that was part of the problem. He didn't want to get stuck on the past nor did he want to completely let go of it. Everything in his past was still integral to who he had become in the present.

Still, Jinyoung knew he didn't have the luxury to lead both lives and expect everyone to be happy about it. He also didn't have much time to decide, considering how Jaebum kept asking when he was going to move back. There was something holding him back - unfinished business here in Seoul. As to what that unfinished business was, Jinyoung didn't know yet. But he did know if he didn't give an answer soon...well he didn't want to think about the consequences.

Jinyoung wakes up to the commotion of pots and pans knocking against one another and his phone vibrating furiously by his ear. He groans as he pushes his face further into the sofa cushions trying to drown out all the noise so he can salvage some more sleep, but his phone just vibrates harder. With blearily eyes, Jinyoung fumbles to unlock his phone and sees his alarm is ringing but he can't recall what he set it for. Once he turns it off Jinyoung happily closes his eyes and slips into a slumber until the whistle of a kettle pierces through his blissful silence once again. Who is so inconsiderate enough to disturb him-

Wait.

He lives alone.

Jinyoung jolts up in fear, already reaching for the candle holder on the coffee table as a poor excuse of a weapon. He stealthily approaches the opening to the kitchen, ready to fight the intruder, when Mark's head peeks around the corner.

Jinyoung yelps in surprise, the candle holder slipping out of his hand onto his foot. He falls to the ground to nurse his injury, "What the ?"

"Hello to you, too." Mark says quite cheerfully.

"How did you get in here?" Jinyoung rubs at the bruise already forming on his toe.

"Your spare key is under the door mat," Mark hums in disapproval as he returns to the kitchen and Jinyoung follows him limping. "Your mom told me you were getting sick so I decided to check up on you." He stirs at a pot of what smells like soup, "I found you passed out on the couch, you were a little warm but not feverish. Nothing my soup can't fix."

Jinyoung snorts, "You sound like my mom." He wobbles over to the counter where he sees meds that Mark must have bought. He gratefully gulps them down, realizing he is feeling a little off. Mark reaches over to whack Jinyoung lightly on the top of his head with the clean side of the spoon. "A 'thanks hyung you're so considerate', would be nice." Jinyoung gives him a sheepish look, and Mark rolls his eyes but his gaze is fond as he follows Jinyoung's figure walking around the kitchen.

"By the way, your phone kept ringing. I would check it."

When Jinyoung checks his phone it is in fact filled with messages, all from Jaebum.

'hey I'm gonna Skype you in a few okay?'

'are we still Skyping today at 6?'

'jinyoung?'

'okay gonna Skype in 10 min'

The last message was sent just a few minutes ago. Jinyoung curses under his breath and rushes to his room to find his laptop. His fingers fly across the keyboard as he log ins. Just as he manages to open Skype up, Jaebum is trying to initiate a call. Jinyoung pats down a few stray hairs sticking up on his head and rearranges some of the mess on his bed, before accepting Jaebum's call. Jaebum's relieved face eventually flickers onto the screen, and Jinyoung's chest immediately feels warm and fuzzy. Seeing strands of hair falling into Jaebum's eyes make Jinyoung's fingers twitch at his sides, itching to defy the laws of physics and reach through the screen to card his fingers through Jaebum's silky hair.

"Oh good, I thought you weren't going to pick up. Didn't you get my messages?" Jaebum asks.

"Sorry, I fell asleep." Jinyoung admits.

"It's alright. I'm just glad to see you. You've been so busy lately." Jaebum says, the beginning of what might even be a pout on his lips. Looks like he had been picking up on Jinyoung's habits.

Jinyoung rubs the back of his neck nervously, "I've been taking on more projects at work." He had actually been trying to save up some money after buying the apartment, so he could get Jaebum an expensive set of sterling silver piercings he had seen at a nearby jewelry store.

Jaebum frowns at him through the dim camera, "You don't look so well. Are you sick?"

"It's just a 24 hour bug." Jinyoung waves him off.

Jaebum sighs, "I wish I was there to take care of you."

"Jinyoung!" Mark's voice booms through the thin walls of his apartment, and Jinyoung can see the way Jaebum immediately looks startled at the second voice in his apartment, "The soup is ready, hurry up before it gets cold!"

Jaebum narrows his eyes accusingly at Jinyoung, who flushes through the screen, "Is that Mark?"

Jinyoung stammers, "Uh, y-yeah, he came by to check up on me because he heard I was sick."

"Hm. That's nice of him." Jaebum says curtly.

"Hyung," Jinyoung sighs, "You can't do this every time I spend time with Mark. I know you don't like him, but he is still my best friend."

Jaebum crosses his arms, "I know. I know. I just feel like you spend too much time with him."

"No I don't. He's only visits once in a whi-"

"Jinyoung." Mark appears in his bedroom doorway with a bowl of soup carefully balanced in his hands, "What's taking you so long-oh, you're on Skype?" Mark comes to sit besides him on the bed, and Jinyoung subconsciously scoots away, thinking of Jaebum carefully watching their every move.

"Hi!" Mark waves at Jaebum with a bright smile. "It's Jaejum right?"

Jinyoung gulps at the way Jaebum's jaw visibly clicks into place, "It's Jaebum."

Mark laughs, "I know. I was just teasing you."

Jinyoung shoots Jaebum a look that says behave. Jaebum sighs and uncrosses his arms, "How are you Mark?"

"I'm going pretty well, thanks. I don't know so much about Jinyoung, found him passed out on the couch. I don't think me and Mia need to start thinking about having kids anytime soon with Jinyoung around," Mark reaches up to ruffle up Jinyoung's hair, "He's so much work, barely takes care of himself. But don't worry, I'm always in his apartment to make sure he's eating and sleeping properly."

"Always in his apartment?" Jaebum's repeats, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline.

"Yea, honestly he might as well give me my own room in here." Mark jokes.

"But I don't want you here." Jinyoung says in attempt to lighten the mood.

"Nonsense, you love me." Mark quips, and Jaebum visibly tenses at those words. Jinyoung winces, knowing the weight of that phrase in their situation. He coughs awkwardly, "Do I?"

"Well," Jaebum interrupts, "I see your occupied, Jinyoung. I'll call back another time." Jaebum exits before Jinyoung has anytime to say goodbye. He blinks sadly at the now blank computer screen.  Mark settles more comfortably on the bed and nudges the laptop away to place the soup on Jinyoung's lap. He brings the spoon up against Jinyoung's lips, "Come on, you need to eat. Stop sulking."

Jinyoung begrudgingly accepts the spoonful of soup, but it just tastes bitter at the thought of Jaebum being upset with him for the umpteenth time. He worries that Jaebum will eventually tire of this mess, and they will get into a conflict that couldn't be resolved.

"I don't think your boyfriend likes me," Mark snaps Jinyoung out of his thoughts.

Jinyoung spares Mark the truth of just how much Jaebum dislikes him, "He doesn't like the fact I use to be in love with you."

Mark raises an eyebrow, "Doesn't he trust you?"

Jinyoung frowns, he had never thought about that way, "He does! He's just not use to seeing me so close to someone else."

"You mean he's jealous," Mark corrects him, and then feeding him another spoonful of soup, "Doesn't that get suffocating? It's like he won't let you have a best friend."

"Our situation is weird," Jinyoung protests, "Jaebum is allowed to feel a little affected. The distance isn't helping with our issues either." He pauses, uncertain, "I was actually thinking, I mean it's not a solid plan yet," Jinyoung begins to ramble, this is first time he's telling Mark this, and he feels nervous, "What if I moved back to Icheon, it could solve some of our problems."

"What?" Mark cuts him short, dropping the spoon back into the soup and Jinyoung flinches at the small splash. "You just got back. We just got you back." Disbelief colors Mark's face, "You want to leave us again?"

Jinyoung grips Mark's hands, trying to calm him down, "I-It's not like that. I just want to fix things with Jaebum."

Mark pursues his lips, "So this is all about Jaebum. You're just going to throw away everything you have here for some boy?"

Jinyoung frowns, letting go of Mark's hands and leaning back, "Jaebum is not just some boy."

"But you've built a life here in Seoul for years!" Mark throws his hands up in the air, "You have a stable job, a spacious apartment, your mom, the rest of your family, all the friends you've made here. Is Jaebum really worth giving all of that up?"

Jinyoung straightens his posture and looks Mark in the eyes, "Of course he is! And I wouldn't even be giving you guys up, I would still keep in touch."

"Okay, but if you plan on moving to Icheon, you'd still have to start over and get a new job. Possibly at an entry level position. You'd be making very little, and what? You'd be living with Jaebum. He's just a coffee shop worker. That's not stable income, or a stable future." Mark retorts.

Jinyoung bristles, quickly growing angry at someone insulting his boyfriend, "Why does it matter if he's a coffee shop worker? He could be a garbage man for all I care. The money he makes and the money I'd be making doesn't matter. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him." He blushes shortly after, realizing what he had just confessed in the rush.

Mark's eyes are as wide as saucers, "I didn't realize it was that serious."

"What is that suppose to mean?" Jinyoung says exasperated.

"I just thought that when you settled down, like for good. It would be with someone like a lawyer, or doctor, or some sort of professional."

Jinyoung scoffs and crosses his arms, "Now you sound like Mia. I thought you supported me and Jaebum."

"I do!" Mark defends himself, "Or did. I don't know. I just didn't think your relationship was going to last that long. I thought it was a temporary thing you'd get over in a month or two."

"Excuse me?" Jinyoung's voice goes shrill as he abruptly gets up, soup sloshing onto his pants but he's too heated up to care.

"That came out wrong," Mark grabs Jinyoung's wrist. "I know I sound like an right now, but look Jinyoung, Jaebum is very temperamental from what I have seen, and I know you are very stubborn. You guys clash. Is it worth dropping everything for something that might not work? I don't want you to make rushed decisions with him just because you feel like you're in love."

 Jinyoung retches his arm out of Mark's grasp. "I think it's time you left."

"Jinyoung." Mark pleads. "I'm only saying this because I care about you and I want the best for you."

"Jaebum is the best for me." Jinyoung bites back, he still feels the anger bubbling hot in his stomach like a pot of boiling water, "Just go." He says quietly and Mark sighs, giving him a dejected look before trudging slowly out of his apartment.

Jinyoung readjusts the reading glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose as he flips the page of a new book he's been reading. Thunder rumbles in the distance, and lightning follows within the next second, flooding his living room with white light. Jinyoung pays no mind to commotion outside, or the rain pattering on the window, he's too engrossed in reading. A knock on the door finally disrupts Jinyoung. He sighs, reluctantly putting the book down and tugging the blanket off his shoulders. He shivers under the material of his thin sweater.The knocking becomes more aggressive.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He swings the door open, slightly out of breath from rushing to answer the door before the knocking became too loud.

The first thing that Jinyoung notices is the overwhelming stench of alcohol radiating off Mark in waves.

Mark stands there with hunched shoulders, one of his palms is propped against the doorway to hold himself up. His hair is stuck up at odd places as if he's been running his hands through it in frustration. His clothes sag against his body, soaked with rain water, and a puddle quickly forming at his feet.

"Mark, why are you here?" Jinyoung doesn't hold the door completely open, he still hadn't reconciled with Mark since their little quarrel over Jaebum's place in Jinyoung's life. Mark looks up from the floor, eyes bloodshot red, "Can I come in?" his voice quavers, "Please."

Jinyoung's motherly instinct kicks in, and his resolves crumbles seeing his best friend in such a poor state, so he opens the door wider to motion Mark to come inside. Mark stumbles over the threshold. He trips on the raised part of the carpet and tumbles into Jinyoung's arms. Jinyoung stiffens at the sudden contact and moves to situate Mark upright, but Mark clings to him like a koala. Jinyoung sighs in defeat and adjusts them both so that Mark has an arm draped around his shoulder. He lugs Mark over to the sofa, and tries not wince at the damp spot Mark will surely leave on the furniture. Mark doesn't say a word the entire time, just shivers in place. Jinyoung pinches his nose, the stench of alcohol getting too overwhelming, "We need to get you in new clothes."

He dashes to his room to grab some sweatpants and his old college shirt, along with a towel. When he arrives in the living room, Mark has his knees tucked up under his chin as he continues to shiver. Jinyoung makes a sympathetic noise, maternal instincts once again taking over as he tugs Marks arms away from his body so he can lift his shirt off. It feels almost like taking care of a small child who refuses to dress himself. Mark remains silent and makes no attempt to assist Jinyoung in undressing himself. Once Mark is in his dry clothes, Jinyoung drapes the towel around Mark's small shoulders to catch the water from his dripping hair.

He tries again, "Mark, whats wrong?"

"Fought with Mia," Mark mumbles into his knees.

Jinyoung sits next to him on the couch and begins to rub his back as a comforting gesture, he can petty but the grudge he had been holding against Mark now completely gone, he could tell his best friend was too upset, "Was it bad?"

Mark closes his eyes as if in pain or regret, maybe both, "Really bad. Accused her of cheating."

Jinyoung in a breath, hand stilling on Mark's back, "Was she?"

Mark groans and leans back against the sofa, "No. I was being stupid and over dramatic. She was obviously very offended." He lets out a breath, "I really ed up. I don't know how it escalated so quickly, I guess we've both been stressed with work but-" Mark blinks a few times, as if trying to regain his train of thoughts admist his drunken haze, "She started accusing me of things!" Mark's words begin to slur a little as he talks faster and faster, "It got too heated, so I left and went to the bar to cool down. Had one too many shots, and well I'm here now."

"Jesus, that sounds awful." Jinyoung squeezes his shoulder, "You can stay the night, but tomorrow morning you're going right back to Mia. I want you to resolve this. Okay?" Mark nods obediently.

Jinyoung gets up to go to the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water which he presses into Mark's hand, "This will help you sober up some more. Are you hungry? I have some left overs."

Mark's hand trembles as he brings the water glass up to his lips, and some of the water sloshes onto his face and lap. Jinyoung automatically uses the end of his sleeve to wipe at the corner of Mark's lips where he spilled water. He is about to pull away his hand, but then Mark is grabbing his hand with surprising strength for a drunk man.

"Can I get a hug?" Mark gives him those round puppy eyes Jinyoung had grown so use to seeing in his childhood. He can't say no. He couldn't back then, and he can't now. So he opens his arms and Mark eagerly snuggles into his chest. Jinyoung shivers where Mark's cold, wet hair comes in contact with his neck, but he keeps rubbing Mark's back, knowing his best friend stills needs comfort, "I'm sure you and Mia will work things out. I know you love each other too much to let something like this get in the way.

"You're always so nice." Mark murmurs into his chest and Jinyoung snickers, "Really? You usually call me brat."

He feels Mark shake his head, "I never mean it." Mark's arms tighten around Jinyoung. "Want to know what else I got accused of?"

"Only if you want to talk about it." Jinyoung reassures him.

 Mark takes a shaky breath against his neck, "She-she said, That-that I-"

"Hey," Jinyoung stops him, "You don't have to say it if you don't want to. I understand if you want to keep something private between you and Mia."

"This has to do with you too," Mark says, voice barely audibly as he clenches his fists into the sides of Jinyoung's shirt. Jinyoung's mind spins, "What do you mean?"

"She, uh, 'ccused me of still being in love with you." Mark finally stammers out.

Jinyoung's entire body stiffens in Mark's hold. The words hit him like a bucket of ice cold water slapped into his face. His stomach curdles unpleasantly and he becomes hyper aware of how close Mark is to him, and he tries to gently untangle himself. Mark refuses to let go, and places a finger on Jinyoung's lips to silence the impending protests.

"I told her that was ridiculous of course." Mark says and relief floods Jinyoung's body in a heartbeat, but it doesn't last for long as Mark continues to speak, "But then I started thinking of how I upset I felt when you disappeared."

Jinyoung tries to reason with Mark, and himself, "I'm your best friend, of course you would feel upset."

Mark's brows are creased with frustration and he shakes Jinyoung by the shoulders, "You don't understand. I felt...heartbroken, and I thought it was all going to be fine when you came back but-" Mark's brows crease even further, and he glares at his own lap, "Jaebum was a thing. It felt weird to have to share you. I didn't like it."

Jinyoung palms sweat where he rests them on the couch, he's still frozen in place. "Hyung..." Is all he can say, because his throat feels like it's clogged with cotton balls.

"I should feel happy for you and Jaebum, that's what good friend should feel like," Mark rambles, and Jinyoung stomach sinks being familiar with those train of thoughts, "But then you told me you wanted to leave Seoul to go with Jaebum, and it hurts knowing you might leave me again."

Jinyoung finds his voice again, and he curses inwardly at the fact it shakes as he talks, "I don't know if I'm moving yet."

"Jinyoung," Mark's voice is urgent as he grabs Jinyoung's face in his clammy hands, "What did you promise me all those years ago on the playground?"

Jinyoung gulps nervously, the old feeling of guilt creeping into his veins, "I promised that I would never leave you."

"Exactly," Mark says, "And you all ready broke that promise once at my wedding."

"I didn't mean to." Jinyoung says hoarsely.

Mark croaks, "Don't break our promise again. Stay in Seoul with me." Mark's grips on his shoulder becomes almost unbearable, as if he is trying to tether Jinyoung to him with his own physical strength, as if that will prevent Jinyoung from leaving, "Stay. Stay." Mark chants, voice heavy with longing.

Jinyoung's bottom lip trembles, at how broken Mark sounds. Mark worms his way back onto Jinyoung's lap, and takes his hands in his, "I missed you so much. Didn't you miss me?" Jinyoung nods mutely, too confused and overwhelmed with the situation that he doesn't notice Mark pulling his shirt away from his shoulder until Mark's planting a sloppy kiss on the bare skin revealed. Jinyoung hisses as if he's been burnt, finally coming to his senses. He shuffles away from Mark, "W-what are you doing?"

There's a glint in Mark's eyes as he looks up at Jinyoung. His gaze is smouldering as he clumsily bunches up the front of Jinyoung's shirt in his hands. Mark uses Jinyoung's momentary surprise as leverage to haul him forward easily and their foreheads end up bumping painfully together. Mark tugs on his shirt harder, moving his parted mouth towards Jinyoung's own. Seconds before their lips touch, Jinyoung shoves Mark back by his shoulders and scoots away onto the far end of the couch.

"What are you doing!?!" Jinyoung asks again, breathing heavily. He scrambles off the couch as Mark slumps forward to lay his head in his hands, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Why," Jinyoung hands are shaking at his side, with anger or fear he's not sure, "Why would you do that?" His voice is rising with each word, his whole body is shaking. Even though Mark is the drunk one, Jinyoung feels like the floor is slipping away beneath his feet. He points a trembling finger at Mark, "That's not fair."

Jinyoung was suppose to sort his life, he was suppose to sort the mess in his head, he was suppose to be done with Mark, he was suppose to- "That's not fair. Not now." Jinyoung's voice cracks on the last word.

"I know." Mark says, staring at his own hands. He looks up and there's tears crowding in the corner of his eyes, "Jinyoung I-" he reaches to grab Jinyoung's hand again, but Jinyoung backs up knocking into the coffee table. He shakes his head and stalks into the kitchen before he does or says something he might regret. Jinyoung grips the edge of the counter, and tries to steady his own breathing. He doesn't know how long he spends blankly staring at the counter top, trying to process the turn of events.

When Jinyoung walks back into the living room, Mark is curled up on his side fast asleep, the day's events finally taking a toll on him. Despite the incident, and the fact Jinyoung is still deeply upset, he grabs a blanket from his bed and haphazardly throws it over Mark so he won't be cold.

Jinyoung retreats to his room and notes his hands are somehow still shaking as if he had been sitting out in the cold too long. He sits on his bed and tugs at his strands of hair with frustration. Jinyoung picks his head up and his line of sight falls on the pictures set up on his bedside table. He has a picture of him and the coffee shop staff from their day at the beach. Next to it is a picture of him and Mark, that his mother had given to him.

He looks so happy in both pictures, and it stirs something in Jinyoung.

Jinyoung is not prone to having outbursts, but everything in the past few months seemed to build up in that one moment. The string that was carefully holding his emotional state together had been sliced through with a knife. Before he registers exactly what he's doing, Jinyoung's hands are coming down on the hard surface of the bedside table, and sweeping across the expanse of wood. The pictures frames, along with his phone and books propped on the table, all clatter to the ground. Jinyoung spends a few minutes just standing there and staring at the mess he's made on the ground. He sits back on his bed and wraps his arms around himself. He doesn't realize how hard he's crying until his pajama pants are soaked with tears.

It's not fair. Jinyoung repeats in his head. The universe is once again mocking his old wounds, teasing his doubts, and laughing at his pain. He spent his entire youth devoting his whole being to Mark. There had been so many years spent together, where something could have happened. But nothing ever did. Jinyoung accepted that much. So why did Mark have to do that now? When he could've done something in their childhood, when everything was less complicated? Things had changed now. Jinyoung had changed now. It's not fair. Not for him, or Mark's wife, or Jaebum. No one was winning in this situation.

That mantra repeats in Jinyoung's head as he falls asleep, and his dreams are plagued by old memories of heartbreak.

Jinyoung squints at the sunlight streaming in through his window. When he blinks, the muscles around his eyes feel stiff and swollen from crying last night. He gingerly picks up his phone that was laying on floor. Its crowded with missed calls from Jaebum and messages from Jackson. Jinyoung feels wide awake as he reads through the messages Jackson left on his phone.

'Jaebum wanted it to be a surprise, but I know you're going through a lot right now, so I'd thought I'd give you heads up. Call me back.'

'Why aren't you picking up?'

'Be in your house tomorrow morning.'

'Oh and I know Mark drops by for regular visits. Make sure he isn't there this time.'

'Jaebum wouldn't appreciate it.'

'Jinyoung?'

Oh god, Jinyoung's stomach drops. He wretches the blankets from his body and forgoes his sandals to stumble to the bathroom. Shards of glass from the broken frames are still littered on the ground and Jinyoung feels one cut through one of his toes. He hisses in pain, but ignores it and continues on his path to the bathroom. He splashes cold water on his face in a desperate attempt to revive himself. When he looks up at the clock, it's almost noon. If Jaebum was going to drop by for a surprise visit, wouldn't he be here by now? Maybe Jinyoung read the messages wrong.

The knock on the door proves him wrong. It echoes down the hallway and in the cervices of his heart, shaking his being with impending doom.

Mark. He's still in the living room. "." Jinyoung curses softly. He runs into the living room, debating on trying to sneak Mark out somehow, but that feels too strange, like he's trying to hide a secret lover. Which he isn't. The universe just likes putting him in uncomfortable positions. The knocking gets louder and Jinyoung shuffles from foot to foot, racking his brain for solution to this problem. There is none. So, he reluctantly opens the door.

Jaebum is standing in the doorway with a suitcase in his hand, looking unfairly handsome in sweatpants and tousled hair. Despite the situation, Jinyoung's heart leaps in his chest at the sight of his boyfriend.

"Jaebum-ah..." Jinyoung's voice is filled with the emotion of a man who hasn't seen his lover in years instead of a few months

"Jinyoungie," Fondness drips from Jaebum's voice like honey and he rushes forward to embrace Jinyoung, Jinyoung's own arms immediately coming up to greet him, but Jaebum stops midway. His eyes darken, focusing on something behind him. There's a crackle of disappointment in Jinyoung's chest at the blatant rejection. Jinyoung turns around and sees Mark sitting up on his sofa, still wearing the clothes he gave him last night.