“I want to try.” Those had been Mingyu’s exact words after the first kiss they shared that fateful night where everything changed for Wonwoo. Wonwoo remembered the words with such vivid detail: how Mingyu said them, the uncertain look in his eyes, the way he breath hitched when he said “try,” as if he were hesitating to say it.

Wonwoo thought about that phrase a lot, actually: “I want to try.” It made him anxious when he recalled it– the uncertainty with which Mingyu said it, along with the fact Mingyu only wanted to try; Mingyu was uncertain about only trying. There was just so much hesitation there, and Wonwoo was always uneasy that this “trial” would not go the way that Wonwoo dearly wished that it would.

Mingyu had said that the relationship was a trial, but he never mentioned it after the first time. He never reminded Wonwoo of it directly, but Wonwoo felt the “trialness” of their relationship a lot.

For one, there was the fact that after that night, Mingyu did not kiss Wonwoo again for a few weeks. Wonwoo would never initiate something like that himself, but he always wished that Mingyu would. But he didn’t.

For a few weeks, it didn’t even feel like they were in a relationship at all. They were just friends who called each other “boyfriends,” but didn’t really do anything that boyfriends did. And Wonwoo could not help but feel like Mingyu was no longer comfortable with dating, but was too nice to come out and say it to him.

It made him sad, and he expressed this sadness to Jin.

Jin told him that she didn’t believe that was the case: “I see the way he looks at you,” Jin told him, “I truly believe that he likes you, Wonwoo.”

“But he did say that it was a ‘trial,’ and since then, he’s barely touched me. It just doesn’t feel like he actually wants this at all.”

“Give him time,” Jin advised.

And Wonwoo took that advice.

A few days later, Wonwoo was lying on the bed, texting on his phone when Mingyu suddenly sat on the bedside and took the phone from Wonwoo’s hands and put it to the side. Before Wonwoo could ask what was up, Mingyu hovered over him and crashed their lips together.

That kiss lasted much longer than the first one. Actually, it was probably the longest kiss of Wonwoo’s life, and one that Mingyu refused to let go of despite Wonwoo’s reticence. One that ended with a lot of tongues and touching. One that made them both breathless, laying side by side on the bed. Both of them were smiling (actually, Mingyu was smiling, and Wonwoo smiled when he saw Mingyu smile).

“I don’t have any reservations about dating you,” Mingyu told Wonwoo a few seconds after the kiss, “and if it seems like I do, it’s because I just don’t know what to do when I’m around you. I like you a lot; I just don’t know how to express it sometimes. I’m new to this whole kissing boys thing.”

With that, Mingyu responded to all of Wonwoo’s exact worries and reassured him.

“Just pretend I’m a girl, then,” Wonwoo responded, “you’ve dated before. You know how it works.”

“I really can’t just pretend that you’re a girl,” Mingyu chuckled, “I just can’t; I’m sorry. And dating you is so different from dating a girl. It’s like… I don’t know how to explain it. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Well, when in doubt, just kiss me. You’ll never go wrong with that,” Wonwoo replied boldly, turning on his side to face him. Mingyu narrowed his eyes, a smile of amusement plastered across his face. He shook his head slightly and turned to face Wonwoo.

“Okay then,” Mingyu replied, shifting closer to Wonwoo before swiftly kissing his lips again.

“Are you in doubt?” Wonwoo asked, trying not to blush.

“I’m always in doubt when it comes to you, Wonwoo,” Mingyu replied reaching out and caressing Wonwoo’s face.

Those words made Wonwoo quite sad. Mingyu was alluding to the fact this relationship was actually nothing but a trial. Always in doubt. Wonwoo did not want Mingyu to doubt at all. He wanted Mingyu to be sure.

The state of their relationship was maddening, actually. Wonwoo felt like his heart was on shifting sands; he didn’t know what would end up happening to it. It was easier when he was certain that Mingyu was straight and would never love him, because at least then he couldn’t build up false hope. Now, false hope was this domineering prospect, one that Wonwoo was so afraid of.

Will his hopes of having Mingyu’s heart be crushed in the end when Mingyu realizes that this “trial” wasn’t working out for him? When Mingyu overcomes the doubt and ends up with the certainty that he was not into boys?

-

Those thoughts stayed with Wonwoo for a long, long time.

When in doubt, just kiss me. You’ll never go wrong with that.

Mingyu took that suggestion, for ever since then, they had kissed every day. But after the euphoria of every kiss, Wonwoo’s mood was instantly dropped when he remembered that Mingyu was in doubt.

Though, to Jin, Seokmin and Sena, Mingyu didn’t seem like he was in doubt. Everyone seemed to believe that Mingyu liked him, and whenever he expressed his insecurity to them, they all brushed it off as him being overly paranoid.

“He clearly adores you,” they would say to him, “stop worrying over nothing.”

And that happened every time he talked to them about Mingyu. None of his friends actually took his concerns seriously, and talking about them always made him feel silenced and shut down. So he stopped talking about these ever-so-rampant concerns and bottled them up inside.

But Mingyu kept showing nothing but affection for Wonwoo. His kisses were always filled with so much endearment; they always made Wonwoo feel like he was flying in the moment­– only for him to fall right back down to earth with the soul-crushing realization that this was all a trial for Mingyu.

And no matter what happened between them, Wonwoo never once considered that Mingyu no longer considered him a trial.

-

One of Wonwoo’s fondest memories of their time as a couple was at the college Christmas prom, when both agreed to go with other people, with girls, so that the rumors about them being a couple are silenced. Mingyu went with a girl in one of his classes, and Wonwoo went with Sena.

It turned out that Wonwoo and Sena weren’t really compatible as prom dates;  whereas Sena only wanted to dance and socialize, all Wonwoo wanted to do was sit down and watch people, specifically Mingyu.

And so, Wonwoo should have seen it coming when other guys asked Sena to dance, and when she agreed, leaving him alone. He felt like a loner as he sat there on the table, watching Sena dance with some guy, Jin dance with Vernon, Seokmin dance with Nayoung, and Mingyu dance with a really, really pretty girl. He noted his hands on her waist, that flirtatious smile on his lips, the way he laughed at the things she was saying to him. He felt bitter and jealous, and wished that he had never came to this stupid prom in the first place.

As Wonwoo was trying to give off the impression that he was not a lonely loser by pretending to text on his phone, he received a text message from Mingyu.

Mingyu: yo loser. In two minutes, meet me outside the emergency exit.

Wonwoo looked up to see that Mingyu was telling his date something before heading off in the direction of that exit. Wonwoo waited two minutes before going there himself. As soon as Wonwoo left the building through the emergency exit, Mingyu pushed him against the wall and kissed him passionately.

“My date is so annoying,” Mingyu said after he pulled away.

“Well, my date’s not ideal either,” Wonwoo replied, still overwhelmed by the kiss they just shared.

“I hate society,” Mingyu replied with a pout, leaning against the wall next to Wonwoo, “I want you to be my date.”

Just then, the song that had been playing from inside finished, and another one began. One that was very, very familiar to both of them.

After School’s When I Fall.

It was the song that made Wonwoo realize he was in love with the boy he was currently dating. The boy that was now holding out his hand and asking him to dance.

Wonwoo accepted, and Mingyu pulled Wonwoo closer to him from against the wall, his arms circling around Wonwoo’s waist. Wonwoo laid his hands on his lover’s shoulders, and they swayed to the song. Wonwoo felt like he was in heaven, like nothing else in the world mattered.

“Can this be our song?” Wonwoo asked Mingyu, pulling his neck back to make eye contact with him.

Mingyu smirked at that, probably amused at Wonwoo’s efforts at turning this into some sappy couple gimmick.

“Sure,” Mingyu replied with a shrug, “if that’s what you feel. But isn’t it too… sentimental?”

And in that moment, Wonwoo remembered, once again, that this whole romance with Mingyu was just a trial.

“For you, maybe it is too sentimental. For me, it was the song that made me realize that I was in love with you,” Wonwoo admitted. It was the first time he’d said those words to Mingyu, and Mingyu seemed just a little taken aback to hear them.

“Oh Wonwoo,” Mingyu said, looking slightly flustered before placing his lips against Wonwoo’s again.

When in doubt, just kiss me.

Wonwoo took that kiss as an expression of doubt, not as a sign to say that Mingyu reciprocated those feelings. How Wonwoo wished that Mingyu would say something like: ‘I love you too.’ But it didn’t happen. And Wonwoo knew exactly why.

Wonwoo was just a trial to Mingyu after all.

-

And no matter what Mingyu did, nothing could change that impression for Wonwoo. When Mingyu told his parents about their relationship, for example, it did not occur to Wonwoo at all that this meant the relationship was no longer a trial. When Mingyu put the mattress behind the closet because there was no use for it anymore, Wonwoo did not think that meant Mingyu was no longer in doubt. When Mingyu changed the background of his phone from Kaeun of After School to a cute selca of the two of them together, Wonwoo still believed that Mingyu was uncertain.

And when their kisses became a lot hungrier, a lot more physical, Wonwoo often had to put an end to them before he embarrassed himself with bodily manifestations that he was certain would scare Mingyu away.

That was until one day Mingyu initiated something in which such a manifestation was inevitable, and Mingyu was not scared or unsettled by it at all. On the contrary, Mingyu encouraged it with a seductive and lustful grin on his face.

They went all the way: as intimate as they could possibly get, as close as Wonwoo had ever been with anyone.

But even after becoming intimate, even after Mingyu had proven time and time again that the gayness of the relationship no longer fazed him, Wonwoo was still insecure.

This relationship was still a trial; Mingyu was still in doubt.

-

The next semester, something happened that Wonwoo hated with every inch of his soul: Mingyu was getting closer to a girl.

Her name was Kyulkyung. She was so pretty, so smiley, so smart, so absolutely perfect. Far from what Wonwoo ever was. She was an exchange student from China who ended up in most of Mingyu’s classes, and Mingyu took a liking to her and they became lab partners and eventually, really, really good friends.

Mingyu talked a lot about her to Wonwoo. Her cute antics, how surprisingly good her Korean was, how terribly smart she was. Oh, and she also loved After School and looked up to them so much.

Wonwoo met her a couple of times, and she was so likeable. He couldn’t even dislike her, even though he wanted to. He wanted so badly to find some kind of fault in her, something, anything, but he came up with nothing. There was no reason to dislike her. Absolutely none. But he could not help his bitter, jealous sentiments.

Whenever Wonwoo saw Kyulkyung with Mingyu, he would avoid hanging out with them at all costs. Consequently, he started to spend less time with Mingyu.

And of course, Mingyu could not but notice.

“Do you not like Kyulkyung?” he asked Wonwoo.

“That’s not it,” Wonwoo replied. It wasn’t really a lie either: he didn’t dislike her; he just felt threatened by her. “I’m just… not comfortable with new people, that’s all.” That part was a little bit of a lie, but he didn’t want Mingyu to think that he was jealous and hateful and greedy for him.

“Okay,” Mingyu seemed to buy it. “Can I tell her about us?” Mingyu added. “I feel like I trust her enough to tell her, but I need to get your permission first.”

“Didn’t you already make it clear to her that you’re taken?” Wonwoo asked.

“I did. But she’s been asking me about my ‘girlfriend,’ and I feel bad lying to her.”

“I’m not comfortable with you telling her,” Wonwoo replied, refusing Mingyu the permission.

Mingyu kept pressing for an explanation from Wonwoo as to why not, but Wonwoo was dismissive and didn’t say anything, flat-out refusing to let Wonwoo tell her such a personal secret. Mingyu got frustrated with that, saying that Wonwoo was being unreasonable and stubborn. Wonwoo retorted that Mingyu was being too forceful on him.

That must have been their first serious fight. One that ended with yelling and door-slamming and tears on Wonwoo’s part. It felt like the beginning of the end of this long “trial.”

It was Mingyu who apologized first after that fight, saying he wouldn’t tell her without his permission, and that he was sorry for being too pushy.

-

Ever since that fight, there were less cuddles and kisses. Wonwoo spent less nights next to Mingyu on the bed, and more nights on the mattress (which was retrieved from behind the closet). They spent even less time together, and Mingyu kept getting closer to Kyulkyung.

Wonwoo kept feeling like this long and extensive trial was finally over.

And when he ran into Kyulkyung and Mingyu together, he saw them laughing like they were a couple, pushing each other playfully, and the way Mingyu looked at her was the same exact way that Wonwoo looked at him.

He liked her a lot; it was so blatantly obvious.

It became more obvious when Mingyu changed his phone background back to a photo of y Kaeun. When Mingyu stopped touching him like before. When he touched Kyulkyung so much more often than he touched him.

And Wonwoo knew that Mingyu was way too nice to break up with him on his own, and so Wonwoo decided to do it himself.

“You should date her,” Wonwoo told Mingyu, “you two look good together.”

“Wonwoo, don’t be ridiculous,” Mingyu responded, narrowing his eyes at him, “she’s just a friend.”

“But she’s a closer friend to you than I am,” Wonwoo replied with a shrug, causing Mingyu to look at Wonwoo with a confused yet disapproving look on his face.

“Is this what your attitude has been about? Are you jealous of her, Wonwoo?” Mingyu snapped, a frown on his face.

“My attitude?” Wonwoo snapped back, “look who’s talking. You’ve been neglecting me for her ever since you met her. But I don’t blame you. She’s pretty. She’s y. And you’re straight.”

“What the actual , Wonwoo?!” Mingyu replied, angry. It was the first time that Wonwoo had ever seen Mingyu so angry, and it startled him. “We’ve been together for almost a year, and we’ve done everything together, and you’re telling me now that I’m straight? Do you think I’ve never actually liked you all these months? Did you think I was pretending? What the is that accusation?”

Wonwoo didn’t respond for a long time, too startled by Mingyu’s outburst to say anything coherent. “I… I didn’t mean it like that,” Wonwoo managed.

“Then enlighten me. What did you mean?” Mingyu asked, crossing his arms.

“Our relationship was a trial since the beginning. You told me when this all began that you only wanted to try…” Wonwoo said, “and I never forgot that, Mingyu. And now, I feel like you’ve had your trial, and didn’t work out. So let’s break up.”

Mingyu’s mouth widened, and he frowned at Wonwoo, looking so extremely aggravated. “So… this entire year, you actually thought that you were part of some experiment to me? You actually thought I didn’t have actual feelings for you? Do you trust me that little to think that?”

“Stop putting words in my mouth…”

“I’m not!” Mingyu yelled. “That’s exactly what you’re saying; you just don’t even realize that you’re saying it! Wonwoo, I did everything for us. I even had with you for crying out loud. What more did you want from me? What more could I have done to make you understand I had feelings for you?”

“You could have told me that you did,” Wonwoo replied, “but you never…”

“I always told you,” Mingyu replied, his voice cracking. He seemed like he was on the verge of tears.

“That you liked me? Sure. That I’m handsome? Yeah. That you had feelings for me? No…”

“What?”

“I told you that I was in love with you. I told you, and you never said anything like that to me…”

“Wonwoo, I was in love with you, and I was crazy about you,” Mingyu said, “and if I didn’t say it, then I’m sorry, but I still don’t think it’s fair of you to pin this on me when you’re the one who started becoming a jealous jerk and pushed me away from you…”

If there was one thing that Wonwoo processed from what Mingyu said, it was Mingyu’s use of the past tense: I was in love with you. Those words pierced Wonwoo’s heart and hurt him more than anything ever could. Mingyu had been in love with him, but now he wasn’t anymore. It felt like something so, so precious had just slipped through Wonwoo’s fingers. It honestly would have hurt less if Mingyu had never loved him, because then the loss would not have been as great.

“And yes, I agree with you about something: let’s break up,” Mingyu said, a tear strolling down his cheek before he rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door.

It was the first time that Wonwoo had ever seen Mingyu cry.

-

It was really embarrassing going to Seokmin’s dorm that night. He was crying a lot, and Seokmin’s roommate got to witness it all.

Seokmin tried to be supportive, but Wonwoo couldn’t stop thinking about what Mingyu had said and so couldn’t stop crying.

“I was in love with you,” Mingyu had said. Mingyu had loved him. Mingyu had not been in doubt. It had not been just a trial to him at all. And it had been perfect: the best thing that had ever happened to Wonwoo, and he let his stupid jealousy and bitterness get in the way of it.

-

Wonwoo refused to go to classes the following day. He stayed in the unfamiliar dorm, trying to get over the heartbreak by eating snacks or watching movies or whatever. He also wished a miracle would happen and that Mingyu would text him, but nothing.

He imagined that Mingyu would actually like that they weren’t together anymore. He had Kyulkyung now, and she was beautiful and perfect for him. Wonwoo did not want to get in the way of that anymore. He was going to let go; he was going to move on.

Jun entered the room at one point when Wonwoo was reading past text messages between him and Mingyu and crying as he did so, of course.

Wonwoo no longer felt embarrassed crying in front of Jun, for he had literally sobbed the night before. Even though they never told him about the relationship between Mingyu and Wonwoo, he knew that Jun was aware of it.

“Do you want me to get you anything?” Jun asked Wonwoo sympathetically.

“No thank you,” Wonwoo replied with a polite smile through his tears.

“You know, I know that it feels like nothing will ever be the same from now on, and that you lost something very special, but please don’t do this to yourself. Don’t lock yourself inside. That’s the worst possible way to deal with this kind of pain,” Jun said to him.

“I don’t know how else to deal with it,” Wonwoo replied with a shrug.

“Let’s go eat ice scream or something? My treat."

Wonwoo reluctantly agreed, but only because he didn’t want to refuse Jun’s kind gesture.

Wonwoo followed Jun out of the building towards whichever ice cream shop Jun decided to take him to. Wonwoo realized with dread that they were heading in the direction of the one that was only a few blocks away from Mingyu’s building. Wonwoo wanted to ask that they go to some other place, for he dreaded running into Mingyu, but Jun seemed too eager and Wonwoo was too shy to admit the lengths he would go to avoid Mingyu.

“Do you still have feelings for him?” Jun asked Wonwoo as they walked. Wonwoo nodded. It was the first time he had ever spoken about Mingyu to anyone besides Sena, Seokmin and Jin, and it was strange. But it was also wierdly nice to talk to someone else, to have different set of ears to hear their story.

“So he broke it off with you?” Jun continued asking.

“No,” Wonwoo replied, realizing how messed up the entire situation would sound to a stranger, “I broke up with him.”

Jun narrowed his eyes, not understanding why Wonwoo would break up with someone with whom he was in love.

“Long story,” Wonwoo said with a shrug.

“I have time."

And so, over ice cream, sitting in a secluded corner of the ice cream shop, Wonwoo told Jun the entire story. From the very first moment of their relationship, when Mingyu said “I want to try,” to the many months in which Wonwoo kept believing that Mingyu still considered the relationship a trial, despite how intimate they became. He talked about Kyulkyung, his bitter jealousy towards her, and how he sincerely believed that Mingyu liked her. He then talked about their break-up conversation, of which Jun wanted to know all the details. Wonwoo thus told him the details, down to quoting Mingyu exactly: “I was in love with you.” Past tense.

“Talk to him, Wonwoo” Jun said after he heard the story.

“What?”

“Wonwoo, you study theology, am I right?” Jun asked, making Wonwoo wonder what his major had to do with Mingyu.

“Yes.”

“And what does he study? I’m guessing something technical like math or chemistry or…”

“Petroleum engineering.”

Jun nodded, like he expected it. “You know that tells a lot about someone’s character, what they study. People who study things like engineering or math or science tend to be less emotional, less sentimental, less thoughtful about the words that they use. People who study things like religion, on the other hand, tend to be very emotional, and think a lot about words and what they imply, even if those implications do not hold true for the person who said them. Unlike you, who works with scripture and language and words, Mingyu works with numbers and symbols.”

Wonwoo only blinked, not knowing what to say. Wonwoo recalled Seokmin telling him that Jun was a psychology major, which explained why Jun was reacting by dissecting their personalities…

Jun continued: “When Mingyu said that ‘he just wanted to try,’ he obviously never expected you to remember those words and think about them for a year, and he didn’t mean for you to dwell on them like you did. The same thing applies to now. He said that he loved you, using past tense, and you seem to think that it means he doesn’t love you anymore. But that’s not necessarily true, because there could be so many other reasons for why he said it like that, like his emotional state or the nature of the conversation. And he also never told you that he loved you, and he never expected you to dwell on that either. He expected you to come to that conclusion yourself, to calculate it based on what he did for you, because he’s not a sentimental person who believes he has to tell you straight out.”

Wonwoo listened, and considered everything that Jun was saying.  Could this all have been a misunderstanding on Wonwoo’s part? Oh how Wonwoo wished that it were true.

“He probably thinks you’re the one who’s moved on from him, because you’re the one who broke up,” Jun added. “At least, that’s what it seems to me. You two both think the other wants to end the relationship, when really, neither of you want to.”

Wonwoo only shrugged. He considered it, but he still believe that Mingyu was serious when he used the past tense. To think otherwise seemed like wishful thinking.

Jun seemed to note that Wonwoo was not entirely convinced: “He cried, Wonwoo. You said yourself you had never seen him cry. If he cried, that means the break-up was painful for him, and if he didn’t have feelings for you, why would it be?”

Wonwoo had never thought about that. Wonwoo had been too caught up in his own heartbreak to even consider that Mingyu’s tears connoted that Mingyu himself was heartbroken.

Yes, Jun was right. Yes, he felt like he needed to talk to Mingyu again.

The neglected melting ice cream in his cone suddenly caught his attention as the sticky liquid ice cream soiled his hands.

“You want a napkin?” Jun asked handing him one from his pocket.

Wonwoo took it with a slight bow and tried to wipe the melted ice cream away. As he wiped, he looked to Jun and said: “thank you. That was very helpful. And I have a lot to think about now.”

“I’m happy to help,” Jun said, “and I’ll help you again and tell you that I just saw Mingyu walk past here a minute ago. I think he saw us together, and he might get the wrong idea. Go talk to him now.”

“What?”

“Go,” Jun encouraged, taking the ice cream cone from Wonwoo’s hand and pulling him up from his seat. “He went that way,” Jun pointed.

Clumsily, Wonwoo bowed to Jun and left the ice cream shop, hurriedly heading in the direction that Jun pointed. Indeed, there Mingyu was, walking back in the direction of his dorm.

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo called out to him.

Mingyu turned to face Wonwoo, surprised to see him. And Wonwoo noted how Mingyu looked tired and lifeless.

“I… I want to talk to you,” Wonwoo stuttered, “can we please talk in private?”

Mingyu shrugged and replied softly: “I’m not sure I want to hear what you have to say to me.”

“Please,” Wonwoo begged.

“Listen Wonwoo, I don’t want any of that ‘let’s remain friends’ bull. I don’t want any of your apologies either. I know you’re doing okay, but let me recover from the breakup in peace, please.”

“Mingyu, I’m not doing okay...”

“Really?” Mingyu asked doubtfully. “Eating ice cream with the guy you had a crush on once before we were together. You’re doing so much better than I’m doing. He’s the real reason you broke up with me, right?”

“No, no, no,” Wonwoo said frantically, shaking his head, realizing in that moment just how much misunderstanding there was between them. “Oh my God, Mingyu, please let me talk to you and make everything clear. Please.”

Mingyu seemed reluctant at first, but eventually caved when he saw Wonwoo’s pleading eyes.

“I’m kicking you out if I don’t want to hear what you’re saying,” Mingyu asserted, before walking in the direction of their dorm. Wonwoo nodded and walked behind him, following him silently, planning the words he was going to say.

When they were alone in Mingyu’s dorm, Wonwoo’s first instinct was to go to the bathroom to wash the sticky ice cream from his hands, hut he stopped when he realized that this was not his room anymore and so could not do as he pleased.

Mingyu turned and waited expectantly for Wonwoo to say what he wanted to say.

“Can I… uh, wash my hands?” Wonwoo asked Mingyu sheepishly.

“From the ice cream you were eating with your new boyfriend?” Mingyu snapped.

“Mingyu, this was probably the first time I ever had an extensive conversation with him, and the conversation was about you. He was encouraging me to go to talk to you so that…”

“Oh so he knew about us? You refused to let me tell Kyulkyung, but you go ahead and tell him without my permission?” Mingyu replied coldly.

“How could he not know, Mingyu? He knew I was gay, and suddenly I leave your room and spend the night in his while crying my eyes out. He guessed by himself. I didn’t tell him.”

Mingyu fell silent, but the frown of disapproval was still on his face. It was then that Wonwoo noted the trash bin full of tissues moved from its rightful place in the corner to right beside Mingyu’s bed. Had been Mingyu also been crying last night?

“I love you, Kim Mingyu,” Wonwoo told Mingyu. “And yes, I was an because I was under this misguided impression that my feelings for you were not reciprocated, and that you’d fall for a girl. For some reason, I was convinced that you had fallen for Kyulkyung. So I decided to break up with you, because I didn’t want to get in your way. And it was a mistake, and I wish I could take it back.”

Mingyu lower lip was quivering at this point, and it looked like he was doing everything in his power not to cry. “Can you please leave?” he managed to say with a hoarse voice.

Mingyu was rejecting him, right? He had said that he would kick Wonwoo out if he didn’t want to hear what he was saying, and there Mingyu was, kicking him out.

Wonwoo felt torn in that moment. Should he leave? Should he say something to try and salvage their relationship? He stood there frozen, trying to think of something to say, but no words came out.

Mingyu then strode to the door and opened it, telling him to get out with a forceful look on his face.

Wonwoo complied, and left, feeling broken in every way. He tried to save it with Mingyu, but it didn’t work out. Mingyu kicked him out; Mingyu didn’t want anything to do with him.

It seemed to Wonwoo that Mingyu indeed no longer had feelings for him.

-

When Wonwoo went back to the dorm, downcast and brokenhearted, Jun interrogated Wonwoo about what happened. And Wonwoo told him exactly how the conversation went, from how Mingyu had said that he would kick himo out if he didn’t like what Wonwoo was saying, to the end when Mingyu kicked him out for real.

“You’re doing it again, by the way,” Jun told Wonwoo.

“Doing what?”

“Taking his words literally…”

-

Wonwoo went to class the following day, although he really didn’t feel like it. But he needed to get his life together, and that meant going to classes and getting over Mingyu.

Wonwoo was glad that he didn’t have any classes with Mingyu; he was glad that their majors were so completely different and that their classes were in completely different parts of campus. It meant Wonwoo did not have to worry about running into him as long as he avoided certain areas, including the library, the cafeteria and the area around Mingyu’s dorm.

But, two days after the breakup, while he was sitting in Seokmin’s room reading scripture for his class, he received a text message from Mingyu: “yo loser. In 2 minutes, meet me at the emergency exit.”

Wonwoo felt like he was imagining the text when he got it. He remembered the text, of course. It was the exact same text Mingyu had sent him during prom, the night Wonwoo told him that he was in love with him for the first time. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe he meant to send it to Kyulkyung or something. Or maybe he accidentally activated some app that resends old messages. Wonwoo did not for a moment consider that Mingyu actually meant to send him that message.

Or maybe he did actually send it, Wonwoo thought with dread. If that was the case, then Mingyu meant “loser” spitefully and not affectionately. Maybe Mingyu forgot that it was the exact same text from that night? Or maybe Wonwoo was the one who was forgetting?

And so, Wonwoo spent about half an hour scrolling up through Mingyu’s texts to get to the one from that night. He browsed through thousands of little messages, heart and kiss emojis, links to After School songs, silly selcas that Mingyu had sent him… until he found that text message again: “yo loser. In two minutes, meet me outside the emergency exit.”

He copied that message and put it next to the recent one that Mingyu had sent:

“yo loser. In two minutes, meet me outside the emergency exit.” – the message from prom night
“yo loser. In 2 minutes, meet me at the emergency exit.” ­– the message now

So… they weren’t the exactly the same. The second one definitely sounded a lot more bitter. It definitely did not hold the affection that the first one held. Mingyu was probably too angry and bitter to write out the “two.” And “at” sounds a lot more vigorous than “outside.”

Suddenly, Jun’s voice came into his head: “you’re doing it again, Wonwoo.”

And he was. Wonwoo realized that actually he did have a tendency to dwell on Mingyu’s words too much, to extract a meaning that wasn’t there, to misread him and therefore misunderstand him.

And, just as he was about to text Mingyu back to get a clarification, Mingyu texted again: “i said two minutes. It’s been half an hour. Are you coming, or… ?”

His heart beating fast with both anxiety and anticipation, he texted Mingyu back saying: “I’m on way.”

And so Wonwoo ran to the emergency exit of the gym where the prom had taken place. It took him four minutes to get there, and when he arrived, he saw Mingyu waiting for him, sitting against the wall with headphones on (probably listening to After School songs).

When Mingyu saw Wonwoo, he took off his headphones and smiled, easing Wonwoo’s anxiety in an instant.

“I love how you just knew which emergency exit to come to,” was the first thing Mingyu said as he put his phone away and stood up to face Wonwoo.

Wonwoo did not respond. He just waited for Mingyu to say what he wanted to say with a heavy heart, not feeling up to small talk at all.

“So I’ve been thinking a lot the past few days,” Mingyu began, “and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m scared of sleeping alone at night. So, I want you to move back in.”

“Is that it?” Wonwoo asked, not really amused by Mingyu’s attempts a lightening the mood.

“No,” Mingyu replied with a shrug. He took a deep breath and put his arms around Wonwoo and hugged him tightly. “I also wanted to tell you that I love you, Jeon Wonwoo.”

It was the first time that Mingyu had said it like that: plain and simple with zero ambiguity. Wonwoo felt like his world was spinning. Was this actually happening? Was Mingyu telling him that he loved him? There was nothing to analyze or overthink or dwell on; Mingyu was saying the words that Wonwoo had waited so long to hear.

Mingyu then said: “When I kicked you out that day, I didn’t do it because I didn’t like what you were saying. I did it because I didn’t want you to see me cry. I hate crying in front of people, and you made me emotional with your confession. I know I shouldn’t be, but I get embarrassed when I cry, and I didn’t want you to see me like that. So I kicked you out. Sorry.”

“Did you by any chance talk to Jun?” Wonwoo asked, feeling like Mingyu was aware of Jun’s insight about Wonwoo’s literalism.

Mingyu nodded. “I talked to him yesterday. He’s a really cool guy by the way. Like he literally gave me a report of both our personalities,” Mingyu chuckled, “but he helped me see a lot of things more clearly. I’m sorry I made assumptions about you two. I was being a jealous jerk.”

“You’re not the jealous jerk here. I’m sorry about Kyulkyung…”

“Don’t… let’s just put this behind us,” Mingyu said, shaking his head.

Wonwoo nodded in agreement.

Mingyu took Wonwoo’s hands and brought them to his lips, kissing them fondly as he held eye contact with Wonwoo: “let’s give us another try? Wait… actually, last time I used the word ‘try’ to start a relationship, it didn’t end too well,” Mingyu chuckled, making Wonwoo smile in both shame and amusement.

“I’m so, so, so sorry, Mingyu. For everything.”

“Don’t apologize. We both learned a lot about each other from this. I learned that I needed to get over my pride and tell you sappy things, and you learned not to take my words so literally and overthink them. Actually, I’m glad this happened. Sure, it was painful for the both of us, but we’re together now, and that’s all that matters, right?”

Mingyu entwined their fingers and put their foreheads together, and in that moment, Wonwoo felt so overwhelmed with adoration for Mingyu. He was so relieved to have him back, so happy to know that this precious thing that he had with Mingyu was restored. He had to work harder to maintain it, but it was work he was more than willing to do.

Wonwoo stood on his toes to swiftly peck his lover’s lips. Mingyu smiled at the meek gesture, probably amused at Wonwoo’s modesty. He brought his hands to both sides of Wonwoo’s face and brought their lips together again, and this time not being satisfied with just a peck. His lips were initially soft against Wonwoo’s, encouraging Wonwoo to return it (and he did, without holding back). The tenderness of Mingyu’s lips was soon replaced with fervor, a fervor that seemed to make everything around them evaporate, even the floor they were standing on. Wonwoo felt like he had to cling onto Mingyu to keep his balance, and he did.

Reality hit them when they heard a group of people walking past, and they abruptly pulled apart, their faces flushed pink, their lips still numb and hungry for more. They stood their awkwardly as the people passed by, and when they were out of sight, Mingyu grinned at Wonwoo.

“Let’s go continue in our room,” Mingyu said to him, holding out his hand for Wonwoo to take.

A/N: maybe I’ll add a fluffy chapter later but for now this is the end ^^

I hope you guys enjoyed that! Comment please and let me know what you thought ~

So now I’ll be working on that new OC fic I’ve been planning, I’ll be seeing some of you guys over there I hope? ^^

Anyways, stan NU’EST (i will forever keep hammering yall to stan nu’est until you do LOL)