“S.Coups,” one of his superiors told him one day, “has Lee Jihoon ever mentioned anything about his sister?”

“Yes sir,” Seungcheol answered, “he tells me that they’re very close, and that she’s hot. That’s about all I know, sir.”

“Find out more: what her field of study is, what she does, where she goes to college, etc.”

“I will, sir,” Seungcheol responded dutifully.

Despite the fact that he knew he lost his value as a spy after developing feelings for Jihoon, he still had not let go of his mission. He still reported any information he garnered from Jihoon to his authorities. None of the information Jihoon revealed to him was particularly threatening to Jihoon’s security or his family’s though, so Seungcheol did not feel too guilty.

He knew that he couldn’t be Jihoon’s spy and his lover at the same time. He knew things were not going to remain like this forever, and that something had to change sooner or later. Whatever this change, it could not possibly be in his favor.

He decided not to worry about the future, not to get caught up with what is going to happen. That would only cause distress for Seungcheol, which would compromise the overwhelming happiness that he currently had which he never wanted to lose.

-

“Hey Jihoonie,” Seungcheol asked Jihoon as they were eating lunch by the creak.

“Yeah?”

“Tell me about your sister.”

“What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. I’m just curious about her. Does she go to university or what?”

“She’s getting her degree online. My parents don’t want to send her to university.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re scared. She’s not only precious to me, but to them. She’s a genius, hyung.”

“Really?”

“She got a PhD degree online after only two years of study.”

“Wow. What is she studying?”

“Cryptography.”

“I see. Smart and hot. I have to meet her,” Seungcheol chuckled.

“Hyung,” Jihoon whined with a jealous yet irresistible pout.

“I’m kidding,” Seungcheol laughed before grabbing Jihoon’s chin and kissing his lips roughly, pulling away and resting his forehead on Jihoon’s, “I bet she’s not as beautiful as you are,” he said.

Jihoon blushed, and then leaned in to kiss Seungcheol’s lips again, this time more passionately than usual. He brought their bodies together and parted their lips, Seungcheol relenting completely. When he pulled away to catch their breaths, Jihoon took Seungcheol’s hand and brought it to his chest.

“Make love to me,” Jihoon bade softly breathlessly, surprising Seungcheol.

“N…now? Here?” Seungcheol asked with a nervous stutter.

“No one ever comes here,” Jihoon replied shyly with a shrug, “this is the attic of the junk shop remember? This is where Julia and Winston made love.”

Seungcheol lowered his head and looked at the ground. He knew the day would come, and he had dreaded it for the longest time now. It’s not that he didn’t want to make love to Jihoon there and then. On the contrary, he dearly wished that he could. But he couldn’t.

Making love required exposing his body, and there was one part of Seungcheol’s body that Jihoon could not see: his left shoulder.

“Jihoon-ah,” Seungcheol said holding Jihoon’s hand and bringing it to his lips and kissing it gently. “I love you, and it would delight me to make love to you, but… umm… I…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Jihoon said with a weak smile, “I understand. But just be aware that I’m always ready if you ever want to.”

Seungcheol nodded slightly and then wrapped his arms around Jihoon, wanting to help avoid the awkwardness that would inevitably come from the rejection, and wanting to show Jihoon that he really did love him. He dreaded that Jihoon got the impression that Seungcheol was disgusted from him, or uncomfortable with the fact he was a boy, or just that Seungcheol did not love him.

They settled with cuddling that day.

-

“Jackpot!” one of the superiors yelled when Seungcheol disclosed the information Jihoon gave him about his sister.

“What?” Seungcheol asked, suddenly worried he might have jeopardized her.

“It’s her; she’s the one breaking into our computer systems. She’s studying cryptography, so she has the abilities. She has access to all of our private information. That’s why the Lee family has been doing so well. They know our moves before we make them and act accordingly. That’s why they’re hiding her and making her do online courses. If we get rid of her, I’m positive that the Lee’s market power will wane.”

“You’re not going to kill her are you?” Seungcheol blurted. He was never one to let his tongue loose around his superiors, and never once had he talked to him in that tone. Never once had he questioned his superior’s orders. This time, things were different for Seungcheol. This time, sentiment was attached.

“I’m not going to kill her, you are,” the superior said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“W… what?”

“Your first assassination mission is this, Coups. Kill her. We can’t get into the Lee household anymore because of the extra security. Only you can. You’re Lee Jihoon’s friend, right? Friends go to each other’s houses? Get into his house, find her, and kill her. After you kill her, your mission is over. You no longer have to go to school. You no longer have to see the Jihoon boy.”

And Seungcheol realized with so much heartache that the time had come for things to change.

-

“HYUNG IS WATCHING YOU,” Seungcheol told Jihoon the next day.

“Stop saying that,” Jihoon laughed, “stop equating yourself to Big Brother. You’re not Big Brother. You’re Winston, and I’m Julia.”

“But Winston and Julia stop loving each other in the end. I’d rather I be Big Brother, and you be Winston,” Seungcheol said, “because in the end, Winston ends up loving Big Brother, right?”

“But the love Winston holds for Big Brother is superficial. It’s not real.”

“But it’s still love. I want to be Big Brother. Big Brother only wants his citizens to love him and no one else, right? I want you t. I dread the thought of you loving someone else.”

“Okay fine, you’re Big Brother,” Jihoon rolled his eyes, “and don’t worry, I won’t ever stop loving you hyung. Ever.”

“Ever?”

“Ever.”

“Even if I do something really bad to you?”

“You wouldn’t,” Jihoon said.

“I would,” Seungcheol said. “Big Brother does bad things to his citizens.”

“But you’re not Big Brother!”

“Even if I was Winston, didn’t Winston betray Julia in the end?”

“I don’t think our romance can be compared to 1984,” Jihoon finally concluded, “I’m Juliet and you’re Romeo.”

“Didn’t they both die in the end?” Seungcheol joked, “so will our love end so tragically?”

Jihoon hit Seungcheol playfully and laughed. “Okay, fine. What about this? I’m Jihoon, and you’re Seungcheol. Not Winston, not Julia, not Big Brother, not Romeo, not Juliet.”

“That sounds accurate,” Seungcheol said, captivated for a moment by Jihoon’s smile.

Seungcheol loved Jihoon. He was in love with him; he no longer tried to fight it. This sentiment thing that Seungcheol had wanted so badly to avoid had gone all the way with Jihoon.  Seungcheol wanted nothing more than to just leave his espionage past behind him and just be the person Jihoon thinks he is, to be "Seungcheol" and not "S.Coups." But he wasn’t "Seungcheol," and he knew he couldn’t pretend any longer.

“Hey, Jihoonie, I’m going to go get my Chemistry book from school,” Seungcheol said, snapping out of his daydream. He wanted to be alone for a moment, to clear his head, to cry, to be away from this person who made him so weak inside.

He found himself walking back to school, needing to wash his face and to drink some water. Unfortunately for him, he ran into Mingyu on his way to the bathroom.

“You’re without Lee now, I see. Strange, I never see you two apart,” Mingyu said stepping in his way.

“I don’t have time for you.”

“You know something? You’re evil,” Mingyu said, a look of disgust etched across his face.

“ off.”

“I mean he truly ing loves you and you’re just pretending.”

“Huh?” Seungcheol’s head snapped, and he eyed Mingyu curiously.

“I know what you are, you . That’s why I stopped bullying you two heads; my dad asked me to. Given that you’re working for my family and all. But the more I ing watch you, the more disgusted I become of you. You’re taking full advantage of him. He’s like a little loyal puppy to you, and you’re just pretending to love him. I don’t like him any more than you do, but I feel so ing sorry for him when he finds out who you are.”

“Shut up,” Seungcheol said. As much as he hated to admit it, Mingyu’s words struck him hard. He felt like he was about to burst out crying any second. Mingyu was rubbing salt in a wound that was fresh, hurting him more than anything had ever hurt him before. “It’s not like you’ve never hurt him,” Seungcheol rebutted, trying to keep his emotions in check by attacking Mingyu.

“I’ve hurt him, yes, but the physical pain I caused would be nothing compared to the emotional pain he’s going to feel when he finds out your friendship was fake to begin with. I wound him temporarily. You’re going to scar him for life.”

“Shut up,” Seungcheol said, his blood boiling. He knew that what Mingyu was saying was the truth, and that’s what made him so angry. He hated that Mingyu was right, that Seungcheol was inevitably going to hurt Jihoon so badly.

“You know it’s true, S.Coups,” Mingyu said bitterly. Hearing his name was the final straw for Seungcheol. He swung his fist into Mingyu’s face with full force.

Mingyu fell back on the floor from the punch, a little dizzy. Blood trickled down from his nose.

“Look who’s the bully now,” Mingyu said with a smirk, throwing Seungcheol off edge. He broke down and collapsed onto the floor, a tear rolling from his eyes.

“Lookie here, the mighty spy is showing emotion.” Mingyu crawled towards where Seungcheol was, and put his mouth close to Seungcheol’s ear, “it gives me so much pleasure to make you cry,” Mingyu hissed. It sent shivers down Seungcheol’s spine. Mingyu’s voice had suddenly become a demon to Seungcheol; it was the voice the revealed to him just how evil S.Coups was.

“Get the away from me!” Seungcheol said, slapping Mingyu across the face.

Mingyu put his hand on his cheek, but resisted fighting back. “When Jihoon finds out what you really are, what do you think he’ll do? I bet he’s going to kill himself, driven mad with the prospect that he can’t trust anyone anymore. He’ll just jump off a building and… splat. Blood. He’ll die because of you.”

He’ll die because of you.

Seungcheol could no longer hold it in anymore. Mingyu’s words had affected him more than anything ever has, provoked him more than anything ever has. He pounced on top of him, hitting Mingyu’s head on the marble floor. He began punching, anywhere and everywhere. He would have continued until Mingyu passed out if it weren’t for someone pulling him away.

“Seungcheol, get off of him!” Jihoon screamed, as he grabbed Seungcheol’s arms and hauled him off Mingyu’s body. “Do you want to kill him?” Jihoon yelled at Seungcheol. For the first time ever, Jihoon saw a look of utter condemnation and rage in Jihoon’s eyes.

When Seungcheol wouldn’t respond, Jihoon tended to Mingyu.

“Mingyu, are you okay?” Jihoon asked, wiping the blood off of Mingyu’s face with his sleeve.

Mingyu was conscious, but dizzy. He wasn’t capable of saying anything, or moving on his own.

“Help him up!” Jihoon demanded from Seungcheol, and Seungcheol complied. Jihoon put one of Mingyu’s arms around his shoulder, Seungcheol the other and they walked him to the nurse.

“What happened?” Jihoon asked Seungcheol as they walked.

“He provoked me,” Seungcheol said with a sniffle.

“What could he have possibly said to make you do this to him?”

Seungcheol shook his head, indicating to Jihoon that he was not going to tell him.

When they arrived at the nurse’s office, Mingyu moaned in pain and then began muttering.

“Stay away from him, Jihoon,” Mingyu said, as he choked up on blood and saliva. “Your friend is an evil . Don’t listen to anything he says anymore. He’s ing evil!”

The nurse then shushed him, seeing that his attempts to speak have exacerbated to the wounds on his face. She asked Seungcheol and Jihoon to leave as she began wiping the blood off his face with a towel.

When they were out, Jihoon eyed Seungcheol curiously. “What was Mingyu talking about?”

“He’s right, you know,” Seungcheol said, unable to hold eye contact with Jihoon, “I’m evil.”

“What you did back there to him was evil, yes. But you are not evil.”

“I’m going to get my things from the creak,” Seungcheol announced softly, walking towards the exit of the school.

Jihoon trudged behind him. Neither said a word. There was suddenly this tension between them that was never there before. For the first time ever, there was this agonizing, unbearable atmosphere lingering around them. Seungcheol started to believe that Jihoon had suspected him.

When they arrived at the creak, Seungcheol grabbed his bag and packed his books.

“Hyung, talk to me. Something is wrong with you today. You’re irritable and something is obviously brothering you.”

“You’re right,” Seungcheol said, turning towards Jihoon and taking both of his hands in his. He lowered his head and kissed Jihoon’s knuckles.

“Do you want to tell me what it is?” Jihoon asked.

“I love you, Jihoon,” Seungcheol said, “do you believe me?”

“Of course I do.”

“And I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know.”

“Can I test it?”

“What?”

“Can I test how much you believe in me?”

“Of course, hyung.”

Seungcheol cupped Jihoon’s chin and kissed him, Jihoon responding immediately.

“Can I make love to you?” Seungcheol asked as soon he pulled away.

“Of course,” Jihoon replied.

“You’re going to stop me, Jihoon,” Seungcheol said, resting his forehead against Jihoon’s, “You’re not going to let me in the end.”

“I promise I…”

“Don’t make a promise you won’t keep.”

“Are you going to hurt me?” Jihoon asked, suddenly afraid.

“You failed the test,” Seungcheol said sadly.

“I did?”

“Didn’t I tell you that I would never hurt you? If you were to allow me to make love to you, of course I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Why are being so weird and mysterious?” Jihoon said, frustrated and angry all of the sudden, removing his hands from Seungcheol's. “I don’t understand what you’re saying!”

Seungcheol nodded, “then I’ll show you what I mean. But, please know that I love you, Jihoon. I love you. Please don’t forget that ever. Especially don’t forget it in the next minute.” Seungcheol leaned in to steal a kiss from Jihoon’s lips, aware that it might be the very last one.

He then stepped back and took off his jacket.

Jihoon looked tense as Seungcheol undid the buttons on his shirt. There was gleam of fear in his eyes, as if he knew what to expect. Seungcheol’s eyes watched Jihoon’s face unwaveringly, his hands descending down the buttons of his uniform. Seungcheol saw Jihoon’s eyes flicker to his left shoulder for an instant, and then look back up at Seungcheol.

Seungcheol let the shirt fall of his shoulders onto the ground and watched Jihoon’s reaction.

Jihoon remained still and vacant, his eyes fixed on the tattoo. The first sign of emotion that Jihoon showed was a tear forming from his left eye. He wiped it with the back of his hand and sniffled, but then could no longer hold in the stream of tears falling from his eyes. Jihoon was obviously hurting, and it tore Seungcheol to pieces having to watch him.

“I love you,” Seungcheol repeated, just in case Jihoon had forgotten, “I really do, Jihoon. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have blown my cover like this. I would have asked to go to your house, and then I would have killed your sister like I was ordered. Jihoon, the reason I revealed myself today was because I needed to warn you that they were after her. Go home and protect her. Let her hide somewhere. The Kim family is asking me to assassinate her.”

“You told them Sujin was a cryptographer?” he muttered almost incoherently because of how much he trembled and cried.

Seungcheol nodded, “I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t think it would jeopardize her. I was an idiot. Jihoon I’m so sorry. Look, I’ll tell them that I killed her to distract them for a while, and you have to get your sister out of the house and hide her somewhere.”

“You are Big Brother,” Jihoon said as he continued to shed tears. “You’re the perfect representation of him. You ‘watch’ me, you hurt me, you make me trust you, and you only take advantage of me. You claim to love me, but you…”

“I do love you!”

“And I believe you,” Jihoon said as he wiped his eyes. “But the problem is, I don’t think I love you anymore.”

He then turned his back and walked away, leaving Seungcheol brokenhearted and feeling like he just lost the most precious thing he ever possessed.

-

He hadn’t seen Jihoon in over two months. He didn’t expect to see him at all, actually. He stopped going to school, because his mission was essentially over when he lied to his superiors about killing Lee Sujin. He didn’t know what became of Jihoon, or of Sujin, or of anyone.

He began to hate the life he chose for himself, the life of espionage. The life of deluding people into trusting you, the life of having no sentimental contact with anyone, the life of deception to advance one side of some power struggle he had nothing to do with.

He knew that sooner or later, his superiors would find out that Lee Sujin was never killed, and that he would be punished severely for his lies, for his betrayal of the service. He didn’t really mind the prospect of being punished. They were giving him food, shelter and water until then. If he had to be tortured or killed because of this, then so be it.

His life was not worth living anymore anyways.

The memory of his last encounter with Jihoon weighed down on his heart like nothing ever had before. The last thing that Jihoon said to him was that he didn’t love him anymore, and whenever Seungcheol thought of that, he would fall into a state of temporary gloominess, where he found himself desiring death, desiring to rid himself of the memory by just ridding himself of life.

It wasn’t just that. It was how he made Jihoon cry, how he had hurt Jihoon, how he had put his lover's entire family in danger. He would never forgive himself for all that he had done to the boy that loved and trusted him.

-

“Are you certain that you killed the Lee girl?” his superior asked him one day when he was called up to meet them.

“Yes sir,” Seungcheol had decided to lie as much as he could, to postpone his punishment as much as possible.

“There was no sign that the Lee family conducted a burial. Government records show that she’s still alive. And the company continues to lose, indicating that someone is still hacking into the Kim family systems. Kim Mingyu has also informed us that the Lee boy goes to school as usual, indicating that he probably isn’t mourning for her. She is not dead, Coups.”

“I did kill her sir. I’m certain. I poisoned her and checked that she had no pulse afterwards.”

“Did you like Lee Jihoon, Coups?” the superior asked curiously, “because if you did, that would explain why you’re lying right now.”

“I’m not lying, sir. And no, of course I did not develop any form of sentiment towards my subject.”

“I’m sorry Coups, I still suspect you. You will be locked in a room under 24-hour surveillance until we get answers.”

“Whatever you deem fit, sir,” Seungcheol responded, and he was dragged into a surveillance room and locked in.

I guess my punishment is nearing, Seungcheol thought. The prospect of dying did not seem so bad to Seungcheol actually. He considered just admitting to having not killed her to speed up the process, but later felt too lethargic to do so. Let them find out themselves. I’ll just wait.

And wait he did.

He waited until his beautiful Jihoon was dragged into the same room and locked in with him.

When Seungcheol and Jihoon’s eyes met, Jihoon immediately said, “BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU! BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING US.” Jihoon then twirled around with his arms extended. “Look at all those surveillance cameras. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING US. Remember? Remember Winston and Julia under the eyes of Big Brother?”

Seungcheol began to suspect that Jihoon had gone mad. “Jihoon, are you okay?”

“Obviously not!!! I get to see your pathetic face again. You ing ! You murdered my sister! I know you did!”

“What?”

“Seungcheol!” Jihoon yelled, “BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING US. Remember our place? Our equivalent of the attic? Remember? The roof of the school? Remember?”

Seungcheol blinked, not understanding what was happening to Jihoon. Their place wasn’t the roof; it was the creak. He would have dismissed Jihoon’s words as a result of some sort of mental condition that Jihoon was undergoing, but Seungcheol could see that Jihoon was not crazy. There was a form of desperation in Jihoon’s expression, a glint of reason, a spangle of sanity in those now tearful eyes.

“Why did I say that? Because BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING US,” Jihoon said, eying Seungcheol intently.

It was only then that Seungcheol realized what Jihoon was telling him: they were being watched, and so they must not say the truth. They could not act like Winston and Julia acted in the attic; they were not away from the eyes of Big Brother. Seungcheol could not show sentiment.

“You killed my sister!” Jihoon said, “you knew how much she meant to me, and you killed her!”

Oh. Seungcheol finally wrapped his head around what was happening. Forcing Jihoon with him into this surveillance room was a way too see if Seungcheol was telling the truth with regard to killing Jihoon’s sister. His superiors, i.e. “Big Brother,” were watching them.

So Jihoon was trying to save him. Jihoon deduced what was happening and was trying to show the superiors that Seungcheol was not lying, that his sister really was killed. Seungcheol had to act as if he killed her, as if he had no feelings for Jihoon at all, as if Jihoon was just his “subject” and nothing else.

“You lunatic,” Seungcheol said, playing along with the act. “Obsessed with that stupid book, referencing it whenever you could.” It came out less forceful then he would have liked.

“I thought you liked it too,” Jihoon responded, and Seungcheol could see relief in Jihoon’s eyes as Seungcheol continued to play along.

“I was pretending.”

Jihoon sat in the corner, bringing his knees to his chest. He then buried his face in his knees and sat still. “Please don’t hurt me,” Jihoon whispered audibly, “please, I want to live. You already took my sister, please leave me alone.”

Seungcheol sat in another corner watching Jihoon with the side of his eyes. Jihoon was trembling. He was still in his school uniform, indicating that they had kidnapped him while he was at school. He was obviously terrified. Seungcheol wanted so badly to put his arms around him, to comfort him, to promise him that everything will be okay, but he couldn’t, because he was under the gaze of Big Brother.

It was torture, being so close to Jihoon after not seeing him for months, and having to act so cold and distant from him.

What seemed like an eternity later, the doors were opened, and Jihoon was dragged out. Seungcheol held back in asking them where they were taking them, afraid that would denote concern for him. He sat there and watched and prayed that they would just release him.

They didn’t.

They took him to the underground chamber. It was a dimly lit room, with nothing but a chair and table. The chair was placed many feet away from the table, and Jihoon was tied very tightly to it.

Seungcheol only found out about this the very next day, when his superiors released him and brought him down to where Jihoon was.

When Seungcheol saw how there were subjugating Jihoon like this, making a prisoner and criminal out of him, he had this overwhelming urge to grab a gun and shoot them all. He held back as soon as Jihoon yelled, “BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING US.”

That earned Jihoon a slap in the face by one of the men in front of him, “only talk when you are spoken to!” said the man.

“Stand there,” another man indicated, pointing to a space where Seungcheol could see Jihoon clearly given the dim lighting of the room.

An interrogation ensued.

“Is your sister dead?” the man asked.

“Yes,” Jihoon responded weakly, “Seungcheol killed her.”

“How do you know he killed her?”

“Because she died the first time I took him to my home, and because after she died, he disappeared.”

“So you did not see him since he killed her?”

“No.”

“Why did you yell ‘big brother is watching us’ as soon as you saw Seungcheol? That’s a strange thing to say to someone who killed your sister.”

“Because of he was.”

“Who’s big brother?”

“I don’t think he exists.”

“What?”

“Have you read 1984?”

“No.”

“Well then you should, and then you’ll understand.”

“Moving on,” the interrogator continued, “how did he kill her?”

Jihoon paused. “I don’t know.”

“How can you not know?”

“She was just dead.”

“If you suspected Seungcheol of killing her, why didn’t you file a police report against him?”

For the first time since the interrogation started, Jihoon did not answer the question. He just stared blankly back at the interrogator. He didn’t look like he was hesitating, just deliberately not answering.

“Why?” the interrogator pressed. When he got no answer from Jihoon, the interrogator slapped him, making Seungcheol flinch, but he kept his composure.

“Because I loved him,” Jihoon answered looking at Seungcheol straight in the eye, “I didn’t want to give him trouble.”

“He killed your sister. How can you have loved him?”

“I don’t know,” Jihoon answered, his eyes flickering away from Seungcheol’s to the floor.

“Look at me!” the interrogator demanded, and Jihoon immediately obeyed. “Was your sister ever buried?”

“No, she was cremated without a funeral, and without her official records showing she was dead.”

“Why?”

“My father suspected that the death had to do with the Kim family’s secret service, and so he didn’t want to give you all the satisfaction of being reassured she was dead,” Jihoon said. The lie rolled of his tongue so effortlessly, as if Jihoon had planned all of these lies beforehand.

“Why did you go to school after her death? Did you not mourn for her?”

“I went to school, yes. But just ask Mingyu how I was, and he’ll tell you.”

“If your sister is dead, then why are the Kim family systems still being hacked?”

“Huh?” Jihoon asked.

“Your sister is a cryptographer am I right?”

“She was a cryptographer.”

“And she broke into…”

“You can’t possibly believe that a 22-year-old girl hacked the Kim family databases,” Jihoon responded with his jaw hanging open.

“Then who is hacking?” the interrogator asked.

“How am I to know? And is that why you decided to kill her? Because you came to a ridiculous conclusion that she’s the mastermind behind the Kim family losing money? Well you!” Jihoon screamed, as a tear rolled down his cheek.

The interrogator slapped Jihoon again, this time causing blood to fall from the corner of his mouth.

“Where is your sister?” the interrogator asked.

“If you want the vase so bad, I’ll bring it to you,” Jihoon responded with a scowl.

“Have it your way,” the interrogator said, before walking up to the table in the room, which Seungcheol had just noticed had the secret service’s torture devices laid onto it.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Seungcheol asked.

“This is Room 101!” Jihoon said as he looked at the torture devices. Tears started rolling down his cheek uncontrollably. “Room 101, remember Seungcheol?”

Seungcheol remembered very clearly. Room 101 was the room in which Winston was tortured in 1984.

“I’m so afraid, Seungcheol,” Jihoon continued, “not of pain, but of the ending of it all. Winston gave up on Julia in Room 101. Will I give up?” At this point Jihoon had started to sob too hard for him to talk.

Seungcheol could not take pretending anymore. He ran up to Jihoon and desperately began trying to untie him. Jihoon was handcuffed to the chair and secured onto the chair with a rope of many different knots. Seungcheol only managed to loosen a rope around his shoulders in a few seconds, realizing later that it would take hours to untie Jihoon and that his efforts at rescuing the poor boy were futile.

He knew he had just blown his cover, and showed everyone that he did have sentimental feelings for Jihoon. There was no turning back from this action. He turned to the interrogator to see him standing there with his arms crossed.

“Do you still deny liking Lee Jihoon?” the interrogator asked.

“No sir.”

“So you didn’t kill her?”

“I did kill her sir,” Seungcheol responded, wanting to answer in a way that would stop Jihoon from getting tortured. He knew that if he had claimed to have not killed her, they would still want to know where she was, and so would torture him to find out.

That was what Jihoon meant when he said he was afraid. He was afraid that torture would being it out of him, just like it brought it out of Winston in 1984.

“You claim to like Jihoon. If you really did, then you wouldn’t have taken away someone so dear to him.”

Just as Seungcheol was about to fabricate a lie in response to that, Seungcheol heard a choking sound from Jihoon’s direction.

Seungcheol wished he could unsee the sight that met him upon turning his head too see what had happened.

The ropes that Seungcheol had loosened were around Jihoon’s neck, strangling him. Jihoon’s tongue was loose outside of his mouth, and his eyes were closed. He was dead.

-

A wave of nostalgia hit him as he sat beside the creak. The water was running like it had always been. The sun was shining through the trees. The birds were chirping their morning melodies. The world seemed to simply carry on without Jihoon, and it drove Seungcheol mad.

Jihoon had died, and the world didn’t seem to give a crap.

Jihoon’s parents didn’t give a crap. The school didn’t give a crap. The men of the secret service only gave a crap insofar as they didn’t get to torture information out of him.

The only thing that changed after Jihoon died was that the hacking had suddenly stopped. Lee Sujin’s hacking. Why? Seungcheol did not know, but he concluded that it was because Lee Sujin was the only one in the world that cared.

Jihoon had died for her after all. Seungcheol knew that Jihoon killed himself. He somehow managed to wrap the loose rope around his neck, and he strangled himself. He did it to avoid being tortured, to avoid telling them her location. Jihoon was thinking of 1984, of how torture will make you betray the person you love the most in this world. To avoid betraying his sister, he killed himself.

Seungcheol closed his eyes and remembered as he listened to the flow of water from the creak. This was the place he had first met Jihoon. The place they had became friends. The place where Jihoon had confessed. The place where they had their first kiss. The place Jihoon had uttered countless ‘I love yous’ in Seungcheol’s direction.

It was also the place Seungcheol broke Jihoon’s heart with the truth.

Seungcheol wiped away a tear that had formed in his eyes at the remembrance of the boy he loved, the boy that was so pure and good in every way. The boy that died and the world didn’t care.

Seungcheol was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard footsteps nearby. He looked towards where he heard it. There was no one there. But Seungcheol had very clearly heard footsteps. He heard a twig break from behind one of the nearby trees.

Was it Jihoon?

His heart seemed to expect it. This was their attic of the junk shop; this place was theirs and no one else’s. No one else could be there besides Seungcheol and Jihoon.

“Who’s there?” Seungcheol asked, his voice jittery, afraid, expectant, and hopeful.

The person revealed himself. Mingyu.

“Mingyu?” Seungcheol asked, looking truly surprised to see him. “What are you doing here?”

“This is my school.”

“This is my place,” Seungcheol claimed.

“This was Jihoon’s place,” Mingyu snapped back with a scowl.

“How did you know about it?”

“I know a lot about Jihoon,” Mingyu said, “more than you think I know.”

Seungcheol narrowed his eyes Mingyu curiously. What a strange assertion coming from him…

“I followed him here the day after you left him,” Mingyu explained. There was tinge of melancholy as Mingyu said it, also taking Seungcheol by surprise.

“To bully him?”

“No,” Mingyu said scowling at Seungcheol again, “on the contrary. To save his ing life.”

“Huh?”

“You know when you beat me up that day, I told you that Jihoon would want to kill himself after learning that you’re a spy? Well, turns out I was right. He did want to kill himself. For some strange reason, he wanted to do it here though. I saw him lug around a rope in his bag. He came to that tree and prepared it to hang himself. I stopped him. You’re welcome,” Mingyu said it quickly, forcefully, as if saying earnestly would hurt his pride. Still though, Mingyu’s words had sincerity to them and Seungcheol, strangely, believed him.

“You liked him, didn’t you?” Seungcheol asked Mingyu. It was fairly obvious that Mingyu didn’t hate him at least.

“Eww no. He was a Lee. Of course I didn’t like him.”

“He told me once that you were a good person, and that in another world, you two would have been the best of friends. He liked you.”

“Really?” Mingyu tilted his head curiously.

Seungcheol nodded, reminded of Jihoon’s goodness, of his big heart and his love for everyone. He felt that itchiness in his nose telling him the tears were on their way and did his best to suppress them. He did not want to cry in front of Mingyu.

“Maybe I don’t hate him,” Mingyu admitted finally. “I miss him,” he added softly.

“I do too,” Seungcheol agreed, and that tear that was lingering around in his eye finally strolled down his cheek. Seungcheol immediately wiped it away.

Talking to Mingyu had made him feel somewhat more at ease. He found another person, an unexpected person, who cared. It made him happy to know that it wasn’t only him and Sujin.

After an awkward silence, Mingyu reached in his backpack and took out a book, which Seungcheol immediately recognized as Jihoon’s copy of 1984. He handed it to Seungcheol.

“This was in his locker. Some s broke it to steal his money. They took the money, but I picked this up. I think you should have it.”

“Thank you,” Seungcheol said, taking it and hugging it to his chest.

Without another word, Mingyu walked back to school.

Seungcheol did not know what compelled him to flip through the pages, but he did. And every time he saw the phrase “BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU,” the words “BIG BROTHER” would be crossed out and the word “HYUNG” would be written on top of it, followed by a heart. It made Seungcheol smile as nostalgia hit him once again remembering the conversations they had about Big Brother.

Hen then flipped to the very last page of the book. The page was damaged by what seemed to be Jihoon’s tears. It wasn’t the tears that caught his eye though. It was the bit that Jihoon had highlighted, underlined and drawn numerous hearts around. The very, very, last line of the 1984.

“He loved Big Brother.”

 

---

 

A/N: Soooo I was actually listening to Simple by Woozi when I was writing this so I got a little emotional LOL. Anyways, I hope you liked it. SORRY ABOUT THE ANGST ^^

Plus, I’m not sure if you felt this at all, but although the character kind of worked with Seungcheol, I don’t feel like it worked as well with Jihoon. Jihoon was originally Minhyun of NU’EST, who is so positive and smiley and trusting of everyone, which is just not the same as Jihoon’s personality. And idk it felt awkward to imagine Jihoon having Minhyun’s personality, which is why I’m not sure this worked as well as the NU’EST version. If I had written this plot as Jicheol originally, it might have been a little different haha.

ANYWAYS, I hope you enjoyed this angsty story. I have one more angsty NU'EST story i wanna convert, so look out for it! also please leave a comment telling me what you thought :)

(also, remember to stan NU'EST ok thanks ^.^)

AND DANG IT I LOVE THIS SONG