Seungcheol expected that Mingyu would do something to regain his pride in homeroom the next day. Strangely though, Mingyu did nothing. Besides a few glares and scowls here and there, he did not say or do anything threatening to Seungcheol at all.

The next time Seungcheol saw Jihoon was in the music class two days later. The bruises on his face from the fight with Mingyu were covered with make-up.

Jihoon was the one that approached Seungcheol, which saved Seungcheol the trouble. After a quick greeting, Jihoon handed him the novel, 1984.

Seungcheol took it, thanking him, and immediately feigning interest in the book by flipping through its pages and reading the back cover.

“I look forward to reading it,” Seungcheol said. He knew he was going to spend the entire night up trying to read it so he would have something to talk about with Jihoon. He hated reading academic stuff, but this was something he had to do in order to successfully become his “friend.”

And so he read it that night. All of it. All 181 pages of it.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.

It was about a man named Winston Smith living under a totalitarian government. The book is driven by the axiom that BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU, “Big Brother” being the leader of the country in which the story is set, Oceania. “BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU” means that nothing is hidden from Big Brother in Oceania. There are spies everywhere. Everything you do is being watched, and if you oppose the government, you are instantly deemed a traitor and executed. You are not even allowed to think to oppose the government, and there are even “Thought Police” that are somehow able to read what you are thinking. You weren’t allowed to love anyone besides Big Brother. Therefore, you were not allowed to have a ual drive. The system basically turns the citizens into mindless robots working for the sole purpose of supporting the government.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.

The protagonist, Winston Smith, rebels by doing a lot of things that the government opposes. The first was that he fell in love with someone other than Big Brother. He developed feelings for a woman named Julia, and has passionate with her. In the end, Winston is caught, and he and Julia are both tortured. Despite the fact that Winston loved her, he betrayed her while he was being tortured by revealing compromising information about her. Eventually, he stopped loving her, and in the end, he was freed. He stopped loving Julia, and instead loved Big Brother. He himself was turned into a mindless robot by the end of it.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.

Despite the fact that Seungcheol’s lack of education made the novel difficult to get through, it was hard to deny that he liked the novel. It was thrilling, disturbing, and quite ingenious. It’s a tragic love story that does not end the way tragic love stories usually end; there was no death or heartbreak, rather complete obedience to a totalitarian government. Somehow, that felt even worse than death or heartbreak.

It was about time to go to school when Seungcheol finished the novel. He hadn’t slept the night, but he knew he could cope. He had been trained to stay up nights for missions after all.

He went to find Jihoon in the forests again. Seungcheol expected Jihoon to be there in days when he didn’t have music class, “there” being next to the creak that Seungcheol had first seen him.

As expected, Jihoon was there.

“Looks like my private place is no longer private anymore,” Jihoon said with a smile when he saw Seungcheol approaching.

“Sorry about that. I won’t come anymore if you don’t want me.”

“No, I like company,” Jihoon said with a smile, “as long as this company doesn’t want to bully me or take advantage of me because of my family and my wealth. If that’s not the case, then you can come however much you want.”

“I just came to return this,” Seungcheol extended his arm to return the book.

“You don’t want to read it?” Jihoon asked.

“I finished it actually.”

“Already?”

“Yeah.”

Jihoon narrowed his eyebrows, “you didn’t just go on SparkNotes, did you?”

“No, I read it. I really read it. I couldn’t put it down last night…”

Jihoon tilted his head as he inspected Seungcheol’s face, “well, you do look tired.”

“I’m telling you, I spent all night reading it,” Seungcheol insisted, seeing that Jihoon did not seem to believe him.

“Sit down,” Jihoon said, patting the space on the ground in front of him. Seungcheol obeyed. “Tell me what you thought.”

“It was… sad. The ending was sad. But what’s amazing about it is not the love story or the story of Winston, but the setting. This world that the author imagined is bloody scary. What’s even more scary is that this is a world that we are slowly approaching…”

“Yes!” Jihoon agreed wholeheartedly, “all of this spying and no privacy, no freedom, not being able to trust anyone. It’s so relatable. It’s especially apparent with my family. The Kim family hires a secret intelligence to spy on us…”

“Oh,” Seungcheol said, actually very surprised. Not surprised about the secret intelligence, but surprised that Jihoon knew about it. Actually, the Kim family did not know that the Lee family knew about it at all. They thought it was truly “secret,” that no one was aware of it. He made a mental note of this to tell his superiors. It was something they would certainly want to know.

“Don’t tell anyone I told you this!” Jihoon said immediately after, as if he could read Seungcheol’s mind. “Seriously, you can’t! I trust you, okay? If you tell anyone, it very well might lead to the death of me! Literally,” Jihoon said with a pleading look.

Seungcheol nodded, knowing the nod meant nothing. Seungcheol could not care less about whether or not Jihoon died.

“Thank you,” Jihoon replied. “Anyways, the reason I love 1984 is because the author accurately conveyed the distrust and anxiety that you feel when they are constantly under surveillance, when there is the presence of this this Big Brother, spying on you wherever you are. You literally cannot trust anyone. You feel alone and limited and just extremely gloomy. I can’t trust anyone, because anyone could be a spy sent to assassinate me or something. I can connect to Winston: the way he’s always careful of everyone around him, always suspecting everyone around him.”

“That is very scary,” Seungcheol said, nodding his head, “I would hate to be in your shoes.”

“Remember when we first met,” Jihoon continued, “when you were wandering aimlessly in the forest and you saw me sitting here for the first time?”

“Yeah?”

“I know this is going to sound really paranoid and all, but I thought you were one of them, one of the spies, sent to assassinate me or spy on me. I was so scared. That’s why I was quiet when I walked you back to school. I was worried you would kill me or kidnap me. What made me trust you is when you defended me from Mingyu. I know you’re not out to hurt me, and that you're not working for the Kims.”

“Of course I’m not working for them,” Seungcheol said, feigning amusement at the “outrageous” suggestion. Seungcheol felt triumphant though; it seemed like Jihoon already so foolishly trusted him and is dumping all of this valuable information on him. And for the first time in his life, Seungcheol felt a little manipulative. He felt like he was taking advantage of something so innocent and pure.

“It seems really silly doesn’t it? I appear overly paranoid to you don’t I? I’m sorry, but there are some employees in my household who I know are spies.”

“Really? Like who?” Seungcheol pressed for more information.

“We have a cook in our house for example…”

This took Seungcheol by surprise. Of course. The cook, Seungcheol thought. Seungcheol had trained with the man that was to pretend to be the cook of the Lee family.

“My father is planning to get the police to corner him next week. He was such a nice guy and he made me such great dishes, but apparently he mixed chemicals in there to make the family drowsy so we won’t get work done or something so our company begins to lose. I was so surprised. I didn’t think such a nice person would have such heartless intentions.”

Seungcheol loved how far he was going with his mission. Not only was he in the process of becoming the boy’s “friend” but he also got so much valuable information out of him.

“How can you be so sure about the fact he’s a spy though?” Seungcheol asked.

“They have identification on their left shoulder,” Jihoon whispered. “It’s a tattoo. My father installed a camera in his shower, and he saw it. He installs cameras in all of the employees’ showers so we know who’s spying on us.”

They know about the tattoos, Seungcheol thought. Seungcheol could not help but glance down to his shoulder to make sure he was clothed, to make sure Jihoon couldn’t see the tattoo that he had.

“Well, wow. I don’t know what to say to you,” Seungcheol replied, trying to appear overwhelmed. “Your families are like action movies. It must be really ty to live like that. I’m sorry.”

Jihoon smiled at him, making a guilty feeling surface. Jihoon was so naive, and Seungcheol felt like he was hruting a child.

I’m not supposed to feel guilty. I’m a spy. I’m not supposed to have ‘sentiments.’ Seungcheol brushed away these silly feelings as soon as they came.

“Thank you for listening to my rants though. It’s been a long time since I trusted someone to tell him all of this. It feels nice to get it off my shoulders. And you can’t tell anyone this. Got it? No one.”

“In understand. But… why do you trust me so much? You just met me,” Seungcheol asked, honestly curious, and honestly worried about how quickly Jihoon had come to trust him.

“You seem so sincere,” Jihoon answered, “when you fought off Mingyu for me. You saved me, and you walked me to the nurse. And now you read the entirety of 1984 in one night for me. And you walked all the way up here from school to see me. If you wanted to hurt me, you would have done it by now. If you were working for the Kim family, you certainly would not have hurt Mingyu. And you wouldn’t have read an entire novel for me.”

“What if I was doing it to earn your trust and get information out of you?” Seungcheol raised his eyebrows curiously.

“Then you would not have asked me that question,” Jihoon answered confidently with a grin.

“What if I was using reverse psychology?” Seungcheol replied with a friendly smile.

Jihoon giggled. “Stop it,” he said as he hit Seungcheol playfully, “you don’t look like the type of person that would take advantage of someone. You’re cute and seem void of that kind of evil. It’s like, you have the face of an innocent person, a new student who just wants to fit in, a person that wants to be nice to people, and make friends.”

Oh how Jihoon had misinterpreted him…

And the guilt resurfaced yet again. He was deluding Jihoon. He was tricking him, playing with him, exploiting his innocent attempts at confiding in someone. He pushed these sentimental feelings away again. Stop it Coups. You’re on a ing mission.

Just so that Seungcheol would stop feeling angry, he changed the subject, “Fine, but what if there are cameras in this forest? What if there’s a spy lurking around listening to what you’re saying? What if that Mingyu is like hiding behind a tree or something?”

“This place is my attic of the junk-shop,” Jihoon said and inspected Seungcheol carefully after that.

Seungcheol smiled at that. He didn’t even have to pretend to smile; it just came naturally. The “attic of the junk-shop” was a setting in 1984. It was the place that Winston had inspected to be free of surveillance, where he was free to do anything. He was away from the eyes of “Big Brother.” It was there that Winston and Julia had their romantic encounters. It was there that he made love to her. It was such a clever reference that Jihoon had made to the novel. “I see,” Seungcheol replied with a smile.

“You do?” Jihoon looked too happy about that, “you did read the book then! SparkNotes left out that part! You really did read it. I am so happy you actually read it!” Jihoon said. Before Seungcheol knew it, Jihoon swung his arms around him and hugged him tightly.

It had been such a long time since Seungcheol was hugged. Years actually. He couldn’t even remember the last time he was hugged. While you’re training to be part of espionage, you do not get any hugs. Only now did he realize how much he missed the feeling. He missed being loved. He missed being embraced, the warmth of the other person engulfing his body. He missed the pleasant feeling it brought about in him, the reassurance he felt.

When Jihoon pulled away, Seungcheol craved for more.

“You have no idea how many people pretended to read the book for me just so that I could take them as friends. Everyone wants to be friends with a rich person. You’re the only one who has actually read it. You are being sincere,” Jihoon said.

Here comes the guilt again. “I am sincere,” Seungcheol lied.

“I know you are,” Jihoon said with an earnest smile.

Suddenly, he felt worried about the prospect that Jihoon would see his shoulders and the tattoo would be revealed. But for some odd reason, it wasn’t being caught that scared him. It was disappointing Jihoon. If Jihoon knew the truth about Seungcheol’s real identity, it would ruin the boy. Jihoon would stop trusting people and he would live his life in paranoia, and Seungcheol did not want to do that to him.

-

Seungcheol revealed everything Jihoon had disclosed as soon as he had gone back to the secret service headquarters. It would be a lie to say that he didn’t hesitate. He considered for a moment not saying anything, to keep Jihoon and his family safe. Then a voice in his head told him he was being sentimental, and he had to stop.

When he revealed the information to his superiors, they reacted in a way that told him that what he had disclosed was very important. They took the information excitably and quickly acted to get the cook out of the house before the police arrested him.

Suddenly, Seungcheol worried that Jihoon would deduce Seungcheol’s betrayal from the fact that the cook was gone before the police would arrive. It made him so nervous, but not for his sake, for Jihoon’s. He didn’t want to hurt him, to be the reason for the potential and detrimental trust issues he would have…

Ughh, sentiment. I have to get rid of this sentiment.

No matter how much he wanted to quit, this was his only job. The only thing that kept him alive, and sane, and away from begging in the streets. Espionage and fighting were the only things he was good at, the only things he could do for a living. He couldn’t let stupid sentiment get in the way of the only thing keeping him alive.

“Coups, we are very proud of your progress,” one of his superiors had told him after he revealed all of the information. “You’re doing exceptionally well. I have talked to Mr. Kim, and he is giving you a reward of two million won for your efforts. You’ve earned it.” The superior smiled at him.

Being praised by his superiors was one thing that delighted Seungcheol. It rarely happened, but when it did, Seungcheol felt content. It was one of the only things that had made him happy in his years of training. It was the only thing he sought really: their approval. And this time was no exception. The anxiety he had felt for Jihoon was replaced by content after the praise he received. He was content with what he had done.

BIG BROTHER. He was suddenly reminded of the novel. The only thing that contented the citizens of that novel was also approval by Big Brother. They worked, they pushed aside their emotions, and they sacrificed their individualism for Big Brother, to be approved by Big Brother. Wasn’t that what he was doing? Putting aside his sentiment for work, for approval from a higher authority?

-

“Now, tell me about yourself,” Jihoon asked him one day when they met next to the creak.

“First of all, I am your Big Brother,” Seungcheol said, quite literally meaning ‘Big Brother’ with the capital letters. Not ‘hyung,’ but Big Brother. 1984’s Big Brother. He tried to give Jihoon the hint that he is a spy, sent to “watch him.” BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU. But Jihoon was much too naïve to get it.

“Oh, you’re hyung?” Jihoon asked.

“Yeah,” Seungcheol said apathetically, “hyung.”

“How old are you?”

“95 liner, I dropped a grade or two.” He then recited an elaborate lie about his life. How he was born in Daegu, and how his parents moved to Busan later. He elaborated a lie about the brothers and sisters and friends that he had, about the sort of house he was raised in, the type of parents that he had. And Jihoon believed it all.

“You’re so lucky,” Jihoon said after hearing Seungcheol’s story, “your family seems so awesome. You have parents that love and support you. You have siblings that you’re close to. You’ve had true friends. You lived your life. I’m not like you. My parents don’t give a about me. An assassin could come in now and kill me, and they wouldn’t care. I don’t have friends either, besides you of course. Every ‘friend’ I ever had turned out to want me only for my money, or to get favors from my family. The only person I could confidently say I love is my sister.”

“You have a sister?”

“Yeah. Her name is Sujin, and I love her so very much. She means the world to me.”

“Is she hot?”

“Yes, she is actually,” Jihoon answered with a giggle, “but you can’t have her.”

“Why not?” Seungcheol whined jokingly.

“Because… then I’d be jealous,” Jihoon replied.

-

Jihoon started coming to all of his classes even though Mingyu was there, and Seungcheol and Jihoon began seeing each other every day. Strangely, however, Mingyu did not bully him. There were the usual glares and scowls, and attempts at tripping him, but never any serious bullying.

“He’s probably scared I would beat the out of him,” Seungcheol told Jihoon.

“I think so too,” Jihoon replied.

“What an ,” Seungcheol muttered.

“Don’t say that,” Jihoon responded, much to Seungcheol’s surprise, “I think Mingyu is a good person at heart.”

“What? A good person? He bullies you, Jihoon.”

“His parents are worse than mine. He’s the youngest child in the Kim family, and I’ve seen his siblings harass him. He’s conditioned into hating me, because I’m a Lee. That’s why he bullies me. I think he’s just an unfortunate soul. In another world, we could have been best friends. He likes to read too, you know. His favorite book is 1984 too.”

“But he’s terrible…”

“He’s not. I like him.”

“You’re… you’re too nice. And you trust people too easily,” Seungcheol responded with a frown. “This might destroy you in the future, you know. You should learn to hate more and not take everyone to be cute little angels.” These were really the first sincere words that had come out of Seungcheol’s mouth, the first words that Seungcheol said for Jihoon’s sake and not his own. Seungcheol hated that Jihoon was like this. Jihoon didn’t judge anyone, didn’t think anyone was bad. He thought that everyone had good intentions. He was truly innocent, truly void of all hatred and corruption, and it made him so vulnerable.

Seungcheol did not want Jihoon to be vulnerable.

As much as Seungcheol hated to admit it, he had started to get over his indifference to Jihoon. He had actually started to care for him.

-

“The cook escaped,” Jihoon revealed to Seungcheol the next day.

Seungcheol’s heart dropped to his knees, and for an instant, he thought that Jihoon had figured it out.

“It’s scary because… it means that the Kims knew our plans,” Jihoon continued, starting to tremble. “Hyung, I’m scared. What if they kill us? What if they have surveillance cameras around us? What if they record everything we say? What if we really do live in the world of 1984? The fact they knew our plans to corner the cook and arrest him means they are capable of doing anything. What if they kill me? Or my sister?” At this point, Jihoon had lost it and began to cry.

Seungcheol put his arms around Jihoon then, hugging him for the second time, swaying him from side to side. “Listen, Jihoon. They won’t do it. You know why? Because I won’t let them.”

“That’s hardly reassuring,” Jihoon said with a sniffle.

“Listen, I’m hyung. HYUNG IS WATCHING YOU. No, that’s not right. HYUNG IS WATCHING OVER YOU. I won’t let anything harm you or your family, got it? If they do, I’ll use my mad taekwondo skills to beat the out of him like I did with Mingyu.”

“You’re cute, hyung,” Jihoon said, laughing and crying at the same time. “I’m so glad I have you,” Jihoon continued before kissing Seungcheol’s cheek.

Seungcheol felt himself blush a little. , it’s sentiment again, Seungcheol thought. He hated the sentiment he was suddenly feeling for Jihoon. He hated that he really did mean it when he told Jihoon that he wouldn’t let anything harm him or his family. He hated that he was willing to compromise his mission for the sake of protecting Jihoon.

He cared for Jihoon. He wouldn’t deny it anymore.

-

And as Seungcheol spent more and more time with Jihoon, he began to care more and more for him. They became best friends pretty soon, and Seungcheol had come to terms with the fact he wasn’t even pretending anymore.

They spent their entire time in school together. They studied together, went to classes together, had lunch next to the creak together, talked about 1984 together.

Jihoon was happy, and Seungcheol was happy.

For the first time in his 20 years of living, he could call himself happy. He had never looked forward to waking up for a new day until Jihoon. He had never once cared so much for someone. He had never once thought that high school would be such a great experience for him.

“Hey hyung,” Jihoon said one day while they were studying near the creak.

“Hmm?”

“You know how…” Jihoon hesitated. He looked nervous.

“What wrong?”

“You know how in 1984, Winston takes Julia to his attic in the junk store? And they spend all of their time there?”

“Yeah?”

“My point is… I mean… umm… this space next to the creak is my equivalent of the attic, right? So if I’m Winston, and this space is my attic, then doesn’t that make you my Julia?”

“Huh?” Seungcheol asked, not registering Jihoon’s words.

“Like, I always bring you here, like Winston brings Julia to his attic…”

“But Winston was in love with Julia and… oh.”  It took Seungcheol some time to register that Jihoon had been confessing to him in his own, peculiar, 1984-related way.

So Jihoon loved him, and not in a platonic sense. Jihoon loved him like Winston loved Julia.

After blinking a few times and considering it, Seungcheol responded: “Jihoon, I’m sorry but…”

“I get it; forget I said anything.”

“I refuse to be your Julia, but I want you to be mine,” Seungcheol said, shrugging his shoulders shyly and smiling softly. Seungcheol knew he felt the same way. He knew that he would never love anyone more than he loved Jihoon.

Jihoon’s eyes lit up, and his smile at that moment must have been the most beautiful thing in the world to Seungcheol. Jihoon swung his arms around his new lover, hugging him with so much fervor that Seungcheol could hardly breathe.

“Hyung, I love you. I love you so much,” Jihoon said. When he pulled away, Seungcheol saw tears in Jihoon’s eyes. Seungcheol reached out and wiped them with his thumb. His fingers trailed over Jihoon cheeks, caressing them lovingly before moving under his chin. Seungcheol cupped Jihoon’s chin and leaned in to kiss him for the first time.