“Chanyeol, you’re a ing idiot.” Kyungsoo spat out after barging into the living room the following afternoon.

Chanyeol, Jongdae, Jongin, and Sehun had all been sitting there relaxing after their performance until Kyungsoo had broken their peaceful silence.

Chanyeol looked up confusedly, not knowing why Kyungsoo was calling him an idiot. Well, it wasn’t really something unusual but it was unusual for him to say it with so much venom.

“What did I do?” Chanyeol asked, and he swears he saw a vein burst on the shorter male’s temple.

“What did you do? Are you kidding? Look,” he grumbled, pointing accusingly at Chanyeol. “I don’t know what the hell has been up with you these past few days and I’m fine with you ignoring all of us but don’t ignore Baekhyun. I swear to God, Chanyeol, if I ever see that boy crying his eyes out a three in the morning like he was this morning all because you ignoring him made him think we all hate him, I will not hesitate to tear your limbs off. He doesn’t deserve your bull.” He finished with a glare.

Chanyeol felt guilty about making Baekhyun upset, hell did he feel guilty, but he was also angry.

Angry at Kyungsoo. What right does he have to tell him off? It’s not like he’s the one going through this.

Angry at Baekhyun. He’s the source of the problem. If he wasn’t so ing adorable Chanyeol wouldn’t be in this situation.

Angry at the members. Why are they all so perfect? Why don’t they have issues like he does?

Angry at the fans. Why do they have to be so judgemental and obsessed? If they weren’t, he’d be fine.

Angry at the world. Why is being gay wrong? What did he do to deserve this?

But most of all, angry at himself. For making Baekhyun upset. For being gay. For not being good enough. For what he was about to do.

“How the hell is this my ing fault!?” He yelled, rage overpowering the guilt he felt. “You’re not the one who’s in this ing situation! How would you know how I’m feeling right now, huh? You’ve never had to deal with what I’m dealing with right now, okay! So get the out of here and go console your precious little baby that everyone seems to love!” He screamed before storming out of the room, roughly shoving a shocked Kyungsoo with his shoulder as he went past.

He barged into the bathroom and in his anger he pushed all the products off the counter, not caring whose they were or how much they cost. He threw towels and bottles onto the floor, causing the liquid inside them to spill out.

Chanyeol was huffing and puffing after his fit of rage.

Sehun walked into the bathroom and rested a comforting hand on his shoulder, trying not to anger him more.

“You want to talk?” He asked in a soft voice.

Chanyeol said nothing, only stared at Sehun in what he believes to be agreement. Sehun guided the other back to the living room to sit on the couch. The others had since left the room.

“What’s up?”

The taller rapper sighed before leaning his head back to rest against the back of the couch.

“I don’t know how to explain it.”

“What do you mean?” Sehun asked, intrigued yet concerned.

Chanyeol took a moment to reply.

“It’s hard to explain something that you don’t really understand yourself.”

The other male sighed and joined Chanyeol in leaning his head back, looking at the ceiling.

“I’m assuming this is about Baekhyun.” He stated, rather than asked.

Chanyeol looked at him through the corner of his eye. “How’d you know?”

“I just had a hunch. Most of us are aware of what’s going on. Except Jongin, I’m pretty sure he lives in the 7^th dimension.” Sehun chuckled.

“I just don’t know what to do. The fans tell us to be ourselves, but then they judge us for every single thing we do. Why is it so hard?” The taller male sighed, voice laced with pain. Chanyeol scoffed at himself, he sounded so weak.

“Well, sometimes the right path isn’t the easiest one. Actually, it never is. But that’s never stopped you before, right? I mean, look at you know. You’re the main rapper of a group that’s easily one of the most popular groups in Korea. If that’s not impressive, I don’t know what is.” Sehun smiled.

Chanyeol was quiet for a moment.

“I guess you’re right.”

“And you know, Kyungsoo-hyung really didn’t deserve that. I know you were angry but he was only looking out for Baekhyun. I’m pretty sure I would’ve done the same thing. And you know how protective Soo-hyung is.”

Chanyeol sighed.

“I should apologise to him.” He stated.

Sehun gave him one of his rare, toothy grins and patted him arm.

“You should. But he’s not the only one you have to apologise to.”

Chanyeol turned to his friend and gave him a weak smile.

“Thanks, Sehun.”

Finding Kyungsoo wasn’t a difficult task. He was almost always in his room. And alas, when Chanyeol opened the door, there he was. Sitting on his bed and typing furiously on his laptop. Chanyeol smiled at his predictability, but then he remembered why he was there.

Kyungsoo looked up to see the rapper standing in the doorway awkwardly with a sheepish smile on his face.

“What do you want?” He asked.

“I came to apologise,” He replied. “I said a load of to you and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Damn right I didn’t.” Kyungsoo set his laptop aside and crossed his arms.

Chanyeol sighed, “Look, I’m really sorry about the way I acted and I know you’re going to be angry at me for a while, but is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” He asked.

The vocalist stared at him for a while.

“Apologise to Baekhyun.” He said.

“Is that all you want? Then you’ll accept my apology?” Chanyeol looked at the other in bewilderment. Usually it’s not that easy.

Kyungsoo put his laptop back on his lap and resumed typing. “I may not have deserved to be spoken to like that, sure, but I’m not the one that’s hurt from all this. My acceptance shouldn’t matter, it’s his that does.”

 “Do you know where he is?” He asked hopefully.

“Probably in his room, asleep. He hasn’t been sleeping well, either, thanks to a certain someone.” He said with a pointed glare towards Chanyeol who left the room so it wouldn’t bore holes into him.

If the fact that he’d made Baekhyun cry wasn’t enough to make the guilt eat Chanyeol from the inside out, the newfound information that he’d been the source of Baekhyun’s inability to sleep – especially at this time, when they’ve been performing endlessly – might as well make him bury himself six feet under.

When he reached Baekhyun and Sehun’s room, he prayed that the latter wouldn’t be in there. It’d be awkward as to apologise with Sehun right there listening in.

“Baek?” He called out into the room after gently pushing the door open.

There was some shuffling and mumbling, followed by the rustle of bedsheets.

“Yes?” Came a drowsy voice from the opposite side of the room and soon after Baekhyun’s head popped out from the blankets.

The rapper walked over to the bed and sat down. In the darkness of the room, Baekhyun couldn’t see Chanyeol, he only felt the bed shift under his weight.

“Hey, Baek.”

Baekhyun smiled at the deep voice resonating in his eardrums. It’d been a while since he’d heard it speaking directly to him. He really loved Chanyeol’s voice, it made calmness wash over him in waves.

“Hi,” He replied, and Chanyeol didn’t miss the happiness in his voice.

“I just… Came here to apologise,” The taller began, not really knowing how to word his apology.

“I’ve been ignoring you lately… And the others, too. I’m really sorry – I’ve just had a lot on my mind and I was scared that if I spoke to anyone I’d… just have a meltdown or something.”

He breathed in.

“But regardless, I shouldn’t have done that to you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you upset, I’m sorry I made you think we all hate you. We really don’t. I really don’t.” And that’s an understatement.

There was no noise other than the sound of bedsheets being pushed away until Chanyeol felt soft arms wrap around his neck and a head pressed against his chest and he let out an inaudible gasp.

“Baek?”

Said male snuggled his face further into his chest at the mention of his name.

“It’s okay,” The pink-haired singer said, voice muffled by Chanyeol’s shirt. “We’re still friends, right?”

Chanyeol felt an unfamiliar feeling course through him at the word ‘friends,’ but nonetheless agreed, moving his arms up to squeeze the smaller boy closer to himself. He knew that a simple apology wasn’t enough and that he’d have to make it up to Baekhyun somehow, but for now he’d just savour the moment. He’s allowed to be selfish sometimes.