“Yah, Youngbae! How’d your date go?” Seunghyun-hyung asked his junior enthusiastically as soon as the younger man had entered their apartment. Youngbae tried to paste a smile onto his face, but the usually honest man wasn’t fast enough for his hyung.

                “Ah, it was great, Hyung. Perfect. Thank you for asking. The woman Jiyong set me up with is very nice!” Youngbae exclaimed overenthusiastically.

                “But…?” Seunghyun prompted.

                “But what, Hyung?” questioned Youngbae, an innocent look on his face.

                Seunghyun snorted. “Don’t give me that crap. If it was so perfect why didn’t you walk in here with a smile on your face, huh? There something wrong with the girl?”

                Youngbae let the false smile fall. “No…” he murmured. “The girl was perfect, just like Jiyong said she was.”

                Seunghyun’s patience was wearing thin. “Then what the heck was the problem?” the irritated man asked with a scowl.

                “I…” Seunghyun tapped his foot impatiently. “The girl was perfect but…” Youngbae’s voice trailed off momentarily before he continued. “…I couldn’t stop thinking about somebody else. The whole time I was with her, I couldn’t stop thinking about them, and what they would think of her, what they would do if I was with them instead, what they would think of me with this girl…”

                “Ah…” smiled the elder of the two. Youngbae’s eyes widened as he realized that he’d just spoken his thoughts aloud to his hyung.

                “Hyung, I’m sorry to have bothered you, I didn’t-”

                Seunghyun’s smug voice cut Youngbae’s apology off midsentence. “Sounds like you’re in love, Youngbae.” A range of emotions flitted across Youngbae’s face: shock, horror, fear, disgust, hate. Seunghyun watched with concern as Youngbae’s demeanor rapidly changed. The younger man ran down the hall to his room without even bothering to take his shoes off and slammed the door. Seunghyun was curious, but let it go. Youngbae had the least experience in the love game that other hyungs knew all too well; he assumed the younger man would cool off in a bit and the two could laugh it off. He shook his head, a comfortable smirk resting on his lips.

                Four hours later, however, Seunghyun and the other band members were worried. Youngbae had locked the door to he and Jiyong’s room, and judging from the horrifying sounds making their way through the apartment’s thin walls, the sight that would eventually great them would not be pretty. Smashes and crashes and slams greeted Jiyong’s ears as he once more tried in vain to get Youngbae to open the door. He was worried. It sounded like Youngbae, the most even-tempered, rational, and reliable one in the group, was having a break down. He pleaded with his best friend, but his cries fell on deaf ears.

                Youngbae had been shocked when Seunghyun had announced what he’d deduced from the his behavior. ‘In Love?’ He’d been so stunned, shocked, horrified that Seunghyun could think that of him, that he’d run. He was angry with himself and Seungri, and so he took out his frustration on everything in the room, breaking everything in sight and growling furious curses. Youngbae threw a glass at the wall and watched as it shattered, although annoyingly, it didn’t make him feel any better. He repeated the action with various items around the room, until there wasn’t anything left to destroy.

               He was breaking, and he knew it. That only made him more furious. He couldn’t love a man. He couldn’t. He was a devout Christian; he took his faith seriously. Youngbae knew what his church taught, what people thought. Homouality is wrong, he told himself. Homouality, being gay, is unnatural, disturbing, an aberration. With those thoughts in mind, he turned to the wall, his strong arms punching through it as though it were made of paper. He was angry with Seungri too, who was so oblivious to the torment his presence brought the older man. Seungri, who was the cause of this break down and didn't even know it.

              Youngbae had tired himself out. Hours later, he didn’t have the strength to do anything but lie on his bed and let silent tears run down his face. Being gay is wrong, he thought again. “The Bible says that homouals are going to hell,” the broken man murmured to himself heartwrenchingly. “I’m already in hell,” he continued quietly. “Resisting Seungri is killing me. I can’t do it. I can’t be with him; I can’t be without him.” Youngbae cried himself to sleep alone, unaware of the chaos on the other side of his door.

Author's note: You guys are essentially my beta readers, since I write the chapter then skim over it before posting. Please don't hesitate to point out any mistakes; I'd appreciate it if you did! Let me know what you like or don't like, and anything else you feel like! Comments make my day. :) 

Do we have any BEAST fans? I just started listening to them, and I do like them. :) I'm confused though.... Is it Gikwang or Kikwang? O.O

I love you all. :) <3