Requested on: 02.6.16

Finished on: 29.7.16

Author of the Story: noticemesenpai2000

Story Title: Opposites attract, they said.

Review by: Suhyo07

Total Score: 90/100

Title (7/10)

The title's straight to the point, saying what's in the story. It's a statement, and only decorated by the phrase 'they said.' The second part was what drew my curiousity, though barely because I could sort of see where this story was going and the whole plot, the only thing's what would happen in between. Even if a title like that's fine, you could do better judging from your writing. Try changing it to a more mysterious or interesting title, so it could attract curious readers. Though it's also alright if you keep it that way.

Foreword (9/10)

I have to say, since I wrote the review for the title before I read the whole story, the description drew me in; it's like stating the obvious truth, but at the same time drawing readers' curiousity because they might wonder about what's in the story. As for the foreword, it strengthens the question in the description; what you wrote indicated that since Sehun and Jongin were opposites. The only thing that put me off was the highlighted credits, because they were very eye-catching and I'm sure you do not want your reader's attention on that.

Plot (33/35)

At first, when I saw there were twenty-something, almost thirty chapters, I almost fainted. Because of the amount of chapters this story had, and because of the amount of time I would use to read it. But the deeper I go into the story, I found that this was really interesting, and it made me click on the 'next' button for almost thirty times. The plot was unexpectedly full of twists and turns, and I really liked it. The only thing was, even though it was supposed to be Sekai, somehow I just couldn't fit Sehun and Jongin into the two boys in the story.

The flow of the story was just right, not rushed or dragging on. Your story would be perfect except for a few plot holes. Here's an example; since Jongin was said to be rich as well, you somehow made me feel like his house was more of an apartment than what Sehun lived in. Also, in Chapter 23, there's this part about Sehun not wanting to go back home because of his parents' ranting, but after that, Jongin drove him home and you didn't mention anything about his parents. I understand you did that possibly for putting the Sekai relationship in the spotlight, but a side note would be better ^^.

Aside from that, I really love how Sehun managed to talk Jongin into everything and the fact that his passion drove him to break out of his parents' cage. Also, Jongin's change from being an absolute homophobe to someone crazy for Sehun wasn't rushed, it had plenty of explanations and descriptions, so really good job for that. 

Characters (18/20)

To me, the Sehun in this story was absolutely perfect. The quiet demeanor that made people back off, the awkward atmosphere when he was with a large group of people, and the secret passion for dancing. Sehun had a rebellious side to him as well, which was outwardly arguing with his parents. The part I liked the best about him, was when his sarcastic side came into show with Jongin, and the times with Luhan. Only thing was, since Changjo was so dear to him, I was surprised that he didn't really had any sad emotion when he talked about him. Also,the emotions weren't written very deeply in some places. For example, the time they won their first trophy over Troublemaker duo, it would have been better if this was added, 'Sehun could feel as if the air knocked out of himself when the host announced them as the winner, the thoughts of 'We won. We actually won' echoed in his brain, making his knees feel weak and would have made him crashing on the floor if not for the two arms that were suddenly wrapped around his frame.'

While Sehun had secured a place on my 'Favourites' list, the same could not be said for Jongin. I understood you want to potray him as a playboy at school who was also a jerk, but changed because of Sehun, but to me, he seemed hyper more than anything, and the soft side of him came out too much. Maybe it's just me, but I kind of want to see more of his 'rough' side. Like defending Sehun from some rude kid that insulted him or something, but since he's generally hard to approach, I guess scenes like that would be hard to write. Still, I expected Jongin to be the 'guy' in the relationship and be more....forward, but him being a homophobe before would change it.

Somehow though, Baekhyun stood out the most to me in the whole story besides Sehun. Why? Because he was always the one who provided the solution, the one who kept talking when the whole table fell silent, I guess. But for Luhan sacrificing his friends to Jongin because he cared for him was a seriously big sacrifice. You're right, he was an angel and I would want to read more Hunhan from you. XD.

Grammar (18/20)

I'm impressed with your grammar. No, really.

So far, your story was the one with the least grammar mistakes, despite you not being an English native. There were only a few minor mistakes, like typos and a few other things I would write here, so thumbs up to you.

Firstly, the changing of tenses between the lines, which was a very common mistake to make, so rest assured, you're not the only one. Sometimes, changing between tenses was fine because your reader generally wouldn't pick at every line like a hawk, but to make the flow of your sentences even smoother, I would suggest you to change your few present tenses back to past tense because that was what most of your story was in.

Next, you have some typos that....were typos. Not intended, but I'll point them out for you.
'Cowering at the end of the ouch' (Chapter 6)
I'm pretty sure we don't have ouches, only couches, so you should change that. That's one of your typos, the others, I'll leave them to you. 

The third mistake you have was the arranging of words, and that's probably your most frequent mistake. 
'And as much as dislike I you' (Chapter 4) should be changed to 'And as much as I dislike you.'
'The blond slightly blushed' (Chap 6) to 'The blond blushed slightly' 
'They weren't at cursing each other all the time' to 'They weren't cursing at each other all the time'

I'll leave it at there. The next mistake I would like to mention was some mistakes that I'm sure you wouldn't make after reading this, like using 'Kai' instead of Jongin in chapter 7, and the vocabulary, such as 'non-friendly feeling' in chapter 6. I understand that what you wanted to say was something more than friendship, but how about using 'feeling that normal friends shouldn't develop' instead of 'non-friendly'? People may mistaken it for something else and I'm sure you wouldn't want that. Also, 'going away party' in chapter 13 could be changed to 'farewell party'. That might sound better.

Overall enjoyment (5/5)

I really enjoyed this story! The plot twists and characters were amazing, and even though you finished the story, I would still be waiting for a sequel (if you planned to write one XD). Besides not being able to see Sekai as the two boys in the story, everything else was really well done. I wish you luck in your future stories, though you probably don't need it :).

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