I didn't even cry for a long time.

Maybe because it was Mingyu who soothed my pain, maybe because I didn't have enough tears to cry much longer. Honestly, I don't know why I calmed down so much faster than I usually would, but it was probably a good thing since it meant more time for me to regain myself before having to get back home.

But I didn't even want to go there.

Too scared of what I'd told Seungcheol and it's possible consequences, I feared getting back to the dorm, thinking it could mean all the members asking me questions, screaming at me for not having told them about me being gay earlier.

I didn't even want to think about that.

"Are you okay?", Mingyu asked me as I stopped crying, his arms loosening their grip on me when I tried to get out of them. I only nodded at him, wiping off the tears which were still lingering on my swollen cheeks. I probably looked like , but I didn't even care. 

Because Mingyu was by my side, taking care of me.

"You sure?", he muttered, looking more concerned than I'd ever seen him before. Or maybe I'd just forgotten what he looked like when being worried about me since he hadn't shown such feelings for a long time.

It's funny how I didn't even realize that there must've been a reason for him suddenly being concerned, though. After all, he wasn't someone to just change completely, or was he? 

Apparently, he was. Or at least, that's what he tried to make me think.

"Do you want to talk about the reason that made you to cry like that?", he suddenly asked, his words warm and caring, so strangely different from what they'd sounded like all those months before: "It's okay if you don't want to right now. We can just talk later."

Everything about Mingyu was wrong and didn't make sense, but I didn't even notice that. I guess I was too much of a mess to do so.

"No, I'll tell you", I stated, my voice weak but strangely not as afraid as it should've been: "Urm, Seungcheol told me about you asking him for advice these last few months. You know, I always thought you acted like such an because you were disgusted by me and hated me for being gay but now I know that you actually just wanted to help me to get rid of my feelings for you."

Mingyu's eyes widened at those words.

"You found out about that?", he questioned, making me nod my head almost immediately: "Yeah. The worst part of it is that I totally freaked out and screamed at Seungcheol that he's the one who made me miserable. Well, I didn't say it like that, but I guess it's what I meant."

Mingyu gasped.

"So he knows?", he asked, probably not wanting to believe me: "He knows that you're the one I was talking about all this time?"

I only nodded at Mingyu, embarrassed that I hadn't been able to get a grip of my feelings, telling Seungcheol everything without a second thought. I even expected for Mingyu to get mad at me and scream that I'd made a mistake when letting Seungcheol know, but he didn't.

Not at all.

"Hey, that's okay, don't worry too much about it. I'll talk to him about it, so don't be too upset, alright?", Mingyu instantly soothed my worried heart. And god, I was so ed up I believed every word he said, thinking he only meant well.

But listen, it all fit together to me.

That Mingyu had tried to help me to get rid of my feelings so that I would feel better. That he suddenly acted so differently because he was still my best friend and always wanted me to be happy. It was all so clear to me that I didn't even realize how something wasn't right.

I guess love made me blind. Or maybe it was just the wish for everything to be okay.

"I'm sorry about acting like that to you, by the way. I didn't really think things trough and just thought that making you hate me was the best solution to our problem", he explained to me, looking away in shame.

At least that's what I thought.

"I know you can't forgive me for that just yet, but you should know that I always meant well and just wanted you to be happy, you know", he added, sighing heavily: "Honestly, I'm so sorry for hurting you like that and feel awful for putting you through so much pain, but I was convinced it would work out."

He was lying, hell, he was acting like a pro once again. But as I've said, I was a mess, a bundle of sadness which yearned for nothing more than comforting words. So when Mingyu talked to me like that, I didn't even think twice but instantly trusted him.

"It's okay, I'm not mad at you anymore. After all, you wanted me to be happy and probably just took Seungcheol's advice the wrong way", I smiled a bit at him, suddenly feeling so much better than all those last few months: "If you wanted to help me with all of that, then it's alright. I'll forgive you."

I made it so damn easy for him.

"You do?", Mingyu asked in disbelief, making me smile even harder as I nodded: "Yeah. It's all a misunderstanding, so I'll let it go. As long as we can talk to Seungcheol and let him know the whole truth before he tells the other members about me being gay, I'm happy."

Mingyu grinned at me, probably more than happy about the fact that I was just buying his lies like that. That I didn't even see through his disgustingly sweet act.

And honestly, I did not even think it through but just accepted it all. There was seriously only one thing that didn't add up to his concept for me.

The kisses.

"Wait, but why did you kiss me yesterday and today when you tried to make me hate you? Was that something you thought would help the plan?", I instantly asked, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

Mingyu laughed, probably out of nervousness, but to me it sounded like embarrassment and so I just let it go.

"Oh, right. The kisses, I forgot about them for a moment. Yeah, we should probably talk about that", he muttered, scratching the back of his neck: "You know, yesterday when you kissed me I guess I kind of liked it and I don't know, today I just wanted to find out why, so that's why I kissed you again. Yeah, I just wanted answers."

I only nodded at him, biting my lip in anticipation of whatever would come next. 

"What I'm trying to say is that, well, I think I might be growing some feelings for you", he said, hesitating a bit before continuing with his insincere confession: "And I guess I want to give all of this a try."

I let out a huge sigh at his words. Did they make sense? Hell no. Did I believe them anyways? Kind of.

"Why now?", I only questioned when I should've told him that he was lying, that he couldn't be serious. But I didn't want to because I liked his words and so I didn't even feel like to stopping him from going further.

"I guess I just didn't realize it earlier. I've been so caught up with trying to make you let go of your feelings for me that I didn't even notice that I started liking you as well", he explained, looking away as he did so: "But now I do know and I want to make everything better."

It sounded so damn easy, so alluring and beautiful. So of course I couldn't think clearly when Mingyu said those heart-fluttering words. It was like a dream, really, just that it was reality.

Or was it?

"Are you sure?", I asked him, sitting up and looking at his face, a small smile forming on his lips as he nodded at me: "Yes, I'm sure. I'm going to make you happy from now on, okay?"

And I didn't even notice how dangerous the situation was, how easily Mingyu was manipulating me, which is why I simply nodded at him, returning his smile entirely, thinking everything was over just like that.

God, I was so ignorant.

"So you probably won't be mad at me if I kissed you again, right?", Mingyu beamed at me, not even waiting for my answer as he just leaned forward and connected his lips with mine for a second time that day, instantly making my heart beat faster, my hands finding his neck for stability.

I was signing up for so much more pain than I'd ever experienced and the worst part of it, I did so with a bright smile on my face. 

Or should I say with the devil's lips on mine?
_____

You know how they say that love makes you vulnerable and delusional? I could probably write a book about how true that is. But do you guys want to know something else? In fact, love makes you strong as well.

As long as that love is a happy one, that is.

And let me tell you, I was happy. As Mingyu and I walked back to our dorm, his hand holding mine tightly whenever no other person was around, I wore a bright smile on my lips, enjoying my life once again.

I felt strong. 

I felt like nobody could hurt me again because Mingyu was by my side, laughing with me and smiling at my words. It was all so peaceful and heart-warming that I didn't even notice how Mingyu would look away in annoyance sometimes, rolling his eyes at me and cringing at my cheerful mood. I didn't realize why exactly he kept trying to change the topic as soon as I wanted to talk about the past or most importantly, the reason for him having brought so much pain to me.

I guessed he felt shame when thinking about that and so I stopped addressing it all, not really wanting to make his good mood disappear. 

"I'll talk to Seungcheol by myself, okay?", he clarified at some point, probably not wanting for me to ruin his plans: "You've been through enough already and I'm the one at fault in this whole situation anyways."

I thought his words were out of concern and so I only nodded, liking how Mingyu took care of me. I felt protected and most of all, I felt loved when hearing him say that.

God, he even smiled so effortlessly at my non-verbal answer that my heart jumped out of pure happiness, ignoring all the warnings my brain was giving me. 

So when we came back home, I guess everyone instantly knew that something was up. I was way too cheerful compared to what I usually was like, greeting everyone loudly, my voice high and happy. I even noticed how Junhui and Minghao exchanged glances, grinning widely at the way I behaved, probably knowing why exactly I was in such a happy mood. The other members seemed to try and guess what was going on, but of course they had no idea at all. It didn't even matter to me anyways. I was way too overwhelmed by my newfound luck to even care.

But then there was Seungcheol.

Seungcheol who didn't shrug off my unusual joyful mood and looked at me with concern instead, just to switch his gaze over to Mingyu who was smiling widely as well, furrowing his eyebrows since he probably couldn't understand a thing that was going on. 

"Wonwoo, I think we should talk", he announced in front of everyone, making the members' heads turn towards him in surprise: "Right now."

I opened my mouth to agree, to answer that I would do as he wished, but Mingyu spoke up before I could even do so: "No, Hyung, I will talk to you."

And it's funny how most of the members didn't have a clue about whatever was going on but still noticed how important that conversation seemed since everyone stopped talking, trying to get the gist of the situation.

"Alright, I'll talk to you then", Seungcheol sighed, before standing up from the couch and indicating for Mingyu to follow him to the kitchen. He instantly did, glancing back at me and giving me an assuring nod while doing so, mouthing something that sounded like "I'll take care of this".

And so, as soon as the door was closed behind them, it was silent in the whole living room, everyone trying to understand what was happening.

"Is something wrong?", Seungkwan questioned after a while, looking at me in pure confusion: "Why do I feel like there's always something going on with you and Mingyu?"

Let me just tell you guys that I didn't care about his words at all, but just smiled at Seungkwan, shaking my head at him: "Don't worry, everything's fine now."

It's what I believed in.
______

The concert that night was probably the first time I fully enjoyed standing on stage since our debut. I felt carefree and excited the whole time, the fans' cheers making me even happier than before. Since Seungcheol had come to me soon after the talk with Mingyu, apologizing sincerely for his advices having brought pain to me, saying he wouldn't tell anyone about me being gay if that was what I wished for, I was completely satisfied with my life. Everything just seemed so easy all of the sudden, as if my worries from all those months had vanished. It felt like there wasn't even one reason for me to be afraid or upset anymore and so I was in complete euphoria.  

I didn't even care when Mingyu and I re-enacted the whole head-bumping thing from the night before because this time, I didn't think of it as being a part of fanservice. It was something both Mingyu and I enjoyed doing and so I laughed as our foreheads collided, liking to be close to him and to have such a great response from our fans when doing that. 

Seriously, during the whole concert I was walking on cloud nine and even as it ended or when we went back home, the huge smile wouldn't leave my lips, just like Mingyu didn't leave my side.

It reminded me so much of the day of our debut as we all tiredly sat together in the kitchen, talking about the exciting moments of the concert, more and more members leaving the group at some point since they were exhausted and needed some sleep.

But once again, I was too high from the cheerfulness and excitement of the day to even go to bed, Mingyu apparently feeling exactly like me. So when everyone had left and only the two of us still sat in the kitchen, smiling at each other in silence, I didn't even think twice before taking Mingyu by his shirt, pulling him towards me and capturing his lips with mine, making him chuckle while kissing back.

I didn't know he was chuckling at my stupidity.
______

A/N: Kisses, happiness and... even more kisses? Does this make sense? Not at all. 

Sorry if the end of the chapter , my mind doesn't work correctly right now but I can't upload until Tuesday and so I typed this with all I could.

Thanks for reading! Oh and happy belated Wonwoo day (in my country it's still his birthday so it's valid, right?)