I was woken up by the vibrating of my phone, signifying that someone was calling me. Still dazed from sleep, I searched for it in a hurry, picking it up without even looking at it's display: "Yeah?"

"Wonwoo? God, Wonwoo, where the hell are you?", Junhui's worried voice instantly questioned, my mind not even able to progress what he said: "You've been gone for almost four hours and didn't even pick up your phone! The manager texted Seungcheol too, asking where you are!"

Confused, I sat up, just to notice that there was something heavy on my lap. Looking down, I recognized Mingyu's sleeping face which was still a bit puffy from having cried so much. 

And just like that, the previous night came back to my mind, making my eyes go wide.

"Wonwoo, can you just answer already? Honestly, everything's a mess right now! Mingyu left the dorm after having fought with Minghao and he doesn't pick up his phone either", Junhui told me, clearly overwhelmed by the situation.

But thankfully, I had the perfect answer to calm him down.

"Mingyu's with me, don't worry, we're good", I managed to say, making him sigh in relief almost immediately. I heard him tell the other members that everything was alright, before his attention was on the phone call with me once again: "Thank god nothing happened to you guys. Everyone's been worried sick."

I felt bad in an instant.

"No, we're okay, really. Sorry, we're at the company right now", I explained, not wanting to tell him the whole truth: "Urm, Mingyu didn't feel so well and I don't know, I was kind of helping him out? I guess we must've fallen asleep."

I heard a gasp, followed by footsteps and a door being opened and closed again. Junhui had probably walked away from the others, not wanting them to listen to his next few words.

"He didn't scream at you, did he? Please don't tell me that he made you cry again", he whispered and I shook my head, realizing soon that he couldn't see me and so I spoke up: "No, it's different. I don't know what's going on myself. It must be about the fight with Minghao, I guess, but he was very upset when I found him. I didn't really want to leave him all by himself and so I stayed with him, you know?"

Junhui sighed.

"Let's talk about everything later, okay? Just come back home already", he demanded impatiently: "The other members have started to blame themselves for you two not coming back home, thinking you left because of their behavior yesterday."

"What? No, we didn't!", I replied in an instant, not liking his words at all. Junhui chuckled at that: "Yeah, I know. So get your over here already and tell them so yourself."

"Okay, let me just wake up Mingyu and we'll be there soon. Tell everyone not to worry, okay?", I asked, getting a short "Of course" as a reply before Junhui hung up on me, probably getting back to the others, trying to calm them down. I smiled a bit at that, liking how much everyone cared about us even if they were mad and frustrated by our behavior.

It was nice to know that I was important to at least someone, really.

Putting my phone back into my pocket, I contemplated for a few seconds what I should do about Mingyu, but just decided to shake his shoulders, telling him to wake up. It took quite a while until he let out a groan, his eyelids fluttering a bit as he came back to consciousness.

"We have to get back to the dorm", I muttered when he finally opened his eyes, not even focusing them on me: "The members are worried about us, so get up and let's go."

I expected him to react in various ways, but when he just closed his eyes again and uttered a small "Don't want to", cuddling into my lap even more, I let out a stunned gasp, not knowing how to handle his sudden affection.

I knew he was probably still too sleepy to realize what he was doing, but damn, he was being so ing sweet which is why I couldn't help but smile as I noticed how innocent and cute he looked while making himself comfortable.

That was, until Mingyu suddenly opened his eyes widely and sat up in an instant, shock plastered over his face. He let out a sigh in disbelief and shook his hand as if he wanted to forget whatever had happened just seconds ago, almost disgusted by his actions.

His facial expression hurt, to be honest. I mean, I should've known that he wouldn't have been so close to me if he'd been conscious, but seeing his reaction to what he had done, it felt like someone had punched me in the face, bringing me back to reality.

After all, Mingyu still hated me and just because he'd cried in my arms for a few hours it didn't mean that he'd suddenly forgotten about his feelings for me. That much was clear as he stood up and took a step back, distancing himself from me on purpose.

"You fell asleep on me by yourself, that's not my fault", I told him, shrugging my shoulders as if I wasn't affected by the way he was behaving. I didn't want to show him how upset I was, hating myself for suddenly feeling that way.

"Yeah, well, you could've just pushed me away!", he yelled at me: "Or maybe you could've left since that was what I wanted all along!"

I smiled at that.

"I didn't want to, though. And honestly, it didn't even seem like you actually wanted me to leave either", I explained, making his eyes widen once again, before he turned his head away, too embarrassed to look at me. It was funny how only that one statement was enough to fluster him. He was probably ashamed for the way he'd cried in front of me and seriously, it was nice to see him like that for once.

"You know, I could've done so much to you while you were sleeping on my lap", I joked, liking how he took another step back, almost scared of my words: "But I didn't, of course. I'm not someone who takes advantage of people when they're in a vulnerable state, unlike others."

I hoped for him to understand the hint, but apparently he didn't. Instead he just hissed at me to shut up, his face burning from anger.

Or was it embarrassment? I couldn't even tell.

"Come on, let's go home", I changed the topic and stood up as well, just to make Mingyu shake his head furiously: "No, I can't. The other members will see how much I've cried, I can't come home when I look like this."

I didn't even know if I should be shocked or just laugh at his sudden embarrassment, because honestly, he was being so cute and pathetic at the same time, I loved it all.

"I'll text Junhui and tell him we'll come home a bit later so that they just go to sleep first, alright?", I said, chuckling, but Mingyu just shook his head again: "No, they'll probably wait for us and see my face then."

It was hilarious, really.

"God, Mingyu, nobody will judge you for having cried!", I started to fully laugh out loud, amused by his behavior: "We can just say that something happened at your home and that you don't really want to talk about it. They won't know that this is about us, then."

Mingyu furrowed his eyebrows and looked at me with shame and annoyance written over his face.

"I didn't cry because of us", he insisted immediately: "And certainly not because of you, why would I? Wonwoo-hyung, you're not that important to me! I couldn't care less about you so don't go around saying stuff like that when this has nothing to do with you."

I didn't believe him.

"Yeah, of course, that's why you kept mumbling how everything is my fault and how I ed up your life. Sure, your breakdown has nothing to do with me", I said sarcastically, making him groan. Rolling my eyes at him but still wearing a small smile, I walked towards the door, indicating for him to follow me.

He didn't.

"I'm not leaving. I'll come back to the dorm in the morning, not now", Mingyu announced, making me chuckle once again. He acted like a little embarrassed child and I loved it, honestly. 

I loved how he was the pathetic one for once.

"Mingyu, come on. It's not even visible that you cried", I tried to convince him, sighing: "Besides, the other members won't even look at you when we come home. They'll be happy that we're back and go to sleep. Or maybe they won't even be awake anymore since I told Junhui that everything's alright. Just stop acting so childish, already."

And after contemplating for a few seconds whether he should listen to me, Mingyu actually did, sighing while walking towards me, making my smile go even wider.

I knew fully well that I was able to have the upper hand because of his embarrassed and weak state and I liked it, knowing that I probably wouldn't experience him like that again. 

"So, did you cry because of me?", I asked again as we left the company, this time in a serious tone, wanting to know the whole truth. Mingyu, on the other hand, didn't feel like sharing it and so he stayed silent instead of answering my question.

I interpreted that as a "Yes".

"Let me guess. You hate me so damn much and feel so disgusted that you couldn't take it anymore and that's why you had a breakdown", I chuckled, thinking it must've been a reason like that to bring Mingyu out of his concept, but he shook his head at my words, disagreeing: "No, not because of that. It's not your business anyway, so just let it go."

That made me mad.

"Well, the last time I checked it is my business when someone cries because of me, just saying", I stated. I honestly had enough with him acting like such an when I only wanted to talk: "You better speak up now, I'm losing my patience."

Mingyu probably realized how frustrated I was because he actually answered me after a short moment of hesitation: "Alright, I'll tell you, but it's not something you want to hear anyway."

I just shrugged my shoulders, indicating that I didn't care about that.

"It's just that I thought Minghao understood me, but apparently he doesn't either. First he told me he's on my side but as soon as I explained the situation to him he started screaming at me, saying that I'm a cruel person and made your life miserable", Mingyu began, furrowing his eyebrows at his own words.

I was perplexed. So Minghao had actually been the reason for Mingyu to get so worked up? I couldn't even believe that.

"Not only Junhui but also Minghao just take your side without even listening to me. They don't even know what I've been through all this time and accuse me of being the reason for your misery, but Wonwoo, you did that to yourself. I'm not the one who ruined our friendship and suddenly grew feelings for my best friend", Mingyu explained, his voice starting to crack again: "You're the one who made everything so complicated, so why am I getting hated by everyone who knows about this? Why don't they scream at you for just spontaneously deciding to be in love with me and ing everything up? Why am I getting blamed for this when it's you who took advantage of me, kissed me without my permission and messed up everything we had?"

His words made my blood boil.

All night, I'd thought he'd come to realization or at least noticed that his actions had been wrong. But apparently, Mingyu wasn't even upset because of me, but because of the other member's reaction to his behavior. He pitied himself because nobody supported him, hating how they took my side instead of his. Honestly, it was frustrating how he didn't even try to understand how I was feeling.

"Well, maybe Minghao and Junhui know that I didn't decide to 'just be gay' and certainly didn't grow feelings for you on purpose?", I told at him, angered: "Mingyu, you've been treating me like for being like this and that's why they're siding with me! Maybe I behaved wrongly when kissing you that day, but you could've just distanced yourself from me instead of bullying me and making me so miserable."

He was silent.

"You told me that I'm disgusting, pathetic and whatnot, but expect everyone to be on your side when you've treated me like that? Well, sorry, but no! Apparently the other members are sane and don't think your behavior is correct!", I almost screamed at him, wanting nothing more than for him to realize how much he was hurting me: "Can't you at least try to understand me for once? Why is it so easy for you to just judge me but so hard to actually see everything from my point of view?"

Mingyu laughed at that.

"You're saying I'm the one who's simply judging everything based on my own perspective? Well, what about you? Did you ever think about how I felt when you suddenly kissed me or told me you're in love with me? Do you even know how much I've been hurting when realizing that I've lost my best friend? No!", he argued back, not accepting my words just like that: "Maybe I'm selfish for behaving like this, but Wonwoo-hyung, you're so much worse! You're crying all the damn time because your life is 'oh so' miserable but have you ever thought about how your feelings ed up my life as well? Stop blaming me for your misery already when you're the one who's responsible for mine!"

I was speechless.

Because I realized that Mingyu was probably right. I'd never seriously thought about his feelings but always concluded that he was okay since he never really showed that he was hurt or frustrated. Sure, sometimes I'd tried to understand what was going on in his mind, but actually I'd only done that because I wanted to know how I could stop him from hurting me, instead of actually being concerned about his feelings.

It had always been for my sake, not for his.

"You know what's funny? You say you love me so damn much but yet you've failed to even realize how I've been feeling all this time", Mingyu chuckled, his eyes showing pain and disbelief: "In the end, you only care about yourself and that's what makes me hate you so much, Wonwoo-hyung. I couldn't care less about you being gay, hell, I've even accepted that you love me. But what drives me so mad is that it has made you so ing stupid and selfish that you can't even notice your best friend's pain anymore. It's like your love for me has priority and your pain is more important than mine, so what do you even expect me to do besides letting my frustrations out? It's the only way for me to cope!"

I didn't answer Mingyu anymore. 

His words were too overwhelming and complicated for me to progress and so I couldn't reply, not even understanding their meaning. I had to think about everything after having calmed down, that much I was sure of. And since Mingyu didn't have any words left either, the rest of the walk to our dorm was silent, both of us too worked up to even open our mouths.

It was in that moment when I realized that not only I was a complete wreck, but Mingyu was one too.
______

A/N: Did I just let you guys know about Mingyu's feelings? Did I really? Wow wow wow (why does this sound like that part in fire lol) 

I don't even know if this chapter is well-written. I've tried to make sense but Mingyu is making me upset (I'll probably edit this chapter when I have the time to do so) 

I won't update tomorrow because it'll be my birthday which means I'll probably be drunk as hell today & tomorrow. Sorry!

Thanks for reading and commenting, I love you guys!