- 'Piece of Mind', Kehlani

- 'It's My Life', No Doubt

'Goodbye', Girls' Generation'

- 'Let's Not Fall in Love'. BIGBANG

- 'Last Hop', Paramore

'Eclipse', LOONA (Kim Lip)

- 'What Do I Do', Tiffany

- 'Life Goes On', BTS

Wendy stared at herself in the mirror, the girl looking back slightly unfamiliar with her short, choppy, pale blonde hair and ear piercings, her eyes distant, as if her mind wasn't really focused on where she was there and then. Wendy had been feeling this way for the longest time, so withdrawn and distant, as if her compass was completely off and she no longer had any clue which direction she was going towards in life. 

She hated to admit it, but everything changed when Kris ended things with her last year. It was both the best and worst thing for her at the time; she realised that neither of them truly had feelings for one another by that point, that it was a relationship of necessity rather than love. Whilst it initially put her through an unbearable amount of pain, eventually, Wendy was grateful beyond measure that she was finally free from that, and free to be her own boss, and her own responsibility. 

But it also turned everything in her world on its head. She'd sat in her room in November, wanting to send her applications off for early admission to Seoul National with the hopes of becoming a teacher, but she'd backtracked on that decision, realising she'd rather living in on her own Antarctica than be around teenage boys for the rest of her life. 

Yet the deadline for final applications was soon approaching, and Wendy had no idea what the hell she wanted to do.

How have I still not decided? I'm the top student and Study Body President for crying out loud! I shouldn't be having this problem!

Wendy groaned, quickly tying up half of her hair into knot, touching up her mascara and lipstick in an attempt to make herself look better than she was feeling.

She trudged back to the classroom, willing herself to focus on the seemingly possibly task she was meant to be focussing on right now - tutoring Moon Taeil.

She'd been tutoring him for the past 6 months, the Junior hopelessly failing in all of his classes, to the point he was already at a risk of being held back a year until he could improve. Wendy had hope for Moon Taeil, and his bright and often sarcastic humour never failed to make her smile - until she had to start helping him improve his grades, that was. Even as Wendy knuckled down on talking him through yet another failed practice paper under the watchful eye of their teacher, Suho, the younger guy just didn't want to make life easy for her. 

"Moon Taeil," Suho started, looked up at the two of them from his desk with a sense of mild amusement on his face, "You know, if you stared at your book as much as you stared at Wendy, you might actually be able to pass the year."

Wendy sat up bolt-straight, blushing, as Moon Taeil proceeded to bury his face into his textbook, "I'm sorry Suho!" he groaned, "I'm sorry I'm too dumb to understand how to understand Geometry."

"And Shakespeare." Suho added.

"And Shakespeare!" Taeil threw his hands up in the air, tossing his pencil with it, where it somehow landed at the very back of the room with a noisy clang! "I'm sorry I'm useless and don't know what I'm doing in life." 

Wendy couldn't help but relate to the guy in a strange way. She also completely lacked direction in this moment, with no drive or lust to even figure anything out. It made her not only feel sorry for Moon Taeil, but also empathise with him. The clock was ticking away for her too.

Sighing, Wendy asked, "What do you like doing in your free time Taeil?"

"What?" 

"You heard me," Wendy tried to be convincing in her question, "When you're not at school, what do you like doing?"

Taeil pondered this for a moment as he leaned back on his chair, precariously balancing on the two back legs, "I just work at the supermarket. Then I go home, and watch movies. I like movies."

"Okay, well then I suggest that we call it a day," Wendy started, snapping shut her book, "It's a Friday, you need to go home and relax."

"But exams are in a few months," Taeil pouted, the chair he leaned abck on wobbling ever so slightly, "I need more than a few months just to fit in all of my topics to study!"

"I know," Wendy shrugged as she started to pack away the books, "But this is a tactic I want you to try. Watch a movie - a classic, American, coming-of-age movie. And when you watch it, I want you to really think about the characters and what they're going through. Think about how it makes you feel. I want you to try and get inspired."

Moon Taeil still didn't seem convinced, however, "And that's it? Just watch the film?"

Wendy sighed - Moon Taeil really wasn't the brightest bulb in school, "Yep. And then you can tell me about it next week at school."

That, however, seemed to get through to him in an instant. Moon Taeil quickly sat forward, bringing the chair down on loudly against the floor as he quickly promised to watch a good film, before shoving his things in his backpack, and dashing out of the classroom. 

Wendy went to hand over Moon Taeil's failed papers to Suho, only to see him looking at her closely over his spectacles.

"What?" Wendy asked him, putting the papers down on his desk. She felt strange under his gaze; it was begrudgingly difficult to ignore how handsome their young teacher was, yet he'd been such a big brother figure for everyone since he'd arrived, and truly motivated them all the way no one else had. Wendy could almost confidently say that he was the best teacher they'd ever had.

Suho took his glasses off and leaned forward over his desk to speak, "Was that advice more for his benefit, or for yours, Wendy? You've been off your game for a while."

A sigh immediately escaped Wendy, "Is it that obvious?"

"You know, with everything going on at the moment, it's okay not to be okay?"

"Yeah but it's just easier."

"Easier doing what?"

"I'm not even sure anymore!" Wendy exclaimed, her mind going through some sort of mental gymnastics trying to figure out her own feelings, "I guess- I guess I'm just not sure of things anymore."

"Tell me about it," Suho relaxed back into his chair, his mere presence making Wendy feel slightly more at ease, "Talking through things might clear things up for yourself." 

Sighing (again) Wendy dropped her back to the floor, pulling out the chair in front of Suho's desk and slumping into it. 

"Call me some stupid, broken-hearted teenage girl, but it all started whe Kris broke up with me..." 

"I'm guessing- it was , right?" Suho asked, his voice devoid of any judgement. It was so strange how talking to him like this felt more like talking to a friend than a teacher - it almost made Wendy wantt o be honest with her feelings.

"No, it awesome!" Wendy scoffed, "For a while I felt like I had a completely new lease on life, like I was actually seeing everything clearly for the first time."

"And then...?" 

"Then I realised how unhappy I actually was with everything. I guess with everything going on at the moment I haven't exactly allowed myself to admit how lost I am. Feels kinda' pointless."

"Wendy, you're the smartest girl here," Suho said reassuringly, "And you deserve so much. You shouldn't put yourself down because of everything going on at the moment. It's okay to feel these things. Don't shut yourself off from it all." 

Wendy stared out the window; a sunny, early April day but with the chance of showers looming. Wendy felt strangely similar to this weather, as if she was plodding on with life but with all of her fears and , issues looming over her, threatening to overcome her if she wasn't prepared. 

"I think I just also learned not to let my happiness depend on the people around me anymore. One of my friends is in a rehabilitation centre, I went to a court hearing last week to testify for another friend, and my best friend has gone completely psycho and won't talk to me about anything. It's just easier switching off."

"You don't need to become complacent, or heartless." Suho said firmly, "Especially not with the people you love. You just need to be smarter."

Wendy sent him a look, "Didn't you just say I'm top of the school?"

"I mean," Suho chuckled, clearly caught off-guard, "You need to change the way you think about these things."

"And how do I go about doing that?"

At that, Suho opened his desk-drawer, pulling a small booklet out, and sliding it across the table for Wendy to see - a brochure for an open weekend at Seoul National University. 

Wendy sighed yet again.

"I assume you also changed your mind about studying in Canada?"

Wendy shrugged.

"Go have a look this weekend, even if it's just to get out of town and be somewhere different, where people won't know who you are or what's going on here." Suho instructed, "Even if you don't want to go there, it'll do you good to get away from things for a little bit."

"Application deadlines are next month."

"Well then," Suho sighed, sitting back into his chair and looking at Wendy bemusedly, "You best be on your way then, shouldn't you?"

* 

No matter how many times Wendy had come to visit Sulli in the Rehabilitation Centre, she never failed to be both amazed and slightly creeped out by all the amenities on offer here; last week she'd arrived during Sulli's horse-riding session, the week before that archery, and the week before that, pottery class. This week, she'd arrived during Sulli's aerial aerobics class and Sulli was dangling mid-air from hammock silks, the sounds of relaxing lounge music accompanying them in the background. 

"I brought something for you!" Wendy called out, holding up the powder-puff pink bag of artisan macarons she'd bought from the patisserie in town.

"I will devour them as soon as I complete these manoevers!" Sulli called out, her face lighting up with glee as she continued to spin up and down the silks with the nimbleness of a gazelle.

Wendy smiled as she went to sit down by the mats, gently placing the prized cargo down next to her. Sulli had been on a careful diet planned by her dietitian, yet the moment she was allowed to eat sweet-treats, macarons had been the only thing she craved - ironically, this craving had gotten to the point where her appetite for them had become somewhat ravenous. Wendy was just happy to see Sulli look at food with something other than fear or anxiousness.

"So what's going on in the hell-hole this week?" Sulli asked as she spun out into a painful-looking position, only to pull herself back up again with ease. The thought and sight of exercise made Wendy shiver. 

"Well, I'm sure you've heard from Luhan, but the boys are acting all strange again." Wendy sighed.

"Yep." Sulli agreed, "I think he's going insane with it."

"I don't get it - didn't they all make peace and become best bros again?"

"He's come here almost every day to talk about it," Sulli giggled as she climbed back up the silks, "Chanyeol is being very...odd and secretive. Sehun has become an influencer. And Baekhyun is actually behaving."

"Don't even get me started," Wendy scoffed, "You know that Kyungsoo and Kai are helping to prepare the school musical, and they've actually roped Baekhyun into it." 

"No way!" Sulli cackled as she snapped down the silks again. Wendy worried she'd lose her grip and collide with the mat below - only for Sulli to swiftly climb up and swing her feet up like a circus performer. The performance was strangely mesmerising. 

"He hasn't sung since...well, since his Mom died..." Wendy trailed off, thinking back to a young Baekhyun who used to sing and laugh and smile at everything in life. Thinking about that young boy felt like looking at a acharacter in a dream.

"So he's the only one who actually seems to be okay..." Sulli mumbled. 

Wendy thought it strange too; by all means, she was glad Baekhyun wanted to steer away from his previous delinquency after the brief spell in prison, especially since he wore a tag on his ankle and had a curfew for the month, but it was almost too good to be true. Fair enough Baekhyun was still stuffing younger students into dustbins, still stole food from the cafeteria and pranked his teachers, all the usual troublemaker stuff - yet he was actually participating in classes, doing his homework, even taking up music again.

All the while she'd often seen Chanyeol and Sehun huddled over a laptop in the cafeteria, or locked away in the computer lab, acting all secretive...

It's no wonder you've lost patience with everything...

"What about Irene? I haven't spoken to her in a week?" 

Wendy released an unrelenting groan, "Where do I begin?" 

She detailed how Irene had slowly spiraled out of control when Sehun had arrived back from Japan; she'd spent every spare moment of her time either practicing her distance runs on the school track, forcing the cheerleading squad to run suicide drills as entertainment, and making Wendy endure hour-long monologue phone-calls about how much she hates everything and everyone. She was also not speaking with her step-brother Kyungsoo, yet didn't bother to actually tell Wendy why.

Clearly Irene did something wrong to him and won't admit it.

"I heard that she completely went psycho at cheer-practice last week," Wendy explained, "She's freaking out about who's going to lead the team when she wins Nationals - I mean, assuming they'll win."

"Oh she'll win alright, I've seen how hard she makes those girls train."

"Yeah well, apparently none of the Juniors are good enough to take her place, so she's going to select some Sophomore at the Lower School who will take over."

"That's tough act to follow," 

"Yeri told me that this girl called Lisa is probably going to get the Captaincy," Wendy shrugged. She pitied any girl that would follow in Irene's stead; she might be an evil dictator, but boy did she get that cheer-squad into shape...

"And so the dreaded highschool hierarchy lives on..." Sulli trailed off, before gracefully spinning out of the silks and planting herself softly on the mats. 

Wendy looked up at Sulli as she started to stretch out; she'd been in the centre for just over a month now, and Wendy had never seen her looking so healthy. She had a glow about her that accentuated her naturally, pretty features, a rosy tint to her cheeks that eradicated any need for her makeup. Sulli's arms and legs even looked strong in her training clothes, in spite of the fact she was still technically underweight. But the most notable change of them all, was Sulli's mindset. 

Wendy almost felt like a proud mother seeing Sulli so peaceful in herself. 

"You're not yourself. You're out of focus."

"Sorry- what?" Wendy was completely caught off guard.

"You've become a scatterbrain - like me," she grinned like a big baby.

"What makes you say that?" Wendy raised an eyebrow.

Sighing, Sulli walked towards Wendy and sat down across from her, and began to dig into the bag of macarons, "You're so used to being perfect and having your together that you don't know what to do when everything's falling apart and you hate it all - so you just switch off instead."

"Wow, you really just jumped inside my head - thank you." she said as Sulli offered her a macaron.

"You know-" Sulli said through a stuffed mouth, "Don't hold onto strong emotions right now. No regrets, jealousy or stuff like that. Don't block people out either. Let yourself experience the unexpected. Take it all in your stride."

An inescapable smile made its way onto Wendy's face - Sulli simply always knew exactly what to say.

Sulli really has no idea how much she's been holding everyone together since she arrived.

"You're right. Maybe I will try and take it all in. But first, you have to promise me something?"

Sulli raised an eyebrow, stuffed with the macarons she'd almost completely finished.

"Keep being you. This wonderful, hopeful you who loves macarons and doing stunts in the air?" 

Sulli offered Wendy a knowing smile, a mischievous glimmer in her eye, "Only if you promise to go to the University Open Day tomorrow?"

A shiver rippled down Wendy's spine, "How did you know about that?"

Sulli shrugged, "It's what I do now. I eat macarons and I know things."

*

Wendy stepped off of from the campus shuttle bus to the spring sunshine glaring in her eyes and the gentle cool breeze blowing her hair in her eyes. She adjusted her sunglasses, pushing them back over her head so she could truly take it all in. The sheer size of it all was what caught Wendy off-guard at first; the towering, modern buildings loomed over her and the countless other students milling about, a couple of western-style stone buildings dotted about the place which gave the atmosphere a hint of formality, whilst on a hilltop stood a group of cherry-blossom trees, gleaming purple in the sunlight beside the traditional Korean buildings that stood proudly nearby. The campus was everything she could've imagined and more - yet she still wasn't entirely convinced. 

Sighing, Wendy made her way through the welcome avenue, where dozens of student volunteers peppered her with brochures, booklets and free trinkets like pencils, posters and paperweights. None of which she actually planned on keeping. Even as she sat down on a bench in the blossom tree garden, and read the through the several course books that had been given to her, Wendy just wasn't really feeling it. She was seeing everything before her eyes, but not really taking it in or processing it the way she thought she would. 

"Still beats being home..." she muttered to herself as aimlessly she flipped through a course guide for the Psychology Bachelor's here, before tossing it down on the pile of other course books beside her. Groaning to herself, Wendy closed her eyes, trying to convince herself to it up and try and find some motivation, some will to get her through the day. 

All that brainpower and you'll have nothing to show for it because you can't make your mind up!

Maybe coming here was a terrible idea after all, she figured. Maybe this wasn't going to be the right place for her after all. Maybe Wendy wasn't even supposed to stay in Korea. Maybe she should just give up on trying to figure something out and just wing it for the rest of her life.

Couldn't be all that bad, right?

"You're sitting in my chair."

Wendy opened her eyes to see a guy standing over her, his eyebrow raised and slightly amused look in his eye."

"I think it technically belongs to the university," Wendy sighed, not having the energy to deal with another disgusting male trying to mansplain something to her - she'd already had enough of that for one year.

"And technically, my bag is underneath where you're sitting - ergo, I was sitting here before you." the guy corrected her, yet with no hint of irritation in his voice and a smile forming on his face.

Wendy gulped, "Uh- I'm sor-"

"Just kidding," the guy laughed, "You really think I'd cause a problem over a public space?" he raised an eyebrow.

Wendy could only shake her head. 

"You should see the look on your face," he laughed again before sitting down on the bench space next to Wendy, and reaching out for his bag underneath the bench.

"Do all students here enjoy teasing prospective students?" Wendy scoffed, still not entirely amused at the guy's antics.

"No, I'm just incredibly bored," the guy shrugged, setting his backpack in the space between himself and Wendy, pulling out a bottle of water to sip on.

"Then why did you come here.?

Sighing, the guy replied, "Because I'd be a terrible Korean son if I didn't go here, or at least another SKY university. What would my parents think?" he feigned shock, dropping his jaw and bringing his hands to his face mockingly.

A chuckle escaped Wendy's lips at this. 

Maybe he isn't so weird after all.

"See?" 

"See what?"

"This university's boring - but at least I'm not." he said, offering her what was quite possibly the cheekiest grin she'd ever seen, "What's your name?"

Eyes glued to the ground, Wendy mumbled her name.

"Huh, like from Peter Pan - I like it." the guy nodded in approval, "Well, Wendy, My name is Kim Jongdae - but everyone calls me Chen. What brings you to this dreaded campus?"

"Well, the Open Day obviously-"

"I mean, what really brought you here."

Wendy looked ahead, over at the vast campus that sprawled out in front of them, and pondered the answer to that - she didn't even know herself anymore, "Honestly, I couldn't tell you. I'm not sure. Just felt like I had to."

"I see." Chen nodded in understanding, turning to stare back out at the campus with Wendy, where countless of other excited, prospective students were milling about excitedly, all whilst Wendy sat up here, completely aimless, "You know, a lot of people who come here don't actually realise that they do actually have a choice, that there is a world out there beyond these three universities."

"I don't think most people exactly have any other choice," 

"Do you?" Chen turned to face her with bright, unwavering eyes, "Have another choice?"

Another sigh escaped Wendy (was that the only way she communicated nowadays?) as she pondered this for a moment, "I don't know. I guess- I guess I'm holding back. I'm not even sure why I'm doing that either."

"Have you ever heard of something called self-sabotage? You're pretty much doing it now." 

"Excuse me?" Wendy turned to look at Chen. She realised he was actually extremely handsome in a cheeky way, as if by merely being around him she would get into trouble or cause chaos somewhere. She couldn't put her finger on what it was that made him tick with this energy.

"You don't know what you want to do, so you're holding yourself back from exploring any of the options you do have. So instead, you're trying to put yourself into a category you don't belong in, just to find some stability."

The two looked at each other steadily for a moment, having a mental stand-off of sorts, before Wendy scoffed and turned to look back out at the campus. This strange guy only knew her for a minute but already had her completely figured out - something she hadn't even been able to do these past few months.

"You know," Wendy started, but not with any regret or bitterness, "Part of the reason I decided to come here this weekend was to get away from all the people who know me back home."

"And?" 

"You've just figured out everything I've been struggling to understand myself for the past half a year." she chuckled ruefully, picking at her nails to avoid looking back at Chen, "How- how did you do that?"

Chen sighed, and Wendy could see him stretching up his hands over his head, leaning back into the bench, "Growing up. I've been there too. In fact, it was my parents who actually forced me into the box that was attending this university."

"Jesus Christ that ," 

"Yeah it wasn't too bad," Chen shrugged, "Means I can always bring my laundry back home for my Mom to do."

Wendy automatically rolled her eyes at this. 

Mama's boys.

"But," Chen continued, "I actually gave them an ultimatum." 

At that, Wendy couldn't help but finally look back at Chen - this piqued her interest.

"I told them I would only go here if I got to do joint degree between SNU and a university abroad of my choice."

"Or...?"

"Or I wouldn't go to University at all," Chen shrugged. 

"And it worked?" Wendy asked in disbelief.

"Well - obviously." he teased, "Otherwise I'd be- actually, I don't know what would've happened if I didn't get away with it. But in a couple years, I'm going to study at Stanford University in America."

"Wow," Wendy's jaw dropped. She could only ever dream of getting into a top American University like tht. 

Sure, she'd looked at Canada and planned to go back - but that was only ever because she'd spent part of her childhood there, and it was like going back home for her. But discovering something new altogether...Wendy had never imagined an idea like that, but maybe it was exactly what she needed? A change that went beyond just bleaching her hair or changing her wardrobe? A change that actually meant finding some new, unimaginable part of herself?

Maybe I really need to get out of my comfort zone?

"You remember now," Chen started, "What I was saying about choice?"

Nodding, Wendy replied, "I get it now. You know they say ignorant people are happier, but I would never be jealous of people who didn't realise that there's always a choice."

"That's some wisdom right there," Chen nodded in approval, "I think you have a lot to give, Wendy. You just need to remember that there's always a choice. Have a little faith in yourself."

"Now you're the one offering wisdom," Wendy chuckled. 

Chen laughed with her for a moment, with steady eyes and cheeky smile, before saying, "Give me your cellphone; I'll write down my number in case you ever need some extra faith."

Her stomach dropped slightly at that. Uncertainty was an understatement for what she felt, only Wendy hoped it didn't show on her face. Sure enough, she'd gotten over Kris with surprising ease a few months ago, but that didn't mean she was ready and willing to throw herself at another guy so quickly. Let alone the fact that he was a college student headed for America - anything that could happen between them would be futile.

Yet there was a voice in the back of Wendy's mind that kept saying the words 'self sabotage' over and over, reminding Wendy that she was only ever going to keeping holding herself back by switching herself off from things around her.

Get out of your comfort zone.

"Sure," Wendy smiled awkwardly, as she held her phone out, "But you should know-"

"What, you're not interested in dating?" Chen smirked as he took her phone, looking at Wendy with knowing eyes, "Come on now, can't guys and girls just be friends?"

Wendy stared at him blankly.

"Don't worry," Chen said reassuringly, as he typed his number in, "That wasn't was I was planning on. I'm actually an ambassador for the joint bachelor programme - it's kinda' my job to get students registering an interest in our course."

"So you're using me?" Wendy raised an eyebrow.

Handing her phone back to her, Chen replied, "Well- you're the one suggesting that. I would call it networking."

"Semantics," Wendy scoffed, pressing the dial button on his number till the call went through, and Chen could save her number, "In that case, save my full name - Wendy Son."

Smiling down at the phone, and then smiling warmly back at Wendy, Chen said, "Well then, Wendy Son. How would you feel about me showing you the less-boring things to do at this place?"

Doubt overcame Wendy. Was she really going to do this? Just walk around campus with some random dude she just met, had just given her number to, at a university she wasn't even sure she wanted to attend. 

Again, a gnawing little voice in the back of her mind called out, screaming 'self-sabotage'. But it also brought with it the reminder of why she came here in the first place.

You wanted to be around people who don't know who you are, or where you come from. You got your wish. Just go with it.

"Sure. My fate for the rest of the day, and my future, lies in your hands, Kim Jongdae."

*

"Can you honestly believe that? That Kyungsoo just walked into our house with his playboy-boyfriend on his arms and our parents totally welcomed him! No comments, no anger, nothing!"

"Aren't you at least happy that your parents aren't homophobic?"

"T