- 'I Miss You So Bad', iKON

- 'If You', BIGBANG

- 'Toy', Block B

- 'Lie', BTS (Jimin)

- 'Good Luck', BEAST

- 'Excited', Luhan

- 'Candy', Baekhyun

- 'Come Back Home', 2NE1

November, 1st Month in Japan

Sehun fumbled with the keys to the front door of his apartment as he balanced his bags of shopping in the other, grumbling to himself as he struggled to keep everything together. 

"Freaking- damn it!" he cursed as he dropped his keys on the floor. Yet before he could drop everything and begin the hassle of picking them up again, the apartment door opened.

"Damn, you bought a lot of ," Yuta chuckled as he opened the door to the apartment. Yuta was Sehun's cousin; born in Osaka, Yuta was attending one of Tokyo's most elite schools, reserved for the best and brightest, but without the same class-divisions as elite schools in Korea. Yuta's roommate was away on a year abroad and was more than happy to let his favourite cousin stay.

"You're so lucky your family aren't as extra as mine are," Sehun sighed as continued to struggle keeping the shopping bags together, "I never wanna' see a stuffed cartoon character again, I don't care how badly my siblings beg me for them." 

"And this is why I moved out of my family home," Yuta chuckled as she stepped aside for Sehun to come in, "I'll get your keys for you."

Sehun had been settled in for about a week now, but his job didn't begin until Monday. Whilst his friends back home were all finishing their last week of the semester, he'd been exploring Tokyo. The city was just as busy as he'd imagined and seen from photos and on TV, with a constant flock of people milling about the place, every traffic light and junction attracting its own crowd. His Japanese had improved massively in such a short space of time, and he now felt more confident in travelling around without Yuta having to make sure he didn't get lost, or worse, run over. 

It was a busy Saturday in the shopping districts, and with the list of items his family had sent for him, he was lucky enough to have made it out of the malls in one piece. 

"You know, I got stopped by some photographer around Harajuku?" Sehun said to Yuta as he dumped the myriad of shopping bags on one end of the sofa, before slumping down next to his cousin. 

"What, some highschool girls wanted to take photos of you or something?" Yuta teased as he flicked through TV shows. 

"No actually, it was some fashion journalist for some online magazine," Sehun pulled his phone out, finding the Instagram page in question, and showing it to his cousin. 

Yuta choked on a piece of candy he'd been eating for a moment, before he recovered, "You got shot by Streetwear Tokyo?"

"I don't know who they are?" 

Yuta rolled his eyes as he scrolled through the Instagram stories to see where Sehun appeared, "They're like one of the biggest urban fashion groups in Japan! If they so much as mention you, you immediately become internet famous!"

"Why would I want that? I want to make these apps and websites, not feature in them," Sehun grumbled.

"Easy for you to say when you look like a model," Yuta complained before holding up the story that Sehun featured in, "That's some glow up you've had, cousin."

Sehun looked at himself on the Instagram page, his profile tag out in public for everyone to see. The guy in the photo was tall, handsome, aloof. No longer was he the awkward computer geek that felt frightened every time someone asked him a question, or got nervous every time a girl looked at him - now he was a cool, smart and budding techie who would one day be making serious money. 

Or at least he'd hoped. 

"Thanks, I had help," Sehun sighed as he thought back to that fateful day with Irene before he'd left abruptly. As usual, thinking about her made his chest hurt in an inexplicable way.

Sehun looked through his shopping bags, picking through the various clothes, magazines and toys he'd picked up for his family, and then he found it. He pulled out the original, plushy Korilakkumma he'd spent a hefty amount of money on for Irene. He stared down at the plushy toy in his hands, smiling at the thought of the little character's stickers he'd seen plastered over Irene's laptop and on her phone background, the softer, more playful side to her that he knew existed underneath her y exterior. 

Sehun made his way out onto the balcony, clutching the little toy to his chest, and sat overlooking the city. They lived in an area of the city that was popular with expats and young professionals, many of the apartments in their building and nearby occupied by college students too. Never in his life could Sehun have imagined living in the heart of such a dense metropolis like Tokyo, not when he'd grown up in the suburbs an hour outside of Seoul his entire life, saw the same people everyday, visited the same places. Looking out at this new city, he saw endless opportunity. It was just a case of whether or not he was brave enough to take it. 

He looked down at the toy in one hand, and his cellphone in the other. His thumb hovered over Irene's name and number. He'd wished so badly that things didn't end they they did, that he wasn't such a coward and had just told her how he felt, rather than walking away and leaving her in the hallway. They'd exchanged a few text messages since he'd left, all of them superficial. Yet when he walked through the shops, and spotted this toy, he couldn't stop thinking about her.

"Just tell her you miss her...Just tell her..." he willed himself as continued to stare down at her number. 

Yet something else drew his attention away. 

"I don't care what you have to say anymore, I'm sick of your excuses!" a girl shouted from the apartment next door. Sehun could hear everything through the open balcony, "I just need you to leave, and then never talk to me again, okay? Goodbye." 

Sehun looked over as a girl run out onto the balcony next door, slamming the door shut behind her as another door inside the apartment slammed loudly. She had jet black hair that was pulled up into a loose ponytail, her denim dungarees splattered with different coloured paints, almost like she'd been attacked by a five-year old during art class. But it was her soft, near-silent crying that Sehun especially took note of, as if she was more terrified of being seen crying, than she was feeling truly upset. 

Sehun understood that feeling all too well, the fear of showing his weakness, the unpredictable nature of vulnerability. 

However, he was beginning to feel awkward, just sitting there whilst this pretty girl cried across from him. It was getting weird. He rose from the chair silently, pocketing his phone and clutching the toy to his chest, before discreetly slipping inside the apartment. He didn't notice the girl looking over her shoulder to see who was there.

It wasn't until the two cousins were making dinner that evening that Sehun thought of the girl again. 

"Who's the girl next door?" Sehun asked as Yuta expertly managed the food. Sehun ended up awkwardly hanging around, and occasionally washing the vegetables whilst his more capable cousin cooked. 

"Oh, you mean Seulgi? She's actually from Korea, I think near where you're from actually," 

"Really? What's she doing here?"

Yuta shrugged, "The same as most Korean students who come here. She's on exchange at my school. She's pretty awesome actually."

"How so?"  

"She's an artist, and like, a really, really good artist. She sold a few paintings whilst she was here, and is being mentored by one of the top traditional Japanese artists." 

"Wow," Sehun's jaw dropped, massively impressed at the feat, "I know a girl who would love to meet her actually, she's a great artist too," he thought of the silver-haired Park Kora back home, and how her art was always being praised at school. 

"Yeah, well, I guess Seulgi has a good muse too - her boyfriend's an ," Yuta chuckled, casually flipping the frying pan as flames danced inside it, roasting the meats and vegetables, "Can you switch the fan on, please?"

Sehun reached up and turned the extractor fan on, gingerly trying to dodge the flames that his cousin navigated like a pro chef, "I think I heard them fighting earlier. It sounded pretty permanent."

"Good for her!" Yuta chuckled, "He goes to our school too, but he's the biggest douche-bag I've ever met. Think a young, Asian James Franco."

"Oh God," Sehun cringed at the thought of all the dirt-bag American movies the actor starred in, "Why was she with him?"

Yuta shrugged, "Anyone's guess. But good for her if she's dumped his sorry . That's the thing I don't get about all of these really attractive people. It's like the see another attractive person and are obligated to be together because just they're both hot, not because they actually like each other - does that makes sense?" 

"Kinda'," Sehun sighed, "Although I'm not exactly an authority on relationships."

"Damn, who hurt you?"

Sehun couldn't help but feel slightly sad at that, his mind immediately trailing back to Irene, who was probably already over him, "That's a sad story for another day."

Week 2

Apparently it had become Sehun's ritual to sit on the balcony and stalk Irene's social media. Still, they'd exchanged minimal words with one another when they found the time, and still, they avoided any and all talk of what had happened between them. She seemed happy enough, with her thousands of followers and celebrity connections at the tender age of 18, perfect pale aesthetic and selfies with thousands of likes. Irene was the teenage dream that so many girls dreamed of being like. 

Flicking back to his own profile, however, Sehun felt pathetic in comparison. With the handful of followers he'd had (including his mother), and minimal posts, Sehun felt a sense of imposter syndrome. He didn't look like the young, budding tech intern that he currently was, nor was he the model-like guy that the thousands of people in his follow requests wanted to see after he was featured on that fashion page last week. He hadn't the time nor energy to go through and delete the countless messages and follow requests that had clogged up his account, nor could he be bothered to explain to his friends why a picture of him in Tokyo had suddenly appeared on various Instagram fashion accounts. 

He put his phone away, suddenly stressed out over his impending internet fame and his lack of motivation to deal with it.

What do they want from me? Why do I owe these strangers anything? Is it just because I'm apparently good-looking now?

"You look stressed-out, do you want some tteokbokki?" 

The girl's voice made him jump out of the chair ever so slightly, yanking him out of his thoughts and back into reality. Sehun looked over to see his neighbour, the so-called Seulgi looking at him with curious eyes as she held a big, steaming dish with her floral oven-gloves. 

"You okay?" Seulgi asked again when Sehun did nothing but stare at her dumbfounded. 

"Sorry," Sehun shook his head to snap himself out of his daze, "I was- I was-"

"Hungry, I hope," Seulgi smiled warmly, setting the dish down on the table on her balcony, "Yuta told me you were Korean too, so I figured you could do with something familiar."

The mere smell of his favourite dish made Sehun's stomach rumble. Seulgi heard this and grinned at him knowingly. 

"You wanna grab yourself a plate, or what?" 

Sehun returned with his own set of chopsticks and dish, allowing Seulgi to serve him his own plateful, before they pulled their chairs up to the edge of their balconies and enjoyed the food together. 

As soon as he tasted the sweet sauce of the dish, Sehun couldn't help but smile. 

Seulgi looked up at him, "Good right? Comfort food is one of life's most important things, especially when you're far away from home."

"This is exactly what I needed, and I had no idea that I needed it. Thank you." Sehun bowed his head awkwardly as he scoffed his food. 

Seulgi chuckled at him, "No need to be so formal with me. We can be friends."

Sehun looked up at her, pursing his lips slightly, "You just met me, how can we be friends when you barely know me?"

Shrugging, she replied, "You can't be worse than most of the guys I do know. Besides, it's important to have friends when you're far away from home." 

Unsure of how he could respond to that, Sehun continued eating, allowing a slightly awkward silence to float over the two of them as they enjoyed the food together. 

Eventually, Seulgi broke the silence, apparently the more charismatic of the two, "So how come you're living out here?"

"Uh," Sehun started, unsure how to explain his feats without sounding big-headed, "I'm interning at Samsung's Tokyo offices on an intensive school placement."

"What the hell?" Seulgi choked out with a mouth stuffed with food, "How the hell did you do that? That's insane!"

Sehun laughed nervously, "Funny story actually...I made a crack video of my friends using this app I designed myself, and a talent manager happened to watch me use the app at my kid-sister's Judo tournament."

Eyebrows raised, Seulgi replied, "Holy . That's crazy. Can I see it? The app?"

Blushing, Sehun fumbled about at his pocket to pull out his phone, quickly finding the beta-version of the content creation app he'd been working on for the past year, "So all your favourite meme templates, video cuts, classic Vines, some TikToks, sound effects, its all searchable from one place on the app so you don't have to download a bunch of different files and upload them. It's all in one place at the push of a button." 

"And you made this all by yourself?" Seulgi pointed at the screen as she leaned over the gap between their balconies ever so slightly.

Sehun nodded. 

"Wow. You're a freaking genius. Are you going to keep developing it?"

"Well, they said once I graduate and have the beta-version completed, I enter discussions with their Development team about getting funding to create it myself." 

"What, like a start-up?" 

"I guess you could say that," he shrugged as he returned the phone to his pocket. 

It wasn't often Sehun got to boast of his technical capabilities; Luhan had his Soccer, Chanyeol was a musician and Baekhyun was...Baekhyun. Programming and gaming was Sehun's reprieve from the bore that school provided and the apparent chaos of his friendship group. 

"I guess I like the infinite nature of it all," Sehun began to explain, yet he wasn't the one for big display of words, and struggled to think of where he was headed with what he was about to say, "Like...There's no boundaries on what you can create, no limitation on your ideas, only endless possibilities...Wow, that was super corny."

His cheeks burned red at this realisation, but that didn't seem to deter Seulgi, "No- no I totally get it!"

"Really?" Sehun raised an eyebrow.

Seulgi nodded, "In a way, it's a lot like art."

"You think so?" He folded his arms and sat back in his chair, intrigued at her explanation.

"So, in art, you choose your medium. Oil, acrylic, water-colour, pencil, pen, clay so on - and in coding, you have your different languages, right? Python, Java and so on." 

Sehun nodded in agreement. He was vaguely impressed she even knew about coding languages.

"You choose your medium, and then you can create anything. There's no limit to what you can create, but there are certain rules you have to follow. For example, the rules of the language, and the basic rules of art."

"Which are?"

"I don't know, paint from back to front?" Seulgi chuckled, and Sehun laughed along with her. 

To his surprise, he followed exactly what she was saying. When he sat down at his computer, and began coding and designing, he felt as if the entire world, the entire future, was at his fingertips. Suddenly, his dream of being a better, kinder Zuckerberg didn't seem like such a silly pipe dream after all. For once, someone his age actually understood the nature of his work, the possibilities that his talent would allow him to unlock, rather than calling 'geek' or 'nerd'.  

"You got social media?" Seulgi asked, waving her phone at him.

Caught in his thoughts again, Sehun struggled with his words again, and merely handed his unlocked phone to her over the balcony in exchange for her own. He quickly found himself on Facebook, (unsurprising, given how unsafe their data was in Facebook's hands), and was shocked to see they had mutual friends from Korea.

"How the hell do you know Wendy?" Sehun asked in sheer disbelief. 

"Gee, small world!" Seulgi exclaimed with raised eyebrows, "My Mom grew up in this place just outside of Seoul, and Wendy lives next door to her childhood home. We used to play together whenever I went to visit my Grandma. She still with that boyfriend?"

Sehun was bewildered to say the least, "No, they broke up not long ago." 

"That makes two of us," Seulgi mumbled as she continued to hunt down her socials on Sehun's phone. 

Sehun then found himself on Instagram, unsuspecting at a glance, and clicked follow from Seulgi's account.

"Wow...You- you have a lot of requests, you know that?" she questioned with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah..." Sehun felt his cheeks burn red, and awkwardly scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "I might have- uh- might have got stopped in the street by some fashion photographer last week..."

"You don't say," Seulgi chuckled, "I mean, I'm not surprised. You're gorgeous and you dress so...stylish."

Sehun gulped. He had no idea what to say to that. Never before had someone -let alone someone he'd only just met- used those two adjectives on him. Flattered was an understatement, embarrassed an overstatement. Yet Seulgi seemed un-phased by this compliment, and continued searching her socials, as if she were stating is as a mere fact, rather than trying to be flirtatious.

Maybe she's onto something, though...

It was true, ever since his makeover, Sehun noticed people actually looking at him more, groups of teenage girls his age giggling as they walked past him, random guys in stores telling him he had nice trainers on, even his mother complimenting his haircut every time she video-called him since he'd been gone. 

And it's all down to the one girl you still can't bring yourself to call...

"Sehun?" Seulgi's voice pulled him out of his thoughts again. He cursed at himself mentally. He wasn't usually the type to be so lost in his thought, normally he was just quiet because he genuinely had little to say. Why was he constantly getting stuck in his own mind? 

"Sorry," he snapped back into focus, "What's up?"

Seulgi grinned at him knowingly, almost endearingly, "I said, why you don't want to go public with your account?"

"Why should I? Those people just want to follow me because they think I'm someone who's nice to look at."

"So? They're not wrong, are they?"

Sehun gulped, but found it in himself to continue, "I mean, I don't like the idea of having to create this online persona, this- this whole other identity online, just for the instant gratification of getting a couple hundred likes per photo."

"But isn't that the point?" Seulgi asked, handing her phone back to Sehun and taking her own back, "Being a different version of ourselves that doesn't have to deal with all the of our actual selves?"

Sehun pondered this for a moment. To all those people wanting to follow him, he was just this stylish guy living in Tokyo, not the loser computer geek, the whose best friends were always getting laid and partying. He could be anything he wanted to be on the Internet, the potential was limitless.

"I don't even know how to manage or create the necessary content," Sehun complained, scrolling through the explore tab on his page, "These Instagram people have to post every day, maintain an aesthetic. I have none." 

"Lucky for you, I'm an Art student. Photography is like my second language. Look up quickly!" she called out for him.

Sehun looked up, just in time for Seulgi's phone to make the 'click!' sound of the camera shutter. A second afterwards, she'd sent him a candid picture of himself. He looked dapper, with is slightly ruffled hair, wearing a navy Samsung Jumper and white polo short with the collar sticking out underneath, black skinny jeans, and a pair white sneakers that completed his look. He looked effortlessly cool, something he never thought he was capable of. 

Maybe I'm finally becoming more comfortable in my own skin...

"Post it," Seulgi commanded, "No filter, no caption. Just set the location, post it, and then set your account to public."

Unsure what exactly compelled him to listen, Sehun posted the picture. His thumb then hovered over the button that would open up his account, allowing the dozens of hopeful followers to become actual ones. Did he really want to do this? Was this really who he was? Who he wanted to become? 

" it," he sighed, "What have I got to lose?" he pressed the button, and watched everything change before his eyes.

Week 4

Sehun rushed up to the elevator with the bags of takeout in his hands, the heat of the food radiating through the paper as he pressed at the button calling the elevator with one hand. As he stepped inside and pressed the button for the 12th floor, his phone buzzed in his back pocket. He tapped on his wireless headphones to answer it.

"Dude where the hell are you?!" Yuta shouted down the line, hurting Sehun's ears slightly.

"Can you please speak at a volume under 200 decibels?" Sehun complained, "I left my laptop at the office and had to go fetch it, so I got caught in peak Metro times!"

"But did you get the food?" Sehun was immune to his cousin's directness, a trait common among Osaka-natives that other people might have considered rude.

"Yes, I got the food." Sehun grumbled, having to give his hand a wave as the heat from the food bag began to hurt his hand.

"Good, Seulgi's here and she's hungry too."

Sehun couldn't help but perk up at the mention of Seulgi. She'd quickly become a close friend in the week that they'd been hanging out in the city, be it meeting up when he'd finished work to show him her favourite places in the city, or that one weekend they'd all gone to the Aquarium together, before seeing a movie in one of Asia's biggest IMAX theatres. She'd even continued helping him with his Instagram account, and was always keen to take pictures of him out and about in the city when they were together, which apparently paid off considering he now had 7k followers. He almost couldn't believe it himself.

Sehun was surely glad for Seulgi's company these past couple of weeks, and knew that he probably wouldn't have enjoyed things so much if he was left to his own devices whenever Yuta was busy with school. He also realised, that the more time he'd spent with Seulgi, the further away his problems at home seemed to be. Especially tonight, where his friends were back home celebrating Chanyeol's birthday, Sehun was glad to have some good company.

"There he is!" Seulgi exclaimed with a tone of relief as Sehun shut the apartment door behind him, "We were starting to think you'd gotten lost on the Metro again."

"That was one time!" Sehun complained as he brought the food into the kitchen, where Yuta had already set up the cutlery and plates, as well as suspiciously large bottle of something, wrapped in a paper bag. Sehun pointed at it, "What is that?"

Yuta, who had already hurriedly begun taking out the food from the bag, quickly slapped his cousin's hand away, before stashing the bag in the freezer, "Don't even think about it. That's for after we eat."

The three of them tucked into the fried chicken that Sehun had gone to the Eastern side of the city to collect, (a special treat on his behalf considering the ridiculous internship allowance he was receiving), and discussed every matter of their days. 

"School's actually going to kill me," Yuta sighed in disdain, "I thought going to an International School in Osaka and doing International Baccalaureate classes was bad enough, but this? I for one, already know, that I have no desire to use chemical balancing equations in my future, so why do I have to learn about them?"

"Are you kidding me?" Seulgi grumbled, "I never wanna' have to hear the words 'thesis statement' ever again. I paint, I don't write essays."

"I can't believe your school actually let you miss an entire semester to live and work here," Yuta said in disbelief as he chicken sauce off his fingers, "Maybe I should go on an exchange year there..."

Sehun chuckled, "Sometimes I wonder how my school is still standing."

"Really? Just because you don't have to wear uniforms like the rest of us?" 

"No seriously," Sehun began, reaching in for yet another piece of chicken, yet sitting back in disdain as the box sat empty, "The that happens at my school...you know one of my best friends, destroyed the entire ground-floor plumbing system on the first day back, as a prank? Or when another one of my best friends accidently lit his locker on fire because he'd left a joint burning inside of it?"

"No way," Seulgi choked slightly on the food she was eating, disbelief hitting her, "That did not happen."

"It did," Sehun chuckled, thinking fondly of his friends back home, "This one guy we made friends with, Tao, he doesn't even go to our school, but the teachers don't even realise it. He hangs out on campus all the time, and sells weed to Juniors too. Some of them think he actually goes to our school. Oh and once a janitor set up an alcohol boot-legging business from the broom-closet, but then he got killed in a hit-and-run in Seoul. Don't even get me started on the the amount of times I've heard people having in classrooms and closets..." 

"Now I'm definitely signing up for an exchange year," Yuta grumbled as he sipped on some water. 

"That sounds awesome," Seulgi chuckled, "I can't believe schools like this exist! Sounds like an episode of Euphoria." 

"Of what?" Sehun asked, not getting the reference.

"Surely that isn't a good thing?" Yuta raised an eyebrow.

"For some people, maybe," Seulgi shrugged, "Hardly anything interesting happens at our school, apart from the occasional public dumping, that is."

"Eugh, don't remind me," Yuta waved a hand in the air dismissively, pulling a face, before moving to the freezer, where he removed the mystery bag that he'd hidden away earlier, "Right." he began, holding up the bag like a trophy, "Now we've enjoyed our amazingly salty meal, I say we wash it down with something special." 

He revealed a huge, premium bottle of sake that would've cost him money that no normal high-schooler could conjure. 

"Where the hell did you get that?!" Seulgi asked in sheer disbelief, as if Yuta had brought in an object from another planet.

Yuta shrugged, "A college girl I know," 

Sehun raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "Isn't that grooming?" he reached out to the bottle to get a closer look, but his cousin snatched it away.

"For my hands only!" Yuta snapped as he coiled away defensively with the bottle, "And besides, she actually owed me a favour for writing her term paper. This and some money for new sneakers."

"That's like, extremely illegal, you know?" Seulgi asked, sounding very concerned. 

Sighing Yuta replied, "I had to get the money somehow...otherwise I'd actually have to get a job." 

Sehun felt the urge to make a comment, but then realised it was probably best not to considering he was on a ridiculous salary at one of the world's biggest tech-giants. 

Soon enough, Yuta had them all playing drinking games native to his home-city Osaka, games that involved counting, shouting, and a Japanese version of Charades that Seulgi ended up winning thanks to the power of her sheer charisma. Sehun wasn't much of a drinker, let a lone a fan of spirits, yet where the cold, icy burn of the drink initially hurt Sehun's throat, after a few more drinks were downed, he was feeling warm and giggly as their conversations became dumber, and dumber.

"Seulgiiii-" Yuta droned, "I'm so glad you broke up with that ! You deserve way- way- better!" 

Seulgi hiccuped, before reaching for another glass of the drink, "I know, I know. I feel so free! Teaches me to keep going for the bad boys!" 

"Absolutely!" Yuta saluted, "To be honest, why does anyone our age bother with relationships? Why- why can't we just have fun?!"

Sehun could see straight through his cousin's lies. He saw all the different girls Yuta walked home from school, all the different messages from various admirers on his phone screen, not to mention the empty boxes of condoms that ended up in the recycling bin. Sehun knew very well what Yuta meant by having fun.

There's a reason he's called the Osaka Prince at their school.

"Yuta, tell me," Sehun droned on, his voice slurring with slight intoxication, "The college girl that gave you this...is she pretty at least?" 

Seulgi giggled, the tops of her cheeks and ears flushed red from the alcohol. 

She looks so cute right now.

Yuta grinned devilishly, before downed the drink in his hand, his face scrunching up from the burn. He opened his mouth to reveal his answer, then retched ever so slightly.

"I'm guessing she's not?" Seulgi raised an eyebrow expectantly. 

Sehun on the other hand, had seen his friends overly drunk enough to know when someone was teetering on the edge of passing out, "Yuta...you okay man?"

Yuta gulped for a moment, burped, and then sighed in relief, his shoulders relaxing and a smile finding its way onto his face as he re-composed himself, "All good, just-" 

Yet he never got to finish that sentence, as he ran to the sink and threw up. 

"You think he's gonna be alright?" Seulgi asked as Sehun tucked his cousin up into bed shortly afterwards. A large bottle of water stood on his bedside table, some snacks laid out with it in case he woke up during the night with a need for sustenance. 

"He'll be fine," Sehun sighed as he made sure his cousin was lying on his side, "I'll come check on him again to make sure he doesn't choke on his vomit or something. It happened to me once, it was horrible." 

Seulgi pulled a face, "Ew," before leaving the room. 

Sehun followed her back into the kitchen, his hands in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his feet awkwardly - it was just the two of them now. 

"Shall we sit outside?" Seulgi pointed out to the balcony, always the more socially-capable one than Sehun. 

Nodding, Sehun replied, "Lemme' get you a jacket, it'll be cold outside." 

"Thanks," Seulgi smiled brilliantly at him, a smile that made Sehun's cheeks burn red as he quickly went to his room to grab the jackets. 

He grabbed for the first two that hung on his door, and returned to Seulgi, who had already made herself comfortable on the cushioned bench that lined the balcony, "Here you go, it's pretty cold out here."

Seulgi shrugged the jacket on, only when she did, Sehun had to do a double take. He'd only gone and given her the white, fur-lined leather jacket that he'd bought with Irene that day in Seoul before he'd left. That day he'd really started to grow feelings for her, and realised how important she was to him. He bit his lip at the thought of Irene, his stomach filling with a sort of pain that he'd never felt before, a sudden pounding in his chest echoing through his ears. 

What is she doing right now? Is she at Chanyeol's party? Is she thinking of me like I'm thinking about her? Does she ever care about me anymore?

"You alright?" Seulgi placed a hand on his arm, bringing him out of his daze, "You look like you've soon a ghost?"

Sehun snapped himself out of it, trying his best not to appear to awkward, and sat down beside Seulgi, "Sorry. I guess I'm a little spaced out tonight. It's one of my best friend's birthdays, they're probably all partying it up by now. I'm just glad we had a good time here."

", I'm sorry!" Seulgi pulled a face as she snuggled up into Sehun's jacket. She looked freakishly good wearing it, "Your friends sound awesome from what you've told me. Crazy, but awesome."

Sehun chuckled, smiling warmly at the thought of his crazy brothers back home, "You don't know the half of it,"

"Tell me about them then?" 

Sehun sighed, unsure where even to begin as Seulgi looked at him expectant brown eyes, "Well there's Luhan, he moved over from China when he was a little kid, and we became friends when another couple of guys, Baekhyun and Chanyeol, started throwing paint at me in kindergarten. I still remember it so well. Luhan split all of us up, threatened them to stop picking on me, so the two boys started throwing paint at each other instead. Luhan tried to split them up too, and it didn't happen obviously, so we all just had a huge paint fight and got sent home early. I was in so much trouble for it, but I was just so happy to have finally made friends. The four of us haven't changed a bit since then either, believe it or not."

"What do you mean?"

"Baekhyun is an enigma. He's totally crazy, wild, fearless, and not always in a good way. He and Chanyeol are basically brothers, and Chanyeol's always the one who reels Baekhyun in. Yet when both of them get into ...I often get caught up in all of it. And then it's Luhan's job to get us out of trouble. Be it with pranks at school, girls, heck, even the first time we tried to buy weed off of this Chinese dealer things got completely out of control, and Luhan had to come translate and get us out of there...It got even crazier when Kris arrived, he and Baek are like two peas in a pod, only Kris can be even more stupid. But we're always there for each other. Always."

"I see..." Seulgi lamented, staring back out over the city as she pondered his words, "Do you ever get sick of it? Being dragged into their problems?"

Sehun shifted uncomfortably in his chair. It wasn't often he thought critically of his friendship group back home; most of the time he went along with whatever the boys were doing because it seemed like fun, even if he didn't get as whacky or wild as them, even if he did always end up the one doing something stupid and being laughed at. It was the way they'd always been as a group, and he couldn't imagine it any other way. 

"Not at all," Sehun shook his head, "We're always there for each other. No matter how ty, or crazy things get, we'll always stick together."

Sehun thought back to when Chanyeol and Baekhyun's parents died, how the boys had all stuck together to keep them company during school and after, helping them get into new hobbies to try and keep them occupied, even coming up with rituals such as the Friday night gaming night; how when Baekhyun's father went over the edge with his drinking, the boys took turns hosting Baekhyun and little Jaemin at their houses every week; the infamous camping trip into the woods were Xiumin got sprayed by a skunk and Chanyeol nearly set the tent on fire, and Sehun (almost) cried hearing foxes mating in the woods - Sehun couldn't imagine their little group not having that brotherly bond that bound them together for so long. Even losing Xiumin didn't break that bond.

But have we really been the same since? 

"Even when girls are involved?" Seulgi raised an eyebrow knowingly, her tone playful, but the question catching Sehun off-guard again. 

Of course, it was a girl that caused the accident that lost us Xiumin. And it's a girl getting in between them even now...

"Isn't that how it always starts? Because of a girl?" 

"That's pretty misogynistic." Seulgi mumbled, pulling a face.

"I mean- over a girl." Sehun quickly corrected himself, mentally cursing himself for sticking his foot in it as usual."

Yet Seulgi didn't mind, and tipped her head back laughing, "I'm only teasing, I trust you're a feminist. Of course, most people back in Korea seem to think that's a bad thing?"

Sehun shrugged, "It's sad, but I'm not one to comment on what a woman should and shouldn't be able to do."

She eyed him carefully for a moment, and Sehun fought his blush as she looked at him with those steady eyes, "Is that what happened with you? A girl?"

He gulped. The thought of Irene immediately made his stomach drop, flutter even. The thought of her eyes, usually so cold but warm as they gazed at him. Her hair, dyed blonde when he last saw her, but still so perfect, like corn-silk. And her smile, a secret smile that only he'd ever seen, a smile that in their entire life spent in the same class, but never having once actually had a conversation, never failed to make him melt. 

"Oh there was so totally a girl at home," Seulgi gently nudged him, "You did that weird 'lost in your thoughts' thing again."

"No I didn't." 

"Yes, you did. Now tell me all about her. Is she pretty? Is she smart? Nice?"

Sighing, Sehun took a moment to gather himself. The air outside was beginning to bite, but all the sake he'd drunk still kept him warm underneath his jacket. A light, thin snowfall was beginning to reveal itself over the city, the faint whistle of the wind audible over the endless sea of traffic that milled about below them, the usual sound of the cityscape that Sehun had quickly grown to love. A world away from everything that was normal and sacred for him back home.

"I- I really, really liked this girl. To be honest, I adored her. I still do probably. She's the most popular girl at school, probably going to be famous one day. Most people think she's pretty callous, cold, tough - what they don't know is that she's got a heart of gold underneath it all. And she liked me too. Me. A loser. The class geek." 

"What happened?" Seulgi asked, her voice almost a mumble as she looked out at the city, avoiding looking at Sehun.

"Nothing. I- I didn't do anything, I just ran away here..."

"Why not?"

"I- don't even know myself...fear, probably. Fear of rejection, humiliation, being told I didn't mean anything to her after all...I guess it was another case of my imposter-syndrome."

Seulgi scoffed, "And I thought I was a master of self-sabotage..."

Sehun was lost for words. His actions were inexplicable even to himself. However, now he'd got it all out in the open, Sehun felt even more confused about the entire situation than he had been a few weeks ago.

Now what am I supposed to do? How much more of a coward am I going to be?

With perfect timing, Seulgi stood up to leave, "I've got an art tutorial tomorrow, I should get going."

Sehun nodded, unsure of what exactly to say. 

"Hey," Seulgi pressed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly, "You're not a coward for coming here. Not everything needs to be said, sometimes it's better to leave things as they are. Otherwise you'd be stuck there, still doubting yourself. I'll see you soon, Sehun."

He merely watched her leave the balc