(Minjoo’s POV)

“Your tutoring is over right? Don’t forget to eat dinner and get home safely.” – Jongin

I smiled unknowingly. He always does this. He still does this even if we are broken up. My smile faded away quickly and I almost slapped myself.

No, Minjoo. Don’t. Stop it.

“Thank you for today, Ma’am!” I said and bowed to Mrs. Im and her cute son. I quickly walked to the nearby food stall near my house and buy my meal. Jjajangmyun!

“Thank you for your hard work!” I bowed to the owner and servers there and walked home. A few minutes later I heard footsteps from behind. Someone’s following me, a familiar figure.

I started to count when I was near my sanctuary. And I know he was near too.

“10!” I shouted and I can sense his shock.

“I told you to leave me, right?” I said, facing my front gate, not even daring myself to look at him.

“And I told you I won’t, right?” he sternly answered.

“Jongin, we’re over. It’s been how many years already. I can’t keep telling and pushing you away every now and then. Why are you still bothering me? Why do you keep coming back? Can’t you just leave me alone? Forget me and live your life.” The same words, the same words I’ve been telling him all over again. I’ve already memorized it, as a matter of fact. But I don’t mean it. I never did.

And with my statement, he also recited his. “Keep pushing me, keep ignoring my texts and keep scolding me. It’s better to live this way. It’s better to live while quietly protecting you, quietly caring for you and still quietly loving you than living a life without you in it.” he said, and I know by heart that he means it.

Without saying a word, I opened my gates and walked inside my apartment. Not looking at him, not showing him any emotions. I quietly waited for him to leave before entering my house.

 “Good night, Minjoo.” He said and I hear his footsteps as he walk away.

“Good night, Jongin.” I replied to no one and a tear drop. I wipe it off and sighed heavily.

I went inside and opened the lights. And empty space greeted me. I smiled with despair and closed the door.

Everything is gone and up until now I still can’t believe he did it. My parents’ belongings all gone. I sat on the floor and places my dinner at the small table I have, I opened the TV and watch some dramas to relieve my stress.

“I wished I was in a drama.” I said to myself and chuckled. After finishing dinner, I threw away the disposable plates and chopstick and get ready to go to sleep.

I went to my bedroom and lay down the mattress I got. I smiled and taught, at least I still have a place to stay.

It was already 11pm when I received a text message,

“Have good night sleep, Minjoo. I hope we can both visit our parents tomorrow. I’m sure they miss us and it’s my mom’s death anniversary tomorrow. Good night again.” – Jongin

I stared at his text for a couple of minutes and checked my calendar. It is her death anniversary. I contemplated on whether or not I’ll accept his offer.

I lay down and sighed. I turn to the side and I saw my laptop light up with a quoted picture on the screen stating TAKE A RISK. And I instantly smile. Is it a sign?

I sat up and texted him back.

“Let’s go there after my shift tomorrow. Let’s meet at the bus station near my school. Have a good night too.” – Minjoo, 12:00AM

And I placed my phone down beside me. Am I doing the right thing? I quickly lay down and sighed.

I was still awake at 3am, I can’t sleep because I was thinking too much and worrying too much. I then received a reply.

“I’ll be there. You don’t know how happy I am right now, Minjoo. See you.” – Jongin, 3:15AM

I smiled at his reply. Who cares if I did the wrong thing, as long as we’re both happy that is all that matters, right? I then fell into deep slumber.

Morning comes and I was feeling extra today. I was prepared and excited and ready. Today is a new day. Today, maybe we can start over, as friends? Companions? I’m taking a risk. I will not be scared.

I went to school as usual and do my usual stuff. I got off work earlier than expected to buy flowers.

“Thank you, madam, these are beautiful.” I said and smiled

“Thank you, child. Have a great day.” She said and I bowed as I left the store. I checked my clock and panicked because I am almost late. I quickly jogged to the bus station and a good thing, he was not there yet. I sat comfortably and waited.

I was looking elsewhere when…

“When did you get those?” He asked

“On my way here.” I replied, stood up and was about to board the bus when he stopped me.

“Let’s take my car.” He said and took the flowers I was carrying but I refused

“It’s fine. I can handle it.” but he still took it from me.

The walk from the parking lot was quiet and awkward. I was feeling tensed and conscious but when I glanced at him, his face seems contented and happy and that made me loosen up and not think too much of today.

We got to his car and bot boarded.

He placed the flowers gently on the back seat.

“Have you been well?” he asked

“Yes. And you?” I replied shortly.

“I think I have.” He answered. You think?

“You’re not sure?” I asked again and he nodded.

 “I have been experiencing stomach aches lately though.” he said casually

“You’re not skipping meals, aren’t you?” I looked at him worried.

“I may have been…” He quietly said and I sighed, annoyed.

“Yah. You know you can’t skip meals. Aish. You’re so careless, why do you eve-“ I looked at him and stop my sentences when I saw him holding back his laughter.

“Sorry.” He told. I looked at him in disbelief.

 “I’m just happy of your actions. It shows that you still care.” He said with a goofy smile on his face.

He caught me. I feel embarrassed, I turn my head and looked at the window. I sighed and try so hard not to smile back. Minjoo, you idiot.

We arrived at the cemetery and walked to our parents’ graves. We cleaned their tombstones and sat comfortably there. We reminisced of our parents’ and our past lives and struggles. It was very relaxing to be able to talk to him again.

“How do you wake up every day and still want to live?” I asked him

“I think of you.” He said

I was caught off guard.

“Stop joking.” I told.

“I’m not. When mom died with your parents, I also didn’t want to continue living, I wanted to die and kill myself to end the pain and sufferings I felt. But did you know what stopped me? You.” I can feel his sincerity.

“I think of you and how you would feel, how you would react and how you would live without me. I then pictured you suffering even more. If I killed myself, I would become selfish and left you hanging there with grief and loss. You were the one that stopped me, Minjoo. You.” He said and I was in tears. The tears kept streaming and I felt a little better because of it. We both sat there in peace.

It was a few minutes of silence. I then broke it.

“You’ll never forget right?” I assured him.

“How can I forget your parents who are the nicest beings on earth and the one who gave birth to you? How can I forget my mom who brought me my life?” He answered and I smiled.

“I’ll never too.” I said quietly. I will never forget how his mom was so good to us and how his mom helped us in the past. I will never forget how his dad has the nicest smile and the kindest heart. I’ll never forget my parents who took care of me and protected me. I’ll never forget my parents, and I will never forget the people who made them suffer and lead them to death.

My thoughts were stop when he said “Can you not forget me too?”

I looked at him and not say a word.

“Can you not forget me too?” he repeated. And my eyes verted to the tombstone of my mom.

“I am obliged to.”

 “If they were here, looking at our situation right now, they would be so devastated.” He said. If they were alive, we wouldn’t be in this situation. If they were here, life would be so much better.

“But they’re not here.” I answered.

“Maybe not physically but they are always in our hearts.”

And it was silence until the rain poured down.

 “Oh .” I heard him say and helped me got up. We went to the nearest shelter and dry ourselves up.

 “Do you ever miss me?” he suddenly asked which made me flabbergasted.

I miss you all the time, I miss you when I wake up in the morning and when I eat lunch alone. I miss you when I walk or when I saw a puppy or when I teach my students. I miss you right before I go to sleep. I miss you all the time. I miss you…

 “Always.” I answered and smiled.

He then suddenly hugged me and I hugged him back.

The rain stopped in a few minutes and we decided to eat dinner at the Samgyupsal Resto near our university.

We parked and I was about to get down when I saw him… the devil. I froze on my spot as if I really did saw Satan.

I didn’t heard what they were talking about but I was shaking in fear. I looked down and tried so hard to hide myself.

How did he know? How can he possibly- I underestimated him. A man as powerful as him knows everything. I tried to calm myself but nothing works. I was too scared. I saw Jongin board in and drove away. I was having my panic attack and he was considerate to not talk about it. I know he is confused and I know he is really mad too.

He only knows that I am terrified by his step-father because he doesn’t like me but he doesn’t know the real story.

And I am so sorry because I must hide it from him… but I was doing that to protect him, to protect me.

We reached my house but I can’t leave him without saying a word.

“I’m sorry.” I blurted out

“Don’t.” He sounded like he is pleading

“I’m sorry, this is wrong.” I knew it. “I’m sorry.” I should’ve known better.

“Minjoo…” he called

“Goodbye, Jongin.” I quickly got off his car and was about to close the door

“How many times will you say goodbye, Minjoo? How many times will you leave me?” I can sense in his voice that he wants to cry but is trying so hard not to.

I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want this, Jongin. But I am forced to do this. My terror is eating me up, my demons are slowly killing all the hope in my system.

“I will stop saying my goodbyes when you stop loving me.” I said and closed his car door and went inside and that’s when I bursts cried my heart out.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

I didn’t realize that I fell asleep on the floor of the living room and it was already 8pm. I sat up and wipe the dry tears off my face. I quickly cooked ramen to ease the hunger I am feeling. At 12 midnight I was about to go to bed when Sungjoo called.

“Hey.”

“I’m so sorry, Minjoo. Omygod.”

“What happen? Where are you?”

“I’m with Jongin.”

I was silent for a few seconds and then realized that Jongin was drinking at the place Sungjoo was working in.

“I told him.”

“YOU WHAT?!” I almost broke my phone

“It just slipped right off my mouth! I’m sorry but it’s okay because he passed out when I was talking so I guess he didn’t hear it.”

“Sungjoo…” I sighed

“I’m sorry, Minjoo but you do realize that sooner or later he will found out right? And he deserves to know. He can help you, he can protect you, he-“

“He can be in danger too.”

“I’m sorry, Sungjoo.”

“It’s fine. Good night.”

Beep

I sighed and just pray that he does not remember everything about their conversation.

I lay down and was about to sleep when somebody texted me.

“What else shall I take from you? Your job? The small shoebox house? I can take away everything from you until you are left with nothing, so be careful. This is a warning, child.” – Unknown number.

  I didn’t sleep that night.