chapter ix. | share

The pelting of the rain outside along with the hum of the engine seemed to weave together like a pleasant melody, lulling Hayi to a somnolent state as she curled deeper into Hanbin’s jacket draped over her form.

Each inhale within its cosy cocoon was heaven-like, reminding her of his arms wrapped around her earlier. The cold embrace she never wanted to part from.

“You sure you don’t want your jacket instead?” she mumbled tiredly.

Hanbin’s eyes flitted to hers for a second before focusing back on the road.

“Your clothes aren’t as wet as mine,” he said. “I already the heating anyway.”

Hanbin’s own shivers had faded, leaving only occasional tingles down his spine every once and a while. Sure, it wasn’t the most comfortable state but Hanbin certainly cared more about her wellbeing than his own.

He heard the girl shift in the passenger seat, no reply coming his way. She must’ve finally dozed off. At least she was safe and sound now because just as they slipped inside his car earlier, the rain recommenced in harder sleets.

Any later, it would’ve been worse.

When they arrived at their side of town, he had to wake her up as much as he didn’t want to. She was sound asleep and he would’ve wanted nothing but to give her that time.

At a red light, Hanbin shook her gently.

“Yi, wake up.” A soft whine. “C’mon, we’re nearly there. I’ll drop you off to your house.”

Her lids fluttered. “No, please…I don’t want to.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

Hanbin felt his mouth twitch. Still with her eyes closed, she managed to make a face of distaste look somehow endearing.

“Isn’t Mrs Lee home?” he pressed. “Waiting for you?”

The mention of her mother seemed to yank her out of her sleepy trance. Just a little bit as the words work and late helped Hanbin get the picture. Looks like she’ll be home alone.

The thought didn’t sit well with him if he had to be honest. Maybe it was the weather, painting a lonely image of Hayi by herself in her house. After what he put her through, was driving her home all he could do?

He could bring her over for a couple of hours. It wouldn’t hurt. A cup of tea and probably a shower. He could do that for her even as his body throbbed and ached from exhaustion. At least that.

It was not as if the idea repulsed Hanbin nor was it because he thought it was a nuisance. Really, it was because he wanted to delay the inevitable longer.

“Mother and Hanbyul went to my aunt’s. They’ll be home later.”

Still wrapped in his jacket, Hayi nodded and rubbed her eyes as they entered Hanbin’s house. Even though the sun hasn’t completely set yet, everything seemed to be saturated in grey, its very walls lifeless and dreary that it actually woke Hayi from her state.

Somehow everything was eerily unfamiliar.

Last time she was here, the creamy walls were alight with warmth and homeliness,  photographs dotting its surface. Now it was covered in a layer of dust, looking forgotten. And on the hallway table that they just passed used to have a vase of freshly-cut flowers from the garden, accompanied by ceramic figurines that Mrs Kim liked to collect.

There were no flowers and the figurines looked lonely and neglected.

What cherished recollection Hayi had implored from her mind seemed like a farce. A memory from a lifetime ago that might have not even happened from the looks of things. It was upsetting.

To her left where the living room was, the sliding doors were shut. Though it seemed like Hanbin wasn’t leading her there, she found it strange that it was closed off like that.

At the kitchen, she hopped on the seat of the bar counter as Hanbin turned the kettle on and rummaged the cupboards. Something was surely off but Hayi decided to leave it alone for now.

“Thanks for letting me stay for a bit.”

Cupboards and drawers opened and closed before she heard Hanbin reply.

“Don’t mention it,” he said. “No, really. Don’t,” he added at what seemed like an attempt at humour or something along the lines. It sounded just a tad genuine that Hayi couldn’t help herself.   

“Well, you know,” she said. “I just didn’t expect that you would. Like at all.”

Hanbin said nothing. Under normal circumstances, he knew she was right. He wouldn’t have. Perhaps a time ago but since a time ago, this household has changed.

And that was why he didn’t want her here.

Hayi watched as Hanbin prepared their drinks. Like she had thought; she shouldn’t have said anything. Before she could explain herself, he pushed one of the mugs towards her filled with hot tea to the brim.

She uttered her thanks. When she rose her head again he was by the doorway of the kitchen, and her heart sank. She was hoping he’d sit and enjoy this with her. Even here, was he running?

“Hanbin?”

Her voice was heavy with disappointment, and he noticed.

He offered her a tight smile. “I’ll go upstairs first. When you finish, heat mine up again if it gets cold and bring it with you. I’m going to shower.”

Her expression smoothened, turning into something more like a slight surprise.

“Oh,” she stuttered. “Um, okay.”  

When Hanbin turned away, he felt a pang of guilt. She had looked so stung that it hurt to witness it. He took it as an impression of her feelings; of how easily she had come to believe that he could abandon her at a moment’s notice; how frail her belief in him has become.

I’m trying, Yi.

And the first step was a sample of honesty, he told himself. Yet he was already breaking that by going upstairs first and running away.

Just a little more. Let me delay this a little bit longer.

Hayi fell asleep on his bed, waiting.

It shouldn’t have been surprising that she was knocked out by the time Hanbin stepped out but the sight of her there on his bed, tangled in his sheets, toes hanging off the edge made him do a double take.

It unearthed something inside him, something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Whatever it was had him smiling fondly as he took his cup that she bought with her and sipped.

It was lukewarm and he wasn’t even mad.  

He took the duvet and pulled it over her. He knew she secretly believed ghosts liked to pull exposed toes hanging off the bed. He chuckled quietly at the thought.

Grabbing a sweater hanging on his desk chair, he pulled it on top of his new change of shirt and sweatpants and kneeled on the ground in front of his TV. On its side was an old rack of horrors and thrillers he and Hayi had hoarded over the years.

Switching the TV and ancient DVD player on, he grabbed a random disc and let it play to main menu.

The bed gave a whine of protest as he plopped down beside the sleeping girl.

“Hey, wake up.”

A groan came from the sheets but showed no signs of obliging. Hanbin sighed.

Gripping her shoulder, he shook her gently.

“C’mon, Lee Hayi. Don’t make me blast my music in your ear. Or turn the volume all the way up from the movie I prepared for us to watch.”

This time, she did move but only to roll away from him and land on her back. Hanbin groaned but did not give up, giving her another shake a little harder than the last. Her head did a comical up and down bob that would’ve made Hanbin snicker if the collar of her shirt didn’t fall open.

And he stared.

The top two buttons were already undone but dipped low enough to expose creamy skin and a valley of soft shadows cast upon her collarbones.

He probably ogled at the sight for a minute before collecting himself.

What the hell was he doing?

Shame doused him like a pot of boiling water when he realised he just checked her out. Hayi.

“Why the ,” he mumbled as he buttoned her up again. “Since when did you…”

He didn’t even know how to finish that sentence; what he was trying to say at that moment. His brain was scrambled. 

Hanbin ended up making her sit up on the bed, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her harder. That seemed to do it as Hayi finally let out a sound, her peaceful face crumpling.

It was a soft whine that somehow made Hanbin’s chest pound harder as he slinked away.

“Shower. It’s your turn.”

“What?” Hayi moaned intelligently, blinking.

“I said, shower!” repeated Hanbin as he returned to his spot in front of the TV. “You got wet too, remember? I’ll lend you my clothes—and you slept enough in the car. Don’t complain.”

“Gee, thanks,” Hayi murmured as she pushed herself off the bed.

Hanbin also got up and took a clean towel from a drawer then went ahead inside his bathroom, voice echoing as he urged her to hurry up.

“Alright, alright!” he heard her say.

Hayi finally entered with a scratch on her head, sleep still heavy on her face. What was he being so pushy for?

Hanbin swept a hand across the sink counter and shovelled everything into the drawers. He heard Hayi yawn behind him and quickly pocketed the used bandages and ointments he found out of sight. 

“As usual, no rules here so just use what you see,” he told her.

Hayi wrinkled her nose at the thought of using men shampoo but did not complain. It was better than nothing and tomorrow was Sunday. No big deal.

Hanbin shut the bathroom door with a sigh. He was stupid to have not cleaned up after himself.

What little sunlight had wafted through his curtains and flooded the room in orange has now dwindled. Hanbin turned the lamp on after emptying his pockets, surrounding himself in mellow darkness. It was there, in that temporary solitude, did he relax on his bed and let his mind drift.

Right now was what he’d call an unexpected predicament with a girl showering in his bathroom but it was too late for regrets. Not that he should because he owed Hayi. And not just her, but his friends as well.

I hope they had fun at the courts today.

With that thought, he could’ve taken a catnap himself when a nasty cough racked his body. His throat also burned and scratched. He placed a hand on his forehead.

Warm, he thought with dismay. . Where were those tablets Jinwoo gave him?

After digging around, he found himself two tablets and took them with the drink Hayi brought him. Praying his condition wouldn’t worsen, he tried to nap while the girl continued to shower. As much as the notion secretly flustered him, being sick was the last thing he needed right now. Mino would kill him.

But thinking back on everything today, it was worth it.

Hayi was worth it.

Supporting and going out of her way for him since day one, his actions today was the slap of guilt he needed; the push and reason he needed to tell her what she needed to know.

He knew she had been burning for him to open up but it was hard. Now that she had managed to make him agree to let him use her as a means to vent was mounting up to a point where he needed to repay her somehow. And all he had was the truth.