chapter v. | deal

part ii.

Nicotine.

With a hint of vodka.

That was what he tasted like.

So adult-like yet it was more sweet than bitter.

It was extraordinary, nothing Hayi had ever experienced before. Exhilarating.

Hayi’s hands fell back to his shirt, clinging to him for dear life. She felt like she was free-falling, her feet no longer touching the ground. Weightless. Floating. Warm.

His lips were so soft and warm against her own.

Reality flickered in and out in the form of exhaustion pulling her arms down. Her grip was slowly slipping away, but Hayi was still too busy floating and floating until out of the blue, another hand caught them, clasping over her own fist.

Was that him? Hayi wasn’t given time to ponder as his lips began to move from their motionless state, zealously sliding, bumping, meshing against in an unseasoned but determined manner.

A sound got stuck in .

Suddenly, a metallic taste infiltrated through her haven and she plunged back down. Inhibition and reason rushed back full force and she was left to face the consequences of her actions.

What was she doing?

She stuttered back, the coolness of blood from his wounded lip staining hers in a vivid red.

Concern was one of the first emotions that seemed to come back. She forgot about his wound. Did she hurt him?

But Hanbin was too busy gawking at her and she could only imagine the sort of emotions bubbling inside him. It wasn’t hard when sparks of emotion escaped and reflected in his eyes.

She didn’t want to find out which ones in fear of rejection so Hayi averted her eyes to his jaw, humiliation burning from the roots of her hair to her fingertips. She was at loss for an explanation because he deserved that at least when she had done something that could potentially ruin everything between them.

“Hanbin,” she was about to her lips like she always did when nervous but then remembered the blood staining them. “I…”

His eyes flitted down to her quivering lips and she clenched her fists tighter until her nails dug into her tender flesh.

“I’m sorry, really. I didn’t…”

The right words refused to flow and he gave her no assurance. But she shouldn’t seek it from him because this was her fault. He had the right to be disturbed more than anything.

“I did that b-because…”

Hayi managed to pull herself together with a shaky intake of air. Then she decided to busy herself with the cut on his lip. She really didn’t mean to hurt him. With fingers on his jaw, just below his gleaming lip, she said another apology before dropping her gaze to her feet.

She couldn’t look at him.

“Hayi…”

His voice sounded thick and unsure. It scared her, wanting to delay the inevitable.

“I just wanted to help you,” she explained hotly. “Whatever it takes…to stop you—to make you forget. Even just for a little while, i-it’ll be like our little deal,” she finished in a shameful whisper.

Of course, he said nothing and it made her ears burn hotter.

Unable to take another second, she decided that was that. She had said it; the crazy idea her mind has been skirting around the past few days since overhearing Hyun Nari at the girl’s bathroom.

Somehow, Hayi managed to walk away and exit the room with dignity barely intact. Going home with her friends and sneaking into her room had all become a passing haze until her head hit the pillow and everything caught up with her.

And she asked herself: what have I done?

Since then, three nights had passed.

Hayi hardly saw Hanbin since that night and it wasn’t because of him at all. No, it was all on her and the shame that plagued every crevice of her muddled mind.

Yesterday at lunch, she buried herself in the library for that history assignment she was meant to be working on and avoided English on Tuesday with a dental appointment that she deliberately moved up earlier on the week.

Now, she was running out of crafty excuses as English became her last one for today.

But Hayi swore it was not like she was trying so hard to avoid him. Come what may, she concluded, knowing sixth period was coming whether she liked it or not.

And it wasn’t as if Hanbin had tried to reach out to her himself. As she went on about with her business so did he as she observed during lunch where she sat a little bit more further from him than she usually would have.

So in conclusion, Hayi wasn’t sure where they are standing at the moment. If she was lucky, he probably chose to dismiss the incident as an accidental consequence of Hayi’s tipsiness. He did feed her alcohol that night.

Hayi’s phone buzzed from inside her pocket. Taking it out, she read the text she received.

Not here again?

Suhyun was catching on already. Probably because Hayi went home earlier than any of them did, not waiting for the girl like she normally did so she could walk home with her, Bobby and Hanbin. And that was two days in a row now.

Her fingers quickly fixed up an explanation.

Sorry, I have a volunteering thingy today, remember? Next time!

And she wasn’t lying. She was already changed into the bright, green shirt of the local environmental group she was volunteering for. Today, with a few others, they’ll be lingering around a shopping district to give out pamphlets to raise awareness for their cause.

She only did this once a week and today was luckily one of those days.

The late afternoon was windy, which was the only annoying thing she had to deal with so far. Nonetheless, things went on normally until the sky turned orange and gradually bled into inky dark blues.

As the sun got smaller and smaller, Hayi found herself becoming quite cold as the rush hour kicked in. A sea of people bumped past her, hurrying to go home themselves and she envied them. Nearly there.

With a burst of energy, she approached a woman who was quick to dismiss her with a wave. She faltered with a frown that she was quick to hide.

Apparently, she wasn’t quick enough as a laugh came from behind her. A co-worker of hers, but one she hadn’t met before.

“That expression’s going to scare donators away