Hyejeong hibernated her computer, slipped it and a few other additional worksheets into her laptop bag and zipped it up, amidst the backdrop of elated students dumping their belongings into their bags and in various stages of dashing out of the room. It was 3:25, 5 minutes before dismissal, and Hyejeong was getting ready to head for the tables outside her staffroom.

Seolhyun had arranged for them to meet today as part of their agreement, and Hyejeong really didn’t want to just leave Seolhyun hanging like that without first telling her. She resolved to toughen up and inform Seolhyun of her desire to end their meetings once and for all. Curiously, and beyond Hyejeong’s comprehension, she was a bit nervous. And unwilling. But she guessed that that was what came with the nature of her job.

As she walked down the stairs, down the hallway past Seolhyun’s class, and towards their usual table, she grinned bitterly to herself. It was ironic that the only two occasions where she dismissed her other class early was during her first meeting with Seolhyun.

And her last.

Hyejeong was busy fiddling with her phone (on Snapchat, checking out what Jimin and Choa were doing over in the States) when she heard a rapid tip-tap characteristic of Seolhyun’s pale blue canvas shoes, and an excited voice filled with boundless energy greeting her.

“Ms Shin!” she heard the voice greet her. Tipping her head up, she saw Seolhyun’s figure threading through the deluge of students exiting the school, heading like an over-enthusiastic freight truck towards her. Hyejeong grinned weakly at the sight, noting that that was probably the last time she would see Seolhyun so elated.

So natural.

“Hey,” Hyejeong responded, her attitude and tone markedly less enthusiastic and energetic than Seolhyun’s. She rose, motioned for Seolhyun to take a seat on a chair that she herself pulled out earlier on in preparation, before she retook her seat again herself.

But she didn’t let Seolhyun’s smile disarm, or distract her from her purpose. There was one, and that was to cut off as much contact as was possible between her and Seolhyun. Before Seolhyun fell deeper into the whole that was a student teacher relationship. But she couldn’t just start like that abruptly, right? Yes, yes. She needed to set the tone; to ease into the conversation first, and defer the hard part till a slightly later time—that was how Hyejeong convinced herself, at least.

“Ummm…Ms Shin?” Seolhyun spoke tentatively, not really understanding why the usually happy and affable Hyejeong was so distant and cold today. Maybe she was tired, she thought to herself.

“Right, er what do you want?” Hyejeong replied, snapping out of her daze. She really had to stop zoning out. Get a grip, Shin Hyejeong. Get a grip.

Seolhyun pointed her head out towards her hand, gazing hard it at. Following her gaze, Hyejeong realised the object in her hand. Right. My clothes.

“My arm is getting tired,” Seolhyun joked, and Hyejeong realised that she had zoned out again. Sheesh. She wasn’t making it any easier for herself.

Reaching out and collecting the clothes from Seolhyun’s outstretched arm, she tried to start a conversation, and find that “sweet spot” where she could just drop the bombshell that maybe they shouldn’t meet up after school anymore.

“How was…school?” Hyejeong asked awkwardly, letting out some weak laughter afterward. What a way to start making this less awkward, Shin Hyejeong. Way to go!

“Oh! Errr, the usual, I guess?” Seolhyun replied, the awkwardness in the air not escaping her. She didn’t really understand why Hyejeong was awkward like that. Haven’t they already met so often anyway? And so regularly?

“Oh…um…great!” mumbled Hyejeong, indecision and awkwardness coursing through her veins. She didn’t really know what to say, and whatever sounds was making certainly did nothing to aid her goal. She scratched her head awkwardly, just staring straight at Seolhyun, dry.

“Sheesh!” Seolhyun suddenly shouted, shocking Hyejeong slightly. She reached out, and ruffled Hyejeong’s hair lightly. “There isn’t a need to be all awkward, you know. Let’s just do our usual thing!” she added brightly, hoping to lighten the mood and relieving whatever unknown tension that was restraining her Hyejeong.

Her Hyejeong?

Hyejeong, on the other hand, felt something akin to a jolt when Seolhyun’s hand touched her head. It wasn’t like the stereotypical “bolt of electricity coursing through my vein when my beloved touches me for the first time” kind of jolt; it was the jolt of unfamiliarity. The jolt of fear. It just stirred weird, unnatural feelings within her. Feelings that were foreign, feelings that were unknown. Feelings that she couldn’t decipher.

“Right. The dissing thingy!” chirped Hyejeong a little too enthusiastically, drawing the curious attention of a few onlookers who were probably dismissed late (attention in question being completely lost once they recognised Seolhyun). “Who bothered you today?”

“Ms Shin, what’s wrong?” replied Seolhyun, blandly, seriously. Shifting her weight slightly in her seat, she continued, “You don’t have to see me today if you don’t feel like it.”

it, thought Hyejeong. There was no way she could sustain a conversation for 2 hours like they always did, what with what she had to say to Seolhyun, and what with her commitment to end whatever it could be called between them. Even then she read the slight concern and fear in Seolhyun’s eyes, which steeled her will to complete the mission she had set herself out to do.

“Let’s stop meeting up,” Hyejeong finally exhaled, softly, timidly. “Let’s end whatever this is.”

The look on Seolhyun’s face was incredulous. Maybe with a bit of shock. And hurt. “It’s…it’s because I see you nowadays and you’re fine! So I don’t think it’s needed anymore, right?” Hyejeong supplemented, stammering.

“Right…” Seolhyun mumbled, not really comprehending the situation. Why is she doing this? Is she really one of those snobby people? Was she just pulling an extended prank? Questions, doubts, uncertainties swirled in her mind as she took in the latest developments. Or am I just too troublesome to her?

“What if I still need your help?”

“Well…er…you could ask the guidance counsellor! I’m sure she has great tips for you!” Hyejeong replied, flustered. This was way tougher than she had envisioned it to be.

Seolhyun sighed, and tapped her fingers against the table rapidly. “Why are you doing this, Ms Shin? Was what you said to me 3 months ago about you sympathising with me all fake?” she accused angrily. Seolhyun wasn’t really angry; she just knew that acting angry and insulted usually worked on people who had something to hide.

Because I sense you falling for me. Because I can detect your vibes of attraction. Because we can’t…date. Those words, the truth, were at the tip of Hyejeong’s tongue. But it wouldn’t materialise into words; it couldn’t. All Hyejeong could let out was a strangled yelp—the saliva in dried up, the voicebox in was choking up.

“Be…because I’m bu…busy ttoo!” added Hyejeong, relying on yet another lame excuse.

“So I’m being a burden on your time?” asked Seolhyun. Her choice of words sounded confrontational, but really all she was feeling was just concern and worry for her unnie. If she was buried under work, then Seolhyun was fine with meeting with Hyejeong less often; that was for sure.

 No, Hyejeong wanted to say. “Yes,” Hyejeong replied, her voice trembling.

Seolhyun, in reply, just nodded, mumbled something incomprehensible and rose, clutching her bag. “I’ll see you next time then, Ms Shin,” Seolhyun greeted curtly, whilst bowing. Hyejeong, too stunned to react, just nodded in acquiescence.

Although her “Leave” mission was in principle successful, Hyejeong couldn’t help but feel pangs of regret and guilt at seeing Seolhyun’s disappearing, drooping figure gradually disappear into the empty school hallways.

That night, Hyejeong, whilst repacking her laptop, felt a soft piece of fabric at the base of her bag. Taking it out, she realised that it was the one that she had lent to Seolhyun to wear. She went to her room and tossed it into her wardrobe instead of her laundry basket where she normally placed clothes. It’s because I just did the laundry anyway, and I’m feeling kind of lazy.

-----

It was a full week after their meeting, and Seolhyun hadn’t contacted Hyejeong once. But she didn’t feel empty, Hyejeong reassured herself. She just had to catch up on work. Immersing herself in the pile of worksheets on her desk, Hyejeong tried to block out all the thoughts in her mind. Work.

An image of Seolhyun cutely pouting while requesting for the haunted house ride returned to Hyejeong’s mind, which she shut out with venom, burning her red pen deeper into the essays of the next few unfortunate students.

But that didn’t stop her from dozing off into space during her coffee breaks, or spacing out on her bus rides back home. She was dreaming about…nothing. Something she felt was missing from her life; what she had right then was nothing. Emptiness. And Hyejeong didn’t know why at all.

The office telephone at her desk suddenly buzzed, jolting Hyejeong back into the world of giving grades. Probably one of the students—either Naeun or Eunji—who did poorly on the latest grammar test coming to “politely beg” for an additional mark.

Picking up the receiver, she gradually greeted “Yoboseyo?” into it.

“Ms…Ms Shin?” the familiar, docile voice on the other end enquired. Hyejeong was silent; she had been caught off guard.

“I’m Kim Seolhyun. Are you…Ms Shin?” the voice continued, mistaking Hyejeong’s shocked silence for that of a confused teacher.

“Ye…yes,” Hyejeong finally replied, not knowing why hearing Seolhyun’s voice for the first time in a week startled her that much. Probably because she hadn’t heard it in a while. That’s why.

“Could we meet up today?” Seolhyun asked pensively, just as she had always done. Once again she got silence, as Hyejeong really didn’t know how to respond Seolhyun’s request. Or rather, she didn’t know how. Once again rejection lay on the tip of her tongue; once again refused to cooperate.

“Oh…I get it, you must probably be very busy. I’m…I’m sorry for disturbing you, Ms Shin,” Seolhyun stammered over from the other end of the line, with t