Hyejeong

The bus, one probably whose age is on the better side of 20 years, was lurching backwards and forwards on the cobbled pavement. Usually the train serves me on my way home, but I have never attempted to reach home from the hospital before, nor am I willing to walk around to a metro station when it was so dark.

But I didn’t feel as much nauseated due to the ride as to my interaction with Seolhyun just now. Was I really a burden to Seolhyun? Did she detest me that much? Could our relationship (professional relationship, mind you) be repaired? Should I just give up? It was easy, and tempting—further involvement, after all, carried the potential penalty of misunderstandings and painful rumours. I had a life, too; I had no real need to spend my time looking after Seolhyun.

But if so, then why did everyone one of Seolhyun’s words hurt me so much? I didn’t have to do this; she should be grateful, if anything. She thinks she has control over me, while it is I and I only who cares enough about her to help her. And yet I’m willing to suffer this. And yet I’m willing to continue helping her, even through all this. Why?

Whatever. I stepped off the bus, and walked gingerly back to my house. It’s not my house, actually. It’s my parents’. I entered quietly, and crept to my room (don’t need lights to do this anymore) silently. There was a time when my parents would stay up to welcome me home, even when it was this late, but revealing my uality to them as frozen basically any form of interaction between us.

[dongdong]: hey jimin

[shorty]: *gasp* you’re calling me by my real name for once

[dongdong]: cut the crap

[shorty]: ok. what's wrong with you anyway?

[dongdong]: can we meet like tomorrow?

[shorty]: i'm not always in korea y’know

[dongdong]: fine. tonight?

[shorty]: this late?

[dongdong]: yea. screw school tomorrow.

[shorty]: our usual place?

[dongdong]: yea see u there

On tiptoes, I crept out again, and rode on another rickety old bus again.

-----

“So, what did you call me out here for?”

Three rounds of drinks in, and we were down to business.

“Well, you see…” I mumbled, trying to piece together in my half drunk consciousness how best tell Jimin about the situation.

“Stop dilly dallying. I have a girlfriend back at the hostel to satisfy.” Apparently, Jimin has a very high libido.

“It’s about one of my students.” I finally offered.

Jimin rose sharply (no noticeable change in height though), and questioned enthusiastically, “Lusting after one of your students?”

“NO!” I sharply replied.

“Dating one of them?”

“No.”

“Wanting to date one of them?”

“…”

“Is it about Seolhyun?”

I planned to tell my story to Jimin with the target anonymous, but my beet red face and delayed response put bed to that plan.

“Stop getting involved with Seolhyun,” Jimin yawned, beer in hand, “professional relationships are generally not advised.”

“Yah! Shin Jimin! We aren’t…like that.”

Jimin snorted.

“Okay, look,” I tried explaining, “Kim Seolhyun is one of my students, who is getting bullied in class. She kinda cuts herself a lot, and anything bad that could possibly happen to a person, has happened to her.”

“Your point being…?”

“I keep trying to reach out to her and help her, but she heavily distrusts and detests me. What should—”

“You’re still trying even after she repeatedly rejects you?” Jimin gazed at me, her eyes blazing with curiosity. “That’s distinctively un-Hyejeong.”

“Yea…I know,” I muttered, trailing off. “But that doesn’t answer my question, right? Why am I like this?”

“You like her,” blurted out Jimin, bluntly.

“No, I so do not, Shin Jimin. I don’t go around hitting on every hot girl that I see.”

“See? You just called Seolhyun hot.”

This girl is seriously going to get it.

“Okay, fine, even if we assume your preposterous premise is true, which it isn’t. What should I do?”

For once, Jimin was speechless. “Well…I guess you should stick by her? I mean, even if you fall for her and or it seems unprofessional between you two, if you are the only person there for her I think you should stick to her. She sounds like she needs it.”

“But what about her barriers? She seems to be perpetually fenced in, in her protective shell, especially when I approach her.