Story 8 : I'm not sure I can be your friend anymore

Summary : He was always so nice to me. Why is everything different now?
Fluff / Romance

“I'm not sure I can be your friend anymore.” I looked at Hoony. He was looking at me with a strange face. Sadness? Probably.

I closed my eyes as I felt them burning. I was about to cry. I'm sure of it.

“Okay” is all I was able to say. He looked at me, again with this strange emotion on his face. He finally turned and I watched him walking away from me. My mind was running. How did this happen? Why? It doesn't make sense. Nothing make sense without my best friend. Why can't I talk back? Ask him what's wrong?

I walked back home slowly. My eyes on the floor, trying to think about what just happened. Everything was fine with Hoony. We were at a restaurant, he paid as usual. Then it all became... Weird.

(Flashback)

I think his eyes were avoiding mine. I smiled, amused by his reaction.

“What is it? What are you hiding?” I know him too well. He can't lie to me. I've known him for maybe 5 or 6 years. We grew together, not so far away.

“I'm...” Hoony stayed quiet a moment. I noticed his cheeks were pinker than usual. Maybe he was cold? He's such a cute and silly man. But he's usually more neutral. So really, what is wrong with him today?

“Hm?” I questioned as he hasn't said a word in few minutes. I let him think enough. “You know you can tell me anything. What is it? Can I help you?”

He closed his eyes a moment. Is he trying to calm down? His eyes finally met mine. I smiled.

“Noona. Jinwoo oppa asked me to meet a girl.”

I smiled at him, clapping at the same time. “Really? Is she gorgeous? What's her name?”

He sighed.

“I don't know. Is it really a... Good idea?” He looked at me with his strange face again. I frowned.

“Yah, aren't you alone for years now? Shouldn't you be happy someone is trying to set you up? I thought you would stay alone forever.”

My smile came back, but Hoony was now frowning.

“Maybe I wasn't really alone.”
“What? You had someone in secret?”
“No. It's not what I meant.”
“Did you or did you not had a girlfriend?”

He looked at me with intensives eyes. After a moment he sighed.

“I guess not.”
“Then you were not in a relationship. You were alone. You need to meet someone, my Hoony. I don't know for how long a man can survive without love.”

He frowned even more.

“...Love? I... I have love.”
“From whom? Your mom?” I laughed but I quickly stopped as I noticed his eyes becoming redder than usual.
“Hoony-ah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have say that.”

He walked away without saying anything to me that night.
 

I went to work all week without any news from Hoony. It worried me, but he told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore so it makes sense.
I felt lonely — without him. I was used to his presence. He was always sitting next to me. Smiling at me and joking around with me. Recently, he changed. He was less smile. More... Manly? I don't know how to explain it. There was something different.

Maybe it's because we are becoming adult? I've heard we change when we grow up. Kinda if that means I'll lose my best friend.

“Hoony-ah... I don't understand you. Why can't you knock on my door like every Friday? ... Why aren't you here with me? I...” I gulped at this sudden realization. “I miss you a lot.”

Maybe.... Maybe he was more than a friend to me. Maybe. Maybe a brother? He was always there. Always.

I looked at my phone. No messages. No phone calls. I decided I'll get news from him anyway — I'll just send a text to someone else.

-Jinwoo oppa! Are you busy?

I waited a little. Few minutes later, he answered me.

-Ani. I think you got the wrong number tho. This is not Hoony, you know that? Kekeke

I smiled sadly.

-Ne, I know. Oppa, is everything fine at home?

I felt my breathing going faster. What am I doing? Fishing for news for my ex best friend?

-Everything's fine. Wae?

I felt my eyes burning. I bit my lips, trying to stay calm.

-Nothing. Thanks oppa.

As I closed my eyes, I felt a tear rolling down my cheek.

Who am I lying to? I miss him. I miss him so much.

(Flashback)

“So how was your date?” Hoony looked at me puzzled. He blinked, then sat next to me on the bench. He was really close to me, but it was fine.

“Oh, that? I... I didn't go.”
My eyes became bigger. “What? Why? Jinwoo oppa told me she was dead-gorgeous.”
“She's not my type.” I sighed. That kid will never grow up.
“Hoony-ah, it's not because you'll be an idol that you can be that difficult. What was wrong with her anyway? She's your type, stop lying to yourself.”
“I'm not. I like the kind of girl who is too blind for his own good.”
“You're not making any sense, you know that?”

He stayed silent. I looked away. I decided to change the subject.

“How was work today?” Hoony sighed. I looked at him, surprised. He was usually so enthusiastic about his work.
“It was okay.”
I was feeling something was off, like the other day.
“Are you on your PMS again Hoony? Jinja. I can't understand you recently.”
He sighed. “I'm sorry, noona.”
“Don't be, just tell me what's wrong. I'm here. Just for you. Just tell me, will you? You know I will always be there for you, goddammit.”

He looked at me seriously a moment, without blinking.

“That. Exactly that. This is the problem.”
“What?”

He stood up, put his hands in his pocket and walked away.
“Don't you run away from me again.” I grabbed his wrist, he sighed then turned around.
“What?” I frowned.
“Are you serious? Did I hurt you or something? Because it feels like it. And I... I really would like to understand, you know? Hoony...”
“I just need time to... Process.”
“To process what?”
He blinked silently.
“I'll go home. Sorry we need to cancel tonight plan.”

I watched him walking for a bit. My head was burning and spinning.
I quickly ran to him.

“Lee Seung Hoon! You know you can't stop me, right? I'll bother you forever. Even if you tell me to stop. I'll keep you close. I'll talk to you every day. I want to make you smile and laugh...” He suddenly cut me.
“Please stop.”
“Stop?”
“All of it. I... I can't... It's hurting me, noona.”

I stayed still as he walked away. My heart was racing a little. How did I hurt him?
 

Another week passed. I am worse than ever. I didn't know Hoony meant so much to me. Well, I knew, deep down. I was just afraid to say it out loud. I...

I closed my eyes. I even have difficultly to say it to myself.

I love him. I loved that stupid face for a long time now. And now my heart hurt because I can't see him. Not that it change anything — I'm not pretty enough for his taste.

Maybe it's better if we keep a good distance. That way I'll forget about those feelings.

On Sunday night I received a text. I sighed when I noticed it was Jinwoo and not Hoony. I'm stupid right? Why would he talk to me anyway? He doesn't want to.

-Are you free tomorrow?