Heartbroken

Summary :  Maeri is in love with her best friend, Lee Seung Hoon.
It's better to stay his bestfriend than to risk telling him how much she loves him.... right?

***I just want to say that Hoony hasn't talk about his passion for cooking when I wrote this story.***

- Mianhae.. Yah…

- Aren't you bored of being sorry? I don't believe you anymore, Hoony. You are full of .

- Haeri… Please, understand me…

- Why? Why should I do it? Is there any sense in this situation? Why am I still listening to you, eh? Get lost.

And this is how Seung Hoon and Haeri broke up. Well, it's actually how Seung Hoon got dumped.

Why do I know it? Because right after every break up, he comes to me. We drink and we speak. As any friend would do in those situations.

The only problem is that I'm a woman. And he doesn't seems to see it.

Okay. First of all, let's make this really clear. That stupid beautiful face is my best friend since we are 10. We moved to Seoul almost at the same time too. We are still enjoying each other company. He's clumsy, he falls easily in love with every woman possible and get dumped as quickly. He can't stay longer with someone and it's usually because of his lifestyle or me.

Most woman hates that their boyfriend have a girl best friend. So they hates me, Seung Hoon can't understand why and can't see it. Few weeks later, she get jealous and dumps him.

Many tried to break us apart and ask him to choose between us. They never won. He doesn't say anything and the woman just think he likes me more and breaks up with him. I don't think he understands why tho. I don't think he understands why they get jealous.

I mean, I'm sure they can see I love him. They see me as a predator or something. But I would never ask him out, by myself. I don't have the guts. I can't find the courage. Yes, I love him. Since when? I don't know. But I wouldn't risk to lose his friendship over this. It's too valuable.

- Yah… Maeri-ah...Wae? What's wrong with me, uh?

I smiled at him. He was more than drunk. His eyes were nowhere to be found; his cheeks were more red than a tomatoe and he had problem staying still on his chair. It's never a good idea to get drunk at the bar after a breakup. But hey, this is our pleasure. This is fun. This is when I can get closer to him. This is my only occasion that I let myself be.

- Hoony.. Don't be sad over her, araso? She doesn't get you. She was way too much classic for you. Don't you think?

- But… I like classic woman.. You know, the girly type.. Ash… Why can't I get a girl longer than 100 days? Am I broken? Hm?

He putted his head on the table. It was never a good sign. I sight.

- Maeri… Why can't girls be like you? Uh? They always become jealous and hates me for some reason.. I can't deal with them… I should stay alone… I'm probably gonna be alone all my life… Ashhh..

I pat his hair, as always. I know he's about to crack. I know he hates it when it happens.

I hear him sobbing quietly. He kept hiding his face. Probably ashamed.

- Hoony, don't be like that, araso? You'll be okay tomorrow and you know it. I'm sure you didn't like her that much.

- How can you know that? You don't know my heart.

I sight.

- I don't know your heart but I know you, pabo. All you need is a little time off with your friend and you'll be okay. As you are always. Just… Just drink with me okay? I'll tell you funny stories.

I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to make him feel better.

- Maeri.. Seriously.. You're too nice.. You're too good.. Why… Why are you still here with me, uh?

He looked at me. His eyes were red, as his face. He obviously cried, but I didn't mind. I was here for him.

- Because I'm your friend, pabo… Isn't it why you are my friend? So we can cheer up each other?

- One day you'll go away too.. Like all the other..

- Yah! Stop talking like that. You know I won't never go away. You can't get away from me, even if you try. Understood?

I heard him laugh. He put his head on the table again.

- That's why… That's why they always leave me…

- Hm?

He quickly get up, leaving me half-surprised. He walked outside with his cellphone in his hand.

- .. What was that?

I leave my table with a full bottle of soju. We drank enough anyway.

I tried my best to find him outside, but he walks so fast and I'm small so it's hard to keep up with him.

- Hoony, where are you? Damn…

Every time it's the same. He try to call his ex and ask why. And if they can get together again. He always get heartbroken. Why does he do it? He so damn stupid…

- Hoony?

I walk few blocks, can't seem to find him. I sight.

Quickly, I take my phone and dial his number.

One ring. Two ring. Three ring.

Damn…

Why doesn't he answer? Oh right, he's probably getting his heart crush again.

Seung Hoon is really sentimental. It's cute - when he loves, he loves for real. And strongly. He had to be 100% in the relationship, or it have no meaning. It's always worst for him than anybody else I know. Because as much as he get high when he's in love, as much as he's in hell when it doesn't work.

I send a quick message, hoping he would answer me.

(Maeri) Hoony, where are you? You know you need me now… Answer me…

Few minutes later, I got an answer.

(Hoonie) I'm.. I'm okay. I just needed fresh air, araso?

(Maeri) Where are you? Can you see me ? Come to speak with me. It's always better that way, and you know it.

Few minutes passed again. I looked around me. No sign of Seung Hoon.

(Hoonie) I thought about it and… Haeri and the others.. They all told me the same thing, Maeri..

I sight. Why wasn't he with me now? It stupid to talk over SMS. It's way easier in front of him. I can't hug him or let him know I'm here for him over a SMS…

(Maeri) They are idiots to let you down and you know it. You'll find your princess one day, araso? Ash… Just come to see me, I feel stupid outside alone right now…

(Hoonie) They… They said that you were too closed to me. Maybe… Maybe we should take a break… From our friendship… That way I could… you know … find someone for real…

My head hurted. My heart hurt.

What…

I looked around me, trying to find him, joking.

(Maeri) We can't break up from friendship.. I'm not your girlfriend pabo.. Why are you saying that?

(Hoonie) I'm serious… I need time. Araso? Let me alone for some time.

I shouted, louder than I thought I would.

- ASHHH!

Wae? Wae? Just… Why ? What was happening? I can't lose him. He can't break up with me. I'm his best friend. We do everything together.

I was angry. Sad and angry. I felt like punching someone. Soju and anger = Not a good mix.

(Maeri) #&(*#(#* _) $ YAH, are you serious? I'm ing freezing my here for you tonight and every other night that this happened, and you bring that up? UH?

(Maeri) Don't ing call me tomorrow sobbing. I'll remember that.

(Maeri) , Hoony.

I kicked the asphalt, put my phone in my purse and walk back home. I was in a fury.

My phone rang, but I ignored it.

- .

I had trouble sleeping that night. I woke up earlier than usual, around 8 AM. I didn't get a lot of sleep but whatever. I'll deal with it later.

Luckily, today is sunday. So no work. I can sit alone at home and do nothing at all.

I take my computer, keep up with some drama I like.

It's almost noon, my phone rang. Without a thought, i take it and answer.

- Neeee?

- …. Maeri?

I would recognize his voice easily from hundred.

I sight.

- Why are you calling me? Did you remember what you said to me yesterday?

- I… Mianhae…

- Yah! I'm not your girlfriend. You don't get to act like you did yesterday with me and be excuse the day after with a "mianhae". I'm not a toy, araso? You wanted a break? Fine. Man up and deal with it.

My cheeks turned red from anger.

I don't know why I was so angry, honestly. Yeah, he was stupid - but he was also drunk yesterday. It's not only his fault.

I wasn't in a good state of mind yesterday… Please Maeri, I need you. I won't be stupid like that ever again… Mianhae… What can I do ?

I sight.

What can you do? Let's start with open your ing eyes. Can't you see I'm in love you with? Hoonie… I can't hate you. I'm stuck.

- Just… Ash…. Stop being so stupid, can you?

- I can't promise that.. You know I'm a dork.

- Ash…

How can I stay mad at him? Seriously.

- Maeri-yah… Wanna eat with me? I'll pay for the lunch.

- Why don't you cook for me instead?

- Ashhhhhhhhh… please no…

I laughed. I know how much he dislike cooking. It's worst than a chore for him.

- It can be anything. That way I'll know you are not saying bull when you are saying you are sorry.

- You are so mean…

- And that's why you love me!

I laugh, but quickly my smile faded. W-what did I just said?

My face turned red. Oh .

There was a moment of silence. I bitted my lips. Unsure if I had to laugh about it or not. He wasn't saying anything. I made it weird again. .

- Yah, don't be serious, I'm joking.

- Hm…

I heard him sight. My face was still red. Why can't I think before speaking? That would be really useful sometimes.

- So just… Just come at my home in about an hour. I'll try to cook something that won't make you sick. But it's at your risk. Araso?

- Hm.. Ne. I'll take a shower first so it may take a while.

- Yah, don't be late. You know I don't like to wait for you.

- I'll be there when I'll be ready. Don't worry.

- Hm…

- S-See yah, Hoonie.

I took my time in the shower. I let the warm water run across my body while I thought.

Why didn't he say anything when I say he loves me? I'm so stupid, saying things like that. I shouldn't but pressure on him about this. He's just out of a relationship. He just got dumped. It's not the time. It's never the time…

As always, I'll wait few weeks, to makes sure he's better emotionally. Then, when I think it's a good time, I'll go see him and as every ing time - he'll tell me about his new girl. It's almost like… He can't be alone. He's always with someone. He doesn't let me the time to… tell him.

And it hurts.

It's almost as if he knew and played with me. As if he wanted to hurt me. But I know it wasn't like that. Seung Hoon is too pure for that kind of play. He joyful. He's like a kid. There is no hate or no harm in that man. Just pure love and friendship.

I quickly get dress, then take a taxi. His apartment is not too far from mine, but I took too much time to get ready. If I walk there, I'll be late and he'll say as always that "our time is precious and that we shouldn't spend it waiting for each other". It's cute. Just as he is.

I knocked at his door, he opened the door quickly. I'm pretty sure he was waiting behind that door for me. But I don't say anything about it.

I sat near the table, waiting for my food. Seung Hoon is still trying to do something that seems good. He's funny to watch - he can't stay at the same time more than 30 seconds. He had too much energy.

When he's not talking about everything, he's dancing or making funny faces.

- Yah, yah, did I told you that next week -

- You'll be on stage for the first time in a year? Yes you told me, Hoonie.

- Ash.. You know everything about me.

- Well, we do spend a lot of time together.

He smiled at me. I smiled back. There was something special in looks. I can't put a finger on the feeling…

- What did you cook? It smells okay. I'm sure I'll like it.

- Uh… It's…. something?

I laugh. He was so clumsy.

- It's ramyung… But I put few other things in it. Mostly what I had in my fridge. I hope you'll be okay with it. You know I'm not the best cook.

- I wouldn't have ask you to cook if I wanted to eat 5 stars restaurant. I know you have many talents and that cooking is not one of them.

He laughs, then I noticed he was biting his lips.

I decided I wasn't gonna say anything. He can be weird sometimes. It's okay. I don't need to know and understand everything he does. He'll just tell me if something is wrong.

… right?

- Where's Leehee?

- Oh, she's probably on my bed as always. She's sleeping a lot recently.

- Is she okay? She's not sick right?

- Oh no. I wouldn't survive if she was sick. She's my little baby.

- I know.

Leehee was his little chihuahua. He loved her more than everything. She usually jump around me when I visit Seung Hoon. I'm surprised she's not here right now, trying to eat my toes.

Seung Hoon put a bowl in front of me and came back with another one for him. It smells okay mostly. Spicy. Really spicy.

I took one sip of the soup and I shouted.

- YAH!

Hoonie looked at me, surprised.

- What's wrong?

- Fu… That's so hot. Ashhh…

He looked at me, laughing. I put a hand on my face, feeling stupid.

- I can't feel my tongue now… ashhhh.

Still laughing, Seung Hoon took my hand. I noticed his eyes were more than amused and that his cheeks were pink.

- Yah… Be carefull, araso? You'll say I hurt you after that.

- Maybe you did, Uh?

He was still laughing.

- What should I do, Maeri? Do you want me to blow on it until it get colder? Wait.

He got up, a big smile on his face. I was getting mad, but I was still thinking he was funny.

He took my spoon and a little bit of soup and blow on it gently. After a moment, he put it in front of my mouth, waiting.

- There, there… It should be cold enough now, araso? Be