Story 6 : The diary

Summary : My friend told me to write a journal to talk about my feelings or something. Is it really usefull? I think it's really unsafe.
Seung Hoon POV / Fluff / Romance

 

July 22

Hi there. Nice to meet you. I’m Seung Hoon. Lee Seung Hoon. Well this is awkward. Writing in a journal…. I don’t know if I’ll write often or not but whatever.

My friend told me that it would be a good idea to write down my ideas and such. I guess she thought I had a lot in my mind. She’s not wrong. But I’m not sure I’ll confess anything here. I mean - it’s a journal. Anybody can find it.

 

Hoon.

-------------------

 

July 24

 

Flowers are yellow, bees are yellow, my face is yellow.. I’m sick.

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

July 29

 

I usually like summer. I mean we can go to the beach. We can go outside. But for some reasons I can't say, I seriously hate this summer.

 

I’m still sick and I can’t see my friends. I can’t see Seung Yoon, Mino, Jinwoo and Sunyoung. I’m just stuck in my dorm 24/24. My boss doesnt want my illness to spread. He’s right. I wouldn’t want to make them sick like me. But I miss my boys and her.

 

Why do I even bother… It’s my journal right? I should be able to write anything I want. I just need to keep this diary safe. Where nobody can find it. Or with a lock. Should I buy a lock?

 

I should buy a lock.

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

July 31

 

I bought a lock. I think it’s more safe now. Maybe? If you are reading this - yah it’s like the 5th page. You are reading my thought. Get lost. I don’t want you to see this.

 

Hoon

------------------

 

August 10

 

I knew this would happen. Diary are not safe for secrets thought. Mine has a lock.

The one I found didn’t.

 

It’s a girl diary. Well it’s obviously a girl diary because it’s full of flowers, drawings and the writing is all round and girly.

 

…. I only looked at the first page. I swear. To see if there was a name or something. But there wasn’t.

 

Anyway - the diary was in my bedroom. I mean - why was it even there. It’s like the person wanted me to find it. Right?

 

The doctor told me that I should be alright in few days. I’m tired of being in my room. It’s been almost a month now. My body feels better.

 

But my heart stays the same. It still hurts. Because of them.

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

August 14

 

I read few pages of the journal. There wasn’t much. I can confirm now - it’s a woman journal. I still wonder why it was in my bedroom.

 

Sunyoung came to visit me today. I was happy. Until I noticed she was with him. Why can’t I see her alone? I mean I won’t bite her…. She’s my friend for so many years now. I know I must not be jealous. But I can’t help it.

 

We spoke about things and other things. I don’t really remember. Sunyoung told me I looked better. I told her it was because she was there. I’m cheesy right?

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

August 15

 

The woman in the journal is in love with someone. She doesn’t say who. But that’s cute.

 

“Why can’t he notice it? I tried everything. I want him to notice me. I liked him for some many years yet he didn’t notice it. Am I ugly? Is it why he doesn’t want to notice me?”

 

Ash, girls. They always thinks it’s because they are ugly - and they are like the most beautiful thing ever.

 

If only I could tell that to Sunyoung…. Too bad she’s taken.

 

I hate my life.

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

August 18

 

I love you. My heart aches.

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

August 20

 

FREEDOM! Today was the first day I could go out. I ran outside, excited. I went to the first place I thought.

 

Sunyoung’s place.

 

It went like that :

 

-Oppa! What are you doing here?

 

(butterfly in my stomach. I loved when she called me oppa)

 

-I can get out. I’m not sick anymore. Wanna do something with me?

-Ash…

 

(My heart hurted again as I noticed the face she was doing. She was obviously doing something with her boyfriend - with Seung Yoon.)

 

I told her it was okay. That I understood. She was sorry but I was able to make her laugh. We planned a date, together. just the two of us. A friendly date. But still, I’ll have her to me only.

 

I know I should forget about her and my feelings for her. But I can’t. And I hate myself.

Hoon

-------------------

 

August 24

 

Today is the day! Meeting with Sunyoung! I can’t wait!!!!!

 

Hoon

------------------

 

August 26

 

I hate my life. I hate my stupid brain. My stupid face. My stupid heart.

Everything is falling apart.

 

I stay hidden all day long yesterday. Seung Yoon came to speak to me but I hide under my blanket. He told me I should stop acting like a child. He’s right. But I don’t know what else to do.

 

He’s so mature. More than me. I’m not surprise she likes him more.

 

I read all the pages of the journal yesterday. I don’t know who she is. But i feel like her today. She likes her best friend but he doesn’t notice. At the end of the journal, she just let him go. Because she understand there is no chance with him. It breaked my heart. She didn’t even told him. I mean - she didn’t mention it in the journal.

How can she knows he doesn’t like her back?

 

Woman are stupid. They think we know everything.

 

I told her yesterday - that i love her. She stay silents. I ran back home. Why didn’t I stay silent like her in the journal?

 

I’m stupid. So stupid.

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

September 6

 

Seung Yoon and Sunyoung broke up. I don’t know why.

 

I should be happy. But I’m not. Two of my best friend are hurt. I feel bad for them.

 

I stayed home all day again. I wrote lyrics. At least I’m working.

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

September 8

 

There was a letter on my desk when I woke up this morning. I think it’s the same girl as the journal. It’s the same writing.

 

“I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I didn’t understood. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you before. My heart aches. I don’t know if I’ll be able to tell you one day. Please come to me? Please…”

 

Who is it from? I mean there is no name. Was that piece of paper on MY desk?

 

WHO IS IT?

 

I’m going crazy.

 

How can I come to you if I don’t know who you are. Pabo.

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

September 10

 

Still no news of the mysterious letters and diary. I guess it was a joke.

 

I’m not even surprised.

 

I went to work today. Seung Yoon seems better. He was smiling a lot. Maybe he’s back with Sunyoung?

 

Ash…

 

Hoon.

-------------------

 

September 12

 

It’s been a while since I saw Sunyoung. I understand she doesnt want to hang out with us for now - because of Seung Yoon. But she didn’t called me.

 

Or right. I told her I loved her. She probably think i’m stupid and doesn’t want to speak to me right now….

 

Well… I’ll wait few days and I’ll contact her… Maybe.

 

Hoon

------------------

 

September 16

 

I’ll go see her tonight. I must. It’s been a long time and I worry. Seung Yoon already have a new girlfriend (he didn’t wait a lot…). He’s popular I guess.

 

I totally could if I wanted too. There is a lot of girls interested in me.. Right? Like that mysterious letter.

 

Is it from a fan? I don’t even know. I got no new letter since then.

 

Hoon

-------------------

 

(end of the diary for now)

 

Ash… Why am I shaking when I’ll just call her? I mean I won’t ask her to date me… I just want to make sure she’s okay…

 

I dialed her phone number. It rang. Once. Twice. And the line cut.

 

What?

 

I blinked. There must be a problem on the line. I dialed back. Same thing happened.

 

-Yah, I’m not the one you broke with. Why do you hang up on me.

 

I wrote her a SMS instead.

 

Yah, why are you hanging up on me? What did I do to you? I just want to have news and see if you are alright.

 

I sighed as i pressed on the send button.

She didn’t answered.

 

Yah, Sunyoung-na. Are you okay? Do you want me to come to your home? I’ll come if you want.

 

I scratched my neck. She was never this silent. She usually answered back after few minutes at worst. But I wrote the first message more than 10 minutes ago.

 

There was something wrong.

 

I waited another 20 minutes. As she didn’t answered back, i putted my jacket and went outside.

 

I’m coming, arasso? I worry about you.

 

After a small walk ( she was about 20 minutes from my home ), i knocked on her door. There was no answer.

 

-Yah, Sunyoung-na! Answer the door! I know you are here. The light are opened. Don’t do that to me.

 

I knocked again, but with more force. I was becoming frustrated.

 

I try to open the door - and it worked. It was unlocked.

 

-Sunyoung-na? The door is not locked. I’ll get myself in. Arasso?

 

My heart was racing.

 

She was not in the living room. Not in kitchen. I heard sounds in her bedroom. I walked silently.. My hands were shaking.

 

-Sunyoung-na?

-Go away…

 

My heart broke.

 

She was crying.

 

I opened her door. She was in pajamas, in her bed. He face was red, just like her eyes. She was obviously crying.

 

I quickly ran to her without thinking. I hugged her. She cried even more.

 

-Sunyoung-na…. Don’t be like that.. What’s wrong?

 

She quickly pushed me and look at the floor.

 

-Go away Hoonie-oppa. My heart… I’m hurt, pabo. Can’t you see?

-Are you still like that because of Seung Yoon? I can go and beat him if you need to.

-Ash… It’s not because of Yoonie. I broke up with him. I’m the bad person.

-W-what?

 

I looked at her, surprised.

 

She wiped her tears. Looking at me seriously.

 

-I’m a bad person, Oppa. I broke your best friend heart. I stayed silent when you told me you liked me. I wasn’t able to talk to your face so I wrote you a letter. And you didn’t came to see me… I lost my chance, right?

 

I blinked.

 

What?

 

-What?

 

She sighed.

 

-I knew it.

 

She looked at the floor.

 

-No, no wait. What did you just tell me?

-That’s I’m a bad person.

 

I growled.

 

-Stop that. The letter. it’s from you? Why didn’t you signed it? Is it your journal too?