Story 5 : Maybe we should be more mature

Characters : You, Seung Hoon, Mino, Winner

-I hate you.

Those were his last words to me, yesterday.

I remember clearly. I remember staying there in shock. I remember watching him, leaving me, alone at the park, outside the bar.

It took longer than I thought to come back home. I was thinking. Overthinking.

I mean, I’m used to his character. I’m used to his overreacting. He’s stubborn.

But the words were harsh yesterday. He seriously hurted me. I don’t know if he noticed or not.

He’s my best friend since forever. We learned to walk together. We learned to write together. We went at school together.

And I learned to fall in love because of him.

Actually, I learned to fall in love with him.
 

The only thing is - he doesn’t know. And probably never will. It’s okay like that. I mean, he’s a popular man.  He casually date beautiful woman. Since he’s part of that band, he was able to meet a bunch of woman interested in him.

I envy him. It was so easy for him. But I envy them even more.
I don’t know how, I don’t know when. But one day when I was younger I thought Seung Hoon was the perfect boyfriend. I was probably a kid back then.
But every year, I had the same thought. Every year, I felt even more for him.

We are 24 years old now. We are adult. We have real jobs and we have serious relationship  - most of the time. I try to meet people, but it never works. After few dates, they meet Seung Hoon and then they leave.
I seriously don’t understand. I guess i’m just really, really unlucky.

I was with Seung Hoon yesterday, at the club. We were talking about things and other things. I don’t remember much about the night. I was drunk. Really drunk.
Next thing I knew, we are outside. It’s cold. Freezing cold. And I’m still talking with Seung Hoon about things and others things.
I remember bits of the night. I remember he was strangely serious. He was looking at me with his big eyes. He was close to me. I remember his smell.
His perfume. His alcohol breath.
Then I remember I laughed my off. I don’t know why. It was just so hilarious I couldn't keep my face serious for few minutes.

Then I remember his words. And the feeling I had after. My heart that felt crushed. The pounding. It hurted so much.
I don’t remember how I came back here.

I sat on my bed. My head was hurting. I shouldn’t have drank that much but what is done - is done. I took medicine for my headache and went to take a shower.
Few minutes later, I was looking for my cellphone. I found it on the floor, next to my room.
That’s strange.
I looked at it. I gasped.
I called Seung Hoon 55 times after 3AM. He must hate me. Oh wait, he already told me anyway...
 

-No…
 

I was mad at myself. Drunk me was stupid. I know Seung Hoon is busy and have trouble sleeping. I know we were drinking together but I shouldn’t have called him that much. What if I let voicemails too? Ashh..
I didn’t got any news from Seung Hoon that day. Not even the day after. Or the one after.

After one week, I was getting nervous. He was never this quiet. Even when he was mad, he would speak to me after 2 or 3 days.
What happened the other day? Seriously.

The next monday, I wrote to Mino. I know they are close and if there was a problem, he would know it. The silence was hurting me even more than the words he said to me.

(me) Hello oppa!

It tooks few endless minutes to answer back.

(Mino) … Why are you talking to me? I shouldn’t talk to you. Araso? Get lost.

-What?

I frowned. Something was wrong. Something was serious wrong.

(me) .. What’s wrong? I don’t get any news from Seung Hoon Oppa and you are acting like that…

(Mino) No, Jinja? You thought I would speak to you after what you did to hyung? Stop calling him by the way, you are driving him crazy.

I got up, watching my cell phone seriously.

Seriously, what’s happening?

(me) What? I don’t understand. I don’t remember anything. I need to speak to him. Please help me, oppa.

(Mino) Yah… You know what you did. You know you broke his heart. Stop pretending. You can’t make a man like him cry and forget about it.

-What??? How? What? I don’t.. I don’t understand.

Quickly I got dressed and put my shoes. I wasn’t with my best clothes but I didn’t care. I needed to see him. I needed to understand.
After few bus I was next to their door. I was hoping Seung Hoon could answer the door. I’m pretty sure if any other member see me, they won’t let me speak to him.
I knocked.

I was stressed. I was never stressed to speak with him. I don’t know how, but i ed with Seung Hoon. And now he didn’t want to speak with me or see me.
The door opened.

.

It was Mino. As soon as he recognized me, he tried to close the door. I stopped him, putting my shoe on the door.

-Oppa! Please! Listen to me. I need to-

-No. No you don’t. You need to go home and think about what you did. Ash, you guys are worst than kids.

I couldn’t beat it. The frustration. The rage. The pain.
I wanted to speak with my best friend. I wanted to understand.
Tears were falling down my cheeks quickier than I thought.

-Ya, ya, don’t be like that. Don’t cry on me. Ashh…

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