“Wahh~ I can’t believe that we get backstage for all of KCON and what a lineup!” Alex nearly screeched as she lightly slapped your arm in excitement as the two of you walked into the ever familiar Staples Center, watching KCON be built from nearly the ground up.

            “You know we didn’t have to get here so early. We probably shouldn’t even be in here,” you reminded her, wondering exactly how you had been dragged along when you could be out at the convention.

            “Like I always say, there are a lot of things that we shouldn’t do, but then what is the fun in that?” she shrugged carelessly, totally ignoring your voice of reason.

            “Anyway, we should leave dongsaeng, you know the convention is going on and last time I checked, you wanted all the Nature Republic.”

            “It’s the only thing that I can get EXO wise here since they’re not coming this year!” she wailed before grabbing your wrist and dashing out of there, obviously putting her priorities in order. The two of you wandered around the convention for hours, spending what little signing bonus you were given on very necessary items like Nature Republic (though Alex didn’t know what half the beauty products were) and posters as if your walls could expand and make any more room.

            “Ah, we should probably go and check on the boys,” Alex pointed out as she glanced at her phone. The concert was almost about to start, but due to your high status, you knew that you wouldn’t have to wait in the line for pit, so you nodded in agreement before the two of you set on your way.

            “Aigoo~ I’m so nervous!” Jinyoung fretted as you all sat backstage, already hearing the hordes of fans getting ready for the show as well.

            “O, no worries, Jinyoung, We’ve been through this before and don’t worry, we will all be here to support each other. You may be leader, but you aren’t alone,” Shinwoo assured him, patting him softly on the back. You couldn’t help but to stare as you felt your mind wander to all the possibilities of being in a relationship with the ever so caring and affectionate Shinwoo- if you could get over your crippling self-doubt and skepticism.

            “Can you do anything to try to cheer our darling leader up?” Shinwoo addressed you, instantly snapping you out of your trance.

            “You’re gonna do great! All of you. We will be front row, cheering for all of you little balls of sunshine,” Alex stepped in, sensing your surprise so you wouldn’t make a stuttering fool of yourself. You simply nodded in agreement, glad that yet another crisis was averted.

            “She’s right! We’ve done this before and we can do it again~” Sandeul reminded them, pumping his fist into the air cutely.

            “Well, it looks like we have to go. The concert should be starting soon. Do well everyone~” you smiled softly before bowing and exiting with Alex.

            “I’ll be looking for you out there,” Shinwoo called out. You could almost feel the bright smile on his face as he said that.

            The roaring screams filled your ears, the melody that you lived for once a year, but this time, all you could focus on as the other acts performed was your darling Shinwoo about to enter the stage at any time. With each beat of every other song, your heart threatened to jump out of your chest and you were more than sure that you were going to faint from the anxiety. The lights shone brightly, exasperating the already burning temperature in the pit, but you knew it would be more than worth it. The lights dimmed. Your heart stopped as you anticipated the moment you were waiting for. You cared not for Alex next to you nor the thousands of other fans around you. You were looking for him, pleading for him. Then you saw him and he. Saw. You. He winked before waving to the others- a formality. As they performed, his velvet smooth voice was all that ran through your mind, all that consumed you. Everything else melted away as he captivated you with his occasional glance. Every second with him was an eternity, one that only blended with each other, became all that you were. He was only looking for you, through you, his mouth spilling words only meant for you and to say you appreciated his charm was an understatement. When they left, your soul didn’t leave, but you were incomplete, desperate for only one more moment, even if you could have many more after the concert. As the last group performed, all you could think about was Shinwoo, all that he was and, in so short of a time connected, what both of you were together. The world was at peace and your heart calmed and all you wanted-needed- was more of his warm smile, hos smooth vocals, and his compelling energy.

            “That was so great, you guys!” Alex complimented excitedly as the seven of you sauntered back to your hotel rooms.

            “Did you like your first B1A4 performance?” Sandeul asked expectantly, jogging in front of her and clasping his hands together.

            “Of course, I was amazing, right?” Gongchan interrupted, flipping his hair smoothly, making the both of you snicker and roll your eyes.

            “Yeah, it was great,” Alex grinned and candidly. “You guys all have so much energy. I am very excited to work with all of you if that is a sample of what you have to offer,” she added as Jinyoung opened the door to one of your rooms.

            “So, who is going to sleep with whom?” Gongchan asked nonchalantly.

            “O my god, Gongchan, will you calm your hormones? Why did you have to put it that way?” Baro reprimanded the obviously ually charged maknae.

            “I didn’t mean it like that, but I guess you have other things on your mind,” the other sing-songed innocently. Baro only rolled his eyes.

            “Sometimes, you really are the maknae,” he sighed.

            “Guys, please. Let’s just take a rest first. We have a long day,” Jinyoung sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

            “He’s right, we can sort all that out later,” Shinwoo agreed, though he already knew the arrangement just like the leader.

            “Well, we are on break for a few days, so what should we do?” Baro asked as he slumped on the couch.

            “What haven’t we done here?” Gongchan asked as he poured himself a glass of water.

            “Alex, do you mind if you show me all the good places to eat around here?” Sandeul asked angelically.

            “Of course, this is my backyard of course. I know everything around this part and the valley, and it’s the least I can do to repay you for that great udon that we had on the first night,” Alex replied.

            “Well, I don’t know about you all, but I would just like to rest,” Jinyoung shrugged.

            “That’s true, I’m exhausted already. I think I will take the next few days off as well. I have to rest my vocals for my raps coming up,” Baro agreed. “Who’s down for a movie right now?”

            “Well, it’s a great way to put us all to sleep,” Gongchan pointed out as he joined the rest of you on the couch.

            “Well, in that case, should we split up the rooms now?” Baro inquired.

            “O, well that makes sense. In that case, the two ladies will have their own room together,” Shinwoo started.

            “Wait, what~” Sandeul whined.

            “Yes, it’s the least we can do. It’s only being polite. Anyway, the ladies will be in their own room and the rest of us will make do. As gentleman, we shouldn’t sneak into their rooms,” Shinwoo ordered, with only Baro and Jinyoung nodding in agreement as the former eyed the maknae suspiciously. The latter only shrugged, a smirk flitting across his features.

            “Well, shall we get to it?” Jinyoung asked cheerfully, trying to dispel the tension in the air.

            “Yah~ Lenena jagiyah~” Shinwoo whispered to you, nudging you lightly. “I guess this is de ja vu, huh? Look at everyone,” he chuckled softly, huskily, as he nodded his head at the other five who were sleeping soundly, curled together, like a litter of puppies. You rubbed your eyes quickly, trying to adjust to the dark since Shinwoo had turned off the movie. “We can’t waste a room,” he reminded you.

            “But what about the others?” you asked, glancing over at the snoring Alex.

            “They’ll be fine. The worst they can do is stumble over someone,” Shinwoo assured you. “However, if you don’t want to spend a night with me…” he trailed off. “I wanna talk to you.” Your eyes widened and you were glad the dark overshadowed your blush that was shamelessly creeping upon your face.

            “Uh, su-sure,” you stuttered as he took your hand and cautiously helped you up.

            “Take a rest,” he urged as you flopped gracelessly onto the bed and he flipped on the light in the next room over. “You seem really tired. You know, you look really cute when you’re tired. I hope it doesn’t seem like I am taking advantage of you or anything,” he pointed out awkwardly as he looked away from you.

            “No, no, no, it’s not that just- Do you really think I’m cute?” you asked, burying your head in the pillow.

            “Of course, I think you’re beautiful,” he confessed, stealthily slipping into bed next to you and propping himself up on his elbow.

            “Is it ok if I t-touch you? I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered, flustered. You turned over and stared at him, wanting to have made eye contact with him since the concert. You wanted nothing more than to touch him, to be touched by him, but if he was this shy, there was no denying how much your heart thumped at even the mention of such a thought. “You really are so cute,” he admitted slowly, caressing your cheek, making you shudder at the touch. You flinched, instinct to bury yourself far into the pillows and sheets.

            “Ah, I see, I think I have gone too far,” he pointed out. “I really am sorry. I should know my limits,” he sighed, dismissing himself. “Please, take care of yourself and sleep well,” he whispered before tucking you in and turning to leave.

            “Wait!” you exclaimed, not quite sure where you had garnered the confidence and the energy to call for him, nor to grab his arm, nearly yanking him back into bed with you. “Yo-you won’t leave me here alone, will you?” you whispered, confidence gone, but knowing you needed him more than anything.

            “If you don’t want me to, then I can sleep here on the floor. De ja vu all over again, huh,” he chuckled, bending at the side of the bed.

            “Yo-you can get into bed if you want. I feel so bad if you don’t join me. You and your company paid for this bed and it is selfish of me to take it to myself,” you explained.

            “I-I can’t. It’s indecent.”

            “This whole game is indecent. Shinwoo, I-I-“

            “I already know, but let’s make sure everything is right for each other. I-I can’t. I always told the fans that I wouldn’t date.”

            “I-I understand, but do you?”

            “Can we just go to sleep?” he asked, flustered, averting his gaze from you. “I-I have to go.”

            “What did you want to talk about?” you asked, desperate to have him if only for two more seconds.

            “I just wanted to- I just wanted to know if you wanted to go on a date. Where would you like to-to go? That’s if you would still like to…”

            “You, me, Santa Monica, tomorrow. I would love to. Even if we don’t go as anything else, we-we can be friends. It would be my honor to show you around,” you offered, biting your lip, trying to fight back the tears. You understood, understood what it was like to run a path, the finish line always in your sight, but far out of reach. You understood what it meant to fight for something and never win. You understood how he and the fans must have felt. Perhaps, you even understood what Gongchan had to face every day, seeing your face, your features brighten for someone else.