I have so many things to tell you.
I'm in love with you.

Tell me you too.

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After that night, I was a mess.

It's been weeks now and promotions are ending soon.

I kept asking myself if this was my time to go out there and give it a shot. A shot of a lifetime.

I've gone through promotions thinking of this. What if Chaeyoung actually likes me back this time? Has she changed her mind?

Hell, we've been talking a lot to each other a lot lately. We even did a surprise V-App together for the fans. Not only that, it was entitled "MiChaeng" and we did two of those.

We're okay now.

That's the worst part though.

It's either I hold it in and our friendship continues in the process or confess to her and hope that my love for her dies after it happens.

I was content with being friends. Was.

But now things have changed for the worse, there was just this opportunity. Glimmering before my eyes. Chaeyoung is back to being single.

I thought to myself that I might be being too passive and it was time to step out of my comfort zone and try to ask her out again. Maybe this time things will work out.

I also told myself that weeks ago.

Chances have passed by but I just couldn't speak the words I wanted to say. Instances like us being alone in the dressing room, in the living room, at the dining table and more were wasted because I wanted to go in but my mouth couldn't speak a word like it's a defensive mechanism. Even my body wanted to keep the relationship because it would hurt less for me.

I guess doing it mid-promotion would be awkward.

But now, we're getting rest periods again. They're going back to school and we started resting a lot now since schedules only included music shows and festivals which are done in the afternoon and night.

"Mina, you're in charge of taking the kids home from school today." Jihyo said to me while I was drinking my morning coffee at the kitchen.

"Are you serious? I wanted to sleep in today."

"You're lying." Jihyo looked me on the eyes with a smug grin on her face.

"How?"

"Are you seriously telling me you'll sleep in today while you're actually drinking coffee? You're making excuses not to see Chaeyoung. Am I right?" She said.

"Not in particular..."

"What happened to you saying that you'll confess your feelings to her again. It's been weeks, Mina. Weeks of it getting moved to another date. At this rate, someone else is gonna get her heart." Jihyo said frankly.

"I think it's better that way."

"Your heart can't take that. I know you." Jihyo said.

"Oh shut up, I've been doing this for years."

"Tell me that when you shut up about Chaeyoung, okay?" She told me with that grin and pats me on the back before she goes to her room.

I swear, people these days are telepathic.

She's right. I'm a ticking time bomb right now. I'm gonna explode keeping this in until I just say it for the sake of saying it so that I won't carry this heavy feeling inside me every time I interact with Chaeyoung.

Well, that wraps up the internal trouble of decision making. Today's the day if you get the opening, Myoui Mina.

This is it. The last hours before the death of any kind of relationship you had with Chaeyoung.

I needed to play some games to get my mind off and my mind set for later's attempt. I don't know why I'm doing this when it's only gonna happen if things align and we're alone. I found myself in the zone while playing but I don't feel anything.

The mere fact that everything might end today because of my stupid antics just make me laugh now. My life is seriously a joke.

The statistics say it all. Never have I had a relationship or at least a confession go well. It always never ended well.. I thought Chaeyoung was gonna break that chain but the only thing that she ever did was break my heart.

But I'm not me when I'm not with her. I feel... incomplete.

As the hours came by, it was soon to be their dismissal time.

Is this what death feels like? Empty and painful?

My fear just turned into laughter. I'm laughing at myself for doing this. I feel like I was walking closer to my death as I was buying the maknae line's favorite Starbucks drink.

The driver of the van was ready to go and I hopped in. I just unknowingly stared outside until we got there, thinking of what I would say to her and how to approach her.

I was surprised that we were already there. My mind suddenly started to panic.

Only heavy heartbeats were felt.

I texted them to come out already.

My eyes widened as I saw only Chaeyoung come out.

"The two are still fixing their lockers." Chaeyoung said.

This is it. No holding back this time, Myoui Mina.

You can do it.

"Chaeyoung." I held her warm and soft hand with mine being cold and locked eyes with her.

Say it. Say the words.

I know I was a quiet person, but this time I really struggled to get the words out.

There's no holding back at this point. Just do it.

"Do I still have a chance with you? ...The chance to bring back what we had before?" I tightened my grip. My mind was going blank at this point.

"I'm so sorry, Mina unnie. I just... can't. I totally get what you feel but I think this is for the best." She said.

"But-"

"This is a dangerous path for us to take and I don't want any of us hurt. Let's just try our best to move on." She continued.

She broke up with my hand but didn't break the silence after the confession.

Tzuyu and Dahyun came I tried my best to casually give them their drinks.

We took the ride home while no one noticing my uncanny quietness. Maybe they're used to me being like this.

We came home and everything went on like nothing happened, again.

I hate how Chaeyoung could easily do that while I can't. I couldn't handle the stress in my head.

"I'm gonna go out for awhile."

"Where to?" Jungyeon asked.

"Just gonna buy something." What an excuse from me.

"Okay then." Jihyo said.

I wanted to blow off some steam. I didn't want to cry in the dorm. I decided to go for a stroll.

Why did I still confess as if I expected something good to come out of it? The cost for this heavy feeling due to holding it in being gone was the comfort that we had like we did before. It was a very bad decision.

I don't really know anymore. I'm a mess both emotionally and mentally.

It feels like I lost everything in the world.

The first place I went to was the restaurant. Our first date. Just to add salt to the wound, I ordered what we ordered last time. I ate alone this time.

After eating, I passed by the market. The place where we got our couple shirts. I decided to look at what they were selling and I saw a lion print. I wanted to buy it for myself.

The next destination was the arcade. There were a lot of people as they were before and everyone was on the King of Fighters machine. I lined up and bodied everybody that fought me. I still couldn't feel anything though. Everyone wanted to know who was beneath the mask and the jacket. I tried out the claw machines again too. Close, but no cigar.

The mall was the next place I found myself into. Couples. Everywhere. The foodcourt was filled with people like the usual and I saw where we sat during that Tuesday. All the things that she told me, coming back into memory.

The last one was the cake shop. Since I really like hurting myself, I ordered Chaeyoung's favorite. Is it my fault she has great taste? This is painfully delicious. I sat on the spot where we were last time again, and I remembered the looks she gave me. I bought the whole cake to bring home.

It started to rain and I looked at the time. It was actually a Tuesday today.

Everything is lining up for me to indulge in this pain. I couldn't help but laugh at my situation. Everything was going together for the worst as if my life was scripted.

To make things worse, I didn't have an umbrella with me. I walked down the sidewalk where we had intimate moments. I really miss it. I really do. Tears started to trickle down on my cheeks, only to disappear in the rain.

It was only a few minutes till I found a cab to get home though.

I realized in this walk I did that so much things have happened and I can't really escape Chaeyoung. Everywhere I go, I remember Chaeyoung. Anywhere I look, I look for Chaeyoung. My heart is so stupid. Why am I like this? Why do I like hurting myself so much? Why am I so stupid?

Stupid and idiotic Myoui Mina.

You deserve it.

I really hate myself. I wish I wasn't this loyal. I wish I found it easier to go from one person to another. But no. I'm absolutely caught in this trap - Chaeyoung.

Is there anywhere to go after this?

Will another girl come into my life and change everything?

My heart is free now that I've faced rejection. There's nothing more to keep in.

Let's start today then.

You're going to change, Myoui Mina.

I went home and everybody was asleep. My morning coffee still didn't wear off and my tears still wouldn't stop. I opened my laptop and started to play some Counter-Strike. Without noticing, the sun was already up. It's still silent in the dorm though. Jihyo and Nayeon were still fast asleep.

"Hey Mina, what are you doing?" Momo suddenly went in the room.

"Playing Counter-Strike."

"Oh, I love that game! I only played against bots though..." She said.

"Wanna try it?"

She sat on my lap and placed her hand on the mouse. I started guiding her on the rounds and taught her how to aim and where to throw grenades.

I guess it's time for Page Two.