You're still the same as before
You still can't forgive me
The scar that I gave you still didn't heal

Now someone else has replaced my spot
The place that I was in doesn't matter to you anymore

You don't know how much I regret letting you go
Come back to me and forgive so that another incident doesn't happen between us anymore

I must have thought that your love was so easy
Come back to me into my arms

--------------------------------------------------------------

It was Tuesday and the whole group was in the JYPE HQ today for our choreography practice for Touchdown, Woohoo and Precious Love in preparation of our comeback.

As expected, it was very draining and it's amidst of our hectic schedule.

Nayeon, Jungyeon and Chaeyoung were planning to go to the usual - the cake shop.

I walked in a hurry, trying to sneak past them. I didn't want to be late for the late-night raid session with my guild.

"Hey unnie, wanna go with us?" Nayeon asked me.

I started to walk faster to the exit.

"Yah! Mina unnie!"

It was Chaeyoung who called me next.

"Wanna come to the cake shop? Let's eat." She said.

Remember when I said "For Jungyeon and for Chaeyoung." in the shower with Nayeon? Only Nayeon succeeded.

Me? At this point, I've cried it all out and not expect anything anymore.

Do I still love Chaeyoung? I don't wanna say yes but I can't say no.

I'm trying to compose myself yet again. The raid tonight is gonna be big. The loots are rare and we actually optimized every strategy to claim it already.

My priorities are being put into the test.

"Uh."

"Sure."

And there we go. I decided to spoil myself again with Chaeyoung's company.

Do I indulge in the pleasure of that or to the pleasure induced by the pain?

The pain I get is becoming so normal that it actually turns into something that I long for. I don't know what's gotten into me but I keep finding myself in these situations that I agree into. Only ending into heartbreak.

The night was young and we decided to grab some slices of cake for our post-practice treat.

Everything was the usual. That means everyone got what they usually did. And that wasn't alright.

Chaeyoung got a slice from the cake I got her last time.

I don't like it.

We were just talking about things under the sun. Funny things that happened in the recent months, days and what not. It wasn't bland at all. Seeing what we've achieved recently, going to Japan and all. So much realizations were made but there's one realization I haven't learned from.

While all of this was happening, I decided that I want to daring look into Chaeyoung's eyes whenever I want to.

The plan backfired from the first try. I was flustered. I couldn't look at her straight anymore. Nayeon noticed and she pinched my leg under the desk.

Chaeyoung even made it worse when she rested her elbow and put her cheek on her palm, looking at me.

"Hey. How are you two doing?" Jungyeon asked the question out of the blue.

"Well uh..."

"Keep it down Jungyeon, other people might hear us." Nayeon whispered while hitting Jungyeon from behind.

I pulled back on my seat and started calm down just enjoy the conversation. Focusing on savoring my favorite iced coffee mix that the shop offered.

I checked the time and I was really gonna miss the raid session. I panicked.

"I'm getting really tired. I'll make my way back to the dorm. See you there." I picked up my bag and stood as I prepared for my exit.

"Wait. Let's go home together. I need some rest for school tomorrow too." Chaeyoung did the same as me.

Is this a trap?

I couldn't do anything anyway. Chaeyoung can't go alone in the night and the couple will nag me if I don't accompany her to the way back.

I gulped and went.

"Okay then."

It was dark yet peaceful outside as we strolled on the sidewalk. The streetlights and the light coming from the stores, the crowd, all familiar sights. Might seem chaotic but actually sets a comfortable mood. I pulled Chaeyoung's hand as we tried our best not to get spotted.

I felt droplets trickling down my cap.

It started to rain.

I immediately looked for my umbrella but it was nowhere to be found. What do I do?

"Chaeyoung, I..."

"It's okay. I got an umbrella." Chaeyoung opened the umbrella but she struggled holding it to fit us under one.

It was pocket umbrella. Only enough for one person. Can't even fit two even if one is a small person.

"Let me hold it."

I sacrificed my space for her comfort, blocking most of the raindrops in her direction.

My back was drenched by the rain as the effect of holding the umbrella above her, she was having a hard time not getting wet as well. In a few moments, it started to rain really hard. The wind was blowing strong in all directions, making it almost pointless to use an umbrella.

We couldn't take a cab, we had no money left.

The nearby shops were already filled with people, all seats occupied so we had to settle in the mall. We decided to stay until the weather becomes calmer. 

We took a seat in the foodcourt, soaking wet. I observed that she was wearing a black bra beneath her white V-neck shirt as it was exposed due to being wet.

"Why are you wearing a black bra when you're going to wear a white shirt on top?"

"I was in a hurry early morning!" She said.

"Here, cover yourself." I took the jacket that I kept inside my bag and tossed it to Chaeyoung.

She was shivering due to the cold air. We were just sitting still but I couldn't stand seeing her like that.

"Don't you have like a 3rd shirt in case of emergencies? That's the usual, right?"

"...I left it on top of the bed." Chaeyoung said in embarassment.

"Change to this. Don't worry, I haven't used it." I handed her my black muscle tee.

"And keep the jacket, I know you don't have an extra bra. Cover yourself from the cold, you don't want to get sick since you have school tomorrow."

"Unnie, how do you manage to fit all of this into a small bag?" She asked.

"Don't ask." I smirked.

She went and changed up in the women's comfort room.

It took quite awhile for her to come back.

"I'm sorry for the wait. The comfort room was filled." Chaeyoung said right after returning.

"No one noticed you?"

"Yeah. How about you? Will you not change?" She asked.

"I don't have anymore left. Besides, it's more important that you don't become sick. I can handle myself."

"You know what? The last time I was sick, I prayed. The next day, my cold was gone!" She happily told me.

She was talking about that time where I gave her my first kiss. Something I would want to go back to? I don't even know anymore.

I prayed for you too, you know.

"You really must not get sick, you know. Take care of yourself. You only get so much time in school."

"Yes, unnie." She laughed.

"Let's check if the rain already stopped."

The rain wasn't as extreme but still didn't stop. We still had to go through the crowd of people at the sidewalk, forcing us in close and awkward positions. We would sometimes our bodies would create contact and you could feel the warmth of our bodies.

The warmth of what's long gone and what I long for.

Every second was painful for me.

These are the moments I can't replicate since she belongs to another person now.

Yet the only thing that comforts me now is the fact that she's with someone else.

She clinged on my arm as I carried the umbrella for us. It felt as if there were no people around. It was a moment of bliss, but also a sorrowful reminder of the past, and what could have been.

This went on until we reached the dorm.

"Take a shower immediately. Keep yourself warm." I told Chaeyoung.as we went in.

"Hey!" Nayeon welcomed us as we met their company yet again in the dorm with the rest of the members.

"I thought you guys-"

"We caught a cab immediately." Jungyeon said.

"Are you guys alright? We were worried sick. You might catch a cold. Here take this soup." Sana handed us both the soup that she prepared.

We fixed ourselves and ate. The usual bonding and banter. Me and Chaeyoung got used to the teasing but she's taking it more lightly nowadays. It feels unusual.

We went to our rooms right after and prepared to go to bed. Nayeon asked me what happened and I told her the whole story on how we went home.

"Mina, guess what she told me awhile ago." She said.

"...What?"

"She broke up with her boyfriend." She replied, filling my curiosity.

"WHAT?" I said out loud that Jihyo got startled in the shower.

I went crazy. The only thing that's keeping me sane is that she's in a relationship. The only thing that keeps me happy and contented is the fact that she had a boyfriend. I knew that I had no chance at that point and I accepted it.

Knowing about this made me go crazy. I didn't want to step out of my comfort zone again. I didn't want to go out there and break my heart for the second time.

But knowing this...

It made me think that the whole night and the past days wasn't actually just me fulfilling my heart's desire by myself. It made me think that there was actually something going on and the situation we were in wasn't empty. It made me think of various possibilites I just can't take my mind off.

There was this opportunity, this one chance to give it a shot again. To make the possibility of being with Chaeyoung true again. This fabricated story of Mina and Chaeyoung's love story actually real.

"This is your chance, Mina!" Nayeon said to me, smiling.

The positivity that was coming into me was scary. The situation was encouraging me.

"I guess..." I responded.

But nothing has ended up well outside of my comfort zone.

Negativity.