I´m sorry for breaking you into pieces and crushing them into smaller ones.

You have all rights to be mad at me.

It was the middle of the night when Sooyoung woke up. She is aware of that she had last night. She wasn´t drunk like the time before this time. She did this being fully aware of what she´s doing. But she can´t stay here, it might end bad, much worse than her expectations might be.

She took a look at the woman laying motionless on the bed sleeping peacefully. Just her breathing was hearable. Then Sooyoung turned back again, she quickly put on her underwear including bra.

"Where are you going." suddenly this words voiced. Sooyoung startled quickly turned herself to the other woman. She liked to answer and already opened but no words came. Not because she is startled, not because she is leaving again without telling, but because she would tell her the reason why she´s leaving but she can´t. She can´t hurt her woman.

After seconds still no words came, she just looked into Yoona´s eyes. She could see them cleary though it was dark and just some streetlights from outside barely illuminated the room.

But finally she managed to say: "I-i better go now."

"Is that a habit of you, just disappear and leave me alone, you don´t think about my feelings don´t you?" Yoona already stretched up holding her blanket up covering her body. Sooyoung immediatley sees the woman is upset and mad at her. She also knows that she is always leaving but it has good reasons.

"I know I should care more about your feelings but, how should I say that, you maybe don´t want me to have me by you at some point." Sooyoung said don´t stopping collecting her clothes from just everywhere in the room. For folding the clothes and accurately laying them into the wardrobe there wasn´t time last time and surely no patience.

"Why wouldn´t I like to have you by me? I mean you´re talking no sense." Yoona is all worried, she leaned forward to Sooyoung and gently embraced Sooyoung. Yoona leaned her head against Sooyoung´s back.

"You don´t want to know why I leave always. I don´t want to..hurt you." Sooyoung just motionless sitting on the bed. She sure feels the warmth of Yoona but she cannot stand it any longer and abruptly stands up immediatley feeling coldness in her back.

"No, I want to know why, you don´t love me?" Yoona barely shouts the words.

Sooyoung just goes to the drawyer and opens it and pulls something out under the clothes. She turns on the little lamp. Suddenly she holding a knife and gun. She unlocks the gun and points at Yoona.

"Sometimes I can´t control myself and I want to stab you, I´m sorry." Yoona didn´t move. She just looked at Sooyoung.

Sooyoung didn´t lower her hand and just walked backwards step for step. She stopped holding her head but she shook it and was about to take another step back and just in this moment her legs gave up and she collapsed on her knees and fell forward. Yoona ran to her and hold her up. "Sooyoung!" The called after woman didn´t answer and just dropped the weapons.

Yoona lifted Sooyoung and carried her to the bed and layed her onto the bed. Due her strong arms it was no problem for her. She and covered her up. She slipped under the same blanket. She took the other girl in her embrace.

She feels sorry for Sooyoung she knows she had that mental breakdown because of her. She knows the chemicals she gave to her are destroying her nerves. She knows she evokes terrible memories in her.

It´s just her fault that Sooyoung has broken mind. She´s affraid Sooyoung will reject her sooner or later. A person you hurted that much wont forgive just because you apologized to her and hug her.

The fault chased her like a hunter. She feels so guilty for this.

---

The next morning Yoona woke up. The first thing she saw was a familiar face close to her face. She couldn´t help but smile. The woman in front of her was sleeping silently. But when Yoona remembered last night the smile immediately faded. The memories came up and stabbed her like a dagger.

"Sooyoung, I´m sorry." She whispered. She gently hugged that woman. That´s everything she needs now, just beeing loved, still beeing loved from her after all what happened. Because without her love she would be incomplete and empty. "No matter what, I love you Sooyoung."

After this Yoona stood up and decided to take a shower. She headed to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She entered the showering booth and the water.

After seconds cold water drops were dropping onto her and making her flinch. Not a second later it turned into a flow of cold water strings running down her body.

She moved her head up just to feel the cold water in her face.

Suddenly she felt something warm through the cold water on her shoulder. Soon the warmth expanded over her whole back.

"You´re awake, Sooyoung-ah" At the last word she felt a bite on her ear lap. The warmth at her ear moved to her neck. Sooyoung was planting kisses all over Yoona´s nape. Yoona could help but just moan.

"Sorry for last night, but I´m not sure if this will be the only time it will happen." Sooyoung says in Yoona´s ear.

At this words Yoona gulped and a shiver ran down her spine making her feel colder then the water is already doing.

And this is doing her more anxious then she already was last night.

Sorry you had to wait this long, mianhae