“So… whatcha’ doing now?”

Taeyeon merely shrugged her shoulders.

Her eyes were glued onto the T.V screen, thumb idly rolling over the analog stick of the controller while cueing in random tapping of buttons in between intervals that made her avatar punch the living daylights of some unsuspecting passerby on the street.

She had been at it with the latest version of Grand Theft Auto for the past hour or so, after chancing upon it while in the midst of searching for something stimulating to do.

Mainly because there wasn’t anything much to do at home; especially after Tiffany had specifically made it a rule to not touch on any sort of essays or school-related things, at least until they were done hosting their friends. But then again, both Yuri and Jessica were currently out visiting Jessica’s dad, who happened to be in town at the moment. So that left them very little to do back home other than to laze around and watch television all day.

Not that Taeyeon wasn’t glad to see the huge progress in the relationship of both father and daughter, after since that whole reconcilement saga they had in their last year of high school.

A really messy thing it was back then, Taeyeon remembered. Especially all the trouble they had to put themselves through… Well, at least everything turned out okay, she supposed.

But she digressed.

Fingers nudging at the controls of the controller lazily, she had to admit, the game was fun; when initially it had given her this thrill of having utter free-roam in the game universe.

There was just something about setting things on fire and wrecking sheer havoc in a make-believe city that felt so liberating and exciting. However, after a while, the rush kind of died away and things got repetitive. And now, Taeyeon could feel the itch of boredom coming right back at her yet once again.

But she couldn’t just toss the controller away, pull the plug on the console and call it quits. No, especially not when Tiffany was sitting just beside her on the couch, watching her play some stupid video game.

Some stupid video game, which Taeyeon couldn’t stop herself from trying to impress her at.

Yes, it was foolish and ridiculous, she knew.

Trying to impress Tiffany, who was probably the master at video games…

If only she were to stop paying attention for a second, or if she could just go off to the washroom for a minute or something, then maybe Taeyeon could finally stop pretending to know what she was trying to do with the game and go find something else to do.

“Taeyeonie, you’ve gotta’ escape the cops. Your health is running really low.”

Tiffany pointed out, her husky voice coming off a little too close off to the side that it gave Taeyeon a start, eyes briefly flickering to the redhead beside her before falling back onto the screen once more.

She pursed her lips, palms growing sweaty.

Since when had she gotten so close? She could have sworn she was on the other end of the couch a minute ago.

“Here, let me help you.”

Without even waiting for a reply, Tiffany had swiped the controller out of her hands, sliding a tad closer towards her if that was even possible.

Taeyeon felt her breath hitch when their thighs touched and arms brushed. A jolt of sudden warmth burst right through her and she tried curbing her racing heart by taking subtle calming breaths to no avail. At this point, she was barely even paying attention to what was on the screen now, and was instead, more caught up in trying to hold back her raging hormones.

Tiffany was just too close and it was making her mind go on a foggy high that she just can’t even think straight.

She could feel her warm body heat radiating beside her and it was making her feel all sorts of things that she shouldn’t be feeling for a friend.

A friend, Taeyeon repeated to herself like a mantra. It was something that— somehow— often slipped her mind. She had to blame it on all that wishful thinking. All the hope of wanting— dreaming— for something more.

Then again, with the possibility of Tiffany still being in love with Jessica… that idea just suddenly seemed so far away.

Tiffany gave a jerk, thumbs jamming rapidly at the buttons of the controller and Taeyeon couldn’t help but diverting her stare onto her instead of the screen in front. She was way more interesting to watch than some stupid video game.

Her furrowed brows and narrowed eyes in concentration, with that hint of a pink tongue peeking through from her lips.

Definitely way more interesting.

Her touch was scorching right into her now and Taeyeon could feel it so strongly— every tiny little movement of her arms and thighs— and it was like her whole body was lit on fire.

A nice, pleasant kind of fire.

And she knew she wouldn’t mind burning to death if it meant death by Tiffany.

Taeyeon knew. It was high time that she should draw away; keep away and finally put in that much needed distance between themselves, like what she had been doing for the entire day till this happened.

She was just too hard to stay away from.

So damned addictive, like toxic.

“…yeon-ah. Taeyeon! Tae-Ta—”

Taeyeon blinked, scowled, then smacked the hand that was waving frantically in her face away.

“What?” She grumbled, slightly disgruntled by Tiffany’s use of that… terribly cutesy nickname she had bestowed her since high school.

The redhead raised a brow, lips twitching slightly into an amused smile. “You’ve been staring at me and zoning out for the past couple of minutes.”

Taeyeon pursed her lips, cheeks coloring rapidly. She averted her eyes away and mumbled softly under her breath, “I was just thinking of something.”

“Like what?” Tiffany asked, curious.

You.

Taeyeon braced a sheepish glance up at her and bit at her bottom lip. Hard.

God, that head-tilt was just utterly adorable and her face was so ridiculously close. And those lips… they were only slightly beyond reach now that if she leaned in a little more…

No.

This won’t do.

Taeyeon inhaled deeply, eyes hardening with a sudden burst of sobriety.

“It’s nothing,” she said crisply, finally gathered enough of self-control to slip away from the redhead.

It had been extremely brief— maybe even a split of a second— but she managed to catch the distinct look of hurt flitting past the redhead’s face, the instant she withdrew herself away.

With newfound guilt nipping at her at the back of her head, Taeyeon worried her bottom lip, her features softening in the slightest submission.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out so harshly.” She murmured, shoulders sagging in regret.

A light brush against her fingers compelled her to glance up once more and she was met with a soft smile from the redhead.

“It’s okay,” Tiffany said, giving her fingers a gentle squeeze. But there was that rueful glint in her eyes that said otherwise and her smile seemed more sardonic than anything else. 

Taeyeon knew. She was probably thinking the same thing as she was right now.

You don’t tell me things anymore.

Since when had their friendship turned into one that was filled with secrets from one another?

They used to be so much more open with one another in the past. Talking about everything and anything, having nothing between them.

But that was before feelings that go beyond friendship came and messed things up.

Now, they were keeping things from one another.

And it hurt.

Though, it wasn’t like she wanted to keep Tiffany in the dark.

Just how was she supposed to go about telling her friend, and her roommate of two years, that she had been in love with her since three years ago?

And especially when she may or may not be still in love with her best friend.

Snippets of conversation filtered through her mind.

“She doesn’t love Jessica.”

...

“If you don’t believe me, you could always ask her yourself.”

Taeyeon took in a breath and sighed.

The least she could do now was to set her heart and mind at peace. Then deal with the rest later.

“Fany-ah…” Taeyeon murmured, more like croak. She cringed inwardly, hating how her voice sounded so awfully gravel and weak. It must have been grating to listen to.

The grip on her fingers grew stiff, then tightened almost in nervous anticipation.

“Hmm?”

“Do you…”

“Yeah?”

Taeyeon steeled herself with a deep breath.

“Do you—”

She blinked as the shrill, unmistakable tone of Tiffany’s all-too familiar ringtone pierced through the air, cutting her off abruptly.

Tiffany let off an exasperated sigh, taking a quick cursive look at her rattling iPhone by the coffee table before swiping it away, cradling it close to herself. She flashed Taeyeon a sheepish smile.

“Sorry, I’ve to take this. I’ll be back in five— Hello, Daddy?”

As she watched the redhead scamper out of the room, Taeyeon sank back against the couch, a small wistful smile hanging off her lips. She sighed softly through her nose as she listened to the chatter of Tiffany’s booming voice resonating from the room next door.

And there went her chance…

--

“Is there anything else you would like to order?”

“No, that’ll be all, thanks.” Tiffany beamed ever so sweetly, eyes crinkling into their trademark crescent-shape.

There was a brief moment of pause as a tiny blush rose to claim the cheeks of their female server, whom remained stunned for a second or two before snapping right back to reality.

Taeyeon watched on in mild amusement as the waitress then proceeded to fumble in her collection of their menus, nearly knocking over the jar of iced water to the side of the table with her elbow, before scurrying away quickly, all done in a fluster.

The extent of Tiffany’s charms… She honestly wondered how far it went sometimes.

Taeyeon returned her gaze back onto the redhead sitting across her and found that she was apparently staring and smiling at her.

“What?”

Tiffany gave a casual shrug, the smile on her face only grew wider.

“Nothing, I’m just trying to imagine the look on your face when you finally have a taste of those delicious blueberry pancakes. This pancake house makes hella’ good ones, you’re so going to love them.” Tiffany enthused with a radiant grin, which happened to be so infectious that Taeyeon couldn’t help but come up with a small smile of her own.

She took a second to lean back and marvel over the redhead’s burst of exuberance, paying half attention to her gushing over the various other dishes the pancake house had to offer, while the other half was trained on watching her.

Studying her.

The way she would move her hands wildly to gesticulate her point. The way her eyes lit up and the ends of her lips tilt upwards into that beatific smile...

It sent a flutter through Taeyeon’s entire being— a pleasant, blissful feeling— and she was sure she would never tire from just watching her like that.

She was bright and so very warm.

Just like the sun.

It was ironic how she used to gripe that Tiffany was ‘too bright’ and far ‘too warm’ in the past, and had even avoided and shunned her all throughout their first year in high school; mainly because she thought of her presence to be too much of a burden to bear, especially for someone who was as subdued and reserved as herself.

Then again, that was probably just some excuse her sixteen-year-old self came up with at that time, to hide the truth that was she just simply… afraid.

Tiffany.

She was so approachable and friendly, and naturally, she just oozed warmth that drew everyone in— like moths to a burning flame.

Taeyeon had never seen anyone like her before and it scared her.

She feared her.

And she kept far, far away. Afraid that by getting too close, she’d get burnt and blinded by her.

But that was all in the past.

Now, Taeyeon was beyond getting burnt and blinded.

She was already charred to the bone and numbed to the core by her.

And she came to a startling realization that it actually didn’t matter to her.

She didn’t care.

In the years of having known Tiffany, Taeyeon had also come to notice that like the sun, she had her off-days as well.

Sometimes she didn’t want to shine— couldn’t shine. On those days, she hid, tucked safely behind closed doors like how the sun would on a stormy day.

Though, those events were particularly rare to come by. 

However so, the memory of seeing Tiffany standing at her doorstep, soaked to the skin with her hair all straggly and damp from the pelting rain and eyes misty with tears— or ‘raindrops’— coursing down her cheeks, was always something Taeyeon could never forget.

At that time, all she remembered was thinking that she would do anything to keep her shining— to keep her burning bright and smiling.

Because Tiffany wasn’t just like the sun.

She was the sun.

Her sun.

“So what did our three musketeers do the other day?”

Taeyeon straightened up, immediately snapping out of her thoughts by the direct question aimed at her. Gazing down briefly, she realized that their orders had already been served. Shrugging, she cut precariously at her pancakes.

“We caught a movie, had lunch, then went back to Sooyoung’s café where we, uh…”

Had a sappy heart-to-heart talk that ended with me feeling even more confused than before. Then proceeded to,

“Goofed around with cans of whip cream.”

There was that sinking feeling once more.

Taeyeon hid her frown behind a forkful of pancake, but her face brightened instantaneously at the explosion of flavors in . The fusion of buttery pancakes and mouthwatering blueberry topping sent a delicious shudder down her spine and she couldn’t resist a delightful moan.

“This blueberry pancake is friggin’ amazing.” She crowed.

At the same time she was desperate to steer clear away from the topic at hand, she was honestly expressing what she truly felt about the pancakes. Like Tiffany had said earlier, this pancake house was hella’ good at what they did.

 “Told you so, didn’t I?” Tiffany grinned and sent her a wink. “So, you girls had a whip cream party and didn’t invite us?”

Taeyeon tensed imperceptibly. Inwardly, she cursed at the redhead for not dropping the subject entirely. She shrugged, keeping a blank face.

“It’s an exclusive party for the three musketeers only.” She said, the ends of her lips tilting slightly into a smile.

“How envious,” The redhead huffed, pouting in mock hurt.

Taeyeon chuckled, eyes sparkling with amusement.

Maybe it was the maple syrup and all that sugar finally getting to her head— or maybe it was the fact that Tiffany had looked so adorable at the moment—, that before Taeyeon could even stop herself, she had speared a small bit of her pancake with her fork and lifted it up towards the redhead.  

 “Aww, don’t be mad. Here’s my token of apology.” She grinned, lopsidedly. Playfully.

Tiffany could only stare at the fork before her in stunned silence. And the light flush of pink on her cheeks didn’t go unnoticed by Taeyeon. For a second there, she almost seemed shy, nibbling at her bottom lip.

Then it struck Taeyeon like a brick.

Crap.

Was this considered as flirting?

She had half the mind to put her fork down when Tiffany crossed the small distance between them and took a full bite from her fork. Her lips lingered as they slid off the metal fork ever so slowly. So tantalizingly.

It almost seemed so sensual.

Especially when she drew away with that indiscernible look of… something… in her eyes.

“Mmm, apology accepted.” The redhead hummed lowly, the ends of her lips curving into a mischievous smirk.

Taeyeon felt herself blush.

Yes, that was definitely flirting, alright. No doubt about it. 

“So, um— yeah. How did your day go with Jessica?” Taeyeon asked, trying her best to sound casual and nonchalant.

She cleared once—as if by doing so it would clear the thickening tension in the air— and bowed her head. Cutting off a small piece of her pancake, Taeyeon was right about to stuff it into when it suddenly occurred to her that Tiffany’s lips were on this very end of her fork merely seconds ago.

Which meant that her fork was coated with a good amount of her saliva.

If she took this bite, it’ll be an… An…

An indirect kiss.

Taeyeon felt her breath hitch in ; her heart was doing a marathon.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the redhead watching her intently with that same smirk from before.

She faked a cough, placed her fork down briefly and took a long drag of her iced water, stalling for time as well as to calm her erratic heart down.

She didn’t even have to look up to know that Tiffany was still staring.

What was she being so nervous for?

They had shared drinks— used the same straw— before and that didn’t seem to matter. Friends do that all the time.

Freaking out over an ‘indirect kiss’…

She was no longer in high school, for god’s sake.

Steeling herself, Taeyeon finally threw caution to the wind and fitted her fork into , refusing to meet the redhead’s eye whilst fighting down the raging blush that was crawling its way up to her cheeks and ears.

“Weeell,” drawled Tiffany, and Taeyeon stole a peek up at her. She thought she looked especially smug, “We did some shopping…”

“Some,” Taeyeon groused, rolling her eyes at recalling the amount of shopping bags that greeted her and Yuri upon stepping foot home that day. She wiped at her lips gingerly, albeit still slightly pink in the face.

 “Yes, some.” grinned Tiffany cheerily, waving her off airily. “And once we were done with shopping, we had lunch… Then, we caught a movie.”

Taeyeon stiffened, her features going rigid.

She felt her stomach clench as the same dark brew of uneasiness came flogging at her.

The idea of Jessica and Tiffany alone. In the dark theatre.

It didn’t sit particularly well with her. It made her gut twist in knots and her heart seethe quietly.  

And admittedly, she was— dared she said it— evidently jealous of the thought.

But Jessica was already in a happily committed relationship with Yuri.  So that made her jealousy completely uncalled for and foolish.

But still…

“Fany-ah…” Taeyeon murmured, her lips pressed thinly into a straight line.

“Yes, Taeyeonie?”

Chancing a glance up, she noticed that Tiffany was no longer smiling. Instead, a frown had marred her beautiful features with worry knitting at her brows.

Her stomach churned.

What if her suspicions were true?

What if she still loved Jessica?

Then what?

It’ll give her a peace of mind? It’ll break her heart into smithereens?

Maybe she should just pull out from this…

Maybe she should…

No.

She was already half way through with this and she was certainly not a quitter.

“She doesn’t love Jessica.”

Her mind was already made up.

It was now or never.

“Fany-ah, do you—”

Taeyeon froze, the words dying and withering away in , when her phone started buzzing noisily in her pocket. She had nearly groaned out loud at that.

It was the second time that day.

Second.

Second time that she was interrupted while trying to broach this particular subject.

Maybe this was god’s way of telling her to not even bring this up.

Trying her absolute best to keep her exasperation from showing, Taeyeon picked up the incoming call.

“Yes, Yuri-yah?”

‘Well, you sound miffed. Did I call at a bad time?’

Yes, Yuri, yes, you did.

But instead, Taeyeon merely pinched at the bridge of her nose and took in a deep inhale. “No… No of course you didn’t.” She muttered through gritted teeth, silently cursing at the Black Pearl’s impeccable timing. “What’s up?”

‘Just wondering if Fany and yourself would like to join us— us, being Sica, Sooyoung and I— out for dinner? We kinda’ ran into Soo down the streets and yeah, I thought it’d be nice if the five of us had a proper reunion, complete with soju and all, y’know?’

“Yeah, sure. We’ll join you.”

‘Awesome! So we’ll see you guys at seven at the usual Samgyupsal place. Sorry if I interrupted anything. Bye!’ 

Taeyeon shot her phone a withering glare as she tore it away from her ear. It was rare times like this she found herself getting annoyed by Yuri’s chirpy optimism.

She sighed.

Maybe next time…

 Meeting Tiffany’s questioning gaze, she offered a feeble smile.

“I hope you’re up for Samgyupsal and soju later.”

“You didn’t even have to ask.” Tiffany grinned. She paused, then bit at her lower lip.  “What was it that you were saying before Yuree called?”

Taeyeon shook her head and shrugged. “It’s nothing much,” she said, trying to play it off cool, and despite looking rather unconvinced, Tiffany didn’t press on any further.

So much for second chances.