"Hyung, have you ever fallen for someone you know you can't be with?, I asked Yoongi hyung
as I read the headlines that Zico hyung finally got a divorce from his husband.
Yoongi hyung just nodded at me with a far off look, I looked at him and asked
"who was it? Was it that tumblr girl?",
He replied me saying "Namjoon, my story is one to be told another time
but you need to fix whatever happened between you and Zico hyung because after all, my story never caused a divorce"
My face just blushed at his words and and I sighed out loud after he ruffled my hair and walked out of the studio

Namjoon Pov

I remember that conversation with Yoongi hyung like it was just yesterday although it was six months ago. It was the day that Dispatch caught Kookie out with Zico hyung's ex-husband, Loco hyung. I remember feeling betrayed because I thought that Kookie was on my side regarding everything that happened but since he was with Loco hyung, I guess not. Yoongi hyung found out about me and Zico hyung a year ago when he used my phone to check on something and stumbled upon some intimate photos of us that I never cared to delete because I felt like if I delete them, the whole relationship or whatever it was will seem like a dream that never happened.

He confronted me about it and told me off that if I was ing another man's husband then I had better stop it but I broke down and confessed to him the whole story. How he came onto me first after the 2014 MAMA awards and how Kookie had caught us being at a hotel before and how Zico hyung was cheating on Loco with me before he ended things with me to be serious with Loco hyung. Most of all, I told him how he broke my heart and caused my fall at the KBS 2015 year end show when he texted me of his plans to propose to Loco hyung. I even told him how he never allowed me to call him by his real name because our relationship was not true although he loved calling me Namjoon because he said that Rap Monster does not suit me. He said I'm not a monster hence he does not want to call me that. I knew how much he wanted to make our relationship real and public but I could never do so because I'm the leader, the one who has to take care of everyone so BTS' reputation was on the line if I ever came out although Kookie nearly wrecked our rep for us when he went out with Loco hyung publicly although they have stated they are just friends.

Even when Zico hyung had Loco hyung, he still wanted me and I still went back to him because he was the one I love despite all he did to me. He is like my soulmate in a past life and we are lucky enough to find each other again in this life but yet, circumstances keeps us apart. I remember when I asked Yoongi hyung if he had ever fallen for someone he could never be with, he gave me a strange look before he nodded. I know he liked this girl on Tumblr but he said he could never pursue her because she was a fan. He saw what happened to that Day6 member who was too nice to a fan and he left the group after the rumors happened. When I wanted to press on further, he confronted me about Zico hyung instead because he believed that Zico hyung and Loco hyung got a divorce cause of me and I couldn't even refute it before he left.

It has been 3 years since that last text from Zico hyung. Some days, I really want to call him up when I am drunk but I resist it and he stayed silent as well. I keep up to date on his happenings through the news, his SNS and shameful to say, Dispatch too. I was happy for him when I knew he was named as Seunghoon hyung and Min Young shi's twins' Godfather because I knew how much he loved kids although secretly I was jealous that it was with Loco hyung and not me. Most nights, I fall asleep hoping to not dream of him because when I do, I feel like he is still with me even though it isn't real. Even after he revealed that he and Loco hyung got a divorce, I couldn't bring myself to contact him although the quiet silence between us hurts me a lot. I would rather we argue and push each other to the wall before we kiss then each other out but he is not giving me that pleasure. I stare again at that photo of us smiling happily during the last month that we were together in secret before Loco hyung came in his life and fell asleep to the quiet silence that kills me on the inside.

This chapter was inspired by Troye Sivan's The Quiet

Check him out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vykVdJDu28A

The lyrics and feel of the song matches this chapter very well

I felt so choked up and angsty while writing this chapter

Hope you all can leave some comments :)