Chapter 11: looking for you

You're an but I love you

It seems like there are a million people in the crowd as Jungkook squeezes his way through, trying to find a good spot, preferably directly in front of the stage. He slightly flinches when someone brushes against him, too close for comfort. Jungkook hates coming to events like this – too many people, too little breathing space. He feels a little suffocated as he continues pushing past people.

He cranes his neck, looking around the crowd. Amidst the sea of people, he manages to spot him. It makes him a bit more breathless, like he’s choking on buried emotions. He wants to go over and say hi, dying to inch his way through the audience to stand next to him.

His smile falters as he spots the sign in the other’s hands.

‘JUNG HOSEOK, YOU GOT THIS! <3’ the board reads in bright pink, an equally bright smile plastered on Taehyung’s face as he looks at the empty stage, eyes lighting up eagerly.

Jungkook looks away. He feels his eyes stinging and his heart throbbing painfully in his chest. He forces himself to ignore whatever he just saw, telling himself that that was all a hallucination. The more he tells himself that, the more he sees Taehyung’s boxy smile in his head.

Suddenly, the stage lights up and Jungkook turns his attention to the cheery emcee. She starts introducing the various dance crews. Jungkook recognises her as Hyoyeon, a graduated senior. When she mentions ‘Mr. J’, he chuckles in disbelief. How obnoxious is Hoseok, so much so that he has to name the dance crew after himself? However, he immediately abandons these thoughts when he sees Jimin walking out with his head held high, wearing a charming smile. He looks incredible in his makeup and outfit. Jungkook feels his lips tug up.

They make eye contact and Jungkook mouths a quick ‘Good luck’. Jimin answers with a small nod that does not go unnoticed by him. Hoseok introduces their crew, his overly perky voice and overbearing laughter reverberating around the venue. The crowd bursts into laughter as he cracks a joke, throwing his whole body forward in glee. Jungkook looks to where Taehyung is and notices the way the latter’s eyes crinkle with amusement at his boyfriend, lips curled up in a precious smile. So near yet so far away.

I wish you would look at me like this, idiot.

Jungkook feels tears prickling at his eyes again and fights his hardest to keep them back. He cannot cry, not at a place like this. He cannot cry, not when everyone around him is on the balls of their feet and are more than ready for the competition to start. He promised himself not to cry again. So Jungkook swallows the huge lump in his throat and raises his voice, hoping it’ll be loud enough for both Taehyung and Jimin to hear.

“Go, ‘Mr. J!’”

The music fades into the background and the lights dim as the group before them bow once more before rushing backstage. One of the dancers, Sehun, sends Jimin an encouraging smile before running forward to catch up with his crew mates.

Hoseok gathers them into a circle and all of them huddle together. “We’ve practiced really hard for this and I believe you guys can do this. Let’s not think too much and enjoy ourselves on the stage!” he shouts and receives hoots and cheers in response. Jimin smiles gratefully at their leader.

Hoseok has always been a source of encouragement and strength in the group, never failing to motivate them through their tough pursuit for excellence. It’s no wonder that they call him ‘J-Hope’; he really does bring optimism to them. Jimin thinks it's amazing how he is able to bring positive energy wherever he goes.

They run off into their various positions, Jimin taking the centre of the stage. He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. A pin drop silence hangs in the air as he waits for the music to start. He has practiced long and hard just to stand on this stage, and he swears he will never let himself and the others down.

The first few beats of the music boom across the place and Jimin opens his eyes. His limbs move to the rhythm as if on instinct and he drowns himself in the music. He forgets about the crowd, his worries and his expectations – he just dances. The others move around him flawlessly and Jimin’s heart soars. Amidst all the cheering erupting from the wild crowd, Jimin’s eyes search for one familiar face.

He promised he would come. He promised.

However, no matter how hard Jimin looks for him, he does not sees the familiar mop of blonde hair and the smug smile accompanying it. Jimin cannot deny the wave of disappointment washing over him, like a gust of cold wind on a hot summer day. Masking his displeasure, he focuses on the beat instead and then, that particular note plays, signalling the finale. 

Jimin kicks his leg backwards and pushes himself up, feeling himself fly. It’s as if everything is in slow motion as he rotates in the air. He feels weightless and everything is silent around him, the only audible sound being his pounding heart. Then, everything comes rushing back to him and suddenly he can hear the loud cheers again. His feet lands on the ground with a soft thud and he stills himself. Everyone around him freezes and the music stops.

The crowd roars and claps fervently. Jimin spots Jungkook at the front, the younger boy shooting him a pleased grin. He sends back an appreciative smile and waves to his best friend. Fatigue catches up to him and he feels himself bending over and furiously panting, trying to catch his breath as sweat pours down his forehead. However, the smile never leaves his face.

The crew comes together and they hold each other’s hand. “Thank you!” they chorus from the bottom of their hearts while bowing repeatedly. The crowd applauds once again as they jog backstage, all of them feeling equally satisfied. “That, that was amazing everyone,” Jimin manages to choke out as he looks at his crew mates. They nod at his statement and Hoseok ruffles his hair.

“Your flip was gorgeous Jimin. I’m so proud of you!” he beams and Jimin laughs along with him.

Everything – the sprained ankle, the hours spent locked in the dance studio until he could finally master the moves, the number of times he has contemplated giving up – all of them were worth it. Words cannot describe whatever Jimin is feeling now. He leans against the cold wall and lets his emotions take over. He cannot believe all of it is over.

His mind drifts back to Yoongi and how he wasn’t in the crowd of people cheering him on. There is an empty void in his heart. The thought of Yoongi forgetting about his performance and being somewhere else makes him stiffen and it wipes the smile off his face. He sprints to his bag and whips out his phone, expecting to see a chain of messages from his boyfriend to apologise for his absence.

The time and his wallpaper (ironically an image of Yoongi and him) greet him instead. Jimin throws his phone back into the bag and slumps his shoulders in defeat.

“What’s wrong Jimin? You seem out of it,” Jinyoung crouches beside him and places a hand on his shoulder. Jimin simply shakes his head and stands up.

“Nothing hyung, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about me,” Jimin answers in a small voice before heading back to the group. Jinyoung nods understandingly and walks away.

They are called to the stage after the last performance to receive their results. Everything happens in a flash as the emcee wraps up the competition and congratulates everyone for successfully completing their performance. Jimin doesn’t concentrate on her words, or rather he can’t. He bites on his lips, thinking about where Yoongi can possibly be and what he is doing now.

Everything happens in a flash and suddenly, he feels Bora’s fingernails digging into his palm. She too is biting her lips and fidgeting about. “Do you think we will win?” she asks in a trembling voice.

“I don’t know,” Jimin answers honestly, putting on a tight smile. He wills himself not to think about Yoongi and focus on the competition instead.

They need to win, they really need to win.

“And the winner is…” Tension hangs in the air as Hyoyeon pauses for dramatic effect. She glances around the competitors with a mischievous grin.

“…’Pink Punk’! Congratulations!”

Turns out, ‘Mr. J’ placed second. Jimin feels the tiniest tinge of disappointment but he knows they’ve done their best and that’s all that matters. They head to the winning group and congratulate them, sincere smiles adorning their faces.

They’ll win one day – not today, but someday.

Taehyung has somehow found him among the hundreds of people gathering around the stage and he feels slightly relieved when his roommate taps him on his shoulder, saying how he did not expect him to turn up for the competition. At the sight of Taehyung’s glorious smile, Jungkook quickly forgets all his previous feelings and smiles along to the boy’s words.

“Don’t you think Hoseok was amazing?” Taehyung elbows him while asking. At the mention of the dance captain’s name, Jungkook’s face falls slightly but he finds himself nodding along while wearing a taut smile.

“I was rooting for his crew,” Jungkook answers, not a complete lie because he really wanted Jimin to win, "it was a shame they didn't win." This earns an approving grin from Taehyung.

“Even if he didn't win, he’ll always be number one in my heart!” he pipes and grins giddily at the thought of his boyfriend. It takes everything in Jungkook not to turn towards the other direction and run away. Instead, he tries to distract himself by scanning the bustling crowd, looking for his best friend.

Finally, he spots Jimin among the other dancers. “Jimin hyung!” he calls out. Jimin’s face lights up at the sound of his voice and he dashes forward, almost colliding into him. Jungkook takes his arm to steady him, telling him off for being so careless. Jimin dismisses it with a chuckle.

“Thanks for coming,” Jimin expresses his gratitude to both Taehyung and him, his smile brighter than the sun.

“I’m so proud of you! Your back flip had me breathless,” Taehyung marvels and pats him on the shoulder, “I didn’t know you were such a great dancer.” Jimin blushes at the compliment, muttering a quiet thank you.

“Yeah, you were awesome hyung,” Jungkook adds in a soft voice, as if he is afraid of the dancer hearing him. Jimin snorts at his tone and grabs him in a playful headlock.

“What did you say? I can’t hear you,” Jimin teases.  

“I said you were awesome,” Jungkook mumbles under his breath. Taehyung sniggers.

“Pardon?”

“Park Jimin, you are awesome!” Jungkook shrieks, scaring even himself. He quickly hides his face behind his hands, sputtering curses. Jimin lets go of him and snickers to himself, causing Jungkook to drop on his knees. He sighs in annoyance and quickly picks himself up.

Taehyung lets out a breathy laugh and hits Jungkook on the arm. However, his attention immediately shifts to the loud voice belonging to Hoseok who is standing a few meters away, basking in the attention showered upon him. He quickly excuses himself and runs to his boyfriend, shouting his name.

Jimin watches Jungkook’s expression crumble at the sight of Taehyung crashing into the dance captain’s arms. He physically flinches when Taehyung wraps his arms around Hoseok and captures his lips in a kiss. The spectators whistle at the couple, gushing about how cute they look together. Taehyung brings out his board and points to it excitedly, causing Hoseok to coo over him. Jimin wants to lurch as he sees Jungkook’s lips trembling.

He says nothing, just steps forward to gather Jungkook in his arms, squeezing the younger boy firmly. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. The boy shakes his head and lets out a whimper. He buries his face in the crook of his neck. Jimin feels the fabric of his shirt dampening and his heart sinks further than it already is. 

His best friend deserves nothing but happiness. However, the only person who is able to give him happiness is robbing him of it too. Jimin doesn’t know what to do.

“Am I missing out on something?” he hears a familiar voice and releases his hold on Jungkook out of shock. He turns around, facing the person he had been dying to see this whole time. He doesn’t miss the smirk spread across his face and the amusement in his eyes.

“Hyung,” Jimin lets go of the breath he didn’t realise he had been holding in, “hyung, where have you been?”

“I think- I think I’ll go now,” Jungkook avoids eye contact with Yoongi, ducking his head out of sight and slowly backing away.

Jimin wants to tell Jungkook to stay, but he needs to talk to Yoongi and he doesn’t want Jungkook to suffer further while being in the same place as his crush and his crush's boyfriend. “I’ll see you in your room?” Jimin offers and Jungkook nods weakly before shuffling away, eyes puffy and shoulders shaking. Jimin sighs deeply and turns his attention back to Yoongi.

“Where were you?” he asks again, voice dangerously low. Jimin doesn’t expect Yoongi to grab his arm and tug him towards the exit. They end up in a secluded corner of the building.

“Why didn’t you come? I was looking for you and you just weren’t there and I was so afraid,” Jimin gushes, tears threatening to escape from the corner of his eyes. All the disappointment and hurt he had been trying to hide surfaces at this moment and he cannot help the choked sob that escapes his lips. Yoongi pulls him into his arms and envelops him in a warm hug.

“Babe, I was there the whole performance,” he says, “I was hiding so I wouldn’t distract you. I’m sorry for making you worry.” This takes the words out of Jimin’s mouth and he lifts his head, staring into Yoongi’s eyes with his teary vision.

“You what?”

“I was watching you the whole time. I’m not being biased, but you were the star of the show,” Yoongi’s voice brims with pride and Jimin feels guilt stabbing at him for doubting his boyfriend. Yoongi cups his face tenderly and wipes his tears away.

“My star,” Yoongi whispers and leans down, his lips touching Jimin’s. Jimin cannot help the tears coursing down his cheek. He reaches out and wraps his hands around Yoongi’s neck, pressing their lips together. It’s exactly how he imagined their first kiss would be: sweet, gentle and overflowing with emotions. It means so much to him. Jimin smiles into the kiss and he feels Yoongi’s lips curling up as well.

They break apart and Yoongi spots the faint pink dusting Jimin’s puffy cheeks. “Thank you for coming hyung,” Jimin beams up at him and Yoongi tousles his soft brown hair while smiling.

“Anything for you, sunshine.”

“Don’t call me hyung in the future,” Yoongi says suddenly as they walk back to the dormitories hand in hand.

“What should I call you then?” Jimin hums while leaning his head against the elder’s shoulder.

“Just Yoongi.”

“Okay, Yoongi,” Jimin complies while scrunching his nose teasingly. Yoongi really, really, really likes the way it sounds.

a/n: first and foremost, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 104 SUBSCRIBERS!!! it may not be a lot but it means so much to me (*･▽･*) when i first wrote this story i expected like 50 subs at most so this makes me so happy! to all of you who decided to give my mediocre story a chance: thank you from the bottom of my heart and i hope you're enjoying the story so far (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

back to what i wanted to say: i'm really sorry for not updating as soon as i promised. school has been really hectic; in fact i have an oral exam tomorrow but i decided to stop procrastinating with this story so here i am with a longer chapter! (´ヮ`) hopefully this made up for my false promises hehe. i really can't make any more promises, i'l end up breaking them.

thank you so much for staying with this story. i appreciate comments a lot!! (*^^*)