Several hours passed he call me and we met at TWG tea and coffee shop, I sit quietly while checking my phone not wanting talk to him cause i'm too nervous sitting in the same place with him .

It's not just 'HIM' . it's Mathew, the only man that i love with all of my life .

What's your order sir?’ The waiters ask

Vanilla ice tea with ice cream and Royal tea with mix macaroons ‘he said make me froze because i'm shock,how can he still remember my favorite thing and that's hurt me even more

Carl ‘he call make me look at him

Yes?’

How are you?’ he ask and I notice hurt,anger,disappointed and love (?) in his eyes

Like what you look  I'm fine ‘ I try to be confident in front of him even my heart teary right now

Yeah, you look very fine ‘ he mocking himself but I just keep silent

So , how are you?’ I ask to erase the awkwardness

I'm fine ‘ he answer shortly

It's been 6 years ‘he muttered

and I miss you ‘he softly continue

His words make me tearing now ,how can he tell me he miss me but he look so fine right now ??? I want to cry and hug him while tell I also miss him with all of my heart but I held that , I held my tears not to show I'm move on but I just don't want he pity me

Did you married already?’he ask make me shake my head

Did you ??’I ask him back while still trying erase the awkwardness

I already divorce ‘ His answer shocking me again but I keep my poker face

And I already have one daughter ‘

OMG! He’ a daddy

Carl?’ He call make me look at him

Ya?

Did you happy when I'm gone ?? ‘ he ask but before I answer he speak again

Of course you happy right ?? You the one who leave me ‘ he sarcastically said

You wrong Mathew, I'm dying when you leave ‘ I thought

I miss you ‘ he speak

I've miss you so much Carl ‘‘he repeat while I just can stay in my position

I really want say I miss him more than what he can imagine but here Iam froze in my place

Can I hug you ? ‘ he ask while I keep silence and he grab my hand and pull me to his embrace

It's hurt me when you leave me without any word ‘ he hug me tightly

I can't even do anything since the day you leave  ‘he continue make me feel so sorry towards him

I thought you love me but I was wrong, I guess ‘he keep talking make me just can hold my tears

Sorry, I'm sorry ‘I'm start sobbing in his embrace

You don't know how hurt I am ‘ he said with his shaking voice

My world crash down when you leave me ‘

Sorry sorry ‘ I keep repeating my world

I love you Carl only you ‘ he finish his words while wiped his own tears

I'm sorry ‘

Don't repeat that again Carl , don't do it again ‘ he cares my face an wiped my tears

I love you that the only thing you have to know Carl ‘ he kiss my forehead

I miss you so much more than you can imagine carl ‘ he tell me while I try to smile

You can't tell how much you make me crazy ‘ I thought

But can I ask you one question ?’ he ask me softly make me nod

Did your parents really hate me ? did they really don’t want we together ? or did you never love me ? ‘ he ask still with smile in his face but make me broke inside

He must be curious why I leave him ? because when he wake up after the surgery, i'm already leave without any words to him

I’ll try to accept everything carl but please answer me ‘ he hold my shaking hands

My parents really love you so much ‘ I tell him while held my tears from flowing down

They never hate you never, they the one who love you more than you know ‘ I tell him and I notice he shock

So ? why you move to New York ? why you leave me ? ‘

I love you so much that's why I leave you ‘ I sob

What do you mean?’ he looks shock but did he have know now ??? It's right to tell him about this now?

Carla? What you want to tell me? Why you have leave me if you love me ??? ‘

Anita , she love you so much and that accident because of her mom to threaten me ‘

What ??? ‘

I'm sorry ‘

So you leave me cause Anita's mom told you too ?!’ He ask with full anger in his voice make me just nod

 

Why you ?!OMG  ‘he groan

I'm sorry ‘I crying so hard make Mathew hug me back

We leave the café and go to my car , Mathew drive the car and bring me to our secret place

You have tell me everything ‘ he said while held my hand

---

I text Sasha and Cindy tell them to take care of my parents and Brian while I finish this unfinished story with Mathew

Tell me ‘he said while I rest my body in his chest while I tell him everything, I tell all the truth to him without leave anything

My parents already talking to aunt Marisa but she still in her decision cause Anita so depressed because of you and aunty will never stop until I leave you ‘ I tell him while he hug me tightly

No one agree with my decision but I don’t have a choice , we talking about your life math and I can't selfish ‘ I finish

Sorry Carl , sorry ‘ he back hug me while crying in my shoulder

My parents even don’t want talk to me for 4 month cause I chose to leave you , they hate me cause I broke you but thanks God they finally accepting me again ‘

I blame you in the past 6 years I curse you cause you leave me but I don't know the truth that you save me ‘

It's okay math , I also wrong that time leaving you without any good bye’

Forgive me Carl , forgive me lala ‘he crying so hard making me also cry cause this not only his fault

You don’t do anything wrong Matt, maybe this is our fate ‘ I tell while he still sobbing in my embrace

 

When both of us already more calm Mathew look at me while kiss my lips , it's just a peak but its success make a butterfly in my stomach

Can we start everything from beginning la? ‘ he ask me

We can't ‘ I answer him

Why?’

I have a fiancé ‘

Did you love him more than you love me ? ‘ he ask

How can I answer this ??? Brian just become my second choice like what my mom say but he already help me a lot how can I leave him ?? He's to good if I broke him just because my love is coming back to me right ?

I don't know ‘

Who's your fiancé ? Did I know him ??’ he ask with anger in his eyes

Did i have tell him ?? or not ?? ' i keep doubing in my mind

Did i know him ??' he ask me again

God, just please help me ' i pray in my heart

He's Brian ‘

What ?? Brian ? Our classmates ? ‘he ask while shock

Yes’

How can?’

He help me a lot , he always there when I missing you, he comfort me when I want to end my life cause feeling to pressure for life without you ‘

He love you since we in college babe but he appreciated me ‘he suddenly confreres

How you know ? ‘

Every one know la, he love you ‘

But I don’t know ‘

That’s cause you only love me ‘ he said softly

Yeah, he told the truth since high school i never lose my love for him cause everyday he'll make me feel amazing towards him, he like a box of mystery and that's make me never bored of him .

But did you love him ?? ‘

Did i love brian ?? did i really want to be his wife ?? did i want this ?? ' i ask the same question in my mind

I don't know ‘

I know you not babe ‘ he hug me

How can he know ?? How can he know how much preasure that i feel with Brian ??

But I can't hurt him ‘

Both of us keep silence while he keep hugging me cause maybe the best things we can do now is just to release our feelings for missing each other for 6 years , we don’t need anything .

And for me I just need him beside me as long as I can cause that’s the only way to make me feel complete .