“Yong-Sun—” Moonbyul muttered.

The sight of Solar brought about an indescribable pain and happiness. As though it was choking her; it left her unable to breathe, unable to speak, unable to move. As if she was a bird gliding freely through the air. The wind brushed against her back and rushed along to accompany her. She happily smiled and danced with the wind, without the shackles of burden that tied her down.

When she was most ecstatic, a sharp pain ripped open her chest. She looked down to discover her blood trickling out from an open wound. She flapped her wings harder to escape her destined fate, just to find they were too heavy to lift. She tried to fight against the odds and hoped she would survive, however in a blink of an eye she was already plunging towards the earth. A hunter was happily smirking in the distance for his latest trophy. She felt her body shattered when the ground welcomed her into its fold. She stared helplessly into the distance as each lifeless breath escaped from her. The darkness crawled slowly towards her and consumed everything it touched, before it swallowed her.

She wanted to smile but tears left her eyes instead. She wanted to speak but her lips could only tremble as they opened. She wanted to hold Solar tighter but afraid that if she did, Solar would flow through the crevasses of her fingers. Just like the dry desert sand, no matter how tightly she gripped it in her hands, it would still leave her in the end. She could only close her eyes and wept silently; unable to understand the reason behind her sadness. Unable to defend herself against the feeling of helplessness as it settled in. Her tears dripped onto Solar’s cheeks and stirred Solar from her slumber.

What’s going on? Is someone crying?

Solar opened her eyes but a heavy fog had settled in, everything around her was hidden behind its veil. She tried to blink as if she was silently ordering it to dissipate. It, however, had deemed itself the owner of her eyesight and refused to disappear. The world was hazy and she felt too weak to fight. As though a boulder had proudly rolled atop of her. It crushed her beneath its mighty body and forced her to bear its weight. She tried to move but her limbs were giving her a hard time. She felt the droplets of water once more as it landed on her face and flowed down her cheeks. She looked up to find a faded figure.

Who is it? Is this person crying because of me?

She raised her hand and gently wiped away the tears, “why are you crying?” she said in a weak voice.

Moonbyul was pleasantly surprised by the gentle touch that caressed her face, and the sweet voice that followed. She merged their hands together before she opened her eyes. She looked at Solar; her trembled lips parted, but still her voice couldn’t find its way through. She smiled and shook her head.

“Are you hurt?” Solar questioned. Moonbyul wanted to reply but her voice didn’t want to comply. Solar could feel the answer being given to her. “That’s good—” she smiled as her consciousness began to fade once more.

“A-are you okay?” Moonbyul finally found her voice although it was shaking.

“I’m—I’m okay—,” she assured, “you shouldn’t—shou—cry any—”

“Yong-Sun? Yong-Sun!?” She gently shook Solar.

Don’t—don’t shake me. I’m—I’m really tired. Let me rest, please.

“Yong-Sun!”

Don’t—don’t scream. Please—don’t—I—

“I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Moonbyul took a moment to compose herself as Solar fell unconscious. She sniffled and quickly wiped away her tears. She picked Solar up in her arms and laid her down on the bed. She checked Solar’s temperature once more before she scanned her body. There was a loud crashing noise earlier. I hope she wasn’t hurt. She carefully examined Solar a few more times and felt relieved when she found nothing serious.

She stared at Solar’s sleeping face and smiled childishly, her heart was filled with joy. As if by instinct, she tucked her hair behind her ear and leaned down to give Solar a kiss. As their lips were about to touch, she froze. She opened her eyes and realized she was no longer in a position to do something like that. I shouldn’t. It’s not something she would’ve wanted. She could feel Solar’s warm breath against her skin and it made her wish she could feel it even more. She sighed before she backed away. It didn’t matter how much she hated it or how it made her feel. She knew it was the right thing to do.

She left the room for a few moments and came back with cold water and a rag. She placed the bowl down on the nearby table and dampened the cloth. She wrung out most of the water before she proceeded to wipe the sweat off of Solar’s body. She was meticulous but not overzealous in her actions. She dampened the cloth once again before she placed it on Solar’s forehead. Once she was finished, she sat down beside Solar’s bed and held onto Solar’s hand before she spoke.

“Yong-Sun ah,” she paused for a moment, “long time no see.”

She tilted her head downward and sighed. What am I doing? She looked back at Solar with one brow raised.

“If you’re awake, you’d think I’m being silly. You might even laugh,” she thought about it for a second, “that might not be so bad. I’d like to see that actually.”

She sighed once more. I’m speaking to an unconscious person. What is wrong with me?

“Truthfully, I wanted to tell you that I miss you,” she smiled bitterly, “because I really do,” tears began to form at the tip of her eyes, “silly don’t you think? I’ve waited this long, and yet—and yet I choose to tell you now.”

I’m a coward, don’t you think so? Where did my courage go when I needed it? She scoffed and chuckled at her own action.

“I don’t think I’d be able to tell you when you’re awake,” she closed her eyes and let out a long sigh as she tried to keep herself from tearing up, “and it pains me more than I thought it would.”

She gripped her chest as she tried to subdue the pain from within. I still couldn’t keep my tears from falling. She sniffled as she wiped them away. Am I useless, I wonder? Or is the pain you brought with you just too much for me to bear?

“Three years I’ve waited—longed for this day—for this reunion,” she gritted her teeth, “three years, Yong-Sun ah—”

Did you know it felt like an eternity? Did you know I thought it would never end? Did you feel the same way? She smiled bitterly.

“When I heard you were back. I was so happy. I just wanted to be next to you. I wanted to hug you, to kiss you—but I knew—I knew—” she chuckled bitterly.

I realized that I couldn’t anymore. I’d no right to. When that reality struck me, the pain was unbearable. I didn’t know what to do.

“It felt like I was going crazy.”

I wanted to go crazy. I might have gone crazy.

“I wanted to forget—”

I wanted to throw it all away. I wanted to just destroy everything in my path.

She sighed before she continued, “some detective I turned out to be,” she mocked, “destroying instead of defending.”

She laid her head down next to Solar as she gently outlined the curves of Solar’s face with her finger. I never thought we’d be able to meet again so soon. I never thought we’d be able to meet again at all. You don’t know how happy seeing you again made me feel. She saw Solar’s smile and smiled along.

“Are you having a good dream? I hope you are,” she swept Solar’s hair aside, “I hope you’ll never have to be sad again.”

I know you’d tell me that’s just wishful thinking, but let me dream a little, okay? She smiled sweetly. I love you Yong-Sun ah. Can I stay beside you like this, even if it’s just for a little while?

“If you don’t say anything, then I’m gonna stay,” she whispered, “3–2–1” she counted slowly, “I’m staying then.”

She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face. She dreamt of the first time she met Solar. It was love at first sight. She thought Solar was the most beautiful girl she had ever laid her eyes on. She couldn’t take her eyes off of Solar. Solar’s smile could brighten up even the cloudiest of days. It could drag her out from the depth of despair and bring joy into her heart. Solar was simply mesmerizing.

She would always tease Solar to get attention, she knew it was childish but she couldn’t help herself. Solar would retaliate and slapped her arm, but that didn’t stop her from coming back for more. It was as though their meeting was mandated by heaven, an addiction she knew she would never be able to get rid of. But it was a fate she was willing to embrace. The day she professed her love, her heart was beating out of control. She felt like she was hyperventilating and stuttered when she spoke. She was overjoyed when Solar admitted to feeling the same way. She hugged Solar tightly and spun her around in the air. She had never forgotten that moment.

The sun crept slowly onto Solar’s eyes and stirred her from her slumber. She squeezed her eyes together and grunted softly in protest, but it was just too bright to be blocked out. Feeling drained of energy, she held up her hand to give herself some shade before she opened her eyes to welcome a new day.

I feel like . What did Whee-In do to me? She held her head. She and I will have a good chat later.

She her side and lifted herself up onto her elbow. She was about to sit up when she froze in place. What had greeted her so early in the morning? Moonbyul’s sleeping face. What-what is she doing here? How long had she been here? What if I did something weird? Did I do something weird? Did I? She felt faint, lost her balance and fell forward. Her face landed just inches away from Moonbyul.

The sudden noise woke Moonbyul. When she opened her eyes, she was greeted by Solar rapidly blinking eyes. Why is she so close? What-what was she doing? Why is she blinking so fast? Is this some sort of test? Should I also be blinking that fast? She decided to follow what Solar was doing.

Solar furrowed her brow. Why is her eyes doing that? What’s going on? Now she’s furrowing her brow. Is she sending me a message? What is she trying to say? Solar stared at Moonbyul as she tried to figure out the hidden message, but there were none to be found. Slowly she was drawn in by Moonbyul’s gaze. She felt her heart beating quicker as her breathing became uneven. It felt impossible to detach herself from the temptation of the abyss that was staring back at her. Its sweet allure dragging her in deeper and tightening its control over her. When she realized what was happening, she quickly pulled away.

“W-what are you doing in my room?”

Moonbyul also sat up from where she lay, “I heard a loud noise last night,” she began nonchalantly, “when I called out to you, you didn’t answer so I came in. How are you feeling?”

“I-I’m fine, thank you. Did you know I was living here?”

“Not until I saw you last night. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Y-yes—thank you for last night. I’m sorry for the trouble I cause—”

Moonbyul felt her heart stung a little at Solar’s modest words. It was as if they were strangers. She smiled wryly, “it—it wasn’t any trouble.”

“I’m—I’m really sorry—”

“Don’t worry about it,” she perked herself up and tried to lighten the mood. “Do you need anything?”

“No—”

“D-do you want me to leave?” she said hesitantly. Solar felt a guilt slowly building up inside of her. She turned away without responding. “I-I understand—”

She sighed as she got up onto her feet. She looked at Solar’s pained expression and felt her heart aching. She wanted to reach out her hand to comfort Solar but knew it was unwanted. She smiled bitterly as she turned away. When she got to the door, she hesitated for a moment before she opened it. She turned her head back slightly and spoke.

“You’re still weak so don’t exert yourself. If you need anything, call me. I’ll get it for you, okay?” She sighed softly, “let me do at least that.”

Moonbyul closed the door gently behind her. She made sure that Solar couldn’t see the tears that had already begun flowing down her face. She limped against the door and buried her face into her hand as she crumbled onto the floor. I couldn’t keep up the tough act until the very end. I’m sorry. She placed her hand on the door and softly rubbed her head against it. Why can’t I be closer? Why can’t I comfort her? She turned away, hugged her legs against her chest and wept silently.

Once the door was closed and Moonbyul stood on the other side, Solar held her chest and broke out in tears. I’m sorry, Byul-ah. I’m sorry— She walked to the door and placed her hand on it before she fell to her knees. Her tears dripped onto the ground as her hand slipped off of the door. I’m sorry for being a coward. Forgive me. As she knelt there; she wanted to scream to release the pain in her heart, but she could only do so silently. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you comfort.

Only a wall separates us—and yet—it feels like you’re further than I can reach. They thought in unison.

If I can’t even give her comfort, what right do I have to be next to her? What right do I have to long for her love? Moonbyul got up and dragged herself into the corner of the house near her own room. The shadow enveloped her being and kept the sunlight from reaching her. As if she was a lifeless decoration, forgotten by the owner. Just another piece of furniture longing for a bit of attention, but could only fade into the background. She sat there silently, as though she was waiting for the moment when her existence ceased to be.

Three years have passed and yet the pain is still fresh. Solar smiled bitterly. We’re hurt. We’re tired. Why must life torment us like this? She let out a long sigh as she leaned her back against the door. I could only bring sadness to her. It would have been better if we didn’t meet again. And yet here we are— Solar placed her head on her knees. Her tears trickled down her legs as she scribbled Moonbyul’s name on the floor with her finger.

The sun had risen high above in the sky, it welcomed all to another beautiful day. The birds were singing a happy tune outside, oblivious and ignorant to the people crying within. Whee-In arrived at the house and let herself in with the spare key Solar had provided for her. She jiggled the key happily before tucking it away.

I wonder if Yong-Sun Unnie is awake. We can have lunch together. She smiled at the prospect. Hopefully Moonbyul is out. She sighed. I already feel guilty enough when I see her. I don’t know what to do if I have to face her again. What should I do if she’s around? She hesitated to enter the house. I shouldn’t think too much about it. It’s noon, she shouldn’t be home. Yeah, she must not be. She tapped her face to perk herself up. Let’s go find Yong-Sun Unnie first.

Whee-In came through the front door and called out in a low voice, “Unnie are you here?”

“Which one are you looking for?”

A stern voice emitted from the darkness behind her. The voice didn't sound happy let alone welcoming. Why is it her? Of the two, why her? Whee-In closed her eyes, furrowed her brow, and sighed. Can my luck get any worse? When she turned around, an intimidating Moonbyul was already towering over her.

Moonbyul seemed calm with an almost deadly presence. Her glare was like a dagger, sharp enough to pierce through anything. Her hands were tightened into fists and her body slightly trembled in anger. She looked as though she was getting ready to interrogate a criminal. She gritted her teeth and silently grunted as she awaited Whee-In’s answer.

“Well? Which one is it? Who are you calling?”

“By your question, I take it that you know,” Whee-In answered firmly.

Moonbyul bit her lip and scoffed slightly, her expression seemed as though she was about to throw a punch. “Do you think it’s funny?” she questioned angrily, “were you having fun? Were you laughing!?” She scorned, “yes,” she nodded and stretched out her arms, before she tapped her chest to mark herself as a target, “yes, laughed at this person! This miserable person!”

Whee-In shook her head, “NO!—that wasn’t my intention!”

“Then what!?” She raised her voice and gritted her teeth, “what was your intention?”

“I—It—It wasn’t—I—I”

“It wasn’t what!?” She scorned, “I was a fool. I should’ve known something was up yesterday. You coming here—showing up all of a sudden—” she laughed bitterly. “To think I even made an excuse for you.”

“I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to—.”

“Then why? Why did you lie? Why? You knew I miss her. You knew I wanted to see her. And she was right there!” She pointed to Solar’s room. She bit her lips harder as tears fell from her eyes, “so why? Why did you lie to me? Do you hate me that much?”

She felt a sting in her heart as she looked at Moonbyul, “I don’t know why I lied,” she closed her eyes and turned away as she answered. “I don’t hate you. I never did,” she shook her head, “but at that moment—I—I don’t know why I did it.” She began tearing up, “it didn’t feel good for me either.”

“How am I supposed to believe you?”

“Believe what you want.” She wiped away her tears and composed herself. “It’s the truth.”

Moonbyul nodded her head mockingly, “I never knew you could be such a cold hearted person.”

She scoffed, “maybe—but would it have made a difference?”

“What!?”

“Would it have made a difference if I told you? You know nothing good will come out of the two of you meeting again.”

“That’s not for you to decide.”

“You’re right,” Whee-In nodded, “it’s not,” she paused and with a stern look she replied, “I also have no obligation to tell you anything.”

“When did you become so cruel?”

“Think what you will. I’m only trying to protect Yong-Sun Unnie from getting hurt.”

“What are you insinuating?” she questioned angrily.

“You know as well as I—”

“You have no right!” Moonbyul raised her voice, her tears continued flowing down her face as she tightened her fists, “you don’t know what happened—you have no right—” she gritted her teeth.

“You’re right. I don’t know what happened, but I saw where it led.”

She chuckled bitterly, “you’re right. It’s my fault! I brought this upon myself!”

“Moonbyul—it’s not that I want to blame you—”

“You don’t need to say anything else.”

“Listen—”

“I don’t want to hear it!”

Solar pressed her hands against her ears and tried to block out the argument. The more she tried to ignore it, the deeper each word cut her. She couldn’t stand by and watch her friends hurt each other any longer. She stood up, wiped away her tears and slammed open the door.

“Enough!” She screamed, “enough already,” tears still lingered in her eyes.

“Yong-Sun—”

“Unnie—I—”

“Whee-In ah, go home,” she paused, “please.”

“I’m sorry—” Whee-In left without another word.

Solar collapsed and Moonbyul rushed over to her. “Are you alright?” Moonbyul questioned anxiously.

“I’ll be okay.” She tried to smile.

“I’m sorry for making a ruckus—”

“You don’t have to apologize.” She looked up and wiped Moonbyul’s tears. “Don’t let what Whee-In says bother you. She didn’t mean it.”

“Don’t worry about that. You haven’t eaten. Are you hungry?”

She shook her head, “no—I don’t have an appetite.”

“You’re still recovering. You should eat a little!” She was adamant.

“Alright. I’ll listen to you.”

“Good,” she ruffled Solar’s hair.

“Stop it!” She slapped Moonbyul’s hand away and Moonbyul laughed happily. “What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing,” she couldn’t stop smiling. “Let me help you to your seat.”

Solar raised an eyebrow but swept the issue aside before she said, “I have to wash up first.”

“I’ll take you there then.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Solar placed her hand on the wall for support as she slowly headed for the restroom. As though she was on a long hike, the distance seemed immeasurable. Slow and steady. I’ll make it there. She was half way there when her legs gave out. As she braced herself for the impact, she was pulled out of harm's way.

Moonbyul was worried so she followed closely behind Solar. Solar was concentrating on something else so she didn’t notice. When Solar was falling, Moonbyul grabbed onto her wrist and pulled her up. She wrapped her arm around Solar’s waist and embraced her tightly. The warmth of their bodies mixing together, slowly heating up to the beat of their hearts.

Solar looked up and met Moonbyul’s gaze. It made her breathless and unable to think clearly. Mesmerized by their allure, it was getting harder for her to pull herself away.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes.” Solar blushed as she turned away.

Moonbyul smiled happily, she could feel Solar’s heart beating quicker. “Let me help you,” she whispered sweetly.

“Okay,” She nodded. Solar raised an eyebrow in confusion, noticing Moonbyul’s mischievous smile after she had agreed to let Moonbyul help her. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“You’ll see.” Moonbyul lifted Solar into the air.

Solar let out a small screech, “What are you doing!?”

“Helping you.” She winked.

“I didn’t mean like this!”

“Don’t squirm or we’d both fall!”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“I know,” she smirked.

Solar could only admit defeat. She wrapped her arms around Moonbyul’s shoulders as Moonbyul carried her to the restroom.

“Do you need any more help?” Moonbyul asked sweetly.

“Put me down first,” she commanded.

“Okay~,” she obliged, “so need any help?”

Solar glared at her and answered bluntly, “no.”

“What if you—”

“No!”

“But—”

“Go. Go. Go,” she pushed Moonbyul out the door.

As Solar was closing the door, Moonbyul stopped it with one hand and spoke coolly.

“If you need me, call,” she winked.

“Fine! Go away!”

Moonbyul smiled happily as she headed to the kitchen to prepare the food. This is the first time I’m cooking for her. She took a few deep breaths. Calm down Moonbyul. It’ll be okay. You’ll be fine. She had been honing her cooking skills since Solar left and was quite confident in her ability. At least she was before her emotional turmoil about cooking for Solar. I’ve never felt like this about cooking. Why am I so nervous now?

She grabbed her dusty cookbook from the top of the cabinet. She hadn’t had the need to use it for over two years. She would normally cook whatever she felt like eating. In her nervousness she decided to blow the dust off instead of wiping it. The dust raged and flew at her in a fury, causing her to cough. After it settled, she quickly flipped through the pages to try and find a suitable dish. What should I cook? What if she doesn’t like what I cook? What should I do if she doesn’t?

Solar stared at herself in the mirror. She felt her heart beating quicker and her face became hotter every time she remembered how close Moonbyul was. She splashed herself with cold water to calm down. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. She took a few deep breaths before she continued washing up. When she was done, she carefully walked to the kitchen and sat down at the counter.

Moonbyul still wasn’t sure what she wanted to make. What if I started cutting stuff? It might give me an idea of what to make. Let’s do that! She grabbed some vegetables but was overzealous with how much she could carry. She dropped a few on the floor. When she bent down to pick them up, she dropped some more. It was almost an endless cycle until she decided to put them on the counter one at a time. She was so nervous she didn’t notice Solar was watching her.

Solar sat there for ten minutes and watched Moonbyul frantic kitchen episode without speaking. Is this how she normally cooks? It’s quite interesting. She smiled happily without once detaching her gaze from Moonbyul. She had always enjoyed watching Moonbyul, whether Moonbyul was being serious or silly.

“Do you need help?” She finally asked.

“W-When did you get there?”

“Not long ago. Need help?”

“N-no! I’ll be fine!” she proclaimed confidently.

“Sure?”

“Of course!” She nodded and laughed nervously.

As she cut the vegetables she kept glancing over at Solar as though Solar might vanished if she didn’t. Solar furrowed her brow when she noticed Moonbyul glancing in her direction.

“Focus,” she scolded.

“Ow—” Moonbyul cut her finger.

Solar quickly rushed over to Moonbyul, “Are you okay?” she questioned as she grabbed Moonbyul’s hand. “I told you to focus!” she hissed. “Where are the bandages? And disinfectant?”

Instead of answering Solar’s questions, Moonbyul laughed happily and commented, “I’m happy.”

“What!? What are you saying!? You’re bleeding for god sake!”

“I’m happy because you care. I’m happy to see you again.” She pulled her closer and hugged her tightly, “I’m happy that I can hug you like this. I miss you.”

Solar was hesitant for a moment but she returned Moonbyul’s affection and hugged her, “I miss you too.”

Moonbyul loosened her grip and looked at Solar, “what did you just say?”

“I said that I miss—” Moonbyul started smiling like an idiot before Solar could even finish her sentence. Solar realized Moonbyul was only pretending and fumed a little. “This person—” she hissed, “do you want to get hit?”

Moonbyul hugged her again, “you don’t know how happy that made me feel.”

Calm down Solar. Calm down. This dolt deserved to get hit but calm down. She suppressed her urges before she questioned Moonbyul once more. “Where’s the first aid?”

“You’re still weak,” she brought Solar back to her seat, “sit still. I’ll get it.”

“But—”

“Just sit there,” she commanded.

Moonbyul went to the restroom and grabbed the first aid from the medicine cabinet. She brought it back to Solar and placed it on the kitchen counter. She sat down next to Solar so Solar could take a look at her wound. Solar carefully disinfected it, blowing on the wound as though that would keep it from hurting. She bandaged it after she was done, meanwhile Moonbyul was staring at her and laughing like a child high on sugar.

“I’ll finish cooking,” Solar suggested.

“No, I’ll do it.”

“But—”

“No buts. I want to!” She was adamant.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!”

“Alright,” Solar reluctantly agreed.

Although she agreed to Moonbyul’s request, Solar still went into the kitchen and helped Moonbyul prepare their meal. Moonbyul was afraid Solar might overexert herself so she tried to do as much of the work as possible. It took them about half an hour before the food was done. As she was setting up the table, she turned and asked Solar.

“Where do you want to sit?”

“Anywhere is fine.”

“How about here? It’ll be warmer this way.” Moonbyul placed the table near the heater.

“That’s fine. Thank you.”

“If you feel uncomfortable tell me, okay?”

“Alright.”

Solar was unsure about her relationship with Moonbyul. What are we to each other? What will become of us? She sighed softly. Are we making the same mistake? Are we just walking down the same path as we did back then? She looked up at Moonbyul, who was smiling happily on the other side of the table. She gave Moonbyul a smile but knew it wasn’t as happy as she wanted it to be.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” Solar responded softly.

Would I be able to hold onto this happiness forever? Moonbyul felt a stung on her heart at the thought. She’s sitting across from me and yet—what is this foreign feeling? Why does it feel like the distance between us hasn’t gotten any closer? She looked at Solar and gave the best smile she could muster. I shouldn’t worry her.

The future was even more uncertain than it was before. Solar knew she wouldn’t be able to resist Moonbyul’s approach. She knew she would eventually succumb to the sweetness of the devil’s temptation. Although its claws dug deep into her heart and bled her dry, its mesmerizing allure had never failed to drag her in. When she attempted to turn it away at every corner, she was never successful, not even once. She wanted to continue their long awaited love but was afraid of what the future had in store for them.

What if we stay like this? Solar looked down and smiled bitterly. If we stay like this, it might be for the best. Just friends and nothing more. This way you can always smile brightly like you are now. This way my love will not hurt you anymore. She looked up at Moonbyul, who gave her a big grin. Yes, maybe this is the best for the both of us.