The Past - Part 5

[This chapter contains no scene from the Present Timeline]

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It had been two days since Moonbyul left. Solar’s calls had been going straight to voicemail since last night. She still has her phone off. Solar grabbed her bag and went to find Moonbyul. She knew exactly where, there was only one place Moonbyul would go when she wanted to be alone.

Moonbyul was lying on the bed, staring soullessly at the sky. She sighed constantly as she traced the word Solar with her finger. Once in a while, her tears would escape. She didn’t bother to wipe them off, instead opted to continue her endless ritual. It wasn’t long before someone came knocking on her door. As though she instinctively knew who it was, she sat up immediately and looked in its direction.

“Byul ah, can you open the door?”

She heard Solar’s voice and ran to the door, but stopped herself before she could open it. I must remember why I’m doing this. She leaned on the nearby wall and closed her eyes.

“Byul ah, I know you’re in there.”

“Go away!”

“Can’t we talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about!”

“Byul ah, please, I really want to talk to you.”

Solar’s plea fell on deaf ears. She sat down and rested her head against the door, tears fell as she spoke.

“Byul ah, I don’t know where we went wrong. I don’t know how we got to this point, but I don’t want to give up. Not when you still mean so much to me. Please, say you feel the same way. Can’t we try again? I know we can do better. We can, as long as we’re together. Please, say something.”

No matter how much Solar pleaded, Moonbyul refused to talk. Moonbyul sat on the other side and listened to Solar’s every word, covering as she silently cried. The night had fallen and the winter air chilled Solar to the bones, bringing shivers down her spine. She hugged her legs and rested her head on her knees. She waited until morning but Moonbyul still hadn’t budged.

“I ordered food.” She knocked but it was ignored. “Please, let me see you. Even a second is enough. I miss you, Byul ah.” She waited but there was no response. “I understand. I’ll leave now. Please, eat something.”

Moonbyul rested her head on the door and thought about what Solar had said. She wanted to give comfort to Solar and it hurt her deeply that she had to restrain herself. Why won’t you give up? She closed her eyes and sighed. Please, I don’t want to hurt you anymore.

Solar came back later that evening, but the outcome was still the same. Moonbyul refused to see her or talk to her. In the end, she had no choice but to leave without accomplishing either.

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It was late-afternoon on the fourth day when she came to visit Moonbyul again. She was happy when the door opened after the first few knocks. Her burst of excitement was shattered however, when the person on the other side was someone unexpected.

“Who are you?” Solar questioned instinctively, perplexed by the situation.

The woman was taken aback. “And who are you?” She raised an eyebrow.

Solar quickly examined the woman, who was barely clothed. “Are you here alone?” She was hesitant to ask.

“You’re asking quite personal—Oh, you must be Solar,” she spoke and clasped her hands together as if she was expecting Solar’s arrival.

“You know me?”

“Yeah, Moonbyul said you’ve been coming to bother her even though it’s over between you.”

“It’s not over.” Solar furrowed her brow.

“Why won’t you just accept it and move on?”

“Did she ask you to tell me that? Where is she?”

“Inside,” she said casually. Solar pushed her aside and came in. “Moonbyul, you have a guest,” she yelled and rolled her eyes.

Moonbyul was dressed in a bathrobe. She sighed and slipped her hands in her pockets when she saw Solar. They hadn’t seen each other in a few days, but Solar had never expected this kind of reunion.

Solar stormed up to her. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” She scoffed.

“Do you mind?” Solar said to the woman, who was now sitting on the bed.

“Oh, do you want me to leave?”

“You don’t have to.” Moonbyul replied.

“Who is she?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

“Byul ah, this is not like you. What are you trying to do?”

“Do you know me?” she said mockingly. “Because I thought I knew you, but I was wrong.”

“I didn’t cheat on you. Why won’t you believe me?”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over between us.”

She held Moonbyul’s hand. “Please, can’t we go home? We can talk about this.”

“We’ve talked enough.” She pulled her hand away.

“Please, I beg you. Come home with me.”

“How about I beg you? Please, leave me alone, alright? You’re suffocating me,” she said irritably. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“Byul ah, you don’t mean that.” Solar gripped onto Moonbyul’s arm.

“I do!” She yanked her arm away angrily, causing Solar to fall. She instinctively reached out her hand, but pulled back before it made contact. Slipping it back in her pocket, she gritted her teeth and sighed softly, suppressing the aching in her heart as she readied herself for the final blow. She glanced down at Solar and spoke coldly, “Kim Solar, you’re a nuisance. You kept speaking of love, but our love was a joke.”

The words shattered Solar’s heart. She looked up with her brow furrowed and raised her hand, but decided not to follow through. Tears wet her face as she looked into Moonbyul’s eyes, the familiar feeling was mixed with something foreign. It made her question whether she had the right to defend the love that had been tainted by mistrust. The love that was becoming something she wasn’t able to recognize.

Solar wiped her tears and stood up proudly. If their love was truly reaching its conclusion, she didn’t want to remember only the sadness. At the very least, she wanted to safeguard their happy memories, even if she had to lock them away in her heart.

“Do you wish to never see me again?” she asked hesitantly.

Although it was painful, Moonbyul replied immediately, “Yes.”

Solar couldn’t stop herself from crying, but kept her voice calm as she spoke, “Then I will do as you wish.” She headed for the exit but stopped at the door. Once I leave this room, will I truly have to accept that this is the end? She glanced back but Moonbyul turned away. She looked up at the darkening sky and smiled wryly as she watched the dim moonlight becoming brighter. Her tears glistened under its embrace. After taking in a deep breath she said in a soft voice, “forgive me, I never meant to hurt you.”

After Solar left, Moonbyul dropped onto the bed and buried her face in her hands. Her tears seeped through the crevasses of her fingers.

“I don’t understand,” the woman began. “It’s obvious you still love each other. Why would you do that to her? Did she really cheat?”

“Of course not. She’s not that type of person!” Moonbyul spoke harshly, wiping her tears.

“Then why would you—?”

“You’re not here to ask questions.”

“You’re right, but I hope you know what you’re doing. Don’t regret it.”

“You can leave.”

The woman sighed and grabbed her belongings. Moonbyul curled up on the bed and thought of Solar as she wept.

On her way home, Solar received another call from the head nurse asking her about the doctorate program once more. She could no longer find a reason to refuse. Without Moonbyul, it didn’t matter where she was going or what she was doing. This might be for the best. She won’t see me this way. Solar accepted without any further delay. This will make her happier, right? The head nurse happily gave Solar instructions about the trip, but Solar was unable to process them in her current state.

She went home to pack her bags and sat down to write her farewell to Moonbyul. She hesitated and didn't start until a few days later. Before she even got the first word down, her tears were already soaking the paper, rendering it unusable. Although she tried her best, it was impossible for her not to cry. All she could do was rewrite the letter until it was legible.

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It was a little over a week since they had last seen each other. Solar had finished her letter and it was sitting on the table. She’d also sent a message to Moonbyul, detailing the time she was leaving. There were only a few hours left. She had been staring at the door, wishing Moonbyul would come bursting through. Wishing to see Moonbyul’s smiling face as she asked her to stay.

As she heard footsteps stopping outside her door, she stood up. Her heart was beating out of control, anticipating for the knob to turn. The door opened and the person screamed excitedly. She dropped back down on her seat and shook her head. What am I thinking about? She smiled at the silly notion as she stared at her front door, still shut tightly. The commotion was coming from her next door neighbor.

Although she thought it was silly, it didn’t deter her from hoping that her wish would come true. The grandfather clock signaled that the hour of her departure had arrived. In the end, she’s not coming. Solar took off her engagement ring and placed it atop the letter. She glanced at it one last time.

“Farewell, Byul ah,” she dried her eyes and whispered, “I love you.”

When she stepped outside, the snow had piled up on the ground and the taxi was waiting to take her away. She stopped and turned her head, the image of her departure was not how she’d imagined. Her friends were not there; the love she thought would last forever was too broken to mend; her reality was a cloud of darkness on a clear day. The only thing seeing her off were a lonely set of footprints left by her on the snow. What a sorry sight. She gave a mocking smile.

She looked down the street. Maybe if I wait just a bit more, she will appear. She clasped her hands together, almost as if she was praying. A glimmer of hope was still lingering in her heart, but in the end it was for naught. The taxi driver had finished loading her luggage and was waiting on her. She looked at the apartment building one last time, took a deep breath, and let out a long sullen sigh. I have to go now, Byul ah. Take care of yourself.

Solar entered the taxi, bearing her heavy heart alone as she forged her path forward. The beautiful city lights brought a slight smile to her face. She rolled down the window and enjoyed the cool air as it froze the tears b on her eyes. The ride was relatively silent, with only a few awkward questions at the beginning. She navigated through the busy airport and waited at the assigned gate. After she’d settled down in the waiting area, she took out her phone to message Hwasa and Whee-In, although she was hesitant to do so.

DoReMi: Can you guys go talk to Moonbyul? Tell her she can go home. She’s in the usual place.

HwaLion: U2 fought? -.-

DoReMi: no, we no longer have a reason to fight.

HwaLion: Y u no talk 2 her? o.O

DoReMi: It’s hard for us to talk.

HwaLion: So, U2 did fight. -.-

DoReMi: No.

HwaLion: wat’s wrong then? O.O

DoReMi: You’ll know when you talk to her.

HwaLion: U’r acting weird. o.o Everything good???

DoReMi: Everything’s fine. Just go talk to Moonbyul.

HwaLion: (thumbs up emoji).

DoReMi: Make sure you two take care of yourselves.

Hwasa was a bit confused. Solar’s words seemed as though they wouldn’t be able to see her again. She thought she was just reading too much into it and decided to give Moonbyul a call, but it went straight to voicemail. What’s going on? She dialed again with the same result. She tapped her foot impatiently as she called Solar’s cell. Strange, she just texted me. Why isn’t she picking up? She paced around her apartment with one hand on her hip as she tried to reach Solar and Moonbyul, but her calls were not getting through.

Whee-In came out of the bathroom and went over to Hwasa, wondering what was bothering her. Hwasa showed her the text messages and tried her best to explain the situation she was still trying to grasp herself. Whee-In agreed that it was strange, so they tried calling again but it was for naught. They hurriedly put on some warmer clothes and left to find the couple.

Hwasa drove while Whee-In continued her attempts to reach Solar and Moonbyul. They got to the apartment and knocked on the door, but no one answered. After knocking a few more times, they headed for the motel to try their luck. Whee-In wasn’t sure how many times she’d dialed Solar’s number in the last twenty minutes, but she was ecstatic when Solar finally picked up. Hwasa went into the motel to look for Moonbyul, while Whee-In stayed in the car to talk to Solar.

It took a while before Solar got to her seat on the plane, meanwhile her phone kept buzzing in her purse. She was busy boarding, so she didn’t check it until she sat down. She sighed when she saw who was blowing up her phone, knowing full well it would happen when she decided to message her friends. It didn’t make her feel any less guilty however, having left them in the dark about her departure. She hesitated to answer, but picked up in the end.

“Unnie? Unnie! Thank god, you finally picked up! We went to your house but no one answered the door. Where are you?”

“I’m going overseas for a while.”

“You’re what!?” Whee-In sighed before she commented, “Your joke isn’t funny.”

“I’m not joking.”

“Unnie, come on, I’m being serious here.”

“So am I.”

Whee-In waited for Solar’s confirmation that it was a bad joke, but it never came. The only thing that followed was the silence that Solar was in no hurry to break.

“Wait, you’re dead serious!?” Whee-In raised her voice.

“Yes.”

“Unnie, what’s going on?”

“I—”

“Why didn’t you say anything to us?”

“I was go—”

“What about Moonbyul? Is she with you?”

Solar waited, thinking Whee-In was going to continue bombarding her with questions.

“Unnie?”

“Slow down. One question at a time.”

Whee-In took a deep breath and began again. “Is Moonbyul with you?”

“No.” She sighed sullenly before she finished her sentence. “We broke up.”

“YOU WHAT!?”

Solar had to move the phone away from her ear. “We broke up,” she repeated, still wishing she’d wake from this nightmare.

Whee-In was baffled. “What? How? When? Why?”

“Miss, we’re about to take off. Please fasten your seat-belt and turn off your phone.”

Solar sighed in relief. The wound was still too fresh. “Whee-In ah, I have to go. The plane is about to take off.”

“Wait, you’re already on a plane?”

“I’ll talk to you later.”

“Unnie, wait—!”

Whee-In tried to call Solar but it went to voicemail. She dialed again but the outcome was the same. She rushed into the motel to find Hwasa, and possibly Moonbyul so she could make heads or tails of the situation.

Hwasa went straight to the room Moonbyul normally stayed in. “Moonbyul, are you in there?”

Moonbyul sighed, but continued to stay silent.

“I know you’re in there. If you don’t open this door, I’m going to break it down.” Hwasa wasn’t sure if it’d work, but she screamed it out all the same.

Moonbyul was left with no other choice if she wanted to avoid property damage. “What do you want?” She cracked open the door and Hwasa pushed on through.

“What’s going on between you and Solar?”

Moonbyul slumped onto the chair, her face still wet from tears. She sighed and although it was painful to admit, she replied, “I broke up with her.”

“What!?” Hwasa was taken aback. “I don’t think I heard you correctly. You broke up with Solar?”

“Yes,” she paused and dried her tears. “I did.”

“Why?” She was baffled. “Are you telling me you don’t love her anymore?” She scoffed. “Have you seen yourself in the mirror?”

“Of course I still love her.”

“Then explain to me why you broke up with her?”

“She deserves someone better. I’m nothing but a burden.”

Hwasa sighed irritably. “How long do you plan on keeping that up?”

“I—”

“You’ve been wallowing in your self-pity. Have you considered what she wanted? Have you asked her!?”

“I just want her to be happier! Is that so wrong!?”

“Is that what she said or is that what you think!?”

“What’s the difference?”

“The difference is what you did was selfish! All you did was run away from your problem!”

Moonbyul was silent. She couldn't refute Hwasa’s claim.

Hwasa placed her hands on her hips and sighed. “Are you really okay with the way things are? Are you going to let it end and give up just like that?”

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“You’re stronger than this. You know what to do.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“Moonbyul—”

“I can’t listen to this anymore!” Whee-In stormed in the room, she’d been listening in on the conversation for the last few minutes. “Wake up!” she said as she slapped Moonbyul.

“Whee-In what are you—” Hwasa noticed Whee-In was crying. “What’s wrong?”

“Solar Unnie left.”

“What do you mean?” Hwasa asked. “Where did she go?”

“She’s going overseas.”

“Then let’s go find her. We can still—”

“It’s too late. Her plane took off already.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She glared up at Moonbyul, “Are you happy now?”

“Whee-In!” Hwasa said sternly.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.” She ran out of the room.

“Go after her,” Moonbyul said sullenly. “I need a moment to myself.”

Hwasa looked over at Moonbyul and sighed. There was nothing she could say that would make Moonbyul feel any better, so she chose to remain silent.

Moonbyul headed home, each step took her closer to a nightmare she didn’t want to face, but one she’d chosen for herself. She waded through the bustling street noises, while her own world was dead silent. Her sadness was but a small existence being drowned in an ocean of emotions.

Her hand shook as she rested it upon the door knob, knowing that the other side no longer contained the only happiness she’d ever wanted. There was only loneliness waiting for her, one that was more than willing to imprison her in its embrace. She smiled as tears fell, the image of Solar welcoming her home fading into dust before her.

Moonbyul noticed Solar’s engagement ring glimmering faintly on the table and saw the tear-stained blemishes on the letter before she’d even picked it up. Her own tears mixed themselves in as she read each word.

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Byul ah, if you’re reading this, it means that you’ve finally come home. A home I wish still had a place for me, but sadly it doesn’t. I’m no longer welcome in your heart, and without your love I can’t call it my home. I’m sorry, I was blind to your suffering. I just didn’t want to admit that our love had come to an end, but it was selfish of me to do so.

I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days. I thought about how bright and full of life your smile was when we first met; about the last two years we’ve spent together; about all the happiness you brought into my life. I can’t stop smiling when the thought of you enters my mind. But when I realize you’re no longer a part of my life, I can’t stop myself from crying. Do you find that silly?

I still can’t believe that our time together has come to an end, but I know that the longer I try to hold on, the deeper it’ll hurt you. I only hope that you know my love for you was sincere. Our memories; our love; everything we’ve been through; I don’t want to taint it anymore than I already have. That’s why, as long as you’re happy, I’m willing to walk this path alone. One day, I hope we can still face each other, even if it’s just as friends.

Byul ah, I never regretted our times together. My only regret was that I’ve brought you pain and sadness. I hope you’ll be able to find your happiness. Farewell, I will always treasure our memories together.

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It wasn’t your fault. Moonbyul held the letter against her chest and sat in the deafening silence. The sun made itself known by lighting up the world beautifully, but her heart was as dead as a moonless night. With the passage of time, she felt the only thing remaining by her side was her empty shell.

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*Sorry for the long wait. Here's the next chapter :) I hope everyone had a good holiday. Enjoy! ^^