The Past - Part 4

[This chapter contains no scene from the Present Timeline]

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It was the weekend, Moonbyul tried to surprise Solar with breakfast, but the plate slipped out of her hands and shattered, waking Solar from her sleep. Moonbyul was angry with herself. Why am I so useless? She kicked the wall.

Solar jumped out of bed and rushed to the kitchen. “What happened? Are you alright?”

Moonbyul was fuming, so she didn’t reply.

Solar noticed the mess on the floor and assured Moonbyul, “Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up.”

“Don’t touch that.”

As Solar got down to pick up the pieces, Moonbyul pulled her away, causing her to cut her finger. Moonbyul hated herself for hurting Solar. She was worried, wanting to check the wound immediately but decided to act indifferent.

“That’s why I said not to touch it,” she spoke harshly.

“I’m just trying to help you.”

“I don’t need your help.”

Solar sighed, wanting to start her day without a fight. “Byul ah, what’s going on?”

“Do you think I’m useless?”

“You know my answer.”

“Do I?”

“Byul ah, can we please not do this right now?”

“Is it hard dealing with someone like me?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“I know exactly what you mean!” She stormed off.

“Byul ah! MOONBYUL!”

Moonbyul ignored Solar’s scream and slammed the door behind her. I’m sorry. She wiped her tears and ran. There was no destination in mind, she kept running until she was exhausted. She slumped on a bench and buried her face into her hands.

She didn’t know how long she’d spent sitting at the park, which was barren compared to the adjacent street. All she knew was when she looked up, the sky was beginning to change from blue to orange. She slowly wandered home. I wonder how she’s doing? She thought about Solar’s wound, which was caused by her carelessness. She cursed herself under her breath.

When she reached her apartment, she placed her forehead on the door and sighed. She hesitated to enter. How am I supposed to face her? I know she’ll forgive me, but I don’t deserve it. Moonbyul took a deep breath and opened the door, hoping to see Solar on the other side. There was only emptiness to be found within. She called out but received no response.

An overwhelming dread welled up within her. Did she leave? The keys slipped out of her hand as she ran to the bedroom closet. She felt relieved when she saw that Solar’s clothes were still there. What am I doing? She dropped onto the bed and held her head. Didn’t I say I’ll let her go? What’s wrong with me? She punched the bed. I want to hear her voice. She picked up her phone, her tears dripped onto the screen. What am I supposed to say to her? In the end, she decided against calling Solar.

It was dark when she heard knocking on the door. Did she forget her keys? Moonbyul happily ran to get it, excited she’d get to see Solar again, wanting to feel the warmth in Solar’s embrace. As she reached for the door handle, the familiar voice on the other side made her stop. She dropped her hand and let out a long, sad sigh.

“Anyone home?” Hwasa called. “Hello?” She knocked again.

It wasn’t long before Hwasa left. Moonbyul slumped onto the couch and scrolled through the photos of Solar on her phone. I miss you. She closed her eyes and listened to the voicemails Solar had left. I wonder how many times I’ve heard them. A wry smile spread on her face as tears fell from her eyes.

*************************************

Solar’s tears dripped onto her hand as she swept up the shards. I didn’t even know I was crying. She dried them off, but they kept on flowing. Her heart was heavy and her head was hurting. She sat down at the kitchen table, clasped her hands together, and rested her head upon them. She let out a long, sullen sigh.

It was around noon when someone knocked on her door. Solar perked up, thinking Moonbyul had returned. She must have forgotten her keys when she ran out earlier. Solar rushed to greet Moonbyul. When she found Whee-In on the other side instead, her smile vanished.

“Not happy to see me?” Whee-In raised an eyebrow.

Solar shook her head. “It’s not that.”

Whee-In glanced around but didn’t see anyone else. “Where’s Moonbyul?”

“She went out,” Solar answered sadly.

“Did you two fight again?” she questioned concernedly.

“Something like that.” She sighed. “What are you doing here anyway?” Before Whee-In could answer, Solar remembered her agreement to spend the day with Whee-In. “Whee-In, I’m sorry, I don’t think I can today.”

Whee-In thought about it for a moment and refused to accept Solar’s answer. If she left Solar alone to sulk, she knew it wouldn’t make Solar feel any better. She was determined to get Solar out of the house. It was the best course of action, at least that was what she believed. She begged and pleaded, acting as cute as she could until Solar gave in.

Solar didn’t think there was any harm in Whee-In’s request. I did promise her, after all. She accepted without any more protest and went to change her clothes. Whee-In took her to an outdoor festival, where she got Solar to join in on the synchronized dancing. They also played a few games with the children. It took a bit before Solar’s heart was in it, but Whee-In felt relieved when she saw Solar enjoying herself.

They spent quite a while there, jumping from one event to the next. There was tag, where Whee-In conspired with the children to make Solar ‘it’ as much as possible. Once Solar realized she was ‘it’ more often than not, she protested, which caused an uproar of laughter. Next was synchronized jump rope with ten people. Solar declined, but the moment Whee-In dragged her in, her body automatically did its own thing despite her protest. They also won prizes for their little companions, who followed them around the fair and fended off the advances of nearby suitors.

It was getting late, but the children refused to go home with their parents. After many tantrums and fake tears, they conceded and left when Whee-In and Solar calmly talked to them. Their final destination before ending the evening was a wishing well. I wish Moonbyul will be happy. Solar clasped her hands together and prayed wholeheartedly. She gave the coin a kiss before throwing it into the fountain, smiling happily as it sank to the bottom.

Solar was glad she’d gone out with Whee-In today. She had fun and met a lot of new people, almost as if her life had gone back to normal. They went back to Solar’s house, where Hwasa was waiting outside for Whee-In.

“What are you doing out here? Why didn’t you go in?” Solar questioned.

“I knocked, but no one answered,” Hwasa replied.

“I guess she’s not home yet,” Solar said softly.

“Did you have fun?” Hwasa asked sweetly when Whee-In ran up to her.

“Mhm.” Whee-In nodded fervently.

“Did you have fun, unnie?” Hwasa asked Solar.

“What?” She was distracted and didn’t hear the question.

“Did you have fun?” she repeated.

“Yes, I had a great time.” She smiled.

“I’m glad you did,” Whee-In said delightfully.

“You guys want to come in?”

“Nah, it’s a little late. Rain check?” Hwasa replied.

“Alright. Drive safely.”

“Okay. Tell Moonbyul we said hi,” Whee-In said happily.

“I will. Goodnight.” She gave them a hug.

“Goodnight, unnie,” they said sweetly.

Solar found Moonbyul sleeping on the couch when she entered their apartment. A sense of relief entered her heart, she smiled as she approached. She knelt down beside Moonbyul and saw tears streaming from Moonbyul’s eyes. Moonbyul’s face was half buried into the couch. Her heart stung at the sight. She gently tucked Moonbyul’s hair behind her ear and dried the tears. She kissed Moonbyul’s forehead and laid her head down next to Moonbyul.

“Don’t be sad. I’m here now,” she whispered.

Moonbyul felt the warmth of Solar’s hand as Solar caressed her face. It woke her from her nightmare and brought her a sense of peace. She smiled when she opened her eyes and saw Solar. She held Solar’s hand and gave it a kiss before asking Solar to come lay next to her. As they embraced each other, they exchanged a sweet kiss.

“How are you feeling?” Solar questioned softly.

Moonbyul shook her head. “I’m fine.” She paused. “I’m sorry about earlier. How’s your hand?”

“You don’t have to apologize.” She smiled. “It healed, see?”

She let Moonbyul examine the cut. Moonbyul gave it a kiss and held Solar’s hand against her chest. She hugged Solar tightly and kissed Solar’s forehead. It didn’t take long for Moonbyul’s stomach to grumble. She’d spent the day with her emotions in turmoil, now that Solar was there to ease her aching heart, her appetite had returned.

“Did you eat today?”

Moonbyul shook her head. “No.”

Solar raised her hand and Moonbyul quickly closed her eyes, anticipating a playful slap on the arm. Solar smiled and flicked Moonbyul’s forehead instead. They went into the kitchen to cook. Instead of cooking, they threw ingredients at each other. It was almost impossible to get anything done, but they were satisfied all the same. It’d been a while since they’d made each other smile this happily. Their life was going back to normal, at least they felt like it was.

The night was too short. They didn’t want it to end. All the happiness they were sharing in each other’s company, they feared would disappear by dawn. They hugged tightly and fell asleep in each other’s arms. A mixture of feelings stirred within their hearts.

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Solar was happily humming as she got ready to head home. Her life really seemed like it was getting back on track. In the last few weeks, Moonbyul was drinking less; they didn’t argue as much; she was able to concentrate at work; her vacation days were approved; and Moonbyul might start doing physical therapy again soon. She felt like she could take on the world. As she was leaving, she stopped to check the notification she’d just received on her phone. It was a text from Moonbyul.

“Are you on your way home? Kang-Dae invited us to dinner.”

Her smile vanished the moment she saw his name. Kang-Dae was the last person she wanted to interact with; one of the few people she could genuinely say she hated. If they were in the same room, she might truly hit him this time. In fact, she regretted not breaking his jaw during their last confrontation.

She didn’t want to get into a fight with Kang-Dae and put Moonbyul in a difficult situation. Their relationship was just starting to get back to normal and she wanted to avoid jeopardizing that. It was the smartest choice to avoid him altogether, at least she believed that was the best course of action.

“I have to work overtime today.”

“I didn’t know you had overtime today.”

“It was last minute.”

“Alright. Don’t forget to eat.”

“I won’t. You go have a good time, but don’t drink too much.”

“I know. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Solar sat down at the nearest bench and sighed. What am I doing? She regretted lying to Moonbyul. It’s for the best, right? She bit her bottom lip and stared at the ground, contemplating her action. I guess there’s no point thinking about it now. What’s done is done. She glanced at her watch, the time was passing by slowly. I guess I have to wait a while before I can head home. She lay down on the bench and messed around on her phone.

It wasn’t long until someone sneaked up and scared her. She shrieked and flailed her arms around, causing her phone to hit the person’s head.

“Oh my god, are you okay!?”

Mi-Cha held her head and whimpered. “Help, Nurse Kim tried to murder me.”

Solar sighed. “I did warn you not to scare me. You deserved it!” she said jokingly.

“So mean,” Mi-Cha pouted as she rubbed her head. “Anyway, what are you still doing here? Aren’t you going home?”

“I was.”

“Then what happened?”

“Eh, nothing big. Just trying to kill some time. What about you?”

“Grabbing food before I start my night shift. If you’re not doing anything, want to come along?”

Solar shrugged. “Sure, I could use some food.”

Moonbyul wasn’t in the mood to hang out with Kang-Dae now that Solar had declined. She sent him a text, telling him they weren’t going to make it. What should I do till she gets home? She started marching through the house, wiping down surfaces and tidying up a few messes, although it was slow with only one usable hand.

While cleaning, Moonbyul found a letter. It was addressed to Solar, notifying her that she’d been accepted into a doctorate program. She would have to go overseas first to finish her studies, before starting her official training in the hospital. I remember her being really excited about this. Why didn’t she tell me she got in? Moonbyul tried to find a reason. It’s her dream. Did she give it up to take care of me? She sighed. I can’t let her do that. She checked the date on the paper and realized that there wasn’t much time left for Solar to reply. What should I do? I know she won’t leave with things the way they are.

Moonbyul was in a daze when the grandfather clock notified her a new hour had started. She looked up to check the time. It’s time for dinner already? I wonder if she has eaten. An idea ran through her head. I know, I could order some food and bring it to her. She smiled happily, trying to ward off the turmoil brewing inside of her. We can spend some time together, even if it’s only for a short while. She ordered some takeout.

Instead of getting it delivered, she picked it up and went straight to the hospital. She walked by a restaurant and thought she saw Solar inside. Out of curiosity, she turned around to check but never expected it to be true. Didn’t she say she had to work overtime? She let out a soft sigh, almost as if she was relieved. I guess she’d rather lie than see Kang-Dae. She smiled wryly. I’m sorry I made you lie, I know you hate doing that. Moonbyul glanced over to Solar’s companion, it was the same person from the pictures Kang-Dae had sent her.

Moonbyul noticed how happy Solar was and couldn’t help but smile along. Without me she’ll be happier. I can finally say goodbye to her. Even though the thought of separation was painful, she walked home wearing a smile on her face, believing she’d made the right choice.

Solar thought someone was watching her, but when she glanced around, she didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Solar shook her head and took a bite of her potato.

“I heard you got accepted into the doctorate program. Congrats.”

“I’m not going.”

“Why? It’s a good opportunity. You won’t get another chance.”

“I know, but can’t leave Moonbyul like this.”

“Have you talked to her? What did she say?”

“I haven’t told her.”

“You should. Maybe she’ll go with you.”

“She won’t. She’ll think of herself as a burden.”

“You sound so sure.”

“Because I am.”

“I think you should talk to her about it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

The atmosphere became a bit tense, Mi-Cha tried to lighten the mood but it was for naught. Solar brooded as she stabbed the fork into her potato. Her mind was occupied with Moonbyul and the thoughts of being away from Moonbyul made her lost her appetite. The rest of dinner passed in relative silence. Mi-Cha made sure Solar got a cab before returning to work.

The moment Moonbyul came through her apartment door, she dropped to her knees, held her chest, and wept. I thought I could hold on a little longer. I guess I was wrong. The pain was unbearable. It was suffocating her. If it feels like this now, how much worse will it be once she leaves me? When she realized she was hesitating, she scoffed at her own weakness. I can’t let this deter me. I must see it through. She dried her tears to prepare for the worst night of her life.

She got up and dropped the takeout containers on the coffee table. The apartment was dark. She walked over to the balcony door, where the moonlight was crawling through, dimly lighting up the surrounding area. She placed her hand on the glass, feeling the cold air penetrate her skin. She looked up at the moon, the calm night brought her a small sense of peace.

“Please, give me strength,” she closed her eyes and whispered.

After a while, she took a few deep breaths and thought of the different scenarios she could use to push Solar away. As they played out in her head, it felt like each new idea opened another wound inside her heart. She hit her chest to try and numb the pain as she readied herself for the coming uphill battle with her own emotions. The surest way she could think of to make Solar leave was to shatter any hope Solar had left in her. She needed to break Solar’s heart, the thought of it made her hate herself. She sat with her back leaning against the balcony door, hoping the winter air would freeze her burning heart.

Solar came home to an empty house, at least that was her initial impression since the lights were off. I guess she’s still not home. She the lights and jumped when she noticed a figure sitting on the couch. She tapped her chest and let out a long sigh when she realized it was Moonbyul.

“What are you doing sitting in the dark?”

Moonbyul didn’t reply, she didn’t look at Solar either. She glared at the emptiness in front of her as she clenched her fists. If her nails were sharp, her fingers would have pierced the skin on her palms. How am I supposed to do this? She could hear the thumping of her heart as it beat uncontrollably. No matter what, I must hold steady till the very end.

Solar changed into her indoor slippers and came closer. She noticed the bag on the table with the logo of the restaurant they frequent. “You got takeout? Did you eat there?” She didn’t want to mention Kang-Dae.

“Where were you?” Moonbyul questioned sternly.

“I—” She didn’t want to lie again, but she had to keep her story consistent. “I was working overtime. I texted you about it.”

Moonbyul stood up. I must act angry. She turned and glared at Solar. “You’re home early for someone working overtime,” she said harshly.

“I—I—”

“Where were you?” she asked once more, her brow furrowed.

“I was—” She looked away, unable to face Moonbyul. “I was eating dinner with Mi-Cha.”

“Why did you lie?”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t mean to?” Moonbyul scoffed. “You lied to spend time with her and you’re telling me you didn’t mean to?”

“It’s not like that. I—”

“If it’s not like that then what!?” she yelled.

“Mi-Cha and I are just friends!”

“Friends? You lied to me for a friend? Do you think I’m stupid!?”

“I didn’t lie to you because of her!”

“Sure,” she said sarcastically, “and hanging out with her wasn’t planned.”

“It wasn’t!”

“Have you slept with her?”

“What?” Solar was speechless.

“I asked if you had with her!?”

“Moonbyul, do you even know what you’re saying?”

“I’m saying you two are ‘friends’ who ended up in bed together!”

“Don’t insult us!” Solar’s voice shook.

“How many times has it been?” She took a step forward and Solar took a step back.

“We did no such thing!”

“Did it feel good to cheat?”

“How could you say that to me!?” Solar’s back was now against the wall.

“Did she touch you like this?”

Moonbyul pressed one hand against the wall, with the other she caressed Solar’s face and lifted Solar’s chin to give her a kiss. Solar’s eyes were b with tears. She slapped Moonbyul and pushed her away. It was the first time she’d hit Moonbyul without any playful meaning behind it. The thought of being touched by Moonbyul scared her. Even in her wildest dream, she would never have imagined she could feel this way about someone she’d loved so deeply. And yet, her heart was getting overwhelmed by such a feeling.

Moonbyul rubbed her cheek and scoffed. “And you say there’s nothing going on between you?”

Solar gripped her chest, a sharp pain was piercing through. She fell to her knees, tears dripping onto the floor. “How did we get to this point?”

Moonbyul turned away, the sight of Solar in pain was ripping her heart to pieces. She gritted her teeth as she tried to bear it, although she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep up the facade much longer.

Solar took a deep breath to calm her shaking voice before she spoke. “We should spend some time apart to calm down.”

“There’s no need,” Moonbyul said bluntly. “Let’s just end it here. I want to break up with you.” She kept a steady voice, but her tears were falling.

“You don’t mean that.” Solar looked up at her in shock but Moonbyul didn’t turn around.

“I do.”

Moonbyul spoke quickly and left before she broke down in front of Solar. She ran until she knew Solar wouldn’t be able to hear her and cursed her very own existence. She stopped in front of the ocean and knelt in its icy water, hoping it would freeze her shattered heart. The cold waves splashed against her, but they could not douse a fraction of her fury. She screamed at the top of her lung and fell on her back. She gripped onto the sand beneath her and wept silently under the moonlight.

Solar laid her head on the floor and closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face. She hit her chest as if it would help ease her pain. She’d never felt so utterly defeated. Never once did she imagine their love could feel so desolate, that the possibility of giving up would cross her mind. The silence used to bring her peace, but at this moment it was only filling her with despair.

She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to remember the warmth and comfort Moonbyul’s embrace used to bring. Where did we go wrong? She curled up and cried, their memories played in her head. Before long, the wail of her phone woke her from her dream. She opened her eyes and Moonbyul was laying in front of her, smiling sweetly.

“Why are you crying?” Moonbyul helped dry her tears.

Solar shook her head and smiled wryly. She closed her eyes and hesitated to open them. She knew the Moonbyul she’d just saw was an illusion. Even though it hurt, she was glad to have seen Moonbyul’s smiling face. After a few minutes, her phone rang again. She looked at the caller ID, it belonged to the head nurse.

She took a deep breath before she answered, “hello?” she said weakly.

“Nurse Kim? Sorry to bother you during your vacation,” she paused. “Are you okay? You don’t sound so good.”

“I’m fine. Is something the matter? Do you need me to come in?”

“No, nothing like that. I’m calling in regard to the doctorate program. Have you given it some thought?”

“No. I’m sorry, I haven’t.”

“Nurse Kim, you’re one of the few nurses from our hospital to ever get accepted. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“I understand.”

“I’ll call you back in a few days. Please, give it some serious consideration.”

“I will.”

After the call, she dragged herself into the bathroom. Her body was weak and she felt faint. She splashed water on her face and stared in the mirror. A weary reflection was looking back at her. She held her aching heart, her tears mixed with water dripped onto her shirt.

Moonbyul had been sitting in the corner of the motel room she’d rented. Her tears had never left her eyes. Since early morning, Solar had been calling her and leaving voicemails.

“Byul ah, please come home.”

“Byul ah, please, can we talk about it?”

“Byul ah, I miss you.”

Solar had left over a hundred of them and she was crying in every single one. Moonbyul had to force herself to ignore them and it felt like a knife was piercing her heart each time. Eventually her phone died, which she thought was for the best and left it alone.

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*It was a hectic week last week. I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving (if you didn't celebrate it I hope you had a great week as well).

*I checked out the length of other fanfics and noticed they're normally about 1k words. Do you guys want me to limit a chapter to about that length?

*I don't generally read fanfics so I was hoping to get some opinions about my story compare to the others you guys have read. Is it more or less similar?

*Moonbyul getting slapped was a hard scene to write. I had to change it a few times. I wanted it to be slapable without it being too vulgar. I hope it turned out well.