Jihoon has a secret to getting rid of his emotions and before you ask they’re not healthy. Actually, it’s far from it and if you’ve guessed it good for you, if you haven’t it’s pretty simple, but he’ll tell you anyway. It involves a blade. He’ll let your imagination do the rest. While many like Seungkwan see him as an open book, there’s a few things he’s managed to keep under wraps. he’s still cooped up in his room and thankfully his room mate transferred out, so he’s got the dorm all to himself. He sometimes wishes he has a room mate just so he won’t feel lonely, but he hasn’t got one and the chances that he’ll go to Seungcheol for comfort just like he used to in high school and slim, actually they’re non existent.

Jihoon stands and he walks to his bed. His hands are itching to feel the cool blade slice through his wrist, but he can’t. He almost slipped up once, he almost gave himself away, but rest assured he’s going to give himself sometime before he can give himself the pleasure of doing so again. For right now, he’ll have to shut everything off and clench his hands so tight until he can’t feel them anymore.

He’s not aware when he closed his eyes and drifted asleep until he woken up three hours later by Seungkwan.

“Jihoon, open up,” he says as Jihoon lazily goes to open the door.

“Get dressed,” is all Seungwan says as he sits on Jihoon’s bed.

“Why?” he says.

“Because we’re going to a party,” he answers as his gaze says he won’t take no for an answer. Jihoon sighs as he looks through his drawer. He settles for a grey beanie, grey sweater, and some blue jeans. His hair has long since been dyed blonde. He likes when he had pink hair, but when he looks in a mirror it only reminds himself of when he and Seungcheol used to be closer than ever.

When he’s done, they’re out of the dorm and into another building. Jihoon’s long since mastered the art of ignoring whenever he feels the red string around his wrist rustle, so he doesn't know that Seungcheol’s at that party too.

“Cheer up Jihoon. I brought you to this party so you could have fun.”

“I’ll try,” says Jihoon as he gives Seungkwan the best smile he could manage. They enter the building and the first thing Jihoon notices is the blaring music. He can hardly hear when Seungkwan is asking him if he wants to drink something. They walk to the center of the room, where they spot Mingyu and a couple of their friends.

“JIhoon, Seungkwan, there you are,” he waves them.

They’re greeted by their friends a few of which he hasn’t much talked to since high school.

“Jihoon, is that you?” says Jisoo as he looks at Jihoon with a surprised look. Jihoon nods as he greets him.

“Woah, I almost didn’t recognize you without your pink hair,” he says. And it’s true, Jihoon has changed since high school. He no longers has the pink hair he’s known for and he looks a bit more serious.

“Yeah, we all change,” he says with a smile.

“I know, but Seungcheol hasn’t changed much. I’ve noticed that you guys are not as close anymore. You guys were like highschool sweethearts back then. What happened?” he asks, but Jihoon just brushes it off as something that has changed over time.

“Look who decided to join us,” says Soonyoung as he brings Seungcheol and Jeonghan to the center. Jihoon’s heart stops for a second.

“Wow we’re all here just like old times.”

Seungcheol greets them all, even Jihoon who had previously slammed the door in his face.  Jihoon makes no effort to talk to him because he still can’t. They start talking about who their soulmates are. Wonwoo was able to see that he was fated to be with Mingyu and the pair had no trouble going out, seeing as how they were already madly in love with each other.

Seungkwan was able to see that he was fated to be with Hansol and they also had no trouble being together. Everyone in their group had no trouble being with each other. Well, except for Jisoo, but he said that it was because he couldn’t see who he was fated to be with. Jihoon wanted to be Jisoo in that moment. He didn’t want to see this stupid string and how he could see exactly where it ran into Seungcheol’s finger.

“What about you Jihoon?” he was brought out of his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“What about you? can you see it?” Jihoon takes a quick glance at Seungcheol who’s giving him a weird expression he hasn’t seen before.

“Um no I can’t see mine either,” he lies. Both Mingyu and Seungkwan give him knowing looks, but they don’t say anything.

“Well, you’ll be with your fated partner in no time. Have you tried looking around” they tell him.

“Yeah, I’ve dated a few people,” he says and he hears Seungcheol cough all of a sudden He looks over and see’s that Seungcheol looks a bit bothered.  Seungcheol and Jeonghan have been rather quiet lately and Jihoon can’t help but wonder if it’s because of what Seungkwan said earlier about them having problems.

“What about you Jeonghan can you see yours?” they ask him and what he says was the last straw.

“Yeah, I can and it’s Seungcheol,” he says as he kisses Seungcheol. Jihoon’s heart completely shattered. He knew it, he knew it. They were meant to be. The world made a cruel joke on Jihoon and he couldn’t stand it. He leaves the group immediately. In minutes, he’s on the patio. It’s alone out here and he cries. He can’t hold back.

“Jihoon?” he hears as he tries to wipe his tears. He looks back and it’s Jisoo.

“Y-yeah,?”

“It’s Seungcheol isn’t it?” he says as he sits next to him.

“W-what?”

“Seungcheol is your soulmate isn’t he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

“Jihoon I know because I also lied, I can see my string and it’s Jeonghan,” he says with a sad smile.

“What? but you said—”

“I said it because I know how you feel and I feel it too?” he says as they look back.

“But Jihoon I know you’ve seen it because I’ve seen it too. They don’t really look happy, do they?” he says as he takes Jihoon’s hand and wipes the tears for him. Jihoon knows what he’s talking about. During the past few weeks he’s seen them hug and kiss less, but he supposes that because they too need their space.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that you should not give up.”

“But you’ve given up. You didn’t say anything when he said they were soulmates.”

Jisoo drops his hands to his side before he puts his hands in Jihoon’s shoulders. “He’s come to me, when they fight. They’re not happy. Jeonghan’s afraid that he’ll never meet his other half, which is why he’s with Seungcheol. But I won’t tell him we’re meant to be because he has to find it in himself to break up and find who he’s supposed to be with.”

Jihoon doesn't want to hear this, not when he’s starting to leave his emotions behind. “I don’t believe you,” he says as he stands up.

“You don’t have to. You know this already, but you lie to yourself Jihoon.” he says.

“They seemed fine yesterday. People don’t just kiss to fool others. That’s wrong and couples fight, Jisoo. You should just give up, I did.”

“And where has it got you?” he asks. Jihoon has no answer to that.

“Have you not seen they way Seungcheol looks at you when he’s with Jeonghan because I have an—”
 

“Stop, I don’t want to hear it,” he shouts.

He doesn’t realize the red string is shifting. “I don’t want to hear it Jisoo, I don’t. You’re delusional. If we were meant to be then we would have been together by now, but we’re not.” he says as he opens the door to go back inside. He’s about to storm out when he bumps into Seungcheol.

“Hey Jihoo— what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he says as Seungcheol spots Jisoo outside. He feels a twinge in his heart. What were they doing out there?

He rushes after Jihoon, who’s already made his way out of the house. “Jihoon talk to me. Why are you crying?” But Jihoon continues to walk. Seungcheol has had it. He walks up to Jihoon and forces him to look him in the eye.

“Why are you like this?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Jihoon even though you say we’re not friends anymore that’s not true. I’ve tried so hard to talk to you and you push me away. What have I done wrong?”

“Everything you’ve done is wrong. Everything and you know why? because of this stupid fate. We should have never met, never. And you know why? because I fell for you. I fell for you and you fell for another. What makes things worse is that we supposed to be meant to be,” he shouts at him.

“Wha—”
 

“I said we’re fated to be together. Yes, I can see the stupid string and you’re at the other end. Don’t you get it?  We supposed to be together, but as I see it, this stupid fate is wrong.” Jihoon tries to catch his breath, before everything crashes down on his. He now realized what he’s said and the blood in his body runs cold.

“Oh my god,” he says as he spins around and makes a dash to his dorm. What has he done?