Yoongi liked to think, he’s gotten hang of the pregnancy. The problem was that aside from celebrating a little win every time he managed to prevent morning sickness or sore legs by learnt practices, there was a little evil voice coming from somewhere in his unconsciousness and telling him, he shouldn’t be happy about these moments. He shouldn’t enjoy them and he absolutely shouldn’t thankfully pat his baby bump or speak to it sincerely. The moments should mean nothing to him.

Because getting pregnant was never part of his “great life plan” and he wasn’t keeping the baby anyways.

Or at least that’s what he kept telling himself every time he’s found himself smiling at commercials with babbling toddlers eating new and revolutionary fully organic baby food, or when he’s waken up at night just to check if he hasn’t rolled into a position that could put pressure on his belly. Usually the self-convincing strategy worked because he’s immediately started to feel anxious, suffocated – mostly by the lack of time and by the decision he couldn’t make himself to voice out. Fortunately, there was still over three months of time for that. Still.

To his displeasure, Bangtan members weren’t allowing him to pretend there is nothing that needs to be done in a short period of time; even though they were probably doing it unconsciously by fussing about his situation. During the past three weeks, few of the guys would come to his small house every second or third day, basically attacking him by the front door to put hands on his stomach and cheerily comment on how “it’s gotten bigger”, even though it was still the same. But he knew they were bringing up his pregnancy and future out of attachment and interest, so he was allowing them to cheer about it since it made them happy; anyways, even if he would act grumpy or angry, their behavior would still be the same. Yoongi himself was melting a little during the lively visits but when he was left alone later, there would be a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. Not only because of the immediate longing for his friends but also because of the pretending he’s gotten used to - which he couldn’t decide if he did to them, or to himself.

---

Taehyung and Hoseok stopped by for a moment. It was almost midnight and even though Yoongi felt a need to comment about proper time to visit, he didn’t because he wasn’t sleeping anyway, and he had to admit, he was feeling much better just because they entered his house - even though he would never voice that aloud.

The part of the visit which got him cringing was when Taehyung showed him a plastic bag that he brought, and reached inside to pull out a small piece of cloth. Yoongi recognized it right away from its shape and his heart sank.

“Hyung! We…” Taehyung’s gaze shied away “with Hoseok hyung, we stopped in the department store on our way here, just to buy some snacks, but. There was this shop… and it was sooo cute. So we thought that you would like it, too?” He gave Yoongi a hopeful gaze and shoved the baby rompers in his face. It was of universal yellow color and there was a picture of smiling duck on the front side, happily exclaiming ‘Quack!’

It was cute. But Yoongi knew, he shouldn’t let himself get carried away.

“Tae…”

The boy jumped in place. “Yes?”

“I told you to not bring any baby stuff, didn’t I? Then why did you?”

Hoseok made a move to step in front of the boy and shield Taehyung with his body, smiling. His tone was calm and comforting. “It’s not a big deal, hyung. We just thought it’s adorable. You can always stuff them in the boxes in your bedroom which I know have some other baby stuff, or just throw them away.”

It was true, that there was a lot more baby stuff in his house than he would have liked. He explicitly asked all that used to come for visits to not bring anything, but somehow, now there were three or four boxes (he wouldn’t really check) full with used baby things in the corner behind his bed – mostly thanks to Mrs. Bang and her friends, theirs children overgrowing them. If he was going to put the baby for adoption, he thought that he wouldn’t want to meet the parents, but maybe he could still manage to pass the things to them.

He sighed and took the tiny clothes from Taehyung’s stretched hand.

“Fine. It’s cute. But don’t do it again.”

Although Yoongi looked grumpy saying that, Taehyung’s face lit up.

“Actually, hyung! We also bought the cloth moms wrap around themselves to carry the baby around instead of stroller. Because if we brought the stroll—“

Hoseok noticed Yoongi’s brows furrow in time and leaped to grab and turn the older male in the direction towards the living room, effectively stopping the incoming protests.

“Actually, I think you stood long enough. How about sitting down now? Tae will get us tea, right, Taehyung?” He sent the boy a warning look as he sat down with Yoongi, arm around the smaller’s shoulders.

Taehyung gave Hoseok disapproving look and Hoseok sent him back another face, which was saying that he shouldn’t protest. Yoongi only rolled eyes.

“Okay, if you want tea, I can get it…” said Taehyung indecisively and trotted away.

Hoseok smiled again and turned to look in the older’s face. His look was met with a frown.

Yoongi only sighed, defeated by the younger’s antics, and leaned back, bringing Hoseok with him as the younger’s arm was still wrapped around him. He knew what were his friends doing – they weren’t quite subtle about trying to influence Yoongi into keeping the baby. Still there was no use in getting mad at them for it, he didn’t exactly gave them a reason to stop it, too.

Yoongi was lost in thought and Hoseok has placed his hand on Yoongi’s lower abdomen curiously. It was something that became natural to them. Hoseok was always leaning on Yoongi when he came for a visit, overflowing with energy, wriggling around and laughing at nothing really. Yoongi has adapted to the skinship quite naturally, so he now automatically reacted to the touch by placing his own hand on top of Hoseok’s. There was nothing weird about that. He didn’t even notice his own movement. And he wouldn’t notice Hoseok’s sharp intake of air and the younger’s eyes widening just for a moment, as well.

---

The boys left some hour and half later and Yoongi was left alone with his thoughts. It was a curse – once he allowed himself to think, he couldn’t stop. An unpleasant habit, which often emerged after being confronted with his situation as he was today.

He placed himself on the bed sheets and tried to think about everything but babies and decisions and too supportive friends.

He was busying his mind with thoughts about the album, which was going to be released in three days, and how lonely he felt when the members apologized that they wouldn’t be visiting as often. It was a thing that didn’t need to be mouthed, but hearing it still brought a knot to Yoongi’s stomach. He wouldn’t see them, and he also wouldn’t stand by them and he wouldn’t be there to support and be supported during the long hours without rest.

He was also scared about his next check-up in hospital. He was nearing sixth month, currently in 22^nd week, and there was a chance that anytime now, he would be advised to stay in the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy. There were no problems with the development, but the doctor was worried about Yoongi staying alone for most of the day (although Mrs. Bang was now spending much more time in his house). The baby wasn’t still as big that he would have to be bed-bounded, but the time was getting closer.

Yoongi asked the doctor not to reveal the baby’s gender, because he didn’t want that to affect his decision. It was a ‘baby’, and that sounded much easier to deal with than ‘son’ or ‘baby girl’. He shuddered when he thought about the words, and stuffed them into the back of his head.

In the end, he’s fallen asleep few hours later, the draining state of his being helpful for once.

---

He was awoken much earlier than he would have wished, and in much less peaceful way. Due his last night’s absent-mindedness, he’s forgotten to both stretch before sleep and finish a glass of vitamin water, which helped to reduce or get fully rid of the morning sickness as he has learnt. So he woke up with sun still considerably down and gentle, time not over 8 in the morning, and he was sick.

He knew that movement was what made him feel better, so he forced himself to get up and started walking in circles around the room, breathing slow and deep.

It took about 10 minutes before he was sure he wouldn’t throw up and made his way to the kitchen, huffing about how should manage the priorities better. His fridge was always full now, withstanding his sudden munchies waves even. He opened and checked the contents slowly, looking for something that would stimulate his appetite. He threw a sad look at the soft cheese someone has planted there and instead reached for a strawberry jam, as the pregnancy didn’t allow him to eat the earlier. Learning about the diet and following it was the least he could do for both of them, he believed. 

Just when he finished making his toast, keys rattled in the lock, followed by the sound of doors’ opening. Only Mrs. Bang had spare keys, so Yoongi took his plate and walked in the living room to greet the lady, relaxed and somehow proud of being up when she arrived for once. He smiled but only until he spotted the lady’s husband entering the room behind her.

“Oh, Yoongi! You’re up so early?” she chirped, setting her shoes by the door and making her way near surprised Yoongi. “It’s nice to see you active in the morning for once!”

“Good morning Yoongi.” Greeted the husband, finally joining his wife’s side and placing his arm on her shoulder.

“Good morning to you, too.” Answered Yoongi unsure, looking at the both of them. He suddenly felt shy about the clear affection between the couple in front of him. It was probably a similar feeling to catching your older relatives being too close, not that Yoongi had any experience with that. Also, it was his boss’ only third visit to his house, and although Yoongi’s has learnt to be comfortable around the woman, Bang Sihyuk was still his superior and he doubted that that impression was ever going to change. Yoongi also couldn’t but wonder about why has the man decided to visit right now. He somehow knew it wasn’t only to check on him.

“Should I get you something to drink…?” He tried.

The woman laughed at Yoongi’s offer. “I will do that. You boys sit down and talk about what you need to…” she patted both their shoulders before disappearing into kitchen very fast. The CEO made a gesture for Yoongi to sit on the sofa, and the rapper complied, setting the forgotten breakfast aside from now.

“Well, Yoongi, how have you been?” the man smiled encouragingly.

“Been better. But I’m fine. Just some back and leg pains, nothing out of ordinary.”

“That’s great to hear. So, the baby isn’t rebelling much?” the man joked, and Yoongi forced himself to smile back.

“It’s a pretty calm one, I think. But I don’t have much to judge from.”

“Indeed.” The man seemed content with Yoongi’s answers and how he’s adapted to his joking.

“Well, I’m really glad you’re doing fine. I hear a lot at home about how you are, but it’s better to hear from the source. I was afraid, of course, but I never doubted your maturity and ability to handle things, too.”

Yoongi threw the man another nervous smile, still not sure where was the talk headed to. ‘He’s gonna drop a bomb, isn’t he… that’s what the small talk is for.’

“Well, Yoongi, I don’t have much time today, although I would love to hear more from you. I actually came for a reason or two, and as I’m supposed to be somewhere else, I’m afraid, I will need to move onto the main topic.” The man was still smiling, but Yoongi swallowed nervously. It was coming.

“First, I should congratulate you for your song making it to the album. Or was it two of them?”

“One if mine and the second, we worked on with Namjoon. And thank you…” It was Namjoon’s idea to finish one of the songs Yoongi was stuck on after the first Bangtan’s visit.

“Don’t thank me. I as well as other producers, were really surprised by the quality of it.” Yoongi has gotten an email evaluation of his songs, stating how he matured in both musical and writing way. A lot of big people talking big things. He read it so many times, he’s memorized it by now.

“…And as the album is going on sale in three days, I would like to discuss the terms of your ‘break’.”

Yoongi gulped and if the man noticed, he hasn’t commented on it.

“I’ve been thinking how to involve you more into the promotions and I came up with this – I would like to change your contract a little and state you as a producer in the records. Since you’re officially on a health leave now, it would be legally easier to handle after you give birth as you wouldn’t be forced to be under company surveillance and you could organize your time as you wish. The pay is more than decent, too, and you would have no problems handling the expenses for you and baby even, if you decided to go that way.”

Somewhere in the middle, Yoongi’s jaw dropped. He was finally getting a chance to become what he always strived for. And not lose fans in the middle of it, too.

“You would give me the chance…?”

The man laughed heartily.

“You earned that yourself. Of course, once you would decide to return to being performer, it can be done in a flash.”

It was true that even though the company was partly helping him pay the rent, and sending him an insurance money every month, his finances were getting thinner slowly. It was also true, that when he thought about what was going to happen after the birth, he was using the ‘little-money, no-education, single-parent’ situation to convince himself that keeping baby would be a wrong step (not that he was happy about giving it up). But now was he offered a perfect job and situation, and basically all he dreamt about. The faces of the members appeared on his mind shortly, but he knew now that he wasn’t going to lose them whichever way he chooses.

He didn’t answer yet and Mrs. Bang returned with a tray with three cups, two teas and a coffee for the oldest in the room. Yoongi wondered where did she find cookies as well, and how many places, he didn’t know about were in his kitchen.

“Are you boys done with the serious talk?” she smiled as she served the cups in front of them.

Her husband laughed again and wrapped his arm lovingly around her waist as she sat down next to him.

“I don’t know. Yoongi? How do you feel about my offer?”

Yoongi looked up and smiled back at the man, meaning the gesture for the first time today.

“I’d gladly accept… I think.”

“Then yes, we’re done with the serious talk.” The man smiled at his wife. “I will send Kang with documents and details. You can take your time.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

Mrs. Bang sat straight and eyed both the men. Yoongi wondered if she’s trying to keep herself calm because she just seemed to brim with happiness. It was scary.

“So now the less serious talk?” she asked, turned to her husband, and he nodded.

“I’ve wanted to wait until we’re sure everything is alright, and we got the good news just yesterday. So… we are expecting a baby.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened. He could see them both being ecstatic, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself but worry. The woman has been pregnant many times and it never went well, some of her organs never returned to its previous health, too. There was also the age – she was over 40 already and that itself would put anybody into danger. They both noticed his silence and Mrs. Bang continued to explain.

“Don’t worry, Yoongi. We thought, we wouldn’t be trying anymore but as I spent my time here with you, watching the baby grow on photos too, we decided to try for one last time. I was ready for it not going well, but for the first time, we’ve got positive results in all the fields. The doctor says it’s normal and healthy pregnancy…”

Yoongi knew, he was was really surprised, but also really happy. What he couldn’t understand, and didn’t try to at the moment, was a ting of loss, he was feeling.

“That’s… that’s great. Congratulations. …How far in are you?”

“Almost three months, 11 weeks. Our babies might be friends later.” She laughed and her husband copied her. Yoongi could only offer a smile. The ominous feeling he was feeling since the announcement, has only gotten stronger in him.

In the end, they parted with hugs. The boss was late for his meeting and the lady still needed to make a shopping before coming back. When the door clicked closed behind them, Yoongi has sat back. The excitement has left him with the pair leaving and he was now left with a dull feeling.

They were having a baby…

It meant, Yoongi would lose his caretaker. He could ask the lady no more to do his cleaning and shopping. And even though they have never talked about it, it meant, Yoongi could no longer consider the couple to adopt the baby. He tried to open the conversation few times before, but always shied away. If there was anyone who he trusted to give the unborn child the care and love, it deserved and needed, it was the Bangs.

‘The babies could be friends?’

He buried his face in his hands and let out a long, tired grumble.

---

Yoongi tactically overslept the whole visit of aunt Bang. He was still tired and he wasn’t ready to share anecdotes about being pregnant and compare the shapes of their bellies - which he knew wouldn’t happen, but it was still an excuse. When he woke up hours later, he let out few toned down insults directed at his stiff back, but had no choice but to get out from under the blanket as his stomach loudly let him hear from itself. He placed one hand on his stomach and second on the pained back.

“Sure, sure, just gimme a sec to heat something. Dam—I mean, gosh, you’re eager.”

He heated up some spaghetti from the fridge and comfortably seated himself under blanket, using his belly as a provisional table. He set up notebook on the small table in front of him and put on play a recent episode of his favorite variety show. Before he could finish the meal, there was a knock on the door. He really didn’t feel like changing his position and let out an annoyed “Who’s there?”

“Kang Manager.” Was the answer.

‘Well, that was fast.’

“And Hobi!”

Yoongi sighed and brought himself to unlock the door for the men. They let themselves in, Hoseok giving Yoongi a soft hug with pats on his back.

The manager has brought the documents and Yoongi went over them with him, while Hoseok made himself comfortable in front of the show and finished the spaghetti happily, not making noise to disturb the two. It was really a generous offer, the money was almost double of what he had as an idol and there wasn’t parts he would really have to doubt, considering his lawyer was mutual for everybody in the company and also that he trusted Mr. Bang fully.

---

The manager left half an hour later together with new documents. Hoseok made no move to follow him, so Yoongi figured he’s staying till late and taking taxi back. Yoongi grumbled as he sat back down. Hoseok has immediately spread blanket over him and moved, so that they supported each other from one side.

“I thought you should be finishing for the comeback? When is it, next Thursday?”

Hoseok chuckled. “Yeah, but it’s only dance practices now and I’m kinda fine with that.”

Yoongi snorted but hasn’t commented further. The heat Hoseok was radiating was making him relax and Yoongi snuggled a bit lower to fit better against the dancer’s side. He let out a content breath.

“Are you cold?”

“No, but my back is killing me.”

Hoseok lowered his head to match Yoongi’s eyes and the older looked up.

“Want me to massage it for you?”

“…Yea, that would be nice.”

They were shifting for a while, not leaving the blanket, until they were both comfortably seated, legs crossed on the seat and Yoongi’s crouched back facing Hoseok. The younger started to draw shapes over his back, slowly and gently, but with it a force to relax the strained muscles and ligaments. Yoongi was aware he was melting under the touch and let out a satisfied huff.

“Are you purring, hyung?”

Hoseok voice sounded right next to Yoongi’s ear and the older stiffened for a moment. There was basically no space separating the two and Yoongi could feel Hoseok’s breath on his side.

“…Nope.”

Yoongi hoped to sound relaxed. Hoseok’s laugh rang by him again and Yoongi could feel the blood shifting into his face and ears. Hoseok continued to massage Yoongi for another minutes and they started a natural talk about Yoongi’s new position. Yoongi was tense about how the man listened to the talk he lead with manager before, but it seemed Hoseok was genuinely happy for him and he assured him the members would have no problem with that, as well.

“Are your arms not dead yet?”

“I can’t even feel them anymore.”

Yoongi chuckled. “I’m much better, you can stop.”

He could hear Hoseok let out a long, tired sigh and something heavy situated itself on his shoulder a moment later. Hoseok’s arms wrapped around Yoongi’s hips and the dancer rested his palms on top of Yoongi’s belly. Yoongi stiffened again. The other man’s chest was pressed into his back and a black mop of hair was tickling Yoongi’s neck. He didn’t dare to move. He could feel the warmth in his veins come alive again.

‘This is just Hoseok being affectionate as always, stop that.’ But his body had its own will, so he decided speaking could distract him.

“…are you tired, Hobi?”

“Hm? Yeah. But it’s nothing we haven’t been through.” He almost whispered. Yoongi could feel his breath on his neck and… ‘Oh god, oh god…’ He knew he needed to break their proximity somehow. His insides felt like it was about to explode. Hoseok broke his panic the next second.

“Rather tell me, how have you and junior been?” the dancer patted the bulging belly a little. But Yoongi didn’t care about that, he was shocked and alarmed by Hoseok’s question. He sat straight right away and Hoseok’s head bounced away from his shoulder. He turned to look the younger man in face.

“Who?”

Hoseok shifted under Yoongi’s gaze and threatening tone, his eyes growing big.

“Ah... um... you and the b-baby? Is something wrong?”

Yoongi kept staring at the younger for long seconds before he realized what was he doing and softened his look. Hoseok looked utterly confused.

“It’s nothing.”

“O-okay…?”

“Yeah, okay.” Yoongi closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Hobi. Yeah, we’re both fine.”

“That’s great.” Hoseok gave him a shy smile. “So we can, hm, go back to watching the stuff?”

“Yeah, let’s finish it.”

They leaned back in the backrest, their sides touching, but there was no hand thrown around Yoongi’s shoulders, patting his belly or a knee, and Yoongi kind of missed it.

---

An hour later, Hoseok actually forced Yoongi to play a card game with him. Yoongi always hated those and let the younger know by very loud unhappy noises, but he said nothing to refuse the game and Hoseok was repaying him with sunshine smiles. The awkwardness was gone and no one wanted to bring the topic up again. In the end, they spent last hours before midnight debating about Mrs. Bang’s pregnancy and Yoongi’s future months and plans. They both saw, that Yoongi wouldn’t be able to stay alone for much longer but in the end, they haven’t found a satisfying solution to the problem. Yoongi couldn’t go back to the dorm, because sooner or later, some of the ever-present fans would find out about him. He couldn’t go back home, as well. And he didn’t plan to go to hospital just yet before it was necessary.

“How about some manager?” Hoseok suggested. “The company could pay somebody to take care of you for three months I’m sure.”

“Hm, yeah, I thought about that, too. But I just… don’t want a strange guy to take care of me. And it’s kinda… well… I just hate the idea.”

“They could hire a woman, too.”

“That’s the same. And there is no woman in the company and bringing strangers in is dangerous. I don’t really want my pictures all over the newspaper headlines.”

They both furrowed brows and looked down, thinking. There was one way that they didn’t mention left, they knew. That way, Yoongi could stay away from public and no stranger would be joining in on the secret. Just none of them wanted to say that out loud. It was Hoseok in the end.

“Hyung… then, how about your father? He knows it, you know. And he knows about pregnancy, too, right?”

Yoongi didn’t want to admit that it was the most real solution they would come up with through the evening. “I know…”

---

They couldn’t agree on anything and decided to stop when Hoseok had to leave. Yoongi accompanied him to the door as always and they stopped to say their goodbyes.

“So, hyung, congrats on the album.”

“You, too.”

Both smiled.

“I will—I mean, we will be really busy with the promotions later.” Yoongi could see Hoseok’s face fall. “I’m not sure how often will I be able to visit…” He gave Yoongi an apologizing look, which remained the rapper of a sad puppy. Yoongi reached out and pinched Hoseok’s cheek.

“I know. But we have phones, right?”

“Well ouch. But that’s not the same. You cannot pinch me or snuggle against me through that—“ Hoseok fended off another attack. “And pregnant people need a lot of love and affection, right, little one?” Hoseok placed his hands on Yoongi’s belly and Yoongi relaxed against the touch again. It was like the top of his stomach has become a natural place for the younger’s hands; as if it was where they belonged.

“Who are you talking to? Gosh, don’t start talking to it, even you. I need at least one sane person around.” Yoongi laughed and Hoseok frowned.

“Babies need to be talked to before they’re born. It helps their mental development.”

Yoongi raised an eyebrow. “And where did you get that from?”

Hoseok shifted in place. “Here and there? I read a lot.” He noticed the doubt in the older’s face and continued to justify himself quickly. “No, really, I do. So you should hug me now, because I know what I’m speaking about with all the affection you crave.” Hoseok smiled brightly, his eyes disappearing into crescents, as he was satisfied with his speech. Yoongi couldn’t help but laugh. It was cute, okay.

“Just go.” Yoongi said, not letting go of wide grin. Hoseok pouted a bit, but it was fast gone, when he leaned forward to wrap himself around the older rapper. Yoongi’s arms came up naturally. Even some minute later, no one seemed too eager to break the hug. Hoseok let out a breath and loosened it a little, just to meet Yoongi’s eyes. He was smiling warmly and Yoongi wondered if a hug is really all the man needs to radiate pure happiness as he did.

“Bye.” He said, and in the next moment brought Yoongi’s head down a little and touched the crown with black roots with his lips so gently that it seemed more like a touch that of a butterfly. Then he crouched forward and placed another on the older’s belly. 

Yoongi was still in the middle on processing what just happened when the door closed in his face, leaving only a faint trace of Hoseok’s scent behind. 

When his heart started beating again, he crouched on the floor and placed his hot face into his wide palms.

“Surprised, yeah, I’m just surprised.”